OptimistPrime Posted December 5, 2013 Posted December 5, 2013 After 20+ years of marriage I am now divorced. My ex and I still have a friendship and we see each other almost daily. She lives in an apartment while she allows me to stay rent-free at her house (the one that we built together and she got in the settlement). I see this as an opportunity to save for my own house but don’t know if this is another way to control me (she was very controlling in our marriage). I don’t want to reconcile but she does. She told our adult daughter a few months ago that she won’t take me back if I “whore” around and also that I can’t bring anyone to her house. I’m still healing from the divorce and have no desire to start dating again anytime soon. I figure I need 6 months to purchase a home. My side of the family says it's a bad idea and she is still controlling me. What say you?
GeneralJennyJenn Posted December 5, 2013 Posted December 5, 2013 I think by staying in your ex-wife's house you are putting yourself at risk for possible future complications. I realize its quite convenient to stay there rent free and save up. But would it be possible to stay with a family member instead? You really don't want to be at your ex-wife's mercy even if everything is going well now. Or at least have a backup place to stay should the sh*t hit the fan so to speak.
letsplaygofish2 Posted December 5, 2013 Posted December 5, 2013 I also agree with Jenny, you should move out. When my ex-husband and I divorced, I could not live in the same house. I was sleeping on a mattress in the living room, but he tried to control me whenever he could. He would belittle me infront of friends and constantly try to use sex as a tool to get me. He would also try to manipulate me by pretending to be extra nice, but when I wouldn't succumb, he'd turn into a raging lunatic. My advice is to find somewhere else. You're going to need space and time to heal. As much as you two are friends, I think it would not be helpful since you said that she is controlling. 1
Author OptimistPrime Posted December 9, 2013 Author Posted December 9, 2013 Thanks general and gofish. I haven't been on lately due to a lot of pressure at work. Unfortunately I find myself looking to the ex to vent with: she has been my confidant for 20+years. As far as the advice that both of you provided I kind of knew the answer was coming but hoped otherwise. I'll probably begin looking for something early next year after the holidays pass. 1
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