Copelandsanity Posted December 8, 2013 Posted December 8, 2013 Looks like I've come back to LS just in time for the fireworks I say, be open and have as much fun as humanly possible. Just keep expectations low with all the long-term stuff.
Copelandsanity Posted December 8, 2013 Posted December 8, 2013 Define "low quality guys" for us? I'm not going to lie. Out of curiosity, I've performed a search for men on OKC in the past and there are tons of guys that I would never consider dating, if I were a woman. To be fair, there are also quite a few low-quality women, too, just less so than men
Eternal Sunshine Posted December 8, 2013 Posted December 8, 2013 Define "low quality guys" for us? Unemployed Married-looking to cheat Looking for quick pump and dump Liars Shallow, dumb etc etc 1
veggirl Posted December 8, 2013 Posted December 8, 2013 Phoe, I think it's perfectly fine (and my preference) to only date one guy at a time. There's no reason not to. When I tell people to take it slow I mean with their feelings, don't let the giddiness consume to the point where you aren't thinking with any rationality. Don't jump in too fast. Im glad you had fun, I actually didn't know you hadn't done OLD before. tbh I did it once, met one person...my current bf....I deleted my profile after our first date cause I knew even if it didnt' work out with him, OLD just wasn't for me.
Author Phoe Posted December 8, 2013 Author Posted December 8, 2013 5 Tips for Not Being Murdered Trying Online Dating Luckily those are all just common sense things that I naturally was prepared for. No real name, guard my facebook like crazy (not many people actually end up on the friends list), and people knew where I was (busy coffee shop). So far he appears to be a reasonable and laid back guy, nothing worrisome
Author Phoe Posted December 8, 2013 Author Posted December 8, 2013 Phoe, I think it's perfectly fine (and my preference) to only date one guy at a time. There's no reason not to. When I tell people to take it slow I mean with their feelings, don't let the giddiness consume to the point where you aren't thinking with any rationality. Don't jump in too fast. Im glad you had fun, I actually didn't know you hadn't done OLD before. tbh I did it once, met one person...my current bf....I deleted my profile after our first date cause I knew even if it didnt' work out with him, OLD just wasn't for me. Multi dating is not for me, I've never done it and never intend to, so I'll date this guy as long as things continue to go well like this. If things go south or don't work out then I'll try again with OLD, but for now I am liking this guy and will date only him. I'm gonna move slowly, of course, it's in my nature. Out of all the guys who messaged me, his profile stuck out most to me, his messages indicated more intelligence and tact than the others, over 24 hours of chatting with prospects, he was my #1 choice, so I was very happy when he asked me out. Once meeting him and clicking and vibing so well, I can sense that even though it was a quick narrowing down, that choosing him was a good choice. 2
carhill Posted December 8, 2013 Posted December 8, 2013 Tip: When feeling a 'connection' with someone after a dearth of such in the recent/distant past, process it as a marked change in emotion worthy of a 'cooling off' period. IME, it's easy to project such emotions into the future, causing 'what if' thoughts and relevant words/actions, along with the propensity to become dependent on positive outcomes. Enjoy the moment; if a string of moments with any one person becomes a lifetime of them, they do. Good luck with your dates.
InnocentMan Posted December 8, 2013 Posted December 8, 2013 Good to see you back, safe and well, with the added bonus of a positive experience. Apologies if my initial posts were pessimistic. Sounds like it went well, hopefully the first of many. 1
SincereOnlineGuy Posted December 8, 2013 Posted December 8, 2013 I am liking this guy and will date only him. I'm gonna move slowly, of course, Though I can't knock the thought process along your path, why does this have to sound so oxymoronic?
MsOptimist Posted December 9, 2013 Posted December 9, 2013 Good for you, glad to hear your date went so well! Don't listen to the naysayers - my timeline was very similar to yours. From messaging to a phone call to meeting was about a day. I didn't want to mess around with messaging for weeks. We clicked immediately and the rest is history. Good luck on your 2nd date!
SJC2008 Posted December 9, 2013 Posted December 9, 2013 Alright guys, I'm home! So I know there are a lot of naysayers and people who are probably going to cry in outrage and warn me that I need to be more cautious, but.... I had an amazing time. Absolutely wonderful. The guy is a doll, we clicked so well, and it didn't take long for me to just open up and act like a complete dork. We had each other snorting with laughter, the other people in the coffee shop were staring lol. From what I can tell we have a good amount of things in common, and have similar senses of humor. I'm amazed at how quickly I felt comfortable with him, being a complete goober, and at one moment I had this weird tangent and said something absolutely bonkers, and upon realizing how ridiculous I sounded, I started blushing profusely, and he just looked at me with this adorable smile and said "you're amazing". He asked me to go hiking with him on Wednesday, so if weather permits, we will be having a hiking day date He walked me to my car and we stood there hugging for a good 30 seconds. I knowwwww people are gonna tell me to go slow and not put all my eggs in one basket and whatnot, but so far the guy seems great. I'm hopeful that this is a good prospect. Just wait until he drops the bomb and tells you he's SJC2008! In all serious congrats! Try not to get ahead of yourself and don't get too invested early on.
Zeroes Posted December 9, 2013 Posted December 9, 2013 Glad you had fun Phoe. Hope your next date goes well. Define "low quality guys" for us? For a woman looking for a potentially long term relationship, these are pretty obvious deal breakers online: Unattractive Too old - or too young Married or already in a relationship and looking to cheat Only looking for sex Financial instability Time wasters Liars Creeps
EternalInk Posted December 9, 2013 Posted December 9, 2013 Unemployed Married-looking to cheat Looking for quick pump and dump Liars Shallow, dumb etc etc Eternal Sunshine, have you met any men in real life that meet your standards(high quality)?
tlegend Posted December 9, 2013 Posted December 9, 2013 Eternal Sunshine, have you met any men in real life that meet your standards(high quality)? Unemployed Married-looking to cheat Looking for quick pump and dump Liars Shallow, dumb etc etc I fail to see how finding a man not in a category above would be so hard.... Am I taking your sarcasm wrong? 1
lino Posted December 10, 2013 Posted December 10, 2013 I fail to see how finding a man not in a category above would be so hard.... Am I taking your sarcasm wrong? It isn't hard to find. There are endless amounts of men who aren't those things. This is all just the usual attention seeking/boredom I see every time I log in here.
InnocentMan Posted December 10, 2013 Posted December 10, 2013 Glad you had fun Phoe. Hope your next date goes well. For a woman looking for a potentially long term relationship, these are pretty obvious deal breakers online: Unattractive Too old - or too young Married or already in a relationship and looking to cheat Only looking for sex Financial instability Time wasters Liars Creeps This is why I don't do online dating. I score six, possibly seven on your **** list. It's much easier to deceive in real life, luckily.
Eternal Sunshine Posted December 10, 2013 Posted December 10, 2013 Eternal Sunshine, have you met any men in real life that meet your standards(high quality)? I do but it's rare. I know I have higher standards than most people, in particular when it comes to morals and ethics hence long periods of time staying single. I don't mind that, I am happier single than in a relationship that's not working.
Author Phoe Posted December 10, 2013 Author Posted December 10, 2013 Well, I actually ended up seeing him last night. He called me up and said "let's do something random" so on a whim, we did. Definite sparks. I completely ruined his attempt at a first kiss though. We were in a bookstore browsing the books, he gently cupped my face and pulled me in, and I was so flustered at the moment that I started giggling right as his lips were about to touch mine. He pulled back in amusement and said "wow, way to ruin it" and immediately I said "come here", pulled him in, and kissed him. We ended up spending hours together, snuggling, kissing, talking Maaaaan I'm really giddy and yet, want to move at a turtles pace. He's already brought up being exclusive, but I told him we gotta just go slow and steady 3
SincereOnlineGuy Posted December 10, 2013 Posted December 10, 2013 I completely ruined his attempt at a first kiss though. We were in a bookstore browsing the books, he gently cupped my face and pulled me in, and I was so flustered at the moment that I started giggling right as his lips were about to touch mine. He pulled back in amusement and said "wow, way to ruin it" and immediately I said "come here", pulled him in, and kissed him. It is comforting, and a relief, to know that you had the right instincts/responses to such an unfortunate effort. LOL - but don't kid yourself - you are in no way taking it slow. (just because some 16yo girl might be pregnant by now, doesn't mean that you aren't reflexively wrapped-up in this guy (after having met him twice) ) But that, too, is OK (until such time when it isn't) .
tlegend Posted December 10, 2013 Posted December 10, 2013 Well, I actually ended up seeing him last night. He called me up and said "let's do something random" so on a whim, we did. Definite sparks. I completely ruined his attempt at a first kiss though. We were in a bookstore browsing the books, he gently cupped my face and pulled me in, and I was so flustered at the moment that I started giggling right as his lips were about to touch mine. He pulled back in amusement and said "wow, way to ruin it" and immediately I said "come here", pulled him in, and kissed him. We ended up spending hours together, snuggling, kissing, talking Maaaaan I'm really giddy and yet, want to move at a turtles pace. He's already brought up being exclusive, but I told him we gotta just go slow and steady Just by how you guys are clicking so well, I'm very happy for you both!!! That's often not the outcome we hear about on these forums, and by gosh, it's a nice change of pace. Exclusivity this early means he's into you and wants to take you off the market. Don't think he's trying to rush into things....he's just trying to get to a comfortable spot with you where he doesn't think he's competing at the same time as other guys. If he doesn't know you don't multi-date, I think now would be the perfect time to mention it. My 2 cents. Oh, and congratulations on a ....current success story to O.L.D.!
Author Phoe Posted December 10, 2013 Author Posted December 10, 2013 LOL - but don't kid yourself - you are in no way taking it slow . I know I'm not, that's the one unfortunate thing. I know this is jumping too quick, seeing each other two nights in a row, for hours at a time. The chemistry is there. We click. We are drawn to each other. I can make stupid references to stupid movies, and he actually gets it. No one ever gets me!! Lol. Talking in silly accents, being complete dorks together til we're snorting in laughter. We are both comfortable already in being ourselves. I never feel this. I typically get judged. Clearly the chemistry is there. The difficult part is overriding that chemistry and forcing myself to act reasonable while I actually get to know him. While we each get to know the day in day out crap about each other. This is a good start, but I need to calm it down. Lol
Author Phoe Posted December 10, 2013 Author Posted December 10, 2013 Exclusivity this early means he's into you and wants to take you off the market. Don't think he's trying to rush into things....he's just trying to get to a comfortable spot with you where he doesn't think he's competing at the same time as other guys. If he doesn't know you don't multi-date, I think now would be the perfect time to mention it. He kinda sheepishly asked how my dating was going on OLD, and I told him the truth, that he was the first person I agreed to go out with, and that I wasn't intending to continue looking at this time, and that I'm a one guy kinda girl, and he seemed pleased. A few hours later he said "I have a question to ask you, but I feel like I really shouldn't ask it now..." About 10 minutes later he said "screw it" and asked me to be exclusive. I told him for all intents and purposes, that yes, I won't be seeing anyone else at this time, but that I do want to spend more time getting to know him, slow it down a bit, before actually creating any agreements between ourselves. He said okay, that he just wants me to be comfortable, that he really really likes me, and that he isn't going anywhere. 1
tlegend Posted December 10, 2013 Posted December 10, 2013 He kinda sheepishly asked how my dating was going on OLD, and I told him the truth, that he was the first person I agreed to go out with, and that I wasn't intending to continue looking at this time, and that I'm a one guy kinda girl, and he seemed pleased. A few hours later he said "I have a question to ask you, but I feel like I really shouldn't ask it now..." About 10 minutes later he said "screw it" and asked me to be exclusive. I told him for all intents and purposes, that yes, I won't be seeing anyone else at this time, but that I do want to spend more time getting to know him, slow it down a bit, before actually creating any agreements between ourselves. He said okay, that he just wants me to be comfortable, that he really really likes me, and that he isn't going anywhere. Excellent! That was pretty much what I was hinting toward and it seems that's what he was worried about. You've already gone and fixed it. Kudos, and best of luck in your future dates!
SincereOnlineGuy Posted December 10, 2013 Posted December 10, 2013 Clarity: I don't mind anything about what you report of the interactions with him (which is a d*mn good start)... it's just... that the excitement surely within you is bound to be snowballing like craaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaazy (and that's just a vulnerable-to-yourself position that some/most just can't avoid).
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