Orwell1991 Posted December 5, 2013 Posted December 5, 2013 So, went out with my ex for about a year. We had been so sweet together and had some hot times, BUT she has a condition called vaginismus. It means she experiences pain through intercourse. We have tried a lot but just the first act of penetrating was always a problem as she finds it painful and then she gets turned off and basically things end. We did other stuff in the bedroom and it was hot but a bit part was always missing. I had been paranoid/jealous in a previous relationship but it came out again in this one. I would question her thinking the condition was because she didnt like me enough and how come she could do it one time with someone else before me? (I think vaginismus started because she is a bit inexperienced and was nervous the first time we had sex and she wasnt ready down there and so it hurt, and since then her mind connects sex and pain). So this paranoia and jealousy got worse as the relationship carried on and I also began to get hurt and defensive over little things, i'd see she had been looking at her ex's facebook and ask her about it, her not texting me back within hours, her complaining that the pasta I cooked for her and then reheated being cold. I would take it to mean she thought i was rubbish. Also, importantly, a few times she would sigh when i would ask her to give me sexual pleasure. As I've explained we would try to have sex, then she would be turned off when it failed, and i think the whole vaginismus thing lowered her drive. I would get so annoyed at her sighing as it would make me feel unwanted. She was into it a good amount of times, but I remember that sometimes she showed herself not to be interested and put off. So, we had one weekend recently which included the sighing and the pasta incident haha (pasta incident is just a funny way to say it). It was so horrible we were arguing and getting so upset. Soon after she called and said she had to end things but she didnt want to lose me as a friend. I agreed that something needed to happen cos it had got so bad, but i didnt want to straight away transition into friendship. I have sexual attraction towards her and we did have many hot times so i didnt want to give up on the idea of us introducing sex in the future. I've been describing it as all bad, but we were mostly so sweet, like the best couple, and also passionate, it was just certain incidents with sighing and the vaginismus. So we broke up and had no contact, blocked her facebook, for about a week. During the no contact she texted me saying she wanted to give things another go and that we could make things work, she still loved me and she could fall for me again (she said she lost the attraction because of the rowing and my paranoia and defensiveness, i would get very upset so im not surprised, but she said she could get past it). So now we're talking again. We had some really hot phone sex a few days ago, like incredibly hot. And chatting really nicely and being sweet and talking about going on a date in the future and maybe a holiday together. BUT today, even though things were looking up, we were texting and i texted her something and a "how's your work going" at 4 o clock... no answer... then another text at half 7... no answer... then another at half 8... she says hey, sorry i'm doing yoga then making dinner. After all that time she didnt answer and said it was because she was working. It takes 2 seconds to pick up the phone and tell me that nicely instead of just ignoring me. I phoned her later asking why she didnt answer the texts and she said that she was working and that I knew that. But this is just working in her room and she said she might have seen the texts, or heard them (she apperently couldnt remember). Its just that we had been going no contact and finally we were talking again, but she cant be bothered to just pick up the phone and check it for a second. We'd been chatting so nicely up until then i was surprised she showed such a lack of interest (she's normally always texting family members and stuff back on the phone, often a phone in her hand when i see her). So now i dont know what to do. Ive painted a very negative picture of our relationship but it is often sooo amazingly sweet and amazing (im just talking about the worst times but believe me it is mainly awesome and she would agree). But theres moments that worried me then and even now. I'm also worried she thinks badly of me this time making a deal out of things like texts and then think i'm pushing her away and ask if thats happening so its a vicious cycle. What do people think? Please calculate in the equation that theres so much awesomeness and cuteness and hotness between us that I could describe here but i just want to sort out the bad things. Am I stupid in seeing the recent text thing as a sign of something (she insists it is nothing), how do I chill when we're in this stage of not being together but maybe dating again?
Shaine Posted December 5, 2013 Posted December 5, 2013 I have vaginismus too. No matter how hard i try to 'feel it' so that my vagina can take him, it just tightens instinctively when i feel the start of penetration. It is frustrating for me and i know it was frustrating for my exes. My 1st ex always made me drink beer to lower my inhibition. I needed to be drunk before having sex or else it will just be so painful for me. Just dont push her, give her space for the meantime. If you get back together, maybe you can talk to a doctor about her sex problem. Wait for her to contact you. I think i may have vaginismus because imhave this thinking that premarital sex is bad, i was afraid that i have sinned. But it could also be because of the 1st time i had sex with my 1st bf. he forced me to do it. He pinned me down, covered my mouth. Im so stupid. Lol
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