WhoreyBull Posted December 6, 2013 Posted December 6, 2013 Sometimes my boyfriend will fly into rages over simple things. For example one morning I could not find my key. It had been on the computer box, which he set up the day before. Since he was the last to touch it I said he should try and remember where he puts things. It was just an offhanded remark, I misplace things all the time. This apparently was a trigger and he starts going all nutty "looking" for the key (but really just acting like an asshat). I asked him just to go to work, but he wouldn't and continued asshattery until I calmed him down. At this point he glanced at a can on the table, and there sat my key. I would have found this in a minute or so if he had just left, but we ended up with a 7 minutes of craziness and 10 minutes of me cleaning up the mess he made after (we don't have a lot of stuff, haha). I can understand this. I used to be the same way, but somehow have done a 180 and switched to an attitude where nothing really bothers me. While it is great for me, it's created a situation where I have no way of policing myself from knowing when I might be saying something that would set of my former self. I've dated another man from his country who had similar issues. Both work long hours and no matter the industry people have high pressure on them. Although I know he needs to work on his issues, and I am no help since I just changed suddenly. However, I think I need to be more careful in how I choose my words when speaking to an already stressed out man. But how do I do that when I seem to no longer notice what might be a trigger? A few weeks a go a little old Chinese lady told me I was a little fat. China, being a nation that has experienced famine, being "a little" fat is a good thing. So, I took it as a compliment. Yet afterwards I recalled a distant memory where while in China a friend said the same thing, and I absolutely blew up, despite knowing it was well intentioned (I had gone on a trip and my friend was just trying to say it looked like I enjoyed myself while there). Nothing phases me anymore. Has anyone else here had/have anger issues that have/may been solved in a tangible way? Any tips on what not to say? I really woukdn't care about it if it were not for the stress it puts on him.
FitChick Posted December 6, 2013 Posted December 6, 2013 Next time ignore him and walk away. He was 'performing' for you. That's what I would do if a two-year old was having a tantrum. 1
crederer Posted December 6, 2013 Posted December 6, 2013 You seem to 'yadda yadda yadda" over the most important parts, IMO. Like....was he just annoyed (understandably) or was he legit angry (not understandable). It's totally normal for a partner to be annoyed by certain things. It's not normal if a partner loses their minds over it. The story you gave doesn't really clarify.
ExpatInItaly Posted December 6, 2013 Posted December 6, 2013 You seem to 'yadda yadda yadda" over the most important parts, IMO. Like....was he just annoyed (understandably) or was he legit angry (not understandable). It's totally normal for a partner to be annoyed by certain things. It's not normal if a partner loses their minds over it. The story you gave doesn't really clarify. I agree. The post is a bit confusing, and seems to gloss over the significant parts. From your description of events, YOU don't need to police yourself, as you put it. Your boyfriend needs to learn to control HIMSELF. Does he understand that he over-reacts?
Author WhoreyBull Posted December 7, 2013 Author Posted December 7, 2013 Sorry, I though "rage" was enough. He got angry and started to smash his elbow into the closet door. That sort of rage.
Author WhoreyBull Posted December 7, 2013 Author Posted December 7, 2013 I agree. The post is a bit confusing, and seems to gloss over the significant parts. From your description of events, YOU don't need to police yourself, as you put it. Your boyfriend needs to learn to control HIMSELF. Does he understand that he over-reacts? He does, and I know he has to fix it, but I know my attitude doesn't really help someone who is trying to fix his issues.
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