Sarcasm In The Dating World

[Under The Radar]

Just curious on others people's thoughts:

 

I'm not currently dating, but in the past (especially OLD) it was pretty common to hear, or see, a lot of women use the word "sarcastic" to describe themselves. Then, in action, I would not characterize certain quips and jokes as healthy sarcasm, but rather, humor at somebody else's expense. I always equated this with a profound lack of insight and insecurity on their part.

 

I definitely have an appreciation for sarcasm, but I have found many people use the term to mask cruelty. It's easy to say something insensitive, inflammatory, or downright insulting and then state: "I was just being sarcastic". If it truly is witty and playful sarcasm then I'm all for it ...... but, often times, I find that isn't the case.

 

Anybody else witness this use of sarcasm in relationships or dating experiences? Girls, feel free to chime in here and comment on similar experiences with men.

[tlegend]

With my experiences, the more sarcastic the person, the more insecure they are at their core.

[Under The Radar]

With my experiences, the more sarcastic the person, the more insecure they are at their core.

 

I completely agree; that has been my experience, too. I also see it being used as a defense mechanism much of the time.

[ChessPieceFace]

Intelligent people usually love sarcasm, but wouldn't necessarily label themselves as being 'sarcastic.' It really depends on the intent. If it's hurtful and frequent, and especially if the person has a habit of talking bad about others, it's likely a symptom of a personality disorder (narcissistic PD for instance), and they're just using the word "sarcastic" to cover their true PD.

[ThatMan]

I suspect that most people are left in the dark when it comes to sarcasm otherwise you wouldn't see so much of this. Maybe some attempt to describe themselves as being hilarious and fun to be around with incorrectly using a word like sarcasm. Sarcasm is the lowest form of wit which conceals insecurity, anger, jealousy, and fear. Sarcasm is correlated with higher neurosis and lower intelligence. By definition, sarcasm implies a jab at somebody else.

[elbe]

I feel like nobody is sarcastic these days at all in any way.

[Keenly]

I suspect that most people are left in the dark when it comes to sarcasm otherwise you wouldn't see so much of this. Maybe some attempt to describe themselves as being hilarious and fun to be around with incorrectly using a word like sarcasm. Sarcasm is the lowest form of wit which conceals insecurity, anger, jealousy, and fear. Sarcasm is correlated with higher neurosis and lower intelligence. By definition, sarcasm implies a jab at somebody else.

 

I do believe you are mistaken. Some people can appreciate certain kinds of humor. Others are more serious.

 

 

Personally I believe the best jokes hurt a little. Not necessarily the person you are telling the joke to, but some one.

 

A huge part of it is also how you say it.

[emva07]

I am terrible with sarcasm, I never get it and always get offended by it.

 

I dealt with a highly sarcastic guy once....I had to confront him and tell him that his humor was hurtful and he apologized and said that it was something he had been working on for a while now in his quest to be a more positive person because yes, he had a very insecure past (he didn't say the past part but i've known him since teenage years so I know).

[Under The Radar]

I feel like nobody is sarcastic these days at all in any way.

 

 

Wow, what an insightful post. This is either pure sarcasm, or you really need to get out more. When you get a spare moment, let me know which it is .

[gabgab]

I think really sarcastic people are cynical, not necessarily insecure. It also depends on what they are saying. I say sarcastic things sometimes that have absolutely nothing to do with me or my life.

 

Also, is this sarcastic?

 

(Josh Lyman from the West Wing when asked if he was going to work on an important project) "I guess so...but you know its the White House so its not too important"

 

People who are sarcastic all the time annoy me, most people just use it sometimes.

[MrCastle]

I'm extremely sarcastic and have no issues with insecurity or anything like that. It's just funny.

 

It's actually a really good indicator of chemistry for me as I find it hard to be with anybody who doesn't share or at the very least, understand my style of humor.

 

I don't think sarcasm indicates having any underlying problems of any kind.

 

I appreciate sarcasm and wit much more than physical/slapstick goofball comedy.

 

I don't know if an idiot can pull off sarcasm. Seems to be for the most part, high brow humor, and I like high brow stuff.

[crederer]

True sarcasm can be amusing. But as you point out, most people aren't being sarcastic, rather they're simply being mean.

 

Nothing amusing about that.

[antonio1149]

True sarcasm can be amusing. But as you point out, most people aren't being sarcastic, rather they're simply being mean.

 

Nothing amusing about that.

 

Many years ago, MAD magazine had a feature called "Snappy Answers to Stupid Questions." The comebacks were all very sarcastic. Example: A guy is fishing on a pier, and next to him is a bucket with a large fish in it. A woman comes along and says "Did you catch that?" He says things like "No, I talked it into giving itself up," or "No, that's a fake model I just put there to get fascinating people like you to come by and start conversations." I thought these were hilarious, but of course in real life they would be very belittling comments. Funny, maybe, but I think it's best avoided if you care about people's feelings.

[regine_phalange]

I agree, people nowdays seem to be confusing the meaning of words.

 

I love naughty sarcasm and bantering; it's fun, like a game. But no hitting below the belt. Some social skills and some brain needed for this one.

[MrCastle]

I don't understand how sarcasm can be seen as hurtful. What kind of sarcasm have you guys experienced?

 

That 70s Show -- Kelso, a bumbling idiot played by Ashton Kutcher, becomes a cop in the later seasons and in one episode in particular, arrests his friend Eric. While Eric is behind bars, Kelso points a water gun at him.

 

Kelso: I know what you're thinking punk. Is this gun real, or fake?

 

Eric: Well, the gun is green. But...it's also plastic, so. I mean it's anyone's guess.

 

 

Another example:

 

Kelso: Thanks a lot Hyde. Now because of you, Jackie thinks I cheated.

 

Hyde: You're welcome.

 

Kelso: Okay, do you know what sarcasm is?

 

Hyde: ...no

 

 

Seinfeld:

 

Kramer: (Reading a book about China) Wow, look at these rickshaws. See, I always thought they'd be great for New York.

 

Seinfeld: Yes, that's what the city needs. More slow moving, wicker vehicles.

 

 

I don't see how these things are hurtful, offensive, etc? I find it funny. Sarcasm usually comes about when someone says something stupid, or silly. Instead of attacking the other person, you make a little dig to tease them. I do this all the time with girls and with great affect.

 

Her: Ugh. I have to spend like an hour studying for this final. Kill me now.

 

Me: I know. Who knew when we got to college we would actually have to study from time to time?

 

Her: Haha shutup dick

 

I don't do it for every single thing they say as that would be a dick move on my part and it would lose its humor, but sarcasm is a great tool if used properly and if used on someone who gets it.

[antonio1149]

I don't do it for every single thing they say as that would be a dick move on my part and it would lose its humor, but sarcasm is a great tool if used properly and if used on someone who gets it.

 

The examples you gave were pretty mild. The problem is that it's a fine line between mild "digs" and just outright insulting someone. And what you might think is mild and funny, to the other person is hurtful. A common example of this is people being teased about their weight. Does any overweight person ever not get hurt by this at least a little? But it's commonly considered "just normal good fun."

[MrCastle]

The examples you gave were pretty mild. The problem is that it's a fine line between mild "digs" and just outright insulting someone. And what you might think is mild and funny, to the other person is hurtful. A common example of this is people being teased about their weight. Does any overweight person ever not get hurt by this at least a little? But it's commonly considered "just normal good fun."

 

That's a huge difference. Making fun of someone's upbringing, physical stature, financial status, religion, culture, sexual orientation, etc is way too personal and there's almost no way to tackle it properly. Things like that are better kept off limits.

 

But if someone says something stupid -- and I mean someone of average or above average intelligence has a brain fart -- it's open season.

 

I see no harm in it and have never hurt anyone's feelings by being sarcastic. And never had to apologize for being so.

 

As you said, the examples I used were mild but are exactly the type of things I use in my day to day life. The only risk I have is coming off as annoying by doing it too often -- but I'm aware of that and scale back and only use it in those perfect moments. I pick my spots.

 

I have run into people who suck, just for the fact that they have to make a sarcastic comment about everything you say. To the point where you're afraid to say anything because you wonder how they'll flip it around on you. It's annoying, but because they're overkilling it -- not because sarcasm is inherently bad.

 

Some of the girls who have developed an attraction for me is in part because of my sense of humor, and knowing where to pick my spots.

[StanMusial]

If someone is sarcastic all the time they can come off as a smartass or even nasty. Maybe even dumb, like they can't come up with anything else. Sometimes though it is funny if someone is sarcastic about a situation or incident.

[Under The Radar]

Yes, there is nothing inherently wrong with sarcasm; that was not the point of this thread. What I find unsavory is when individuals misuse and abuse sarcasm, or use it as an excuse to be mean.

 

I would characterize MrCastle's posts more as "witty" and less sarcastic. When he is sarcastic, I agree, his comments are (IMO) funny and NOT offensive. If he comes across this way IRL, then it's obvious his use of sarcasm puts him in the outlier category. It definitely can be charming and I see how he employs its use to this effect. It can, indeed, be an "art" form when used positively at the highest level.

 

I, too, enjoy being sarcastic and have used it productively to garnish attraction from the opposite sex. Nevertheless, injecting sarcasm intelligently at the right moments, and respecting the people it's aimed at, are the goal. Disguising it as humor, when the result equals cruelty, is really a dick move.

[RedRobin]

True sarcasm can be amusing. But as you point out, most people aren't being sarcastic, rather they're simply being mean.

 

Nothing amusing about that.

 

Exactly. Jon Stewart is my idea of a guy whose sarcasm strikes me as funny... not mean spirited and cruel. Obviously, most people aren't Jon Stewart.

 

My impression of those who describe themselves as sarcastic really are just mean with poor mouth control and tact.

 

They only fancy themselves as amusing because the truly nice people around them just smile and go on to disregard them instead of saying something back to them... and on and on it goes.

 

Edited: The only time I use sarcasm is when I'm trying to be an *ss. Very seldom do *I* use it for humor... and when I do, it is only with people I know well.

 

Otherwise, I get a lot more traction with being silly and goofy. Yes, I realize everyone here would be shocked to know that 'silly and goofy' is, at my core, who I am. I fell in love with my now ex-H after he did the smurf dance in a grocery store.... He was always doing stuff like that.

Edited December 6, 2013 by RedRobin