John Derrick Posted December 5, 2013 Posted December 5, 2013 A co-worker of mine who was in a committed relationship of about two years just recently became single. Unknown to me for the longest time, she has had feelings for me for almost a year (mentioned this to her boyfriend too). I found out about five months ago and since then have developed feelings as well (since that time we've both flirted but it never went any further). Over the past month or so, her relationship grew worse and worse and we started spending more time together. She and I would go out and do things; she met my friends (who she likes 10X better than her now-ex-boyfriend's friends). Now that she is single, I'm having a hard time figuring out where to take things. We have close mutual friends who see that we both have significant feelings for each other, but I am worried that I'll end up just being a rebound for her. She broke up with her boyfriend about two weeks ago. I had her over at my place for dinner the other night which was a lot of fun. We talked and flirted for about four hours. Maybe I was being too cautious, but I didn't try and make moves on her. I gave her a kiss on the cheek when she left that was as far as I took it. I do regret not giving her a real kiss but at the same time I sort of feel like I made a good choice even though I know she would have allowed it. Any advice as to what I should do from here? I do not want to be the rebound guy but at the same time I don't want to not pursue this because there are mutual feelings and I don't want to wait too long before she begins to move on. Part of me feels like because there's been an attraction for a long time that I would be excluded from being a rebound. Any help would be appreciated!
Cinnimon Posted December 5, 2013 Posted December 5, 2013 A co-worker of mine who was in a committed relationship of about two years just recently became single. Unknown to me for the longest time, she has had feelings for me for almost a year (mentioned this to her boyfriend too). I found out about five months ago and since then have developed feelings as well (since that time we've both flirted but it never went any further). Over the past month or so, her relationship grew worse and worse and we started spending more time together. She and I would go out and do things; she met my friends (who she likes 10X better than her now-ex-boyfriend's friends). Now that she is single, I'm having a hard time figuring out where to take things. We have close mutual friends who see that we both have significant feelings for each other, but I am worried that I'll end up just being a rebound for her. She broke up with her boyfriend about two weeks ago. I had her over at my place for dinner the other night which was a lot of fun. We talked and flirted for about four hours. Maybe I was being too cautious, but I didn't try and make moves on her. I gave her a kiss on the cheek when she left that was as far as I took it. I do regret not giving her a real kiss but at the same time I sort of feel like I made a good choice even though I know she would have allowed it. Any advice as to what I should do from here? I do not want to be the rebound guy but at the same time I don't want to not pursue this because there are mutual feelings and I don't want to wait too long before she begins to move on. Part of me feels like because there's been an attraction for a long time that I would be excluded from being a rebound. Any help would be appreciated! John, I would be very careful with this. I don't understand how you gained feelings for her 5 months before her break up if you and she were not seeing each other ? Are you saying you were the other man in her relationship?
Author John Derrick Posted December 5, 2013 Author Posted December 5, 2013 John, I would be very careful with this. I don't understand how you gained feelings for her 5 months before her break up if you and she were not seeing each other ? Are you saying you were the other man in her relationship? No, I would say it was more of mutual attraction. We spent time together around mutual friends. Then more recently, it became just the two of us spending time alone.
Cinnimon Posted December 5, 2013 Posted December 5, 2013 I would be REALLY careful in moving into this to quickly. Not saying that you will be or are a rebound but it's definitely a strong possibility. Does she speak angrily about her ex?
Author John Derrick Posted December 5, 2013 Author Posted December 5, 2013 I would be REALLY careful in moving into this to quickly. Not saying that you will be or are a rebound but it's definitely a strong possibility. Does she speak angrily about her ex? No, she would never talk about him around me.
Author John Derrick Posted December 5, 2013 Author Posted December 5, 2013 Are you in a relationship too? No, I am not in a relationship. But I haven't been holding off seeing people due to her. For awhile, there was nothing outside of just mutual attraction and flirting between the two of us. But it's obvious now that we have actual feelings. I realize too that getting out of a long term relationship that she is probably a bit confused and do not want to be a rebound.
Cinnimon Posted December 5, 2013 Posted December 5, 2013 I think your already aware of the possibility. Don't move to quickly.
donark Posted December 5, 2013 Posted December 5, 2013 Stay friends as long as you can and enjoy the friendship. Once you ring the bell, it can't be unrung...if you know what I am saying. I too had a great friendship with a wonderful person. You can't replace that. Trust me. If love is meant to be in good time it will come. But cherish the friendship. You will never regret that. 1
Author John Derrick Posted December 5, 2013 Author Posted December 5, 2013 Stay friends as long as you can and enjoy the friendship. Once you ring the bell, it can't be unrung...if you know what I am saying. I too had a great friendship with a wonderful person. You can't replace that. Trust me. If love is meant to be in good time it will come. But cherish the friendship. You will never regret that. I do understand this. We actually were not that close, only now are we getting to know each other. I have been in a situation with a close friend of many years and that ended poorly as we are not even on speaking terms. But I believe that in certain situations you should take a chance. For me, I feel this should be one of them. I just am unsure of the timing and level. Like I said before, I've kept it fairly minimal to this point.
theediblewoman Posted December 5, 2013 Posted December 5, 2013 I was in a similar situation last year except I was in the girl you are interested in's position.I was with my boyfriend for nearly 3 years but I was pretty unhappy, especially the last 6 months or so. I started a new job and developed an intense crush on one of my coworkers. I ended up breaking up with my ex and started dating my coworker. We've been together nearly a year and I am still completely crazy about him and have not looked back. We took it kind of slow and we were both really honest and kept the communication lines open about fears and expectations. My advice, take it slow, express your concerns and see what she has to say and go with your gut! Best of luck!
Author John Derrick Posted December 5, 2013 Author Posted December 5, 2013 I was in a similar situation last year except I was in the girl you are interested in's position.I was with my boyfriend for nearly 3 years but I was pretty unhappy, especially the last 6 months or so. I started a new job and developed an intense crush on one of my coworkers. I ended up breaking up with my ex and started dating my coworker. We've been together nearly a year and I am still completely crazy about him and have not looked back. We took it kind of slow and we were both really honest and kept the communication lines open about fears and expectations. My advice, take it slow, express your concerns and see what she has to say and go with your gut! Best of luck! Wow, that is good advice too. It seems that generally everyone I've spoken to has advised to take it slow. But with any person who shows romantic interest, you can't leave it be for too long as people do move on. Hopefully I can find the right balance. I hope my situation ends up similar to yours, that is great.
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