How do I make a new relationship work 6,000 miles apart?

[SweetCaroline]

This is my first post, so here's a little bit of background: My boyfriend and I met in August and had an immediate connection but I didn't really think I wanted a relationship at that time. So we tried the "hookup buddy" thing for a while, but ended up falling for each other and deciding to be exclusive in mid-September...which was also around the same time I got accepted into a four and a half month volunteer program in Israel that starts in February.

 

It's now been a few months and we've quickly gotten really serious (despite him being hesitant since I'm leaving in February), meeting each other's families, going away on vacation together, and pretty much seeing each other every day. Long story short we're completely in love

 

I can't imagine being apart from him and even though the volunteer program I'm doing is an amazing opportunity, I'm so anxious about going now because it'll mean being apart from him for 4 and a half months. I really want to stay together and try a long distance relationship for the time I'm gone, but he has extreme trust issues from previous relationships (we've both been cheated on in the past) and also seems nervous about the fact that I'll be away for almost as long as we've been dating.

 

Does anyone have any advice on how I can convince him to at least give LDR a shot? Also, how do we make up for the lack of physical relationship while I'm gone? (I think he feels it'll cause cheating on one of our parts)

Edited December 6, 2013 by SweetCaroline
Forgot to mention an important detail, shortened one part

[Life'sGood]

So, after the volunteer programme, you will go back home? It's only for four months.. Have you talked to him about it? He should be understanding enough to let ou go and wait for you if he loves you.

[LittleTiger]

"How do I make a new relationship work 6000 miles apart?"

 

The answer is you don't.

 

It takes two to make any relationship work and, when it comes to LDRs, you both have to be 100% committed or it's a non-starter.

 

You say you've been together a few months now, you see each other almost every day and you're completely in love? You may be completely in love as you are obviously keen to find a way to keep your relationship going. However, if your boyfriend 'has trust issues' and 'seems nervous' about the length of time you'll be apart, and you feel you need to 'convince' him to stay in a relationship with you, I would question how much 'in love' he really is.

 

It's only four and half months. If you really love one another, that's just a small dot in time. If you, or he, can't manage to do without sex for such a short period, you might want to think carefully about your priorities and what it is you really want from this relationship. If sex is top of the list, for either of you, the long term prospects are probably fairly poor. In which case, there isn't much point in continuing the relationship long distance.

[Robbyrob]

This is my first post, so here's a little bit of background: My boyfriend and I met in August and had an immediate connection but I didn't really think I wanted a relationship at that time. So we tried the "hookup buddy" thing for a while, but ended up falling for each other and deciding to be exclusive in mid-September...which was also around the same time I got accepted into a four and a half month volunteer program in Israel that starts in February.

 

It's now been a few months and we've quickly gotten really serious (despite him being hesitant since I'm leaving in February), meeting each other's families, going away on vacation together, and pretty much seeing each other every day. Long story short we're completely in love

 

I can't imagine being apart from him and even though the volunteer program I'm doing is an amazing opportunity, I'm so anxious about going now because it'll mean being apart from him for 4 and a half months. I really want to stay together and try a long distance relationship for the time I'm gone, but he has extreme trust issues from previous relationships (we've both been cheated on in the past) and also seems nervous about the fact that I'll be away for almost as long as we've been dating.

 

Does anyone have any advice on how I can convince him to at least give LDR a shot? Also, how do we make up for the lack of physical relationship while I'm gone? (I think he feels it'll cause cheating on one of our parts)

 

 

Ive been there several times. Believe me...better stay friends! it won make you happy to have a bf who lives miles away from you. the chance that this will survive is very low unless you will move to each other.

 

plus there is no base of true love and committment. better start breaking up the contact to him for now and then you can stay friends. it might sound hard but believe me, its the best for you! its nice to experience it maybe but its freaking hard!!

[justwhoiam]

You're going to Israel, which is not exactly a Disney resort, and all you're worried about is missing him?

 

They have bunkers, anti-missile shelters, bombs are routine, and lately there have been cases of foreigners who have been rejected at the airport because they refused to provide their passwords for their email accounts and social networks.

[AlexiaBrinn]

I am currently in a long distance relationship.

 

My girlfriend and I travel a lot for work, and on very few occassions we travel together.

 

We joined the beta test for an online intimacy platform called Kiiroo.

I believe they are releasing the sex gadget we are testing now early 2014.

 

I can actualy touch my girlfriend now when she is away on business.

I realy miss her when she is away (some times even for a few weeks)

 

[The service] lets you stream a full HD cam feed of your partner.

So I hook my laptop up to the tv when she is in a boring hotel and its like we are together going about our busines.

And when we have time we still have the possibility to get passionate.

 

I realy like using the toy. It looks decent. Not like a giant pink dlildo with weird purple gel bunnies as you see so often these days . It has a modest chiq vibe even. Sleek black touch capacitive and wireless.

 

It realy helped me and my lady come to terms with the distance issue.

Edited December 9, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Redact external link

[CherryT]

Ive been there several times. Believe me...better stay friends! it won make you happy to have a bf who lives miles away from you. the chance that this will survive is very low unless you will move to each other.

 

plus there is no base of true love and committment. better start breaking up the contact to him for now and then you can stay friends. it might sound hard but believe me, its the best for you! its nice to experience it maybe but its freaking hard!!

 

Someone who doesn't know the OP is suggesting what's best for her.

 

My opinion (it's just that) is different. I've been in a LDR for 2 years with my Fiance. We started off LD as we met on vacation. We built our friendship, then our relationship, and it lead to more. Like you, I was cheated on in my previous relationship. So I can sense a rotten egg when it's there. What has made our relationship work is that we both believe in the 60/40 rule. We want to give more and expect less, so when both of us make this kind of effort to make the relationship work, it really does work. I have all the reason to have trust issues from my previous relationship. But I also have all the reason to accept a great man with integrity when he's standing right in front of me.

 

You will be coming back home in 4 and a half month. It's not that long. By the time my Fiance and I close the distance, it would've been 3 years. Yes, we see each other fairly often for most LD couples, but if two people want to make it work - they will make it work.

 

But like LittleTiger said, it's about the both of you. How you BOTH will make it work, not how YOU will make it work.