Why do women ask this when you first meet online?

[WP4046]

Honestly? I ask this if a guy tells me he does something more basic or low-level. Not because I am only interested in his money, or even that I particularly care how much money he has. I ask because I like more ambitious, driven people (like myself). I would not be happy dating someone who was content to just kind of float around in life. So I want to know if they LIKE their job or if they just tolerate it because it pays the bills. I don't care what you make as long as you are doing what you love, what you are passionate about, and what you want to be successful at. That is why I ask.

 

Also, it is small talk, lol.

 

 

Your post is contradicting. First you say you don't care about what he makes and then you say you don't want no guy who is just doing a job to pay the bills. Isn't paying the bills until something else comes along better than being jobless?

 

 

I;m done lol

[FitChick]

DC has a world class prestige culture.

Really? Most people think lawyers and politicians are scum.

[Balzac]

"mos " people live across the river in VA. I think you're unaware of how many lawyers live in DC. That's the point. Nations highest concentration of lawyers.

[JourneyLady]

Your post is contradicting. First you say you don't care about what he makes and then you say you don't want no guy who is just doing a job to pay the bills. Isn't paying the bills until something else comes along better than being jobless?

 

 

I;m done lol

 

Not a contradiction. The answer could be that he works part time as a volunteer for an animal rescue operation and it really makes him feel good, getting all those poor animals out of the freezing snow. See?

 

Or... He loves his job because picking up litter at the park means he gets to meet a lot of people and have interesting conversations.

 

Or... working at the soup kitchen means he is helping to change lives...

 

That's what she's getting at - PASSION for the work being done doesn't necessarily mean high pay! It's an attitude thing. :-) It's not a question of pay, but of are you doing what you love or doing something else until you are able to do what you love.

 

Most teachers aren't paid much, right? But there's a big difference between a teacher who loves their work and one who is just getting by.

 

This is why men don't seem to understand women - it's the one-dimensional thinking... Glad to help out here! :-D

[Keenly]

Not a contradiction. The answer could be that he works part time as a volunteer for an animal rescue operation and it really makes him feel good, getting all those poor animals out of the freezing snow. See?

 

Or... He loves his job because picking up litter at the park means he gets to meet a lot of people and have interesting conversations.

 

Or... working at the soup kitchen means he is helping to change lives...

 

That's what she's getting at - PASSION for the work being done doesn't necessarily mean high pay! It's an attitude thing. :-) It's not a question of pay, but of are you doing what you love or doing something else until you are able to do what you love.

 

Most teachers aren't paid much, right? But there's a big difference between a teacher who loves their work and one who is just getting by.

 

This is why men don't seem to understand women - it's the one-dimensional thinking... Glad to help out here! :-D

 

 

But where does the ambitious part come in?

[WP4046]

Not a contradiction. The answer could be that he works part time as a volunteer for an animal rescue operation and it really makes him feel good, getting all those poor animals out of the freezing snow. See?

 

Or... He loves his job because picking up litter at the park means he gets to meet a lot of people and have interesting conversations.

 

Or... working at the soup kitchen means he is helping to change lives...

 

That's what she's getting at - PASSION for the work being done doesn't necessarily mean high pay! It's an attitude thing. :-) It's not a question of pay, but of are you doing what you love or doing something else until you are able to do what you love.

 

Most teachers aren't paid much, right? But there's a big difference between a teacher who loves their work and one who is just getting by.

 

This is why men don't seem to understand women - it's the one-dimensional thinking... Glad to help out here! :-D

 

 

Nope I don't understand women

[RedRobin]

I think it's a sneaky way of finding out how much money i make

 

Maybe for some, but that's never been my reason.

 

I couldn't care less what a guy makes, as long as he's responsible about how he manages it.

 

I care a lot more about how he prioritizes things in life. The best guy for me would be someone who has a healthy work/life balance. There are few things less draining than being around someone who hates their job and comes home to gripe about it... or it is wearing them down in some other way and they feel powerless to do anything about it.

 

How they treat or view this thing they spend 8-10 hours doing everyday is a very important window into their life.

[RedRobin]

We drink tea with our pinkies up. :laugh:

 

I do the whole international organization thing but I just hate how everyone asks each other the SAME exact questions:

 

"where do you work?" "what do you do?" "who do you work for?" "do you like it?" "how did you get that job?" "where did you go to school?" "what was your major?" "where are you from?" "do you live around here?"

 

all of this so they can then answer those same questions with a sense of greatness.

 

All through happy hour you hear this same exact conversation in the background like 10 different times.

 

yes, yes, we are all saving the world, lol. Sarcasm.

 

haha... yes, you have a good point. Hilarious.

[ChessPieceFace]

I have a different method. I spontaneously bring up how much I hate my job, and drive women away that way. I did it with the last girl I liked, and now that I think about it, that might have killed whatever slim chance I had. Always sabotaging...

[crederer]

**** man, at least you have women actually asking YOU a question on OLD. It's usually pretty one sided. Any tips? (just kidding I'm not gunna use OLD).

[antonio1149]

Or... He loves his job because picking up litter at the park means he gets to meet a lot of people and have interesting conversations.

 

That *sounds* magnanimous, but she described herself as driven and ambitious and wanting someone similar. Let's face it, no matter how much a guy might be passionate about picking up litter, no woman would consider that an ambitious undertaking. And any woman with a "professional" job, even if it was a boring job like accountant, would avoid such a guy like the plague.

 

A woman who describes herself as driven/ambitious almost always wants to marry a guy who's above her on the pay/status scale. Or at least her equal, if she's a doctor, lawyer, or CEO.

[Eternal Sunshine]

Lol I have never asked that question.

[RedRobin]

That *sounds* magnanimous, but she described herself as driven and ambitious and wanting someone similar. Let's face it, no matter how much a guy might be passionate about picking up litter, no woman would consider that an ambitious undertaking. And any woman with a "professional" job, even if it was a boring job like accountant, would avoid such a guy like the plague.

 

A woman who describes herself as driven/ambitious almost always wants to marry a guy who's above her on the pay/status scale. Or at least her equal, if she's a doctor, lawyer, or CEO.

 

I dunno. If his 'passion' for picking up leaf litter hides the fact that he spends the rest of his time swilling Budweiser, then yea... I see your point.

 

I'm definitely 'driven'... others have described me as ambitious, but I disagree, because I'm not motivated by money or power... I'm driven by the need for knowledge and the desire always learn something new and make an impact... which obliges me to often deal with those who are driven by other things (money and power).

 

Many of my male peers and the guys you describe don't have time for a relationship. They treat their GFs/wives as little better than FWB... albeit, FWB who are well provided for. Um. I'll pass. Many of those same guys aren't even faithful. Trust me, I've worked around and with plenty of them.

 

Nope... I'd happily take a grateful, empathetic, leaf-litter picker upper who was curious about the world, enjoys life, can manage his own life responsibly... and loves me Of course, that frustrates the hell out of the handsome, wealthy, power driven guys around me who would love to turn me into their trophy/FWB.

 

"how could she like a guy like THAT?! He's not as cute as me.... he doesn't have as much money as me.... his job is a lowly (fill in the blank)..." and on and on

 

OTOH... I'm getting rather tired of dating men whose jobs 'on paper' don't look like mine acting insecure about it or mean to me... trying to tear me down to compensate for HIS feelings about his own life and accomplishments. If women sometimes seek peers or 'better' it may be because they don't want to feel like they have to downplay their own life so the guy can feel better about himself. It's about as annoying as dating a shorter guy who is insecure about it. Terribly annoying.

 

Edited: Need to add that I've never asked a guy if he liked his job. I just observe how he talks about it and his general demeanor.

Edited December 6, 2013 by RedRobin

[gaius]

That *sounds* magnanimous, but she described herself as driven and ambitious and wanting someone similar. Let's face it, no matter how much a guy might be passionate about picking up litter, no woman would consider that an ambitious undertaking. And any woman with a "professional" job, even if it was a boring job like accountant, would avoid such a guy like the plague.

 

A woman who describes herself as driven/ambitious almost always wants to marry a guy who's above her on the pay/status scale. Or at least her equal, if she's a doctor, lawyer, or CEO.

You can get a lot of play if you run your own environmental non-profit. That picks up litter. Or even just going to Haiti or some other third world cesspool and picking up litter for a while works too. It comes down more to how you present yourself rather than what you actually do and most people know that. Most women will settle for a guy as long as he looks presentable to her friends, even if she makes more money than he does.

[acrosstheuniverse]

I ask it all the time. The job you choose or end up doing can say something about your personality, goals etc. It's a good way to get talking, the guy can tell me what he loves about it, how he got into that line of work, and if he hates it but has no plans to get out of it then it would put me off a little (I'd rather be with somebody who works to change situations they find detrimental to their happiness). And if there are reasons why they hate their job but won't change it, I'll learn a little about their life and their priorities.

 

My own profession is very important to me and stems from my values and beliefs and says a lot about my primary goals in life, why wouldn't I think the same might apply to somebody else? What's better to ask, 'what do you like to watch on TV'!?

 

Up until my last relationship I never cared what a guy did for a living, they all had minimum wage jobs and very little prospect of that changing any time soon, although they were all educated with degrees. It never bothered me, but now I'm dating again I'm only interested in people who have prospects I think. I'm mid-twenties and want to have a family some day, I'd rather be with somebody who is ambitious and drive and who would be capable of providing if I had to take time out for a kid. I'm not talking people making megabucks, I'm just talking somebody with a profession or a skill who is going to be able to make £20k+ (my exes all either works in supermarkets, pretzel stalls or as security guards). Flame me all you like but I think a lot of women go for guys who are able to take care of them if sht hits the fan (and I think guys should look for women who can take care of them if necessary, too)

 

Other things could probably negate that though, for example if someone had a poorly paid job working for a non-profit organisation and they had solid values and ethics. I would find that far, far more attractive than a CEO of some corporation with the flash car and swanky apartment.

Edited December 6, 2013 by acrosstheuniverse

[d0nnivain]

I don't understand why the Q is all that upsetting. But here's the thing: to people who don't like being queried about their jobs when OLD, use it as a indicator. If you get somebody who seems to be focused on your occupation, realize right then & there that you & that person are not compatible. You have different interests & priorities. You probably don't mesh.

 

Isn't it better to figure that out before you invest more time talking to them, some money getting together with them & maybe even some emotion if you start to fall before you acknowledge the differences?

[WP4046]

I don't understand why the Q is all that upsetting. But here's the thing: to people who don't like being queried about their jobs when OLD, use it as a indicator. If you get somebody who seems to be focused on your occupation, realize right then & there that you & that person are not compatible. You have different interests & priorities. You probably don't mesh.

 

Isn't it better to figure that out before you invest more time talking to them, some money getting together with them & maybe even some emotion if you start to fall before you acknowledge the differences?

 

 

I was being asked this during our 1st conversation on the phone. Why not try to find some common interests first so we can develop a rapport? Why start a 1st conversation off on a serious note when you are supposed to have a light and fun conversation? Now it can be brought up in the 1st conversation after a hour or so after the rapport has been developed.

 

But last week this woman asked me where do I work which was a instant turnoff. I am not telling a stranger where i work and I can't believe someone would ask me a question like that in the first 10 mins of a conversation

[d0nnivain]

I was being asked this during our 1st conversation on the phone. Why not try to find some common interests first so we can develop a rapport? Why start a 1st conversation off on a serious note when you are supposed to have a light and fun conversation? Now it can be brought up in the 1st conversation after a hour or so after the rapport has been developed.

 

But last week this woman asked me where do I work which was a instant turnoff. I am not telling a stranger where i work and I can't believe someone would ask me a question like that in the first 10 mins of a conversation

 

Some people have poor communication skills & can't make small talk. Qs about work are the grown up equivalent of What's your major from college.

 

You have made it abundantly clear that you hate this topic. You can hate any topic you want & you don't have to discuss your career with anybody but we can't make people stop asking you.

[WP4046]

Some people have poor communication skills & can't make small talk. Qs about work are the grown up equivalent of What's your major from college.

 

You have made it abundantly clear that you hate this topic. You can hate any topic you want & you don't have to discuss your career with anybody but we can't make people stop asking you.

 

 

It's a judgmental way to start a conversation.

[acrosstheuniverse]

I was being asked this during our 1st conversation on the phone. Why not try to find some common interests first so we can develop a rapport? Why start a 1st conversation off on a serious note when you are supposed to have a light and fun conversation? Now it can be brought up in the 1st conversation after a hour or so after the rapport has been developed.

 

But last week this woman asked me where do I work which was a instant turnoff. I am not telling a stranger where i work and I can't believe someone would ask me a question like that in the first 10 mins of a conversation

 

The fact that you think it's such a serious note and are so annoyed by it doesn't necessary translate to how others feel about it. Me? I love my job, I'm happy to answer questions about it or explain why I love it. It's just a way of finding out about someone else's life and given that you spend so many hours each week there, a big part of their life.

 

Is there a chance that this stems from you being insecure about what you do for a living? It's just with you saying it sounds judgmental to ask, are you concerned that you'll be judged poorly for what you say? I'd be wary of somebody who was evasive or prickly when talking about work to be honest, I'd wonder what they had to hide.

[clia]

I always ask people if they like their job because...I'm curious whether they like their job. There is nothing more to it than that. Typically this question follows the one asking what they do for work. I didn't realize it was such a controversial question. I like hearing about people's jobs, especially those that are in totally different fields than what I do.

[WP4046]

The fact that you think it's such a serious note and are so annoyed by it doesn't necessary translate to how others feel about it. Me? I love my job, I'm happy to answer questions about it or explain why I love it. It's just a way of finding out about someone else's life and given that you spend so many hours each week there, a big part of their life.

 

Is there a chance that this stems from you being insecure about what you do for a living? It's just with you saying it sounds judgmental to ask, are you concerned that you'll be judged poorly for what you say? I'd be wary of somebody who was evasive or prickly when talking about work to be honest, I'd wonder what they had to hide.

 

 

So it is ok to ask someone what company they work for?

[WP4046]

I always ask people if they like their job because...I'm curious whether they like their job. There is nothing more to it than that. Typically this question follows the one asking what they do for work. I didn't realize it was such a controversial question. I like hearing about people's jobs, especially those that are in totally different fields than what I do.

 

 

I didn't say anything was wrong with the question, it shouldn't be asked in the first 10 minutes of a conversation

[acrosstheuniverse]

Well not necessarily, no, but if a guy can't talk about his line of work without specifics (if they feel a need to protect their privacy, which is fair) I'd think something shady was afoot. What's wrong with talking about how much you love your job doing *this* for a *financial company* or whatever?

[emva07]

well OP....do you like your job?