blind_otter Posted January 1, 2005 Posted January 1, 2005 I am mad at myself because I didn't keep my composure. I hate him so much. I went to like 3 different bars with my friend (female), and the last bar I ran into my ex. He was standing beside the dance floor and a girl came by and grabbed his arm and she looked so happy. So happy to be with that a**h***. I didn't say anything to her. I know she was the one he started seeing when I was pregnant. I know he was seeing her all through my pregnancy, and he was with her when I lost the baby in the ER. I know I have a date tomorrow. I thought I was moving on. But it just hurt SO F*CKING MUCH to see him happy with someone else. I want him to hurt as much as he hurt me. But that will never happen. He danced with her right in front of me, and left with his arm around her. He chose her, obviously, because I rejected him. And it's hilarious that she thinks he is so great, obviously. They were all coked up, too. I was sick to my stomach. Well it's obvious why he wanted her...she does drugs with him and whatever, they can have each other. But even though I know it's a good thing, it's supposed to happen....I'm still f*cking sick to my stomach. I came home and puked. I only had three drinks tonight, it wasn't from too much alcohol. I was just so nauseous. I hate that he still has so much power over me. I wanted to scream at that girl, don't you know what he DID? Don't you know what he is CAPABLE OF? but she would make excuses anyway and explain that he would never do to her what he did to me. And what if that's true? What if I am what brought out his abusiveness? What if it's something inside me that made him feel like it was ok to spit on me when we argued? What if I just bring out the worst in him, and it really was my fault? What if he can be happy with this girl? I feel like a failure, even though logically I know it was a good thing to happen, that the break up was right. How could I continue to be with someone who lies to me constantly about everything? Oh God, I just hate everything.
moimeme Posted January 1, 2005 Posted January 1, 2005 It's addiction. You get addicted to people you have that much relationship with. You just need to hang in there until all the vestiges of the addiction drain out of you. Eventually they will. Meanwhile, thank your lucky stars you're rid of him.
Author blind_otter Posted January 1, 2005 Author Posted January 1, 2005 I know it's addiction. It makes no sense. I just don't understand why he tried so hard to cling to me...why HE came to ME wanting to reconcile because he "wanted to be a family." And the whole time he was seeing someone exciting and new. Why did he even bother with out stupid relationship, full of arguments and disagreements and resentment and distrust? Why did he try to hard to keep me with him when he had someone to fall back on the whole time? Why didn't he just LET ME GO??
moimeme Posted January 1, 2005 Posted January 1, 2005 You probably can count on one hand the people you'll meet who aren't messed up one way or another. Sounds like he was messed up several ways. If behaviour seems irrational, that's because it is. We are not rational creatures at the best of times and sometimes trying to sort out the whys of it all will just give you a headache and no answers. I'd toss this whole situation into my 'another messed up human' file and move on.
alphamale Posted January 1, 2005 Posted January 1, 2005 women love the bad boys...this is case in point.
theone44 Posted January 1, 2005 Posted January 1, 2005 Originally posted by blind_otter I know it's addiction. It makes no sense. I just don't understand why he tried so hard to cling to me...why HE came to ME wanting to reconcile because he "wanted to be a family." And the whole time he was seeing someone exciting and new. Why did he even bother with out stupid relationship, full of arguments and disagreements and resentment and distrust? Why did he try to hard to keep me with him when he had someone to fall back on the whole time? Why didn't he just LET ME GO?? You right aiphamale. the bad boys get all the good women,but the good boys getting nothing but a friendship and a hand-shake
sandra parker Posted January 1, 2005 Posted January 1, 2005 Hi everyone, Happy New Years! I am with the 'bad boys' theory. I am a good girl who is always bored with the good guys. Eventually though, (this being later in life for me) after many hurts, I am taking a new perspective. I want a good guy. A good guy to me means a real man, one that will be able to cherish me with honesty, respect and all the love in his heart. So while the bad boys may get all the girls, the good men will get the women. All in good time, all in God's time. Take care, Sandra
Zoot Posted January 1, 2005 Posted January 1, 2005 Maybe females do draw to the wrong kind of guys and in natures infinite wisdom - something comes along to show them the truth. Suddenly, he isn't so special - he's a great big jerk - and you wonder why you didn't realize it before. Then you meet the right guy for you- and you are so thankful that fate stepped in when it did and got you back on the right path. Tonight wasn't the worst night in your life - it was the night when you saw him for what he was. Truth was revealed. That only means the right person is around the corner. Wait patiently and with a smile.
theone44 Posted January 1, 2005 Posted January 1, 2005 Originally posted by Zoot Maybe females do draw to the wrong kind of guys and in natures infinite wisdom - something comes along to show them the truth. Suddenly, he isn't so special - he's a great big jerk - and you wonder why you didn't realize it before. Then you meet the right guy for you- and you are so thankful that fate stepped in when it did and got you back on the right path. Tonight wasn't the worst night in your life - it was the night when you saw him for what he was. Truth was revealed. That only means the right person is around the corner. Wait patiently and with a smile. T
theone44 Posted January 1, 2005 Posted January 1, 2005 Originally posted by Zoot Maybe females do draw to the wrong kind of guys and in natures infinite wisdom - something comes along to show them the truth. Suddenly, he isn't so special - he's a great big jerk - and you wonder why you didn't realize it before. Then you meet the right guy for you- and you are so thankful that fate stepped in when it did and got you back on the right path. This is the New Year,and now it's time to find a new lady and relationship. That how i'm going out, of the old year. Time to leave the past behind,cause i'm not going out like no punk.
Zoot Posted January 1, 2005 Posted January 1, 2005 Sounds like a plan Theone. I have no doubt you'll accomplish it.
Weird Posted January 1, 2005 Posted January 1, 2005 I would love for someone to explain to me why women are drawn to the a**h***s of the world. Is it a subconscious thing that they think the guy will magically change for them? Are women that naive? Or is it like a car broken down at the side of the road on the highway and even though you know you should not waste time to look at it you do because you are curious. Are women just curious about the a**h***s? The thing that just amazes me more than anything is that many women will get with an a**h***, get screwed over, go on about how bad he treated them and then they get with ANOTHER a**h*** in their next relationship...and they get screwed over again and the cycle keeps going and they wonder why they keep finding the a**h***s of the world and no good guys and keep crying about it rather than look at themselves and CHANGE their guy decision skills. Hey, the good guys are there but these types of women just don't want them. otter, I don't know what to say other than you just need to keep telling yourself this guy was a piece of trash and not let him control your mind. Also, don't think the new woman is bad or clueless ebcause she thinks the guy is a good guy. YOU did the same thing when you got with him. In time she will see the guy is a prick and hopefully leaves him rather than stay and get her ass kicked by him.
tgrace Posted January 1, 2005 Posted January 1, 2005 Rob, I would say it can be an unconscious thing to attract these people. It's not like I sit there and say, "ok, where can I go and find a guy who will screw me over?" Unfortunately they can be very charismatic and ultimately very deceiving. And, I can say for myself, that while I may see the negative behavior eventually, I'm one of the types who doesn't just take relationships lightly. I feel that it's important to work at something if it looks like it could be workable. So, I'll stay in it, negative behavior and all, for a while until I either realize there is no hope or they make the choice to move on themselves. Women, being human, have different amounts of time they need to keep working on things. The longer they stay in there, the worse it becomes for them in the end. I would LOVE to attract one of the good guys who wouldn't treat me like crap and not play these wicked games. Unfortunately, the good guys have been passed over so many times for the bad ones, they are just content to sit and say good women won't have them. Tracy
Author blind_otter Posted January 1, 2005 Author Posted January 1, 2005 For the first 4 months or so of our relationship, I was completely blinded. He his who he really was VERY well. I thought he was an entirely different person. But after that, when I knew he was capable of being violent and I knew he had a terrible drug problem and he was an active alcoholic.....after that, it was my fault. What I really wanted, and in teh back of my mind what I still want, is for him to prove me wrong. But it will never happen. He showed me what he truely is. But when I first started seeing him, he didn't have an ex with a restraining order against him, and he wasn't going back to prison in a month. But some women are into that ****. I still stand by my assessment that she is a stupid bitch. If she knows all those things about him, knowing he's going to prison for 18 months, I have no clue as to why she would involve herself with him.
theone44 Posted January 1, 2005 Posted January 1, 2005 Originally posted by blind_otter For the first 4 months or so of our relationship, I was completely blinded. He his who he really was VERY well. I thought he was an entirely different person. But after that, when I knew he was capable of being violent and I knew he had a terrible drug problem and he was an active alcoholic.....after that, it was my fault. What I really wanted, and in teh back of my mind what I still want, is for him to prove me wrong. But it will never happen. He showed me what he truely is. But when I first started seeing him, he didn't have an ex with a restraining order against him, and he wasn't going back to prison in a month. But some women are into that ****. I still stand by my assessment that she is a stupid bitch. If she knows all those things about him, knowing he's going to prison for 18 months, I have no clue as to why she would involve herself with him. most men and women stay in abusive relationship,because they like the drama,they have no self-respect, low-esteem about themselves,and they love getting emotional abuse by these people. then trying to stay friend these people to.... which don't work out anyway........ This is the "New Year ",and these same people is talking about their old lousy exes again. when is they going to learn these people are going using them over and over again.
sandra parker Posted January 1, 2005 Posted January 1, 2005 Well, I can only speak for myself. My story is that I have/had a picture drwan in my head of what a relationship should be. I watched my father and mother hate one another through their whole marriage. They are still together. I also craved their love and attention and never received it. It is a miracle that I am a good mother to my own children. Back to the men; I suppose that I relate struggle with love because that's all I ever knew. One does not do this on purpose, it's liked ingrained inside you. BUT, because of thispast relationship and all the pain I allowed it to cause me and the help of a good therapist I am beginning to understand what healthy is. I know that I am older now and it saddens me to realize these things, but beter late than never right.
theone44 Posted January 1, 2005 Posted January 1, 2005 Originally posted by sandra parker Well, I can only speak for myself. My story is that I have/had a picture drwan in my head of what a relationship should be. I watched my father and mother hate one another through their whole marriage. They are still together. I also craved their love and attention and never received it. It is a miracle that I am a good mother to my own children. Back to the men; I suppose that I relate struggle with love because that's all I ever knew. One does not do this on purpose, it's liked ingrained inside you. BUT, because of thispast relationship and all the pain I allowed it to cause me and the help of a good therapist I am beginning to understand what healthy is. I know that I am older now and it saddens me to realize these things, but beter late than never right. Good Point!!!!!!!!!!
sandra parker Posted January 1, 2005 Posted January 1, 2005 Oh my gosh!! I just re-read my post and saw all the misspellings!!!Sorry. I must be more tired than I realized.
alphamale Posted January 1, 2005 Posted January 1, 2005 Originally posted by theone44 most men and women stay in abusive relationship,because they like the drama,they have no self-respect, low-esteem about themselves,and they love getting emotional abuse by these people. The above it totally true THEONE44!!! I would also like to add that the majority of people like drama, have little self respect and little or no self-esteem. Most of us human beings are pretty sad and loathsome creatures when you really look at it.
theone44 Posted January 1, 2005 Posted January 1, 2005 Originally posted by sandra parker Oh my gosh!! I just re-read my post and saw all the misspellings!!!Sorry. I must be more tired than I realized. Don't worry my grammer get bad sometime to,but i don't pay it anymine......
theone44 Posted January 1, 2005 Posted January 1, 2005 Originally posted by alphamale The above it totally true THEONE44!!! I would also like to add that the majority of people like drama, have little self respect and little or no self-esteem. Most of us human beings are pretty sad and loathsome creatures when you really look at it. Also alphamale. These same people are still,crying,groveling,and trying to back with these people,who care less about their emotion or feeling. I don't get it. i think some men and women just like being abuse,but a real man or woman wouldn't let it keep happen to them.
Kitty04 Posted January 2, 2005 Posted January 2, 2005 Kudos to you for NOT letting either of them see you upset. It's okay if you don't like this girl. You don't have to think that just because you thought he was great at one time that she should be excused for it, too. Sounds like he's a huge disaster now and there is no way she can turn a blind eye to the situation, the drugs, jail, etc. Sounds like she just has low self esteem. Don't worry about her or him...Just worry about yourself. He was probably just rubbing things in your face more and more because he was TRYING to get you to react. So again, I admire your strength in dealing with your pain and confusion out of his sight. He's not worth the emotion. Good luck!
Mr Spock Posted January 3, 2005 Posted January 3, 2005 Please remember BO that looking good is the BEST revenge. It's silent, effective, and allows you to keep your composure AND dignity. So go forth, and look hot.
mischafan160 Posted January 3, 2005 Posted January 3, 2005 Originally posted by theone44 You right aiphamale. the bad boys get all the good women,but the good boys getting nothing but a friendship and a hand-shake This is not true!!! I specifically started dating a good boy who suddenly mutated into a bad assh*le boy, through no fault of my own!
Author blind_otter Posted January 3, 2005 Author Posted January 3, 2005 I got a letter and a phonecall yesterday, him begging me to forgive him, saying that he was wrong and that the girl is "nothing" compared to me. Whaaaaatever. The phonecall was actually from this girl, call her M, saying that she and my ex are "just friends" (obviously they are quite close to each other) and that she isn't with him, and that she was calling because my ex had asked her to. Yeah, ok. I nearly reamed her a new a**h*** because I am trying to get over this bastard and all this drama is not helping. Thanks, Spock. I remembered your earlier advice and I must admit I was looking gorgeous on New Years. I kinda got into it with this guy who kept dancing up to me and rubbing his crotch against me. Admittedly, I had some hostility issues to work out. har har har.
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