miffymars Posted December 5, 2013 Posted December 5, 2013 Reading about NC is a bit confusing because it is made for the dumpee. I guess my question is that I was the one who dumped my boyfriend. I found him on POF (Plenty of Fish) and when I confronted him about it he denies it all the way to my ending the relationship. This was the last straw for me seeing as this was his second chance to prove me wrong and save our relationship. He blew it and I made the decision to leave him it was very hard because I developed really strong feelings for him. I still love him sadly While breaking up it was just kind of bittersweet no hostility and didn't completely close the door on him when he asked to be friends. I know...my mistake. The next day I told him through text that I actually couldn't be his friend because that wouldn't be fair for me and I couldn't move on. I wished him good luck because I didn't want any ill feelings though hurt as I was. Then I blocked his number to prevent him from responding. I'm wondering in this case am I the dumper? Or technically the dumpee? Is it wrong for me the dumper to be NC? He has called me today and left a voicemail saying if I checked the email he sent me with pictures of us being happy together and that he really misses me. Is this breadcrumbs?! I'm very confused..please help before I do anything I regret later.
Author miffymars Posted December 5, 2013 Author Posted December 5, 2013 He cheated on you and then lied about it so you dumped him. Do you really want a cheating liar back? He was found under new users so he made it about 2 weeks ago but after I had found out the account got deleted. Not sure if he actually found someone to cheat on me with since it was up for a short amount of time?
Am4Real Posted December 5, 2013 Posted December 5, 2013 It's a simple answer: you were disgusted enough by his behavior and lies to dump him. Did you falsely accuse him? if yes, then contact him and make it right. If no, did your standards all of a sudden change? I doubt your standards changed, I doubt he changed. Given that why would you contact him? 3
strive Posted December 5, 2013 Posted December 5, 2013 There's no strict dumper/dumpee rule on who should do NC. 1) If you're hurt and want to heal, go NC. 2) If you hurt someone and want them to heal, go NC. I think you're with the first one. Either way, NC could only be beneficial for you. 1
MoooOinkBaaa Posted December 5, 2013 Posted December 5, 2013 Hang on a minute you found him on a dating website, what was you doing on it yourself? 2
headinthecloud Posted December 5, 2013 Posted December 5, 2013 Looking to date other people while in a committed relationship is cheating. Creating a profile on a dating site, or keeping one active, while you are dating exclusively is cheating. (By active, I mean searching and contacting people) If your BF or GF is cheating...they have already dumped you! People who cheat are immoral and are just using you until they find someone else. So no, you are not the dumper, you're actually the dumpee. He just didn't respect you enough to do it himself; he's a coward. Being a dumper is when you fall out of love or have to leave a relationship because you're unhappy and don't see a healthy future. Usually, dumpers have checked out of the relationship long before they leave them - and some cheat. You should absolutely go NC. Kick this douchbag to the curb. How can ever trust him again?
Author miffymars Posted December 5, 2013 Author Posted December 5, 2013 Hang on a minute you found him on a dating website, what was you doing on it yourself? Sorry not clarifying earlier my friend who is single logged on and saw his photos and immediately told me she found him on it.
Author miffymars Posted December 5, 2013 Author Posted December 5, 2013 I just didn't see it coming everything was going so well between us it just came so out of left field...I understand thank you everyone for being kind enough to reply I was really going crazy with confusion whether I was doing the right thing. Thank you I really needed this!
headinthecloud Posted December 5, 2013 Posted December 5, 2013 Hang on a minute you found him on a dating website, what was you doing on it yourself? I just didn't see it coming everything was going so well between us it just came so out of left field...I understand thank you everyone for being kind enough to reply I was really going crazy with confusion whether I was doing the right thing. Thank you I really needed this! I'm so sorry for what you're going through, it's awful. I've been there. The only thing that heals is hard work on moving forward and time. Don't let this experience affect future relationships. Not everyone cheats. You will ask yourself why he did what he did and you might even start to blame yourself. Don't do this! There is no good reason why he did it. And you did nothing to provoke it...nothing. You didn't deserve this. And don't take him back, even if he begs. Read Barky2's post on the broken hearted - great advice from him. Try to refocus all those thoughts and energies on you. Only you matter now. He should no longer exist in your eyes. Whatever you do, keep busy. Get out of the house, excercise, go out with friends. Meetup.com is great to meet people with similar interests - take up a new hobby. Invest in yourself and your life. You deserve to be loved.
WhoreyBull Posted December 5, 2013 Posted December 5, 2013 I think itnapplies to the dumper more than the dumpee. If it was you breaking up with someone who did nothing wrong then it gives the dumpee false hope. If it was you who dumped the person for their bad behavior then you are giving thendumpee power.
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