crazybestie101 Posted December 5, 2013 Posted December 5, 2013 Any one felt this regretting feeling? why we go out of our way to pursue someone who is going to dump us in near future and won't even think once about us. How cold and careless they will become. Now that i have accpeted that it's over. Whenever i am alone walking , driving. One thought that come in my mind is i regret so much for doing so much for this guy from day 1. Next instance, tears are pouring out my eyes. In future, if i get to see my ex or even someone ask me about him , i probably wont have something good to say. May be i hate him and have just so much anger towards. He is there living his life ,wearing clothes that i gifted him and taking pictures in it. How can someone be so cold that they use stuff that you gave them , still ignore you and make you suffer. aren't those stuff remind them of us?
melell Posted December 5, 2013 Posted December 5, 2013 I am sorry you are feeling this way, it is frustrating. Underneath it all he just isn't thinking of this the way you are... unless he is in emotional turmoil then clothes are just clothes, the past is just the past etc. While you are hurting this does seem like he is cold and horrible, but I promise, the day this stops hurting you will be the day you think 'clothes are just clothes, the past is the past'. I remember when I stopped feeling sad about my ex, and I was like oh, suddenly I understood why I was so hurt by his actions. When emotion is one sided, only one person experiences it. It wasn't anything to do with how he was acting, it was simply that I was hurting. I think it is important to be generous and kind to someone, regardless of the fact they could leave in an instant, it is a reflection of your character, and something you should be proud of. Hang in there, all of this will pass. 3
Author crazybestie101 Posted December 5, 2013 Author Posted December 5, 2013 I am sorry you are feeling this way, it is frustrating. Underneath it all he just isn't thinking of this the way you are... unless he is in emotional turmoil then clothes are just clothes, the past is just the past etc. While you are hurting this does seem like he is cold and horrible, but I promise, the day this stops hurting you will be the day you think 'clothes are just clothes, the past is the past'. I remember when I stopped feeling sad about my ex, and I was like oh, suddenly I understood why I was so hurt by his actions. When emotion is one sided, only one person experiences it. It wasn't anything to do with how he was acting, it was simply that I was hurting. I think it is important to be generous and kind to someone, regardless of the fact they could leave in an instant, it is a reflection of your character, and something you should be proud of. Hang in there, all of this will pass. This guy was never like this , while together when i was about to cry he went out his own way to cheer me up , he used to put conditions like if i cry he will never speak to me again. What happen to him now , either he has been lost somewhere or he feels guilty by putting me through all this but doesn't want to show it as he doesn't want me any more.
2fargone Posted December 5, 2013 Posted December 5, 2013 I don't regret anything. Then again, I don't pursue. Or at least I'm never the one initiating the first time (unless I'm already like 95% sure). Up to a certain level of comfort I just go with the flow and expect nothing. Ofcourse after the initial kissing/sex/whatever yes I do alot for someone. But it makes me happy to do so. So why would I regret doing something that makes/made me happy ? 1
Author crazybestie101 Posted December 5, 2013 Author Posted December 5, 2013 I don't regret anything. Then again, I don't pursue. Or at least I'm never the one initiating the first time (unless I'm already like 95% sure). Up to a certain level of comfort I just go with the flow and expect nothing. Ofcourse after the initial kissing/sex/whatever yes I do alot for someone. But it makes me happy to do so. So why would I regret doing something that makes/made me happy ? You won't feel regret until the same person dumps you and don't care about you. No matter how happy / sure you were with them. Once break up comes , they become distant , this feeling is pretty automatic.
MoooOinkBaaa Posted December 6, 2013 Posted December 6, 2013 When someone flushes your love down the drain it turns your mind into a whirlpool of emotion. You have to reverse your emotional gears and put this person in the recycle bin in your head. They dumped you they gave up they wasn't the one. They could be acting cold to affirm the break-up, they don't want to fall for a reconciliation after making their decision to leave. It's your right to feel hate towards them but that will pass and you will laugh at them for giving up on you. Maybe he just really likes the clothes or doesn't think that way. Maybe he's taking pictures in them knowing you will see, I dunno. 1
Yasuo Posted December 6, 2013 Posted December 6, 2013 There is no way of knowing what's going on in the head of the dumper. I would assume though, that they are doing well. They might miss you, express sadness as well as lonely on occasion... but in general they are happy with their decision. If not, they would come back, or wouldn't have let you go. Basically, they are better alone, than with you. Not being with the dumpee opens up a whole new world of freedom for them. Still, we miss them, and we let them govern our live until we are over them. Life is unfair, nothing new. 3
Author crazybestie101 Posted December 6, 2013 Author Posted December 6, 2013 When someone flushes your love down the drain it turns your mind into a whirlpool of emotion. You have to reverse your emotional gears and put this person in the recycle bin in your head. They dumped you they gave up they wasn't the one. They could be acting cold to affirm the break-up, they don't want to fall for a reconciliation after making their decision to leave. It's your right to feel hate towards them but that will pass and you will laugh at them for giving up on you. Maybe he just really likes the clothes or doesn't think that way. Maybe he's taking pictures in them knowing you will see, I dunno. Yep , you are so right. I hope time to laugh at him will come soon! Yes , after break up whenever i try to make him talk about it to know what went wrong , he never let me. It was break up out of blue then after asking 10 times over and over he have me bs reasons. I kinda learned that he can't face me else he will fall for a reconciliation. Yep , he is heartless jerk he will wear those clothes without any thought.
Author crazybestie101 Posted December 6, 2013 Author Posted December 6, 2013 There is no way of knowing what's going on in the head of the dumper. I would assume though, that they are doing well. They might miss you, express sadness as well as lonely on occasion... but in general they are happy with their decision. If not, they would come back, or wouldn't have let you go. Basically, they are better alone, than with you. Not being with the dumpee opens up a whole new world of freedom for them. Still, we miss them, and we let them govern our live until we are over them. Life is unfair, nothing new. You are right. He has been enjoying his freedom , meeting girls off internet, hanging out with them next day, liking their pictures , chasing them as if it's end of world. He is definitely in different world. But i must say lifestyle like this wont last long.
Salvatore85 Posted December 6, 2013 Posted December 6, 2013 In all honesty I don't regret any of it. The last few months of our relationship were rough but man I had such a blast with her for so long, she was my best friend and we loved each other very much, did so many nice things for each other. Sure she's moved on and I'm still having a hard time with it but I want her to be happy. At this point in time we're very wrong for each other and that's okay. If we somehow end up back together, which right now I don't want, than it was meant to be. Some people want to see their ex unhappy and miserable but I'm not that way I guess. She did some really mean things to me but it doesn't take away the girl she was for so long. It doesn't change the fact she was there for me several times when I needed her and it doesn't change the fact that she truly was the first person I ever fell in love with. I can't possibly regret someone who I shared some of my most favorite memories with. She'll always have a place in my heart and whether we end up with different people that won't change. I don't long for her to text me or call me, I don't wish her to come back but I do love her. I want her to find happiness the same way I know I'll find happiness. "Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened" -Dr. Seuss 4
Author crazybestie101 Posted December 6, 2013 Author Posted December 6, 2013 Why is that? It's like rebound for him. He is coming from very religious and strict family. He was never allowed to date until he dated me . So now all this is new to him , it's like he is out of prison and can't control himself but just chase around girls. He has been telling his friends that time like this never come, let's just take advantage of it before settling down.
Author crazybestie101 Posted December 6, 2013 Author Posted December 6, 2013 In all honesty I don't regret any of it. The last few months of our relationship were rough but man I had such a blast with her for so long, she was my best friend and we loved each other very much, did so many nice things for each other. Sure she's moved on and I'm still having a hard time with it but I want her to be happy. At this point in time we're very wrong for each other and that's okay. If we somehow end up back together, which right now I don't want, than it was meant to be. Some people want to see their ex unhappy and miserable but I'm not that way I guess. She did some really mean things to me but it doesn't take away the girl she was for so long. It doesn't change the fact she was there for me several times when I needed her and it doesn't change the fact that she truly was the first person I ever fell in love with. I can't possibly regret someone who I shared some of my most favorite memories with. She'll always have a place in my heart and whether we end up with different people that won't change. I don't long for her to text me or call me, I don't wish her to come back but I do love her. I want her to find happiness the same way I know I'll find happiness. "Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened" -Dr. Seuss Damn dude kudos to your thinking. So nice to hear that. I tried to keep that kind of thinking until this month. In my story , i am the one who did all , went out of my way, i am sure he will remember it. But He was never the one who did something really extra ordinary that i will remember. Sure , for both of us it was our first but still . He did more bad things than good.More so he took me for granted. I really wish i could have your thinking but he has lowered his class so much that i probably wont have something good to say about him if we bump into each other
Author crazybestie101 Posted December 6, 2013 Author Posted December 6, 2013 Sounds logical to me. Good for him. Yea , by knowing him and kind of background he came from. I was like this is gonna be pretty serious. He was talking about marriage , he told everyone about me. But at the end i got suckered. I guess thats life.
Salvatore85 Posted December 6, 2013 Posted December 6, 2013 Damn dude kudos to your thinking. So nice to hear that. I tried to keep that kind of thinking until this month. In my story , i am the one who did all , went out of my way, i am sure he will remember it. But He was never the one who did something really extra ordinary that i will remember. Sure , for both of us it was our first but still . He did more bad things than good.More so he took me for granted. I really wish i could have your thinking but he has lowered his class so much that i probably wont have something good to say about him if we bump into each other So everything he did was bad? Let's be honest, that can't possibly be true. You may dislike the way he's behaving now but it doesn't change the fact that he did something to make you fall in love with him. Focus on the good times but don't dwell on things, ya know? You'll be fine honestly but you've got to stop being so negative because it only hurts you and not him. 1
2fargone Posted December 6, 2013 Posted December 6, 2013 You won't feel regret until the same person dumps you and don't care about you. No matter how happy / sure you were with them. Once break up comes , they become distant , this feeling is pretty automatic. I regret losing her. I still don't regret the things I've done for her. It's the way I am, I do things for people... 1
Author crazybestie101 Posted December 6, 2013 Author Posted December 6, 2013 You didn't get 'suckered'. Look, guys have an amazing ability to be in the moment. While women project into the future based on what a guy says, a guy has the ability to mean the things he said in the moment, and not mean them once the moment has passed. He's not a bad guy for dumping you. He felt the way about you, when he felt the way about you, and then it changed. Guys are really good at that, it's just how they're wired. That's why it's really important in the first stages of dating a guy, it's really important to take EVERYTHING he says at face value, because they're just words. Always look at a guy's actions. The reality is, he probably would have come sniffing around you again in a few months. But you went completely bats*** crazy on him, which has probably scarred him enough that he won't come back. Always give a guy ons of space, always mirror the behaviour they send out, and always take what a man SAYS at face value. I just had a guy do the same thing. 5 weeks of awesome dates, and then he disappeared. S*** happens. I was bummed, but I haven't reached out in any way. He might come around again, or he might not. In any case, I'm not waiting around. Whatever you said here is million $ worth. Sadly, i didn't know all this. Went all the way thinking let me try every possible way , didn't wanted to miss out. Experience is what i need to get all this in my head. Had it and learned it.
Author crazybestie101 Posted December 6, 2013 Author Posted December 6, 2013 So everything he did was bad? Let's be honest, that can't possibly be true. You may dislike the way he's behaving now but it doesn't change the fact that he did something to make you fall in love with him. Focus on the good times but don't dwell on things, ya know? You'll be fine honestly but you've got to stop being so negative because it only hurts you and not him. Yep , everytime i reached out to him post break. He warned me that he doesn't want to have resentment towards me, so i should stop trying any further. Sorry but bad times are taking over good times , i was so tired of this i sent him " hate " email last week , criticized him for bad time he has put me through. I really do wanted to not turn like this , i was very determined to not hate him but i guess i lost control over situations.
Phoe Posted December 6, 2013 Posted December 6, 2013 I regret the pursuing I've done. It always ends in rejection and a ruined friendship. I very much so wish I never said anything at all... 2
Salvatore85 Posted December 6, 2013 Posted December 6, 2013 Yep , everytime i reached out to him post break. He warned me that he doesn't want to have resentment towards me, so i should stop trying any further. Sorry but bad times are taking over good times , i was so tired of this i sent him " hate " email last week , criticized him for bad time he has put me through. I really do wanted to not turn like this , i was very determined to not hate him but i guess i lost control over situations. One night my ex was drunk or at least I'm assuming she was. She was at my best friends house for a party because she started dating one of his friends, I was invited but chose to hang out with a female friend instead. She started texting me talking crap, it was pathetic in all honesty. I never once got angry with her or mentioned I was with another girl. I just politely asked her to leave me alone and to no longer contact me, which I had done the week before when she was texting me about me needing to be responsible and continue to pay for her condo I no longer lived in lol. Basically it pissed me off more than anything and made her look sad. I didn't want to hate her but had she kept up with that crap I would've started to dislike her. The best thing you can do is go NC as her and I have done with the only time we've had contact was her texting me to say happy birthday. You sending emails and just not being very nice probably killed any chance you ever had of reconciliation. Just let it go, you'll feel so much better. 1
2fargone Posted December 6, 2013 Posted December 6, 2013 You didn't get 'suckered'. Look, guys have an amazing ability to be in the moment. While women project into the future based on what a guy says, a guy has the ability to mean the things he said in the moment, and not mean them once the moment has passed. He's not a bad guy for dumping you. He felt the way about you, when he felt the way about you, and then it changed. Guys are really good at that, it's just how they're wired. That's why it's really important in the first stages of dating a guy, it's really important to take EVERYTHING he says at face value, because they're just words. Always look at a guy's actions. The reality is, he probably would have come sniffing around you again in a few months. But you went completely bats*** crazy on him, which has probably scarred him enough that he won't come back. Always give a guy ons of space, always mirror the behaviour they send out, and always take what a man SAYS at face value. I just had a guy do the same thing. 5 weeks of awesome dates, and then he disappeared. S*** happens. I was bummed, but I haven't reached out in any way. He might come around again, or he might not. In any case, I'm not waiting around. Oddly enough I usually experience this the other way around. I'm the one considering if someone has potential for the future, I'm the one planning and looking ahead (ofcourse based on what she sais). Because if I can't imagine a future with someone I wouldn't waste our time. 1
Author crazybestie101 Posted December 6, 2013 Author Posted December 6, 2013 Oddly enough I usually experience this the other way around. I'm the one considering if someone has potential for the future, I'm the one planning and looking ahead (ofcourse based on what she sais). Because if I can't imagine a future with someone I wouldn't waste our time. I follow same route and he knows it too well.
Author crazybestie101 Posted December 6, 2013 Author Posted December 6, 2013 One night my ex was drunk or at least I'm assuming she was. She was at my best friends house for a party because she started dating one of his friends, I was invited but chose to hang out with a female friend instead. She started texting me talking crap, it was pathetic in all honesty. I never once got angry with her or mentioned I was with another girl. I just politely asked her to leave me alone and to no longer contact me, which I had done the week before when she was texting me about me needing to be responsible and continue to pay for her condo I no longer lived in lol. Basically it pissed me off more than anything and made her look sad. I didn't want to hate her but had she kept up with that crap I would've started to dislike her. The best thing you can do is go NC as her and I have done with the only time we've had contact was her texting me to say happy birthday. You sending emails and just not being very nice probably killed any chance you ever had of reconciliation. Just let it go, you'll feel so much better. Yep , you are right. I am better off NC. Well after i sent out email i felt pretty foolish the way i wrote stuff.I didn't say any bad words or anything. Just like how much disappointed i was from his entire behavior post break up. More so i ended expressing my feeling again lol. I didnt get any reply on this email as expected lol.Being NC sure feels better than reaching out like this.
Sugarkane Posted December 6, 2013 Posted December 6, 2013 I only end up regretting when I wasted my time giving my heart to someone, only to be dumped cruelly. Yet they think they're shyte doesn't stink? That I bothered at all and they didn't even have the decency to end things amicably. And yet their friends with other exes.
melell Posted December 7, 2013 Posted December 7, 2013 This guy was never like this , while together when i was about to cry he went out his own way to cheer me up , he used to put conditions like if i cry he will never speak to me again. What happen to him now , either he has been lost somewhere or he feels guilty by putting me through all this but doesn't want to show it as he doesn't want me any more. My ex was the most romantic caring person towards me, and I am sure he will be to the next person he is with. It isn't that something is 'wrong' with him, it is that we are broken up- moved on. I have no desire to be like that towards him any more, and I naturally assume neither does me. The things you are hurt by are part of the definition of not being together. 1
Simon Phoenix Posted December 7, 2013 Posted December 7, 2013 (edited) Yea , by knowing him and kind of background he came from. I was like this is gonna be pretty serious. He was talking about marriage , he told everyone about me. But at the end i got suckered. I guess thats life. You didn't get suckered. His feelings changed. I seriously doubt he started this thing diabolically hoping to build up trust only to pull the rug out from under you once you became comfortable. Feelings changed, he left, sh*t happens. It wasn't some evil plot. Edit: Saw that aspiringguitarheroine said this already. Never mind. Edited December 7, 2013 by Simon Phoenix 2
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