I signed up for OLD. Tips?

[Iguanna]

If I ever were to join these sites I would not put a photo. I am not interested in guys who looks is the most important thing. A guy has to earn my attention and trust to show him my photo. (I pray to God I'll never need to use these sites...).

[WP4046]

1. If you like a guy who messages you don't continue chatting online for 2 days.........exchange numbers so you can talk once or twice on the phone

 

2. Don't put anything about marriage in your profile

 

3. Include face pics with you smiling and body shots of you standing up not laying down on the bed with cleavage showing

[Ruby Slippers]

I understand why a bro would be all over it, but a woman has the option of being more choosey, and the liberty to take a little time to get to know someone. All seems a bit fast for my liking. I don't approve. How much can you really know about a person in one day? He could be a killa for all we know.

I agree. Everyone's entitled to try their own approaches and see what works for them. But a guy from online has to prove himself a little before I'll meet a perfect stranger. Chat a few times, then progress to a few phone calls, then accept a date if all goes well. If he's interested and solid, he'll stick with it and make the cut. If not, why bother? But I definitely think I'm more careful and selective in my approach than many.

[WP4046]

That's the reason why I deleted my account after 1 week of OkCupid and said, never again! Simply too overwhelming. I was being bombarded with messages left and right, it's hard to sift through them all, and any potential men would want to meet right away (without giving me a chance to get to know them first).

 

 

That's how it's supposed to be for adults. A normal working adult can't just pick up and meet someone right away. You exchange phone numbers and then talk on the phone for a few days to develop a rapport and if u click then you meet

[William]

As a reminder, while mention of specific online dating sites is permitted, plugging of/advertising them publicy, especially where not relevant to the questions/statements in the starting post, is considered a violation of our terms of use, which prohibits advertising and/or solicitation.

 

Hence, moderation edited the thread.

[soccerrprp]

To be totally honest I wouldn't choose one of these sites to meet people. I would prefer some places where people who gather have some same interests, like sports, fashion, music, movies etc interests. This way I would not show to anyone "I'm desperate to find a man", it would come as natural, be friends and if it goes somewhere it's good, or else it's ok. I don't think that men really appreciate women who sign up on these sites, they consider them easy and expendable. I want to be respected more than finding a man.

 

Oh, boy, more BS about online dating.

 

Dated some great ladies from OLD. Dating one now (a doctor!!!!!!!!) and will be proposing soon. Man, if I would have listened to [advice] like the above....well, I wouldn't be with my awesome doctor lady!

 

YOU may feel that others think YOU'RE desperate. YOU may think "men" don't appreciate any women that OLD. But, again, that is YOU.

Edited December 7, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
language

[carhill]

Tip: Rome wasn't built in a day. Experience online dating akin to meeting a random stranger in public. No rush. Good luck.

[Iguanna]

Oh, boy, more BS about online dating.

 

Dated some great ladies from OLD. Dating one now (a doctor!!!!!!!!) and will be proposing soon. Man, if I would have listened to [advice] like the above....well, I wouldn't be with my awesome doctor lady!

 

YOU may feel that others think YOU'RE desperate. YOU may think "men" don't appreciate any women that OLD. But, again, that is YOU.

 

Of course it's me, I don't post someone else's opinions

 

I accept of course that there are exceptions, but only to prove the rule. I'm happy for you though.

[soccerrprp]

Look, OLD is another means to an end. It has it's pitfalls, believe me, but it's not the BOOGIE MAN that some people make it out to be. A small percentage or more are really interested in having a meaningful relationship on OLD. It's not pretty, but another option never the less.

[soccerrprp]

Of course it's me, I don't post someone else's opinions

 

I accept of course that there are exceptions, but only to prove the rule. I'm happy for you though.

 

I AM SORRY FOR THAT RESPONSE. I can get a little defensive when it comes to OLD and how some people demonize it to the point of discouraging some others who are really having a tough time even trying to find a way to establish a relationship. It's just another option...just need to be careful no matter what method used.

[Fondue]

I had good success with OLD as a guy, so these are things that I noticed when reading female profiles:

 

Don't write things that make you seem high maintenance. Especially something like, "if you can't handle me at my worst, you don't deserve my best" or some **** like that. Instant turn off.

 

Don't make it too wordy either. I'd rather get to know you in person/message, I don't want to feel like all my mystery is gone. Have just enough that understand if we share similar interest and can click, but not too much that I already am starting to see things I don't like and would be turned off by.

 

Stay away from cliche's like, "well, I really like to travel! I go out with my friends on the weekends, but love the occasional nights of staying watching netflix with a glass of wine. I'm not your typical girl." You sound like every other girl on the internet.

[Iguanna]

I AM SORRY FOR THAT RESPONSE. I can get a little defensive when it comes to OLD and how some people demonize it to the point of discouraging some others who are really having a tough time even trying to find a way to establish a relationship. It's just another option...just need to be careful no matter what method used.

 

It's ok, no need to apologize. I understand your frustration. People just need to be really careful and stick on their initial purpose which is to have a serious relationship. I must admit I may exaggerated a bit. People should not be discouraged when they find a way to meet people.

[soccerrprp]

It's easy for me to be more optimistic, considering that, like Fondue, I've been successful finding some solid women online. Well, relatively solid. Nothing crazy for sure.

 

I am a single father of two very young children and have no time going to bars, activity groups or looking for someone at work. OLD was, for me, the best option. And I certainly found someone.

[gaius]

Look, OLD is another means to an end. It has it's pitfalls, believe me, but it's not the BOOGIE MAN that some people make it out to be. A small percentage or more are really interested in having a meaningful relationship on OLD. It's not pretty, but another option never the less.

Agreed. Poor Phoe, she's been neglected way too long, finally gets over her online dating anxiety hump, signs up and it's all "You'll never meet anyone worthwhile, you're going out way too fast, nitpick nitpick." She's going on a simple coffee date, not running off to a hotel with a guy. Give her a break.

[Zeroes]

Good luck Phoe.

Have fun..

 

Like others have said, online dating is just another way of meeting people. It has it's (many) flaws, and has obviously left a lot of people vocally jaded and bitter about OLD and sometimes towards the opposite sex, but then a lot of people have met significant others and even eventual husbands or wives. Of course you're more likely to read the negative stuff online, because to be honest, people who have bad experiences with a 'product' of some kind are more likely to go online and vent about it anyway. Kind of like when it comes to bad Amazon reviews and stuff..

 

I've done it in the past and my (female) experience is that it's been pretty good. There's creeps, crazies and pervs who will message you and it'll be fun sifting through them, but there's genuine guys out there who will message you too. Don't sit back and wait for messages, don't be afraid of messaging a guy whose pictures/profile you like - in fact IME it seems to be a better way to do OLD, because guys tend to get less messages than girls and seem to appreciate it.

 

As for photos, I just used photos of me - never any group or family type ones, and never ones with children in (I don't get why some people on OLD take pics with their kids/nephews/nieces in them?? - its just inappropriate, if you have kids, just mention it on your profile) or too much flesh showing. Use body shots and face ones, and obviously very recent ones.

 

Profile - Keep it to one, maybe two paragraphs maximum. Give an outline of yourself and the kind of man you're looking for, don't make it sound negative or entitled, make sure it has a positive vibe.

 

As for meeting, well I see you've already gone on a coffee date, but my personal preference was to chat for at least 3-7'ish days before arranging a meet (in a pub/coffee shop, nothing too committing on first date..), so I'd get a rough idea of what the guy is like - but conversely, don't let the email/phone stage linger on for too long either, someone who holds back too often from meeting is either a time waster or has something pretty major they don't want you to know about them..

 

i.e.

 

52 First Dates: Sebastian Pritchard-Jones Strikes Back!

[SincereOnlineGuy]

Sure it does. Online is just a means to an end. I think there are two schools of thought. There are those that prefer to go on and on and on with e-mail, text, etc before meeting up. And then there are those that prefer to not spend so much time with all that stuff.

 

 

Good for you Phoe setting up a date within a day!!

 

 

No, it doesn't have anything to do with online dating.

 

 

Your stance is like that of somebody in the 1980's giving in to the rush to "buy a computer" (even though they didn't have the first sense for anything that would speed-up or enhance their lives, by putting it on a computer).

 

It's like having your "little black book" in a Word file, instead of on an actual little black book in your pocket. The computer added exactly nothing to what you had. Or like storing your Christmas card list in the storage container in the closet, with all of the Christmas cards, or storing the list on your computer.

 

 

There are two schools of thought alright:

 

A) Get your butt out there and meet people in what are more traditional ways... which you coulda been doing for decades.

 

or

 

B) Employ the psychology of the internet to actually do something for your dating possibilities which you couldn't/wouldn't have done for yourself, had you ever been so inclined in the first place.

 

 

We (aka "the rest of us") already knew Phoe could get a date any time she wants one. The computer didn't DO anything to enhance that.

[WP4046]

I had good success with OLD as a guy, so these are things that I noticed when reading female profiles:

 

Don't write things that make you seem high maintenance. Especially something like, "if you can't handle me at my worst, you don't deserve my best" or some **** like that. Instant turn off.

 

Don't make it too wordy either. I'd rather get to know you in person/message, I don't want to feel like all my mystery is gone. Have just enough that understand if we share similar interest and can click, but not too much that I already am starting to see things I don't like and would be turned off by.

 

Stay away from cliche's like, "well, I really like to travel! I go out with my friends on the weekends, but love the occasional nights of staying watching netflix with a glass of wine. I'm not your typical girl." You sound like every other girl on the internet.

 

 

The 5 most annoying cliches in dating

 

 

I love to travel

I like to relax and drink a glass of wine

I like weekend getaways

I love to go bowling

 

 

And my favorite is i love everything lol

[skela]

Hope she posts an update soon

[Phoe]

Alright guys, I'm home!

 

 

 

So I know there are a lot of naysayers and people who are probably going to cry in outrage and warn me that I need to be more cautious, but....

 

 

I had an amazing time. Absolutely wonderful. The guy is a doll, we clicked so well, and it didn't take long for me to just open up and act like a complete dork. We had each other snorting with laughter, the other people in the coffee shop were staring lol. From what I can tell we have a good amount of things in common, and have similar senses of humor.

 

 

I'm amazed at how quickly I felt comfortable with him, being a complete goober, and at one moment I had this weird tangent and said something absolutely bonkers, and upon realizing how ridiculous I sounded, I started blushing profusely, and he just looked at me with this adorable smile and said "you're amazing".

 

 

He asked me to go hiking with him on Wednesday, so if weather permits, we will be having a hiking day date

 

 

He walked me to my car and we stood there hugging for a good 30 seconds.

 

 

I knowwwww people are gonna tell me to go slow and not put all my eggs in one basket and whatnot, but so far the guy seems great. I'm hopeful that this is a good prospect.

[WP4046]

Alright guys, I'm home!

 

 

 

So I know there are a lot of naysayers and people who are probably going to cry in outrage and warn me that I need to be more cautious, but....

 

 

I had an amazing time. Absolutely wonderful. The guy is a doll, we clicked so well, and it didn't take long for me to just open up and act like a complete dork. We had each other snorting with laughter, the other people in the coffee shop were staring lol. From what I can tell we have a good amount of things in common, and have similar senses of humor.

 

 

I'm amazed at how quickly I felt comfortable with him, being a complete goober, and at one moment I had this weird tangent and said something absolutely bonkers, and upon realizing how ridiculous I sounded, I started blushing profusely, and he just looked at me with this adorable smile and said "you're amazing".

 

 

He asked me to go hiking with him on Wednesday, so if weather permits, we will be having a hiking day date

 

 

He walked me to my car and we stood there hugging for a good 30 seconds.

 

 

I knowwwww people are gonna tell me to go slow and not put all my eggs in one basket and whatnot, but so far the guy seems great. I'm hopeful that this is a good prospect.

 

 

 

Go slow because you are probably not the only girl he is meeting.

[fujidabruin]

 

I'm amazed at how quickly I felt comfortable with him, being a complete goober, and at one moment I had this weird tangent and said something absolutely bonkers, and upon realizing how ridiculous I sounded, I started blushing profusely, and he just looked at me with this adorable smile and said "you're amazing".

 

 

He asked me to go hiking with him on Wednesday, so if weather permits, we will be having a hiking day date

 

 

He walked me to my car and we stood there hugging for a good 30 seconds.

 

 

I knowwwww people are gonna tell me to go slow and not put all my eggs in one basket and whatnot, but so far the guy seems great. I'm hopeful that this is a good prospect.

 

 

Good start Phoe!!!

 

I hope you have fun on Wednesday and try not to create a lot of expectation towards it. Remember that you totally deserve a special guy that you can find happiness with..... don't settle.

 

Much like Soccerrprp, I have had some nice success creating empowering relationships thru OLD (3 out of 4 dates led to great relationships) and I realize that it is also not for everyone. But, I think it is real important to stay true to who you are and what you really want.

 

Good Luck and know that things will work out as they should.

[SincereOnlineGuy]

Alright guys, I'm home!

 

 

 

So I know there are a lot of naysayers and people who are probably going to cry in outrage and warn me that I need to be more cautious, but....

 

 

I had an amazing time. Absolutely wonderful. The guy is a doll, we clicked so well, and it didn't take long for me to just open up and act like a complete dork. We had each other snorting with laughter, the other people in the coffee shop were staring lol. From what I can tell we have a good amount of things in common, and have similar senses of humor.

 

 

I'm amazed at how quickly I felt comfortable with him, being a complete goober, and at one moment I had this weird tangent and said something absolutely bonkers, and upon realizing how ridiculous I sounded, I started blushing profusely, and he just looked at me with this adorable smile and said "you're amazing".

 

 

He asked me to go hiking with him on Wednesday, so if weather permits, we will be having a hiking day date

 

 

He walked me to my car and we stood there hugging for a good 30 seconds.

 

 

I knowwwww people are gonna tell me to go slow and not put all my eggs in one basket and whatnot, but so far the guy seems great. I'm hopeful that this is a good prospect.

 

 

 

I love your perceived owing of a report to the Loveshack crowd.

 

Nothing about what you report here sounds out of line... (provided you were in a public location the whole while).

 

If you want to motivate/inspire yourself... consider that most of dating and matchmaking is a function of each side having him/her self in a mode where they're willing to be vulnerable to another person, ideally choreographed/scheduled simultaneously. In so many cases, the hugest hurdle is putting yourself OUT there... so multiply that times two, and there is lots of room for two like-minded people to hit it off right away.

 

The alternative is the equivalent to waiting for a secret sign from fate, or as directed by your horoscope, which assures you that the first man to show up on your dating calendar wearing a tie shaped and colored like a fish AND wearing a flower in his lapel is your destiny... only to have you waiting forever (for such a qualifier).

 

And I would have to add that two people each on/near your level of attractiveness would probably be more likely (than others less attractive) to draw the interest of, and notice somebody who was willing to share a similar amount of vulnerability at the same time.

 

That's probably a function of greater insecurities and a more guarded persona in much of the rest of society.

 

 

So the experience on which you report here could be the start of something very enjoyable and much deserved.

[gaius]

My work here is done. Whether or not this turns out to be the guy for you good job on not letting all the negative input sabotage you.

[Eggplant]

Don't browse anybody's profile. Just see who picks you out. Pick the ones who seem sincere.

 

Shy guys often do OLD because it's easier for them to ask you ask via typing than talking. There are some good ones out there.

[ChessPieceFace]

You will meet a huge number of low quality guys.

 

Define "low quality guys" for us?