Anemone Posted December 6, 2013 Posted December 6, 2013 I figured this would be the best place to post this. I've been "creeping" these forums for some time and decided to make an account. I could use some serious advice. My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 5 years. I love him very much, he makes me smile, laugh, we have inside jokes, we've shared wonderful memories, we have an excellent sex life, he's smart, has a good job, I find him incredibly attractive. All of that being said our relationship is extremely emotionally complicated. When we first started dating it moved very quickly, it was a whirlwind of passion and kissing and everything else that comes with the start of passionate relationships. We had friends in common, could talk for days without stopping and he just made me feel like id never felt before in any past relationship. A couple of years ago things started getting complicated in our relationship, he became more withdrawn and consumed by his own hobbies. He assured me it wasn't me, and ended up being diagnosed with depression. I come from a family of mental illness and this was a tough blow to take. I have a bipolar mother that has put me through my fair share of emotional damage, but I love him so I stood by him. Through it though, and through the last couple of years I have noticed we have very little in common. I'm spontaneous and free spirited and mischievous. He's reserved and introverted, I always want to go out and "play" or travel or adventure and when we first were dating he did too, but he's lost that spark. He'd rather bury himself in gaming than go out. But when we stay in we don't even have a similar taste for television or movies, he'd rather play video games than hang out with me on the couch. We talk about getting married as soon as I'm done with school. Were both 26, he's already got his degree and "grown up" job. I'm very close to mine as well, all of this rambling, what I'm really trying to say is am I setting myself and my relationship up for failure. I know he loves me, and he tries, and we have great communication. But I feel like we talk it out, things get better but only for a short time and then go back to the way they were. Is being in love enough? Or will our lack of adventure and common ground eventually lead to disaster. I'm scared of what the answer could be.
Philosoraptor Posted December 6, 2013 Posted December 6, 2013 Well the honeymoon period ended and he slid back into his normal ways. What you need to decide is if you can be happy going out alone/with friends and having adventures or if you need your partner to be there as well. Do you have enough otherwise from him to be happy long term or do you need to be able to share more with your partner? Only you can answer these questions though.
Author Anemone Posted December 6, 2013 Author Posted December 6, 2013 Most days I can't see my life any other way than without him in it. Some days I'm afraid I'm setting us both up for failure. Id rather be with him than out with anyone else any other day of the week, but I have tried the things he enjoys and I cannot seem to get interested. I know he tries to enjoy the things I like as well. We have a few things we both love to do, but they are usually more expensive and can only be done every once in a while. I was reading another post and I saw someone say to try a couple new things a month with your partner to find new hobbies and build your relationship up with a new foundation. I think that's a good idea, we have a weekly date night. We just need to both push out of our comfort zone sometimes. I guess what I want to know, is if this is normal? These feelings. Or is there even such thing as normal in love?
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