Six months later

[thishatteredsymphony]

Give or take a day, it's now been six months since I discovered my ex cheated on me and her subsequent leaving me for the other man. Six months since the life I had made for us came to a horrible end and I moved back home for a fresh start.

 

This has been a hell of a journey, and I say that positively. Yes, the first few weeks, even the first couple months were a nightmare. I had a setback two months ago when, in a fit of rage, I got some petty vengeance. It was uncalled for and undoubtedly cemented her belief she was right to dump me.

 

The fact is, as much as I know what I did was wrong, I don’t regret it. It sounds psychotic, I know, but it gave me closure. What I did, did not harm her personally or do anything to destroy her reputation. I’m not naïve enough to justify my behavior, I simply took it as what it was – a moment of weakness fueled by rage. I was remorseful for a time, but soon got over it because it’s just not worth it to stew in the past. I did it, nothing can undo it, and I can’t lie that it helped me stop feeling sad and move onto the rest of the healing process.

 

I had many happy moments with my ex that are unfortunately tainted by her behavior in the end. Try as I might I’m unable to recall these memories with any sort of fondness. Perhaps it will simply take longer, maybe it’ll never happen. But I don’t find myself pining for those moments or reflecting on them anyway. Instead I’ve been happy to discover new things, cultivated new hobbies and interests, and am excited for what the future has in store.

 

I still have flashes of anger. But I can control them now. I'm no longer waking up with her being the first thing on my mind. I know I’m still hurting even a little from it; cheating takes a huge psychological and emotional toll on you. But I can shrug it off so much easier and that fact alone is one of the best feelings in the world – the feeling that you can and do move past terrible ordeals. It’s honestly a better feeling than anything she made me feel, and that’s saying something.

 

Three years ago, just before I met her, I admit I was sad about the fact I'd never had a girlfriend before. I fell into the trap of desiring a relationship as some sort of personal fulfillment rather than as something to enrich my life. Now I say with full honesty that the adage “it is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all” is a true statement. For reasons involving my petty revenge (which is a clear sign I have issues to work out) and also due to having understood that I don’t need to be with someone to be happy, I’m taking advantage of being single for a while. Life is so much more fulfilling this way. I’m enjoying my new sense of freedom and personal growth.

 

I don’t post much anymore and likely won’t be visiting again soon (unless the time comes again where I experience another break up and need to vent). But I want to say thanks to everyone here. I could never have gotten through this without your help.

Edited December 5, 2013 by thishatteredsymphony

[The Situation]

Gives us all hope! Good on ya.

 

I'm still suffering from the effects of being cheated on two years later, in different ways from before. It's really tough, so I hope your good progress continues.