Kizmet Fisher Posted December 9, 2013 Posted December 9, 2013 in my 400 years of life this is the worst advice i have ever seen What exactly don't you agree with?
Chi townD Posted December 9, 2013 Posted December 9, 2013 What exactly don't you agree with? Ignore it, this is a bunny. Stop feeding the bunny. (I'm not allowed to call anyone a troll on here anymore, so I call them bunnies. Who's gonna be mad at being called a bunny.)
Author Shefo Posted December 10, 2013 Author Posted December 10, 2013 To be sure, it's no small task to come back from groveling after someone; only to be stonewalled time and time again. Especially as it was your decision to cut her lose to begin with. Essentially, in continuing to contact her, you gave her all the power. So there was really no incentive for her to come running back into your arms. She might now that you've gone NC. But I'm curious: if she did, would you be inclined to take her back and live happily ever after? Or - - and I know it may be difficult to foresee this now - - would you happily take her back, only to find yourself overcome by the same feelings of doubt that led you to dump her in the first place? If it were to be the latter, then it may not be a question of you wanting her back so much as being with her gave you a semblance of the relationship you would ultimately like to have - - even if it's not with her - - if that makes sense.... In any case, it sounds like you're on the right track: picking up with your gym routine, going NC, getting your feelings out here on LS, etc. So if and when she does come back, you may be in a better position to decide what you want to do. I did broke up with her. But I think my mind and heart just wasnt in the right place. Although there were many things the led to the break up.. many things that we didnt agree on. But I was too strict in many ways and didnt know how to compromize. Now I know that I cant be so selfish. It takes two to tango. Ive been having difficulties b4 in holding onto relationships. But now that we`ve been apart for months.. I know, that I want to be with her. Then again, do I feel like this just because shes gone? Would all my feelings of loving her go away if she`d come back and things bcome comfortable again? I dont know. I didnt love her when we were together. I fell in love with her after we broke up. To specific it was after I asked her to come back and she said no.. was when I realized what Ive lost. And thats when I got all emotional. Now Ive put her on this pedestal. I dont know.. im very confused.
Author Shefo Posted December 10, 2013 Author Posted December 10, 2013 Ignore it, this is a bunny. Stop feeding the bunny. (I'm not allowed to call anyone a troll on here anymore, so I call them bunnies. Who's gonna be mad at being called a bunny.) Why do u think Im a troll?
radiodarcy Posted December 10, 2013 Posted December 10, 2013 I did broke up with her. But I think my mind and heart just wasnt in the right place. Although there were many things the led to the break up.. many things that we didnt agree on. But I was too strict in many ways and didnt know how to compromize. Now I know that I cant be so selfish. It takes two to tango. Ive been having difficulties b4 in holding onto relationships. But now that we`ve been apart for months.. I know, that I want to be with her. Then again, do I feel like this just because shes gone? Would all my feelings of loving her go away if she`d come back and things bcome comfortable again? I dont know. I didnt love her when we were together. I fell in love with her after we broke up. To specific it was after I asked her to come back and she said no.. was when I realized what Ive lost. And thats when I got all emotional. Now Ive put her on this pedestal. I dont know.. im very confused. It's hard to say - - because well - - I'm not you. But seeing as you went from not really having any feelings for her when you were together to falling in love with her when they two of you broke up, do you think this is more a case of wanting what you can't have? I think at this point, I'd have to agree with the other posters on here who have said it's too late to get her back. She's most likely gotten quite the ego boost from you chasing after her after all this time - - especially as you were the one who broke up with her. But you're biggest issue sounds like you're not really sure of what you want. Ok - - yes - - not it's her. But once you've gotten a few more weeks, maybe even months of NC under your belt, your head will start to clear and that's when it will be time to focus on you and really decide what it is your looking for. Think about the things that you miss about your ex, the things that you love about her and look for women who have those same qualities. 3
Author Shefo Posted December 10, 2013 Author Posted December 10, 2013 (edited) It's hard to say - - because well - - I'm not you. But seeing as you went from not really having any feelings for her when you were together to falling in love with her when they two of you broke up, do you think this is more a case of wanting what you can't have? I think at this point, I'd have to agree with the other posters on here who have said it's too late to get her back. She's most likely gotten quite the ego boost from you chasing after her after all this time - - especially as you were the one who broke up with her. But you're biggest issue sounds like you're not really sure of what you want. Ok - - yes - - not it's her. But once you've gotten a few more weeks, maybe even months of NC under your belt, your head will start to clear and that's when it will be time to focus on you and really decide what it is your looking for. Think about the things that you miss about your ex, the things that you love about her and look for women who have those same qualities. I guess ur right. Im actually in some twisted way kinda happy that I went after her and went all crazy, cause that way she got over me faster. When we broke up she was quite devasted and sad. She`s a pretty girl but she had a low self esteem. She had been cheated on before etc. So her getting an ego boost is actually a good thing. Cause she`s a kind girl and I wish her all the best. I did hurt my self big time and I really hit rock bottom during these months of apologizing her. So at the end, I ended up being hurt and she ended up with an ego boost. It was other way around during the relationship. And I know I will rise from this.. ill be back on track again, in hopefully no time. And she`s back on track already.. im pretty sure of that. Maybe this was just meant to be this way. The thing Im sad about now is, that even after the break up.. I had her. She told me repeatedly that she doesnt have and she doesnt want a new guy. She just wanted to be left alone. Even once she told her friend who asked "who was that guy?" and she answered "My ex, maybe my future bf.. who knows". So she still had feelings for me. But I pushed her away for hurrying her up and pressuring. THAT was the biggest lesson I learnt during the whole process. When a woman asks to be left alone, then u leave her alone! No matter what. No matter whats ur motives. I only wish that she would know that I know my mistakes and what ive done wrong and that ive learnt my lesson. If had known then what I know now.. all this wouldntve happened. At the beginning I thought that this indeed was a case of me wanting what I cant have. Now later on that have changed into me seeing that this being alone sucks. Maybe its just a void that can be filled by another woman. But its all cool. Ive accepted the situation. She aint coming back and thats it. And im damn too shallow and vain! I gotto admit that. Cause my ex was beautiful as hell. Sometimes id just stare at her for being so gorgeous. Im sure that also has its side effects in all this madness that Im going thru. Okay, enough whining Time to man up and move on! Edited December 10, 2013 by Shefo 1
Chi townD Posted December 10, 2013 Posted December 10, 2013 Why do u think Im a troll? Not you. The guy that's posting as St. Nick...he's the....bunny.
radiodarcy Posted December 10, 2013 Posted December 10, 2013 I guess ur right. Im actually in some twisted way kinda happy that I went after her and went all crazy, cause that way she got over me faster. When we broke up she was quite devasted and sad. She`s a pretty girl but she had a low self esteem. She had been cheated on before etc. So her getting an ego boost is actually a good thing. Cause she`s a kind girl and I wish her all the best. I did hurt my self big time and I really hit rock bottom during these months of apologizing her. So at the end, I ended up being hurt and she ended up with an ego boost. It was other way around during the relationship. And I know I will rise from this.. ill be back on track again, in hopefully no time. And she`s back on track already.. im pretty sure of that. Maybe this was just meant to be this way. The thing Im sad about now is, that even after the break up.. I had her. She told me repeatedly that she doesnt have and she doesnt want a new guy. She just wanted to be left alone. Even once she told her friend who asked "who was that guy?" and she answered "My ex, maybe my future bf.. who knows". So she still had feelings for me. But I pushed her away for hurrying her up and pressuring. THAT was the biggest lesson I learnt during the whole process. When a woman asks to be left alone, then u leave her alone! No matter what. No matter whats ur motives. I only wish that she would know that I know my mistakes and what ive done wrong and that ive learnt my lesson. If had known then what I know now.. all this wouldntve happened. At the beginning I thought that this indeed was a case of me wanting what I cant have. Now later on that have changed into me seeing that this being alone sucks. Maybe its just a void that can be filled by another woman. But its all cool. Ive accepted the situation. She aint coming back and thats it. And im damn too shallow and vain! I gotto admit that. Cause my ex was beautiful as hell. Sometimes id just stare at her for being so gorgeous. Im sure that also has its side effects in all this madness that Im going thru. Okay, enough whining Time to man up and move on! I hear you on being alone. I find it's preferable for me, because I'm more of an introvert/homebody. That being said, it's not for everyone. And it even starts to get to me after awhile too :/ It sounds like you have done a healthy dose of mourning the loss of this relationship. It was a painful journey you made to rock bottom. But they don't call it rock bottom for nothing: we all need to hit that point in order to pull ourselves back up again
Author Shefo Posted December 11, 2013 Author Posted December 11, 2013 I hear you on being alone. I find it's preferable for me, because I'm more of an introvert/homebody. That being said, it's not for everyone. And it even starts to get to me after awhile too :/ It sounds like you have done a healthy dose of mourning the loss of this relationship. It was a painful journey you made to rock bottom. But they don't call it rock bottom for nothing: we all need to hit that point in order to pull ourselves back up again One week of NC now. Its crazy how these feelings go up and down. At some point I think about how nice it would be to get back to her but then it hits me.. aaaaall the **** that ive done and all the harrassing ive done. She must be long gone and she most def aint coming back. When that reality hits, it at the same time makes me sad and makes me understand, once again, that there is no hope.. and that makes me calm instead of sad. What a fking rollercoaster. I keep convincing me self, that people break up all time. Think of the folks thatve been together for years. We were together only for a year. Think of the guys who got dumped. I was the dumper. I ended it. So I gotto suck it up. Its a huge mind game that Im playing with my self. Yesterday I called an ex from years ago to come to my place. She knows that its only about sex and nothing all. So we had some wine and slept together. I didnt think about my ex all evening. I numbed my brain with another girl and with some wine. But this morning.. and pretty much all day, I cant stop thinking about her. I wanna contact her lets say in a month or so, or go see her "accidentely" where she works.. but then I say to my self "why"? What will u accomplish by doing so? Uve already cause enough harm. She`s already suffered enough and she`s probably over u already. Why do u wanna go and open all her and ur own wounds again? Its not fair. Dont be an *******! There is constantly this angel and devil fighting in my head.
RDawg Posted December 11, 2013 Posted December 11, 2013 Hmm wish my previous ex would come round for some meaningless mad monkey sex.. how can that not chear one up?
Author Shefo Posted December 11, 2013 Author Posted December 11, 2013 Hmm wish my previous ex would come round for some meaningless mad monkey sex.. how can that not chear one up? It did. For a moment.
radiodarcy Posted December 11, 2013 Posted December 11, 2013 One week of NC now. Its crazy how these feelings go up and down. At some point I think about how nice it would be to get back to her but then it hits me.. aaaaall the **** that ive done and all the harrassing ive done. She must be long gone and she most def aint coming back. When that reality hits, it at the same time makes me sad and makes me understand, once again, that there is no hope.. and that makes me calm instead of sad. What a fking rollercoaster. I keep convincing me self, that people break up all time. Think of the folks thatve been together for years. We were together only for a year. Think of the guys who got dumped. I was the dumper. I ended it. So I gotto suck it up. Its a huge mind game that Im playing with my self. Yesterday I called an ex from years ago to come to my place. She knows that its only about sex and nothing all. So we had some wine and slept together. I didnt think about my ex all evening. I numbed my brain with another girl and with some wine. But this morning.. and pretty much all day, I cant stop thinking about her. I wanna contact her lets say in a month or so, or go see her "accidentely" where she works.. but then I say to my self "why"? What will u accomplish by doing so? Uve already cause enough harm. She`s already suffered enough and she`s probably over u already. Why do u wanna go and open all her and ur own wounds again? Its not fair. Dont be an *******! There is constantly this angel and devil fighting in my head. The good news: this is completely normal; we all go through the what-ifs. The bad news - - and this you already know - - it's downright torturous. At times like this NC can seem like absolute torture because contacting them is at least doing something as opposed to sitting back and doing nothing. It sounds like that's why you reached out to a previous ex. The old adage of the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else doesn't work for everyone -- very few in fact. I know you're invested in this idea of retaining your manhood. But you're also human with emotions. And the idea of manhood you're pushing for yourself doesn't really allow room for you experience your emotions in the way that you need to. So that you can purge yourself of all the emotions you have for your ex: the sadness, the anger, the depression. Once you acknowledge those feelings and allow yourself to experience them, then you'll get that confidence back. In a way, it's good that you're on this roller coaster because that means you're in the process of doing this now. But it can't be rushed. For me it took a good ten months. For others it can take even longer. But all you can do is bear with it until your mood levels out again. Might I suggest you take it easy with the wine. Alcohol is a depressant and can make you feel even worse. 1
Author Shefo Posted December 12, 2013 Author Posted December 12, 2013 The good news: this is completely normal; we all go through the what-ifs. The bad news - - and this you already know - - it's downright torturous. At times like this NC can seem like absolute torture because contacting them is at least doing something as opposed to sitting back and doing nothing. It sounds like that's why you reached out to a previous ex. The old adage of the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else doesn't work for everyone -- very few in fact. I know you're invested in this idea of retaining your manhood. But you're also human with emotions. And the idea of manhood you're pushing for yourself doesn't really allow room for you experience your emotions in the way that you need to. So that you can purge yourself of all the emotions you have for your ex: the sadness, the anger, the depression. Once you acknowledge those feelings and allow yourself to experience them, then you'll get that confidence back. In a way, it's good that you're on this roller coaster because that means you're in the process of doing this now. But it can't be rushed. For me it took a good ten months. For others it can take even longer. But all you can do is bear with it until your mood levels out again. Might I suggest you take it easy with the wine. Alcohol is a depressant and can make you feel even worse. I broke nc. But not to get her back or anything. Ive accepted that shes gone and were never gonna be a unit again. Just sent her message to tell her.. that I wish someday in the future we can still be friends, regardless of me going crazy post break up. I told her that I know that ive lost her as a girlfriend but I really dont want to loose a good person from life. I also wrote that: "In some twisted way Im happy that I pressured you the way I did, cause that way u got over me faster. By doing so, I suffered but u got over me fast cause all ur feelings changed into hate and now ur doing okay. And believe it or not, that means to me more than my own well being. I really hope everything is okay with u. Take care". I feel much better now after telling her that. I was starting to be better by sticking with nc, but I still felt very uncomfortable for her thinking that I was just this maniac stalker and that me falling in love with her wasnt real. Just some obsession b/c she rejected me. So by sending her that message, I hope she knows now that Im a sane person and Ive got it under control now. I wanted to separate from her.. her knowing that Im an adult. I feel better now.
ConfusedHumanBeing Posted December 12, 2013 Posted December 12, 2013 I broke nc. But not to get her back or anything. Ive accepted that shes gone and were never gonna be a unit again. Just sent her message to tell her.. that I wish someday in the future we can still be friends, regardless of me going crazy post break up. I told her that I know that ive lost her as a girlfriend but I really dont want to loose a good person from life. I also wrote that: "In some twisted way Im happy that I pressured you the way I did, cause that way u got over me faster. By doing so, I suffered but u got over me fast cause all ur feelings changed into hate and now ur doing okay. And believe it or not, that means to me more than my own well being. I really hope everything is okay with u. Take care". I feel much better now after telling her that. I was starting to be better by sticking with nc, but I still felt very uncomfortable for her thinking that I was just this maniac stalker and that me falling in love with her wasnt real. Just some obsession b/c she rejected me. So by sending her that message, I hope she knows now that Im a sane person and Ive got it under control now. I wanted to separate from her.. her knowing that Im an adult. I feel better now. Sadly, that message really did nothing but ramp up/keep in her mind the thoughts she already had of you in her head. Staying NC would have been the best way to show her that you were not some "maniac stalker" but what is done is done. Now STAY NC and move on like you have been. It gets better. 1
Author Shefo Posted December 12, 2013 Author Posted December 12, 2013 (edited) Sadly, that message really did nothing but ramp up/keep in her mind the thoughts she already had of you in her head. Staying NC would have been the best way to show her that you were not some "maniac stalker" but what is done is done. Now STAY NC and move on like you have been. It gets better. I feel u. But the thought she had in her head was that this guy is a "maniac". Now that ill will go NC for good.. and someday when she maybe starts to remember stuff, and look up her messages.. she will see that message as a last message.. instead of some crazy message ive sent b4. edit. And to add one thing. Shes always thought that im this player who jumps from girl to girl. Even now, im pretty sure she thinks that I will have no trouble in getting over her and find my self a new one in no time. She probably thinks that although ive been begging and pleading for months, that in the same moment I realize that she aint coming back, is when I already have a new girl by my side. I dont want her to think that. I want her to know that I really do genuinly care about her. Not only in some crazy mental way. And also, b4 that NC that I just broke.. in the last 3 months I never did actually have a NC period more that 2-3 days max. Now I was like 8 days. So im sure she knows or at least I hope she knows now that Im starting to get over her and with that message I just wanted show her, that Im a grown man with healthy thoughts of her and that Im not selfish and that I do care about her doing good. Well.. I hope it goes like I hope it does But now.. back to NC! U made me regret my message haha.. but I guess ur right. Ive done so much harm, that there really isnt NOTHING i can say to make her think of me any better than she does. This is a 100 % dead end. Edited December 12, 2013 by Shefo
ConfusedHumanBeing Posted December 12, 2013 Posted December 12, 2013 I feel u. But the thought she had in her head was that this guy is a "maniac". Now that ill will go NC for good.. and someday when she maybe starts to remember stuff, and look up her messages.. she will see that message as a last message.. instead of some crazy message ive sent b4. edit. And to add one thing. Shes always thought that im this player who jumps from girl to girl. Even now, im pretty sure she thinks that I will have no trouble in getting over her and find my self a new one in no time. She probably thinks that although ive been begging and pleading for months, that in the same moment I realize that she aint coming back, is when I already have a new girl by my side. I dont want her to think that. I want her to know that I really do genuinly care about her. Not only in some crazy mental way. And also, b4 that NC that I just broke.. in the last 3 months I never did actually have a NC period more that 2-3 days max. Now I was like 8 days. So im sure she knows or at least I hope she knows now that Im starting to get over her and with that message I just wanted show her, that Im a grown man with healthy thoughts of her and that Im not selfish and that I do care about her doing good. Well.. I hope it goes like I hope it does But now.. back to NC! U made me regret my message haha.. but I guess ur right. Ive done so much harm, that there really isnt NOTHING i can say to make her think of me any better than she does. This is a 100 % dead end. Well, It really shouldnt matter what she thinks of you. Its over and will be, so whatever lasting impression she has of you is pretty moot anyways. Whether she thinks you are crazy stalker, lover boy, whatever...it really doesnt matter. She'll remember what she wants to remember, good or bad. Either way, you cannot change that. The more you push in your attempts to WANT to show her whatever, the more desperate it comes off. Of course you never mean to send that vibe, but again, it doesnt really matter. Again, whats done is done at this point. She got the message so I mean the NC will continue and you can finally move on from this. Thats what you DO have control over.
Author Shefo Posted December 12, 2013 Author Posted December 12, 2013 Well, It really shouldnt matter what she thinks of you. Its over and will be, so whatever lasting impression she has of you is pretty moot anyways. Whether she thinks you are crazy stalker, lover boy, whatever...it really doesnt matter. She'll remember what she wants to remember, good or bad. Either way, you cannot change that. The more you push in your attempts to WANT to show her whatever, the more desperate it comes off. Of course you never mean to send that vibe, but again, it doesnt really matter. Again, whats done is done at this point. She got the message so I mean the NC will continue and you can finally move on from this. Thats what you DO have control over. I do agree with u, but to me it matters what she thinks of me, cause u never know what the future holds. Cause I know that we will bump into eachother someday somewhere eventually.. and shes a good girl, It would be nice just to be able to say "hello" instead of her walking the other way thinking that omg thats the lunatic I used to date. But ur right.. I cant change how she remembers me.
ConfusedHumanBeing Posted December 12, 2013 Posted December 12, 2013 I do agree with u, but to me it matters what she thinks of me, cause u never know what the future holds. Cause I know that we will bump into eachother someday somewhere eventually.. and shes a good girl, It would be nice just to be able to say "hello" instead of her walking the other way thinking that omg thats the lunatic I used to date. But ur right.. I cant change how she remembers me. While you never really know what the "future holds" in terms of that, your last text wont change how she perceives you. As mentioned, she will hold you in whatever light she sees fit. The only thing YOU can do is not make it worse. The begging and pleading probably didnt help (Its cool a lot of us have including me) so sending a text, even with good intentions, will still carry over into the "looks like he is still around with this" type stuff. You have to go into this as you will never see her again, because there is a strong chance that happens. If a reconciliation EVER occurs, its when both parties have moved on fully and are two different people. Do not live life waiting for THAT moment because strong chance it never will. Live life the way you want because we only get it once. That is a truth. 1
Author Shefo Posted December 12, 2013 Author Posted December 12, 2013 While you never really know what the "future holds" in terms of that, your last text wont change how she perceives you. As mentioned, she will hold you in whatever light she sees fit. The only thing YOU can do is not make it worse. The begging and pleading probably didnt help (Its cool a lot of us have including me) so sending a text, even with good intentions, will still carry over into the "looks like he is still around with this" type stuff. You have to go into this as you will never see her again, because there is a strong chance that happens. If a reconciliation EVER occurs, its when both parties have moved on fully and are two different people. Do not live life waiting for THAT moment because strong chance it never will. Live life the way you want because we only get it once. That is a truth. Sounds reasonable and im sure thats exactly the case. I just know that I couldntve look more desperate anyways than I already have. Trust me. So that message only showed her that Ive finally come into my sences. I do believe in NC now that Ive red so much about it. But I think my case is very different. For I was the dumper, I was the a.hole and I was the selfish man who made that girl lose her self esteem. I wrecked her heart so I dont think that I ever was in a position to start play games with the NC. I still do love her and If I wish to ever even remotely make her think of me "that" way again.. it definitely wont happen by leaving things the way they were. So I still think breaking NC in this situation for one more time was worth it. I just wanted to tell her where I stand now. So I got ur point, but sometimes I think that people take this NC way too serious. Sometime if u just have things to say, then u just say them. With out thinking where it will take u.. Im sure NC is diamond when it comes to getting back ur ex if ur the dumpee, but other than that.. I dont know. Maybe its just my nature Cant keep quiet. (Im really just trying to tell my self here that it was a good thing that I sent her that message). She mos def aint thinking of me anymore.. so why should I think of her I know none of this matters anymore. Thanks for the wise words anyway my friend.
Author Shefo Posted December 12, 2013 Author Posted December 12, 2013 Im actually kinda happy I broke the NC, cause until today, although Ive accepted the fact that its over.. ive still had a glimpse of hope inside of me that MAYBE she will come back to me if I keep the NC.. but now that I broke it and she (again) didnt reply anything to me, I know that this for sure is over. Forever. Not even the tiniest of hope. I was even yesterday thinking that ill send her a merry xmas or a happy nye message after staying NC for a few weeks.. but now after breaking the NC today.. nah, im done man. Time to seriously just move on. This time for real. Thank u everybody for all ur advice.. really helped me understand things. Peace out.
fixing Posted December 12, 2013 Posted December 12, 2013 Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do bro. And if this has given you the closure you need to fully accept its over than thats good. Just dont do it again. Gl m8
Author Shefo Posted December 12, 2013 Author Posted December 12, 2013 (edited) Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do bro. And if this has given you the closure you need to fully accept its over than thats good. Just dont do it again. Gl m8 Yea I kinda needed to f*ck this up for good to make sure that its over. Everytime ive wrote her before, ive felt so miserable and anxious after it. Now I kinda didnt feel anything. These past 8 days of nc has made my feelings go away a little.. apparently. Cause now I feel more like dead and calm inside (after breaking the nc), instead of nervous and depressed. Now that I think.. Im very sad that I lost her, but to be honest, after all that has happened.. I probably wouldnt even want her back. I miss HER but I dont see how IT would ever work again after all that is said and done. Im 32 and Ive gone thru a lot in my life. Ive experienced s*it that most people never have, but nothing was even closely as tough as these past few months post break up. There was a point when I honestly thought that I wouldnt make it. I was literally loosing it. But now its better. Even such a short period of 8 days of nc did its job. Even tho I broke it. Im still alive am I?? Edited December 12, 2013 by Shefo
radiodarcy Posted December 12, 2013 Posted December 12, 2013 Yea I kinda needed to f*ck this up for good to make sure that its over. Everytime ive wrote her before, ive felt so miserable and anxious after it. Now I kinda didnt feel anything. These past 8 days of nc has made my feelings go away a little.. apparently. Cause now I feel more like dead and calm inside (after breaking the nc), instead of nervous and depressed. Now that I think.. Im very sad that I lost her, but to be honest, after all that has happened.. I probably wouldnt even want her back. I miss HER but I dont see how IT would ever work again after all that is said and done. Im 32 and Ive gone thru a lot in my life. Ive experienced s*it that most people never have, but nothing was even closely as tough as these past few months post break up. There was a point when I honestly thought that I wouldnt make it. I was literally loosing it. But now its better. Even such a short period of 8 days of nc did its job. Even tho I broke it. Im still alive am I?? You are As for breaking NC, what's done is done. i broke NC more than a few times when going through my last break up. And I have to agree that I did have to break it (especially those last few times) in order to remind myself of how I had zero hope of things working out the way I wanted them to. Not to mention the guy who dumped me was a complete jerk anyway -- which I needed to remind myself of as well I too did a lot of groveling and debased myself in order to try to get him back (it didn't work either). At times I'm embarrassed to think about it. But once I NC and really took a step back, I was able to put it all into perspective and learn from the experience. It was a painful lesson to learn, but it's saved me a lot of pain since. 1
Simon Phoenix Posted December 12, 2013 Posted December 12, 2013 Sounds reasonable and im sure thats exactly the case. I just know that I couldntve look more desperate anyways than I already have. Trust me. So that message only showed her that Ive finally come into my sences. I do believe in NC now that Ive red so much about it. But I think my case is very different. For I was the dumper, I was the a.hole and I was the selfish man who made that girl lose her self esteem. I wrecked her heart so I dont think that I ever was in a position to start play games with the NC. I still do love her and If I wish to ever even remotely make her think of me "that" way again.. it definitely wont happen by leaving things the way they were. So I still think breaking NC in this situation for one more time was worth it. I just wanted to tell her where I stand now. So I got ur point, but sometimes I think that people take this NC way too serious. Sometime if u just have things to say, then u just say them. With out thinking where it will take u.. Im sure NC is diamond when it comes to getting back ur ex if ur the dumpee, but other than that.. I dont know. Maybe its just my nature Cant keep quiet. (Im really just trying to tell my self here that it was a good thing that I sent her that message). She mos def aint thinking of me anymore.. so why should I think of her I know none of this matters anymore. Thanks for the wise words anyway my friend. As soon as she rejected your desire to come back, you became the dumpee. So your situation was not "different". You know what's also not different? People saying that their situations are different and unique. Everyone does this, but unfortunately for them, they aren't. And you need NC worse than anything because your self-control is sh*t. No one cares if you have things to say -- she certainly doesn't. You saying things "that you need to say" just proves how weak you are. The message was an awful thing, it just proved that yo are on-the-hook and obsessed. You keeping your mouth shut would be a hell of a lot more powerful than you emoting all the time. But yeah, you need to get carried away with NC. But your current approach sucks and has sucked for months now. I mean, how many times do you have to bang your head against a brick wall to realize that it's motherf*cking hard? If you would just fade back gracefully, maybe in time she'd remember the good times on her own and see you in a good light. But continuing to try to manipulate that just makes you look like a wuss and buries whatever good feelings she had toward you down deeper and deeper. Instead of ripping on NC, do it to prove that you have self-control. 2
Author Shefo Posted December 13, 2013 Author Posted December 13, 2013 As soon as she rejected your desire to come back, you became the dumpee. So your situation was not "different". You know what's also not different? People saying that their situations are different and unique. Everyone does this, but unfortunately for them, they aren't. And you need NC worse than anything because your self-control is sh*t. No one cares if you have things to say -- she certainly doesn't. You saying things "that you need to say" just proves how weak you are. The message was an awful thing, it just proved that yo are on-the-hook and obsessed. You keeping your mouth shut would be a hell of a lot more powerful than you emoting all the time. But yeah, you need to get carried away with NC. But your current approach sucks and has sucked for months now. I mean, how many times do you have to bang your head against a brick wall to realize that it's motherf*cking hard? If you would just fade back gracefully, maybe in time she'd remember the good times on her own and see you in a good light. But continuing to try to manipulate that just makes you look like a wuss and buries whatever good feelings she had toward you down deeper and deeper. Instead of ripping on NC, do it to prove that you have self-control. I appericiate the feedback. Did u read my last post? Cause I think that sometimes sh*it just need to be said.. to get them out of ur chest. This is not a game of who has the power anymore between me n her. She already far from my reach. The cat and mouse games are over. So before starting the silence forever, one must let it all out in order to start the healing process knowing that everything is now said and done. 9 days ago when I started the nc, I left things (in my head) in a miserable place. So I had to tell her yesterday what I did, for me.. not for her. I needed to get the closure. Cause I was still living in hope. Now Im not anymore. Its a wrap.
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