sportzhl24 Posted December 5, 2013 Posted December 5, 2013 Hey guys, I'm new to the site and I'd really appreciate some advice from all you awesome ppl My gf (first one ever) broke up with me 4 months ago, and except for some texting here and there a week after the break, we've been totally out of contact. I made a lot of immature mistakes during the relationship and I've felt so guilty because of them (basically I made sex a big deal, I was over jealous and too emotionally charged, I was insecure about myself and that had tons of negative impacts, etc). But that's not to say she made things easy for me. For the longest time I considered contacting her to be completely out of the question. But for some reason, the other day I formed a plan to text her and try to get her back. I was going to tell her that I've grown from the mistakes I've made, I'm a different person now, and that I think we should start talking again. Should I do this???? I love her and care about her so much, and I cannot seem to let her go. We were together for almost 8 months. Situations like these really suck. Could you guys help me out???? Much love. I'll return the favor! Thanks. btw I'm 22, male. if that makes any difference
Simon Phoenix Posted December 5, 2013 Posted December 5, 2013 Absolutely not. Telling her that you've changed pretty much shows you haven't. That's not something you tell someone, that's something they have to observe on their own if they choose to. And as a rule of thumb, if you have to ask whether or not you should contact an ex, you aren't ready to do so. Honestly, since she dumped you, she should be the one making the first move. The only way you can make that move is if you are healed. And judging by the subject of your post, you aren't there. 4
crazybestie101 Posted December 5, 2013 Posted December 5, 2013 Hey guys, I'm new to the site and I'd really appreciate some advice from all you awesome ppl My gf (first one ever) broke up with me 4 months ago, and except for some texting here and there a week after the break, we've been totally out of contact. I made a lot of immature mistakes during the relationship and I've felt so guilty because of them (basically I made sex a big deal, I was over jealous and too emotionally charged, I was insecure about myself and that had tons of negative impacts, etc). But that's not to say she made things easy for me. For the longest time I considered contacting her to be completely out of the question. But for some reason, the other day I formed a plan to text her and try to get her back. I was going to tell her that I've grown from the mistakes I've made, I'm a different person now, and that I think we should start talking again. Should I do this???? I love her and care about her so much, and I cannot seem to let her go. We were together for almost 8 months. Situations like these really suck. Could you guys help me out???? Much love. I'll return the favor! Thanks. btw I'm 22, male. if that makes any difference Dude, To be honest once it's over , it's usually over. Deferes by case to case. People in your age would feel like that , completely normal. Also when relationship fails it's not only one person's fault. So stop blaming yourself. You will learn and grow. I think person should love you the way you are , they should understand you. Now tell me , in 4 months , did she ever try to initiate contact? I would say let her come to you. I am sure at least once a day you would be crossing her mind and she might thinking about you. I hope she sees what you have to offer now. I know it's easy say than done. But i think you don't want to act too clingy. Give her sometime if she doesn't initiate ,go ahead with contact. But don't be pushy. When you talk for first time. Make it simple , friendly conversation . No break up / relation talk and go on from there . Good luck! 3
Author sportzhl24 Posted December 5, 2013 Author Posted December 5, 2013 So what you're saying is, once I'm healed it's cool for me to contact her? And express my true feelings? I ****ing hate this stuff. I loved our good times but I just wish it all never happened. She's such a gorgeous incredible girl and I ****ed it up. But thx for the advice simon
Author sportzhl24 Posted December 5, 2013 Author Posted December 5, 2013 No man, not once did she initiate contact. and the last time I texted her, about a week after we broke up, she blew me off. I'm just so worried that she will never come to me, and I'll feel like im dying waiting for her to contact me.
crazybestie101 Posted December 5, 2013 Posted December 5, 2013 No man, not once did she initiate contact. and the last time I texted her, about a week after we broke up, she blew me off. I'm just so worried that she will never come to me, and I'll feel like im dying waiting for her to contact me. Alright , i guess just leave it. may be she is done with you. There is no point of extending to these pain. It kinda seems like its over for both. Get on NC. May be she will come back to you but not if you keep texting her and trying to make her talk to you. Will come out as desperate. Just stay on NC , concentrate on yourself , let her notice it.. She will choose it if she wants you back or not. In my case , haven't heard from my ex after my numerous tries , now i am accpeting that it's over and nothing i can to do to change him. 1
Simon Phoenix Posted December 5, 2013 Posted December 5, 2013 So what you're saying is, once I'm healed it's cool for me to contact her? And express my true feelings? I ****ing hate this stuff. I loved our good times but I just wish it all never happened. She's such a gorgeous incredible girl and I ****ed it up. But thx for the advice simon Once you are healed you probably won't care enough to contact her to and if you do, you won't care what she says. And you'll have no desire to unload your "true feelings" -- in fact, you'll think of yourself as a fool for contemplating that in the first place. If you are healed, you'll think of your ex as either a) a friend b) an acquaintance or c) a random woman you think is hot that you want to hook up with. Just as you did when you first dated her. That's where you need to get. This "unloading your feelings" crap is just that, crap. If you feel like you have to "unload feelings", then you shouldn't be talking to her. Because she sure as heck doesn't want to be unloaded upon -- no one does. 2
Author sportzhl24 Posted December 5, 2013 Author Posted December 5, 2013 Alright , i guess just leave it. may be she is done with you. There is no point of extending to these pain. It kinda seems like its over for both. Get on NC. May be she will come back to you but not if you keep texting her and trying to make her talk to you. Will come out as desperate. Just stay on NC , concentrate on yourself , let her notice it.. She will choose it if she wants you back or not. In my case , haven't heard from my ex after my numerous tries , now i am accpeting that it's over and nothing i can to do to change him. Yeah I know what you're sayin. And I'm so sorry about your ex's, I know how much that sucks. One more thing tho. I sometimes convince myself that there's a chance that she hasn't contacted me because she hates me or something, like she thinks I was a total dickhead to her (which I wasn't really, just a little maybe). So do you think trying to convince her that I've learned from my mistakes would do anything?
Simon Phoenix Posted December 5, 2013 Posted December 5, 2013 No man, not once did she initiate contact. and the last time I texted her, about a week after we broke up, she blew me off. I'm just so worried that she will never come to me, and I'll feel like im dying waiting for her to contact me. Well, stop fu*king waiting then. It's time to move forward. If she wants to catch up, that's up to her, but STOP WAITING. That's not really using No Contact to your advantage and that's certainly not you "changing". That's you staying in the same state you were in when she blew you off. 1
Simon Phoenix Posted December 5, 2013 Posted December 5, 2013 So do you think trying to convince her that I've learned from my mistakes would do anything? Yeah, it would make you think you were a clingy, desperate goofball. You are better off staying the hell away. 3
crazybestie101 Posted December 5, 2013 Posted December 5, 2013 No man, not once did she initiate contact. and the last time I texted her, about a week after we broke up, she blew me off. I'm just so worried that she will never come to me, and I'll feel like im dying waiting for her to contact me. I know it's hard to do. In my case, i went to NC and i ended up breaking it and gave try so many times. Even ended up expressing my feelings for him , but nothing came out of it. He probaly think me as unstable , foolish person for trying this many times. Everytime i tried i was turned down. He never initiate anything in these months , it's like he doesn't even care about me. So finally i accepted it's over and i should just move on.. 1
crazybestie101 Posted December 5, 2013 Posted December 5, 2013 Yeah I know what you're sayin. And I'm so sorry about your ex's, I know how much that sucks. One more thing tho. I sometimes convince myself that there's a chance that she hasn't contacted me because she hates me or something, like she thinks I was a total dickhead to her (which I wasn't really, just a little maybe). So do you think trying to convince her that I've learned from my mistakes would do anything? You don't have to convince her for anything, let her notice it by herself. Even if you are succesful convincing her chances are high she might just return to her original mode. Rather let everything happen naturally. That way you know she is there for herself and not under any pressure. 1
Thedafox Posted December 5, 2013 Posted December 5, 2013 As someone who begged their ex to take them back, DO NOT DO IT. You will just push them away to the point of them resenting you. Just focus on you. If I get upset, I go for a run or I lift weights till I tire myself out. 2
Author sportzhl24 Posted December 5, 2013 Author Posted December 5, 2013 You don't have to convince her for anything, let her notice it by herself. Even if you are succesful convincing her chances are high she might just return to her original mode. Rather let everything happen naturally. That way you know she is there for herself and not under any pressure. Yeah, you're totally right. I think I'm gonna stick to NC. Thanks so much crazybestie, Simon, and Thedafox. If i do end up contacting her, i'll fly you guys first class to california and you can kick me in the nuts 1
crazybestie101 Posted December 5, 2013 Posted December 5, 2013 Yeah, you're totally right. I think I'm gonna stick to NC. Thanks so much crazybestie, Simon, and Thedafox. If i do end up contacting her, i'll fly you guys first class to california and you can kick me in the nuts hahahahah .. On different note , Northern California has very special place in my life. I have lived there , fell in love in SF , was ask out on golden gate bridge. I love that place so much and so many memories attach to it. You better not break NC else get those tickets LOL 1
Thedafox Posted December 5, 2013 Posted December 5, 2013 Yeah, you're totally right. I think I'm gonna stick to NC. Thanks so much crazybestie, Simon, and Thedafox. If i do end up contacting her, i'll fly you guys first class to california and you can kick me in the nuts But I enjoy Texas and I wouldn't kick ya in the nuts, just a smack in the back of the head and call you a dingus. Stay strong, brother. 2
Simon Phoenix Posted December 5, 2013 Posted December 5, 2013 I already live in Cali so the flight will be cheap. 2
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