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ex-girlfriend wants to know if I've slept with anyone else

cereal_dater

By cereal_dater
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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cereal_dater Member

cereal_dater

Posted
Posted

My girlfriend of two years broke up with me in late August, we remained close until around October where we didn't speak much until a week or two ago.

 

We've seen each other a few times now, and she's been putting the pressure on to know whether or not I slept with anyone (claims she slept with nobody but went on dates). Truth is I've slept with two girls.

 

She acts like it might change her feelings or something if she finds out I did so I don't know if I should tell her zero just to avoid any backlash, and since it's really none of her business, or come clean and be honest?

BOREDouttaMymind Established Member

BOREDouttaMymind

Posted
Posted

you must be young. learn this quickly..

 

its your life. if you have to lie to an ex... then youre lying to yourself because you don't even have the inner strength to stand up for your own actions.

 

this girl is using you for emotional support.

 

don't talk to her.

 

..im sure you will talk to her and not listen to me, but hey, that's how we all learn.

  • Like 6
Zahara Established Member

Zahara

Posted
Posted
My girlfriend of two years broke up with me in late August, we remained close until around October where we didn't speak much until a week or two ago.

 

We've seen each other a few times now, and she's been putting the pressure on to know whether or not I slept with anyone (claims she slept with nobody but went on dates). Truth is I've slept with two girls.

 

She acts like it might change her feelings or something if she finds out I did so I don't know if I should tell her zero just to avoid any backlash, and since it's really none of her business, or come clean and be honest?

 

Err...she ended with you and now she wants to know if you remained celibate while her royal highness decided to come around? It's none of her business.

  • Like 2
Leeway Harris Established Member

Leeway Harris

Posted
Posted (edited)

These are your options, from best to worst:

 

1. Tell her it's none of her business. Because it's really not. Not at all. Really, really try to stick to this, it is by FAR the best thing to do here. If you absolutely can't do that, then

 

2. Tell the truth. It will reveal the purpose of her asking in the first place. If she wanted to get back with you, but only if you hadn't slept with someone else, that's a bad start right there, and you don't want that kind of relationship anyway. If she just wants reassurance that she can't be replaced, then that is not your responsibility. You can't make it your job to prop up her ego like that, it's not a sustainable situation. Whatever you do, don't

 

3. Lie. It may or may not get you back with her, you don't know. But either way, it won't lead to anything good. You will feel like a coward for not being honest, just to spare her feelings, and you won't get anything out of it. (A renewed relationship based on a lie counts as "not getting anything out of it, so even if you get back with her, you lose).

Edited by Leeway Harris
  • Like 2
Chi townD Established Member

Chi townD

Posted
Posted

I agree with Zahara, if she didn't want you moving on with your life with seeing and dating other women, then she should have kept you.

 

You have nothing to feel ashamed about. Even though you two are talking, you're still a single guy.

  • Like 1
reddragon588 Established Member

reddragon588

Posted
Posted

It is none of her damn business so tell her exactly that. You are single, you can sleep with whoever you please. Just remember to wear protection, cause herpes is for life

  • Like 2
hestheone66 Established Member

hestheone66

Posted
Posted

Ask her why she is so curious about your PRIVATE life,

Important note...herpes cannot be avoided by condom...

Its a virus, skin to skkin contact with a person in active phase is enough to transmit..yes the active phase will be before outward symtoms of breakout

ponchsox Established Member

ponchsox

Posted
Posted

Hahahahahahaha, none of her f'n business.

melell Established Member

melell

Posted
Posted

Well that is kind of tough. I would think that giving her no response would just have her jump to the conclusion you have. Contact is such a hassle.

 

Just say nothing, let her think what she likes. She probably doesn't really want to know the answer anyway...

JourneyLady Established Member

JourneyLady

Posted
Posted (edited)

ummm... Nobody asks if he is one of those to refuse condoms or not? And other things can be transmitted even WITH them...

 

She might want to know so that she can be prepared to ask him for a disease check before she sleeps with him. Don't you people know that's how Clamidia and other sexual diseases are transmitted? Or do you all either assume they are using condoms or that she shouldn't care if she is passed a disease?

 

I just had myself tested for HIV (was neg) because I suspected my five year ex-bf might have slept with someone else inbetween. Go and read all the secrets on cavecanum or Postsecret or stuff posted on craigslist and see how many people are having unprotected sex out there.

 

So YES, it's worth asking if she is >considering< getting back with him. I know my ex-bf has slept with someone else since he left me. I will not consider getting back with him because of his behavior - but if I was and didn't know , I would definitely ask him that question. If the answer was yes, I'd ask for a vd test before sleeping with him again. Same with any ex-bf.

 

None of her business... IF SHE DOES NOT INTEND TO GET BACK WITH HIM. (As reunions with ex's tend to get into sex rather quickly as y'all know.)

 

She also may want to figure out how into her he was or was not. Sleeping with someone else quickly would usually mean - "was not".

Edited by JourneyLady
additional and corrections
JourneyLady Established Member

JourneyLady

Posted
Posted
. If she wanted to get back with you, but only if you hadn't slept with someone else, that's a bad start right there, and you don't want that kind of relationship anyway.

 

Why is that a bad start? Maybe she's reconsidered but doesn't want to restart with him if he's over her so quickly. I'd never want a guy back who put so little stock in my company that he went right out and slept with someone else without even getting to know them really well first. I put a high value on my body and who I share it with and I will NOT share it with someone for whom it appears just anyone will do.

 

That's not being a princess as someone said. That's just being true to myself and caring about who I get involved with. Of course most of the replies seem to be coming from those who have not lived as long as I have and had their heart broken two or three times.

  • Like 1
reddragon588 Established Member

reddragon588

Posted
Posted

It was a joke folks. Clearly no one has watched The Hangover before.

Leeway Harris Established Member

Leeway Harris

Posted
Posted
Why is that a bad start? Maybe she's reconsidered but doesn't want to restart with him if he's over her so quickly. I'd never want a guy back who put so little stock in my company that he went right out and slept with someone else without even getting to know them really well first. I put a high value on my body and who I share it with and I will NOT share it with someone for whom it appears just anyone will do.

 

That's not being a princess as someone said. That's just being true to myself and caring about who I get involved with. Of course most of the replies seem to be coming from those who have not lived as long as I have and had their heart broken two or three times.

 

I was assuming he was safe about it, but you're right that sexual history is a consideration if you're considering getting back with someone. And if they have different ideas about sex and what it should mean, then yes, that would also be a consideration. I do think that in that case, the beginning of the discussion should be "I still have feelings, I think we may have a chance, but first I need to know if you've been with anyone since me." Just asking without specifying the reason just leaves the OP wondering, and it's not really fair to him.

  • Like 1
d0nnivain Established Member

d0nnivain

Posted
Posted

It's none of her business unless you want to reconcile.

 

 

Don't lie.

 

 

If you want her back & you tell her the truth, you are going to find out that she didn't ask because she has legitimate health concerns. She asked because she wants to scream, cry & carry on about what a louse you are for being a man-slut & being with other women while you were supposed to be home sobbing in your pillow agonizing because she's no longer the center of your universe. I promise, she will have . . . what do they call it? -- retroactive jealousy.

  • Like 1
JourneyLady Established Member

JourneyLady

Posted
Posted
I was assuming he was safe about it, but you're right that sexual history is a consideration if you're considering getting back with someone. And if they have different ideas about sex and what it should mean, then yes, that would also be a consideration. I do think that in that case, the beginning of the discussion should be "I still have feelings, I think we may have a chance, but first I need to know if you've been with anyone since me." Just asking without specifying the reason just leaves the OP wondering, and it's not really fair to him.

 

You're right about that, she definitely should give him the reason for asking, as that is more honest. I have always tried to do that with any emotional questions. However, there is a certain difficulty with revealing too much too soon that plays with results.

 

In other words, if he WANTS to get back with her and she asks that question and says it's because she's gauging how much interest he had, it might cause him to lie and say no. (Even if he was only interested in sex - this is how ex-sex gets started many times between broken up couples.) Conversely, if he doesn't want her back, he might tell her (or lie if there was none) others he'd slept with so she is more likely to not pursue him. (In reality, that probably doesn't happen as often as the reverse.)

 

Case in point: my ex-bf. We were broken up for six months, three of that with no contact. He's moving out (of my house). I was moving in, so we were in close quarters. We're both feeling the old attraction again.

 

I turn to him at one point to say "You love me, but you're not IN LOVE with me." (Giving him the opportunity to out the truth which in my heart I know and also be more sure about not sleeping with him again. Yet fighting with the part of me that wanted to think I was wrong.)

 

So what happens? He looks at me point blank and says (With his big perfect brown eyes and stern manner). "I am STILL IN LOVE with you."

 

And I believed it. Such a fool. He would have said anything to sleep with me again, especially since it had been at least two weeks since he'd been with anyone.

 

Two days after moving out, suddenly very little contact. After he relocated, he slept with someone else less than three weeks later and claimed to be "in love" with her. Of course they did break up not long after that.

 

So it's certain that how much you reveal of your interest has to do with what you think the other person is doing. As in the other forum L1ght has said he will simply not reveal his game plan. It would be great if everyone was honest though. In some matters, people are able to sense the honesty or lack thereof in an answer. In others not. In my personal example it was two to one. The part of me that wanted to believe + his words against the part of me that knew better. The majority is not always right and I have learned that.

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