jferg24 Posted December 5, 2013 Posted December 5, 2013 Okay so there's this girl who is in a couple of my college classes that I've been kind of talking to on and off throughout the past couple months. I got the nerve to finally just walk up and talk to her and I walk with her after our classes everyday, we've just kind of made it a thing. However here's the intriguing part. When we converse while walking together after class, there's a lot of chemistry. We can carry on a conversation forever without anything awkward going on in person, have a whole lot in common, we flirt a decent amount, complement each other on the way we look, she asks if I like the way she looks or what she's wearing sometimes, and I can tell there's a decent amount of interest from her. I've asked her if she's wanted to hangout on quite a few occasions and every time she says she wants to, but then makes zero effort to hangout. I'll ask her when she's free and she always says that she doesn't know and that she's busy with other things. She's a god awful texter too, she's just really bad with her phone and hardly ever on it, which I've noticed in person so she's pretty bad with that. It's ultra confusing as I would just stop trying in most cases, but she's always jumping the gun to talk to me after every class. So it ultimately confuses me that she makes little to no effort to hangout with me. Can I get a little bit of enlightenment on what I should do or what's going on here?
Versacehottie Posted December 5, 2013 Posted December 5, 2013 My best advice is the next time you feel like doing something with her BE SPECIFIC, as in a specific day and activity, ie dinner on sunday, XYZ concert tuesday night. I think something like dinner or a movie is a good choice in your case because the activity is flexible (versus a concert which is soooo specific timing-wise). That way if she says she is busy on sunday and cant do dinner that night, you could say well what night are you free or she should suggest an alternative night and it will be possible because of the activity you asked her to do. Best case scenario is something you guys have bonded over like a mutual interest--a certain type of food, a genre of movies/or an upcoming film, a sport, you get the picture. It sounds weird but I know several girls, myself included, that will be vague if you're being vague. It's not for a bad reason at all! It's either just in our personalities and/or assuming you will be more specific when you have figured it out and that you are just generally gauging our interest at first. It just happened to me yesterday--the exact thing. And trust me I want to go. Also If we have to suggest details, we sound desperate and overeager. It's kind of whoever asks out should set the plan. The other person agrees or makes suggestions about better timing for them but they only adjust the timing and scheduling not create the plan. I get that because you are friends and classmates you may not want to sound too formal. You can be specific without being to stiff either. For example, saying you've been wanting to try XYZ place, that you heard it was amazing & hey we should go, would you want to go tuesday? It's not too difficult. Good luck!
Eggplant Posted December 5, 2013 Posted December 5, 2013 Do not ask her when she is free. Pick a specific date, like bike riding or whatever, and ask her whether is would do it at a specific place and time. If she says no to that date, then the ball is in her court to suggest an alternative, if she is interested. Secondly, do not text her. Call her. I wouldn't text people that you are not in a familiar relationship with (I know everybody of this generation does it). IMO, texting somebody who is still somewhat of a stranger or unfamiliar is a little disrespectful because you are taking a lot of liberty by dropping the expected formality of a phone call. Yes, everybody in college today does it ... but still from the point of view of the message receiver, you come across much better calling and leaving a message.
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