bl816 Posted December 5, 2013 Posted December 5, 2013 I've been dating my girlfriend for about 9 months now and we live on opposite sides of the country. This is going to be our first christmas as a couple and I'm flying out to go and see her. I told her that, because I bought the plane ticket, I won't have enough money to get her presents. However, this past weekend, I found this really nice diamond necklace online for cyber monday for a steal and ended up buying it and didn't tell her to surprise her. She's really pissed off at me because she thinks i'm not getting her anything. Should I continue to pretend I haven't gotten her anything and risk making her even madder, but also making her really happy with the surprise, or should I come clean and tell her I in fact did buy her a present so she'll be less mad, but will also ruin the surprise? I'm really torn about the whole thing, I really would like some advice on the matter. Thanks
d0nnivain Posted December 5, 2013 Posted December 5, 2013 Wow . . . after coughing up the money for a plane ticket at the holidays this spoiled little brat is annoyed that you didn't get her a present? Really? How materialistic is she?. Especially if you never met. . . a present is a lot. Now you got her a diamond necklace. Wow . . . you are either really a nice guy or you're a sucker. I'd pocket the diamond necklace for valentine's day, when presumably you won't be able to fly to her if you are even still together after her whining. Let's see if she is truly a nice person or just a gold digging ingrate. 2
Author bl816 Posted December 5, 2013 Author Posted December 5, 2013 Well, to clarify things. We have met, she spent the summer here and we decided to keep things going after she went back home. She also has bought me several presents and has spent money on plane tickets over here as well. I would hardly call her materialistic as much as she's frustrated that I haven't been able to give her what she gave me. Also, I would appreciate advice on this particular matter instead of just attacking my girlfriend's personality.
d0nnivain Posted December 6, 2013 Posted December 6, 2013 When you change the facts -- e.g. your 2nd post -- you change the response. What you said at first made her sound awful. If you have the money to get her a present & you want to get her one, great. Do it. If you are tapped out because plane fare at the holidays is expensive, she still comes off as spoiled for being mad that you didn't get her a gift. Isn't your presence enough of a present? If not, why not? I wouldn't tell her about the necklace. I'd really want to know how far she's going to push this mad business. It really rubs me the wrong way when somebody acts like they are entitled to a gift.
justwhoiam Posted December 6, 2013 Posted December 6, 2013 I told her that, because I bought the plane ticket, I won't have enough money to get her presents. That was quite an unfortunate statement. A present comes from the heart, even if you don't buy anything, you should think of a present, because the whole concept is gift giving. It could be a poem you write, or something made with your own hands... Should I continue to pretend I haven't gotten her anything and risk making her even madder, but also making her really happy with the surprise, or should I come clean and tell her I in fact did buy her a present so she'll be less mad, but will also ruin the surprise? Well, you came across as insensitive & unloving like a young Scrooge. You didn't have to make it all about money, and at the same time it's like you thought she had expectations. I don't know your gf, but when a girl is in love (if she's not mean nor a gold digger), anything coming from your heart will be just fine and appreciated, no matter how small or inexpensive it is. It might be the greatest thing ever to her. I know it's like that for me. I don't think you should have ever said the no present thing. ... Thing is a present doesn't have to cost money. <<< This! A thousand times. What you've been told so far by me and Groovy might be what she's thinking too: like a no-brainer that you can't see. And she's probably wondered why. It looks like thinking of a gift is too much for you and decided to get rid of the problem. Also, she might have bought you something already and with that statement you made, it's like you'd reject anything, and if that's the case you can guess how she's feeling. She's torn, if she has something for you already and she cannot give it to you, because you might complain or not appreciate it. And believe it or not, maybe she's even wondered: are we on the same wavelength? Does he love me as much as I love him? Now, to come to your question: I don't know her, so it's difficult to tell what's best. I'm trying to put myself in her shoes. If he didn't say anything after that statement, I'd hope he could do a 180. I also believe in miracles. You don't have to say you bought anything, maybe next time you talk to her, you ask her: what are you doing? And she might ask you back: what are you doing? And you might say: I'm figuring out something for Christmas. She might ask to know more, and you can say: I can't say more, it's a surprise. Or something like that. So her eyes will shine again.
FitChick Posted December 6, 2013 Posted December 6, 2013 What sort of money does each of you make? If she makes far more, she shouldn't expect expensive gifts.
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