mrselric1079 Posted December 5, 2013 Posted December 5, 2013 Hi. Im new here and I have such a huge problem. Im a 34 woman dating a 28 year old guy. We have a beautiful 5 year old daughter. Weve been together since 2006. We started out as a fling and after 5 months I got pregnant. I love him dearly and I know he loves me too. He's provided for us since day one. He's done everything for us. He took all the responsibilities. Day care was really expensive and we don't have any family to care for her so I never worked. About 2 years ago I got very sick and again he took over everything, caring for me and being there for me. I have recently started working tho, now that shes gone to school fulltime.Our problems are numerous. He's always told me he doesn't want to marry me. Ever. He doesn't want to have more children which for me is a huge thing given my age. He says its too much to do all over again. We argue a lot. So much so our daughter tells us to stop. I don't like her seeing us argue like that. He's constantly called me ugly, stupid and fat. I weigh 125lbs and i feel fat because of that. His anger is really ugly when he starts up. He's loud and visceral. He's never hit me but he says such awful things and breaks things. I feel like my biological clock is going off now too. I'll be turning 35 soon. I know that's still young but I can't help feel this way. He has said multiple times he refuses to be married or have more children. He even hated when I referred to him as my husband to people. I told him recently I can't be with him anymore. He's not taking it very well. He's now saying that he wants children, wants to be married and that he wants what I want. But I feel like he's saying this just to stay together. He's threatening to jump in front of a train or drink bleach. It isn't the first time he's threatened to hurt himself either. Doesn't help that he's got nowhere to stay if he left our house. He's really confusing me so much. I love this man dearly but I don't think we really want the same things at this moment. What do I do?
seekingpeaceinlove Posted December 5, 2013 Posted December 5, 2013 (edited) First and foremost, you should be concerned about the mental well-being of your child as I guarantee your dysfunctional relationship with her father has already done damage to her emotionally and psychologically. You and your bf need to make changes immediately for the sake of your child. You two are grown adults with the ability to make life choices. Your child is helpless and vulnerable, having no choice but to watch her parents fight and her father verbally abusing her mother. The fact that your daughter at 5 years old is telling you two to stop arguing is enough to tell you that changes need to me made NOW. Unless you've grown up in that type of household, you will never understand the trauma that type of environment does to a young child. I grew up in a very dysfunctional household and I'm still working through my emotional issues. (I'm 33) I'm sorry that you're going though this but you and your bf's own woes are secondary. Either get some professional counseling for your family or leave the relationship. Do not allow your daughter to be further affected by this harmful situation any longer. Edited December 5, 2013 by seekingpeaceinlove
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