Zahara Posted December 5, 2013 Posted December 5, 2013 This is also true as well. I personally am very confident in my sexual ability which allows me to not have problems jumping into an opportunity like this should my single status allow it. However, the OP also said this guy is worried about inexperience. As the OP has not done anything in 3 years, it goes without saying that she is very obviously trying to force this along faster than this guy is willing to go. Find another more confident guy that will give you the pounding you want, or be content with possibly having to wait a bit / train this guy. When I was in my forties, I had a late 20s guy ask me out. He only had one experience with sex in college. We went on date. He thought I was in my early thirties. When I told him my age, he felt intimidated. I told him that all I could do was FWB. He said he was inexperienced and felt that it would be a turn-off for me since I was experienced (old ). He went for it. He didn't even know how to kiss right. But he was an eager and ready student! If he's so insecure OP, I have to wonder what sex would be like. I say quit contacting and find other ways to get what you need. The chasing is getting old. He needs to figure out his limitations and deal with it or stay insecure for as long as he wants. 1
FitChick Posted December 5, 2013 Posted December 5, 2013 Most women go online looking for a relationship and find out that most men only want FWB. So I don't understand why you won't go OKC, which is free so you wouldn't lose anything except time. You would have dozens of offers from good looking, busy men who don't have the time nor inclination for serious dating. Don't be trashy but say something like "I don't have time due to my work schedule for anything serious." They can read between the sheets, er, lines. 1
Zahara Posted December 5, 2013 Posted December 5, 2013 Most women go online looking for a relationship and find out that most men only want FWB. So I don't understand why you won't go OKC, which is free so you wouldn't lose anything except time. You would have dozens of offers from good looking, busy men who don't have the time nor inclination for serious dating. Don't be trashy but say something like "I don't have time due to my work schedule for anything serious." They can read between the sheets, er, lines. I think she said she was wary of men on dating sites. Personally, I think she's avoiding it because there's more to this than just an FWB. Just as she met this guy over one date, whom she didn't know well and proposed FWB, I don't see what the difference would be in meeting guys on OKC or POF that are looking for the same thing.
Author debshere Posted December 5, 2013 Author Posted December 5, 2013 So, once again, as a friend with benefits, you give him an ultimatum. Knock that **** off. I would be so annoyed with you that I wouldn't even want to sleep with you simply due to your impulsive way of needing reassurance that he wants to hook up with you. The guy said yes. The guy is worried about being inexperienced you say. If you are attracted to him, why not let him know that you are excited to work with him and teach him all kinds of new things.....or even discover things together? True. I am putting pressure. I just thought this FWB thing happened faster then this. Everyone always says if he was interested he would jump at it and if he isn`t responding right away then he`s not.
Author debshere Posted December 5, 2013 Author Posted December 5, 2013 I think she said she was wary of men on dating sites. Personally, I think she's avoiding it because there's more to this than just an FWB. Just as she met this guy over one date, whom she didn't know well and proposed FWB, I don't see what the difference would be in meeting guys on OKC or POF that are looking for the same thing. I have gone on sites a few times and looked and just get so nervous. I think if I was looking for a LTR then maybe I would work up the nerve eventually but I`m really nervous about the type of guy I will get when I say or hint that I want FWB. Someone suggested that I look at Craigslist and that was some scary s**t. I`m also a bit shy so when I connected with this guy and was able to talk to him ...
Author debshere Posted December 5, 2013 Author Posted December 5, 2013 I just want him to be upfront and say yes, I want to do this give me some time or no, not interested. If I knew he wasn`t interested i would leave him alone totally like I did before. This time I asked contacted him to ask him a question and he started the conversation going asking about my picture and being extremely flirty. That`s why I`m confused. I had ended the conversation and he keeps communicating. I said do you want to do this because I`m attracted to you and you said you didn`t reject me and he said let`s talk about that later so I haven`t mentioned it again but I keep flirting. But if he`s not interested I want to know. Sorry, been out of dating for awhile and never done the FWB thing and i seem to be getting conflicting advice. Going crazy and horny at the same time LOL:D
emva07 Posted December 5, 2013 Posted December 5, 2013 I have gone on sites a few times and looked and just get so nervous. I think if I was looking for a LTR then maybe I would work up the nerve eventually but I`m really nervous about the type of guy I will get when I say or hint that I want FWB. Someone suggested that I look at Craigslist and that was some scary s**t. I`m also a bit shy so when I connected with this guy and was able to talk to him ... I'm the same way, I can only be FWB with someone that was friends or acquaintance before the benefits. There are crazies out there, the last thing I want is to meet up with a guy online that's into crazy **** or rape-sex, rough anal, biting until I bleed, and other kinky things they may think i'm into because I'm advertising FWB.
Author debshere Posted December 5, 2013 Author Posted December 5, 2013 This is where I'm getting confused. You gave him the offer of fwb. He never refused, but simply let you know that at this exact time, it wasn't a good time. Did you take it as "not a good time" as in ...a good time in his life....or "not a good time" as in ...the day you may have picked, or weekend, to hook up. I have yet to read anywhere in which he turned you down. The fact that he continues to keep open communication and it's sexual in nature is a HUGE indicator that he indeed wants to pursue this. Instead of giving him an ultimatium and still not getting any play, why not have him as a plan B? Or even better yet, why even continue to sext him if you won't entertain the offer anymore? He never did but everyone keeps telling me that if he`s interested he would have jumped on it right away that when he says he`s has a crazy schedule right now it`s bs and he`s playing me.
Zahara Posted December 5, 2013 Posted December 5, 2013 I have gone on sites a few times and looked and just get so nervous. I think if I was looking for a LTR then maybe I would work up the nerve eventually but I`m really nervous about the type of guy I will get when I say or hint that I want FWB. Someone suggested that I look at Craigslist and that was some scary s**t. I`m also a bit shy so when I connected with this guy and was able to talk to him ... I agree with Craigslist. That was scary for me too. You're placing too much pressure on your effort to look for an FWB. Word your profile the way Fitchick suggested. Go on other women's profiles and get a feel of how they're presenting their wants. You'll get an idea as to how to subtly present yourself. And Fitchick is right, even the guys that are saying they are looking for relationships are most times looking for sex. So, you need to stop feeling scared about who you meet. You'll be able to screen who's worth it and who isn't. It's a process you have to go through, just like dating. You don't have to sleep with the first guy you meet on a dating site nor do you have to sleep with him the first time you meet. 1
Author debshere Posted December 5, 2013 Author Posted December 5, 2013 I'm the same way, I can only be FWB with someone that was friends or acquaintance before the benefits. There are crazies out there, the last thing I want is to meet up with a guy online that's into crazy **** or rape-sex, rough anal, biting until I bleed, and other kinky things they may think i'm into because I'm advertising FWB. That`s what I`m so afraid of. I`m going to be alone with this person and suppose they do something to me. I know that can happen with anyone but I feel like I am putting myself in danger asking for FWB. Even if I word it in a subtle manner they will still know what I`m looking for and it`s so hard for me to meet any guys. Sigh...It might just be me and my vibrator for the rest of my life. LOL
Author debshere Posted December 5, 2013 Author Posted December 5, 2013 I don`t get why if I say to him do you want to do this he says lets talk about it later.Or just doesn`t say no. So confused.
emva07 Posted December 5, 2013 Posted December 5, 2013 (edited) he's playing with you and seeing how eager you get or just wants it on his own time. Don't give into his game. If he truly isn't doing it because he's busy, he will come around when he isn't. Edited December 5, 2013 by emva07 1
skela Posted December 5, 2013 Posted December 5, 2013 Maybe this is an ego boost for him. Back off for a bit and see what happens. 2
FitChick Posted December 5, 2013 Posted December 5, 2013 I agree to ignore him until he proposes a date, place and time. If he questions your silence all you have to text is: "Name the day, time and place. Otherwise, good bye and good luck." Then go online. You don't have to have sex on the first date with a guy you meet online, even if it's only for sex. You can make it clear that it is strictly a "meet and greet" to see if there is any chemistry. You are busy for a few days but are free on such and such a day, how does that work for him? That way you are free to change your mind upon reflection.
Author debshere Posted December 5, 2013 Author Posted December 5, 2013 Thanks fitchick. I will see if I can work up the courage to do that. I do think this guy is interested but not sure about how he will perform because I am older. He keeps the communication going. I think if he wasnt then he just would not respond. But I will leave things up to him.
Author debshere Posted December 5, 2013 Author Posted December 5, 2013 Okay, so I just went on eharmony and while it seemed good it was very expensive. Someone mentioned a free site - which one is a good one?
Author debshere Posted December 6, 2013 Author Posted December 6, 2013 I just went on OKCupid and the matches they came up with were horrible. One of them was a midget. (nothing against little people). And I entered honest, accurate answers to the questions. eharmony was better but expensive
tlegend Posted December 6, 2013 Posted December 6, 2013 I just went on OKCupid and the matches they came up with were horrible. One of them was a midget. (nothing against little people). And I entered honest, accurate answers to the questions. eharmony was better but expensive Ever hear the expression "Opposites attract"?. You shouldn't base your compatibility on the results of an online algorithm and qualities that are simplified into retarded categories.
Author debshere Posted December 6, 2013 Author Posted December 6, 2013 Ever hear the expression "Opposites attract"?. You shouldn't base your compatibility on the results of an online algorithm and qualities that are simplified into retarded categories. So tlegend how do you suggest I meet someone. People suggested OLD - which I wasn't really interested in doing but I thought hey let me try it. How do you meet people. I just want a companion to hang out with maybe once a week or once every other week for sex. Craigslist was a definite NO! I hardly ever meet people in real life and this guy who is a potential - I can't read his signals or I'm rushing him or he's not interested. So many opinions LOL
emva07 Posted December 6, 2013 Posted December 6, 2013 Tinder! Great for casual hook ups! Disclaimer: never done it but have had a lot of cute matches that want to "hang out" I just never go, lol. Deleted it.
tlegend Posted December 6, 2013 Posted December 6, 2013 So tlegend how do you suggest I meet someone. People suggested OLD - which I wasn't really interested in doing but I thought hey let me try it. How do you meet people. I just want a companion to hang out with maybe once a week or once every other week for sex. Craigslist was a definite NO! I hardly ever meet people in real life and this guy who is a potential - I can't read his signals or I'm rushing him or he's not interested. So many opinions LOL Barnes and noble. Look for a book you like. Oh you see a cute guy browsing the section you like? Go say hi, its obvious you already have similar tastes. Starbucks, order your favorite drink. Make it a point to stand around and say hi and introduce yourself to the next person that orders the same coffee. Go to a comedy club. Find a table that is already partially empty. Introduce yourself, talk a bit, and then enjoy a comedy show together. I don't know what to tell ya deb. I don't have problems meeting people in everyday life, but I also have no issues with approaching and talking to people. I'm in sales for my professional job and I majored in communications. I am an extrovert in the way that I recharge by actually surrounding myself with people who I do not know, but intend to get to know. It's not about what you know, its about who you know. The guy in the target line in front of you could be your next great lay, your future husband, or a great person to network with professionally. However, you won't ever find out unless you talk to them. Craigslist? From what I hear, most of that is controlled by old men with crazy fetishes. Sure, there's probably a few legitimate hookups in that mess somewhere, but for the most part, all OLD is just a scapegoat for people who aren't willing to do the work that is needed to find a working relationship. And if you are interested in just finding a FWB, and you don't really care if they are monogamous or not....then just go to a bar and bat your eyes at someone you like and seems to be available. You are a woman and have a vagina. You already attract half the men in the world with those 2 features alone. Believe that you are beautiful and your body deserves to be worshipped in bed. Keep that attitude in your head when talking to these potential FWBs. That aura will attract men. I know it will, it would attract me.
Author debshere Posted December 6, 2013 Author Posted December 6, 2013 Barnes and noble. Look for a book you like. Oh you see a cute guy browsing the section you like? Go say hi, its obvious you already have similar tastes. Starbucks, order your favorite drink. Make it a point to stand around and say hi and introduce yourself to the next person that orders the same coffee. Go to a comedy club. Find a table that is already partially empty. Introduce yourself, talk a bit, and then enjoy a comedy show together. I don't know what to tell ya deb. I don't have problems meeting people in everyday life, but I also have no issues with approaching and talking to people. I'm in sales for my professional job and I majored in communications. I am an extrovert in the way that I recharge by actually surrounding myself with people who I do not know, but intend to get to know. It's not about what you know, its about who you know. The guy in the target line in front of you could be your next great lay, your future husband, or a great person to network with professionally. However, you won't ever find out unless you talk to them. Craigslist? From what I hear, most of that is controlled by old men with crazy fetishes. Sure, there's probably a few legitimate hookups in that mess somewhere, but for the most part, all OLD is just a scapegoat for people who aren't willing to do the work that is needed to find a working relationship. And if you are interested in just finding a FWB, and you don't really care if they are monogamous or not....then just go to a bar and bat your eyes at someone you like and seems to be available. You are a woman and have a vagina. You already attract half the men in the world with those 2 features alone. Believe that you are beautiful and your body deserves to be worshipped in bed. Keep that attitude in your head when talking to these potential FWBs. That aura will attract men. I know it will, it would attract me. Okay, so I'm done with OLD - never felt comfortable doing it anyway. Meeting people is difficult. I work two jobs and one of them is an over night position - then I am asleep during a portion of the day and then off to my second job. Would like monogamous and I am sorta shy. I do believe I am beautiful and my body should be worshipped in bed and that I can show a man a fantastic time - that is one time when I am far from shy and reserved!!
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