debshere Posted December 4, 2013 Posted December 4, 2013 Went on a date with this guy about a month and half ago. It was okay but I was seriously attracted to him. At the end of the date he said he wanted to take me out again. I contacted him first and asked him if he wanted to be FWB. He said okay. I didn't hear from him for a week. Contacted him and he said be patient that he was just promoted to manager of his store and he was swamped with work (he also runs other stores). I waited another couple of weeks didn't hear anything - sent him an email saying forget it - obviously he wasn't that interested. Got a response that he was just so busy. Anyway, contacted him this weekend to get info about his store and he was very flirty. (by text) Our conversation lasted 7 hours. Next day texted back and forth all day - still very flirty. I asked him if he was flirting with me and he said nothing wrong with that. I said it's not fair to flirt with someone that you kinda rejected and he said for the record I didn't reject you. I'm not as experienced as you probably think and you would have to teach me thing or two. I'm just a boring guy. I haven't gone out with a girl or had sex in awhile. (btw he is 28 and I am 37). I said I'm not as experienced as you might think. Anyway, things started getting a bit more sexual on our end so I said to him last night. I am still very attracted to you and you said you didn't reject me - do you still want to do this. He said we can talk about this later. I said it's really just a yes or no answer. He said a smiley face. Should I just say forget this and do no contact? Thanks!!!
MidwestUSA Posted December 4, 2013 Posted December 4, 2013 Well, it sounds as if he's interested, but you scared him to death with the FWB proposition! It that what you really want, or do you also want to date him?
Philosoraptor Posted December 4, 2013 Posted December 4, 2013 He seems like a buzz kill. I'm sure you'll have no issue finding a guy to have a fwb with.
Author debshere Posted December 4, 2013 Author Posted December 4, 2013 No, I really just want FWB. He's so much younger than me I can't see it working.
Author debshere Posted December 4, 2013 Author Posted December 4, 2013 Problem is with my work schedule I have a very hard time meeting guys. I haven't been with a guy in 3 years.
emva07 Posted December 4, 2013 Posted December 4, 2013 Should I just say forget this and do no contact? Thanks!!! yes. Stop asking him about it, comes off as desperate. Since the moment he said no because he just became manager, you should've dropped it....if he was truly interested he will contact you as soon as he can...if not, that's your answer. FWB shouldn't be this dramatic and complicated, it's a yes or a no, and no need to keep asking for it. 1
Author debshere Posted December 4, 2013 Author Posted December 4, 2013 I think I was just taken by surprise because last time he was a bit stiff and this time he was really flirty and friendly and working at keeping the conversation going.
emva07 Posted December 4, 2013 Posted December 4, 2013 I think I was just taken by surprise because last time he was a bit stiff and this time he was really flirty and friendly and working at keeping the conversation going. oh ok, yeah that would throw me off too. From experience, these hot/cold FWB potentials stay just that...potentials...they like the chase. A guy who knows what he wants will call and say "i'm coming over"
Author debshere Posted December 4, 2013 Author Posted December 4, 2013 Yeah, you're probably right. Disappointed. it's so rare for me to meet guys and go out :-(
skela Posted December 4, 2013 Posted December 4, 2013 I had a similar situation and then suddenly out of the blue he starting contacting me again. I would just do NC and see what happens.
skela Posted December 5, 2013 Posted December 5, 2013 We haven't yet due to things I had to deal with in my personal life but things we have been talking on a regular basis and we talk dirty a lot so the heat is building up. We're getting together this weekend.
Author debshere Posted December 5, 2013 Author Posted December 5, 2013 This guy blows hot and cold and it's so frustrating. I'm just about ready to throw in the towel but it's so difficult for me to meet anyone. One day he's really really flirty and then the next day he backs off. Now he is constantly communicating with me on a regular basis and sometimes it's hard to really read someone through text messages. Like I will send a message saying had a great nights sleep last night feel really rested. Then I will send another message right after that is sexual and he will only respond to the message about being well rested. Whereas before he would have responded to that - and by before I mean the day before. So confused.
Zahara Posted December 5, 2013 Posted December 5, 2013 Some dating sites like OKC have people on there just looking for no strings attached. Even POF. Why not go that route. You won't have any problems hooking up. Maybe he's ignoring the sexual stuff because he likes you and doesn't want to take it down the FWB route but doesn't know how to say so.
Author debshere Posted December 5, 2013 Author Posted December 5, 2013 But sometimes he starts the sexual stuff - that's why it's so confusing. I am wary of going online - that's another problem I have.
Zahara Posted December 5, 2013 Posted December 5, 2013 But sometimes he starts the sexual stuff - that's why it's so confusing. I am wary of going online - that's another problem I have. Why are you wary? It's no different than how you met this guy. You'll go on a date, just as you did this guy and then go from there. Nutjobs don't just exist online. If FWB is just all you want, you're expending way too much energy chasing this one. Or maybe there is more to your attraction to him than you're willing to reveal.
tlegend Posted December 5, 2013 Posted December 5, 2013 What is your intentions with this guy? If you wanted just FWB, then stop acting like you're his girlfriend. He lives his own life and as fwb, he has absolutely NO obligation to you. As a friend, you are being fairly dispectful in his ability to handle work AND a personal relationship on the side. You want to get together and ****? Then communicate as such. Need foreplay and some sexting to get you into the mood before you guys hook up? Then communicate that much as well. Don't expect to have a relationship without the relationship if you are just looking for a booty call or fwb situation. And please, don't fall in love with the guy you just like to ****. That's just asking for trouble. My 2 cents.
Author debshere Posted December 5, 2013 Author Posted December 5, 2013 What is your intentions with this guy? If you wanted just FWB, then stop acting like you're his girlfriend. He lives his own life and as fwb, he has absolutely NO obligation to you. As a friend, you are being fairly dispectful in his ability to handle work AND a personal relationship on the side. You want to get together and ****? Then communicate as such. Need foreplay and some sexting to get you into the mood before you guys hook up? Then communicate that much as well. Don't expect to have a relationship without the relationship if you are just looking for a booty call or fwb situation. And please, don't fall in love with the guy you just like to ****. That's just asking for trouble. My 2 cents. I think you have misunderstood. We haven't hooked up yet. I gave up on him before. Contacted him about a general question he specializes in and then he started being super flirty and keeping the conversation going. Things started getting sexual on both sides and then he starts pulling back again but keeping communication open. I don't think I have indicated I wanted a relationship - I did say to him do you want to do this. I have not disrespected his ability to handle work and play. When he said the first time that he was too busy I said let's not worry about this I'm taking the offer off the table. I just want someone to have a good time with once in a while. I can't handle a relationship at this point in my life - I don't want to right now. I'm not sure what I'm doing wrong then...
Author debshere Posted December 5, 2013 Author Posted December 5, 2013 Why are you wary? It's no different than how you met this guy. You'll go on a date, just as you did this guy and then go from there. Nutjobs don't just exist online. If FWB is just all you want, you're expending way too much energy chasing this one. Or maybe there is more to your attraction to him than you're willing to reveal. I don't know. I have heard so many OLD horror stories. Especially if I'm looking for FWB's it just seems scary getting them offline and then hitting the sheets with them. At least this person I met in real life and there was some chemistry.
Zahara Posted December 5, 2013 Posted December 5, 2013 I don't know. I have heard so many OLD horror stories. Especially if I'm looking for FWB's it just seems scary getting them offline and then hitting the sheets with them. At least this person I met in real life and there was some chemistry. How long did you know this guy before you met him for a date? Where did you meet? And with online, you don't have to hit the sheets right away. You can always ease into it after a few dates.
tlegend Posted December 5, 2013 Posted December 5, 2013 I think you have misunderstood. We haven't hooked up yet. I gave up on him before. Contacted him about a general question he specializes in and then he started being super flirty and keeping the conversation going. Things started getting sexual on both sides and then he starts pulling back again but keeping communication open. I don't think I have indicated I wanted a relationship - I did say to him do you want to do this. I have not disrespected his ability to handle work and play. When he said the first time that he was too busy I said let's not worry about this I'm taking the offer off the table. I just want someone to have a good time with once in a while. I can't handle a relationship at this point in my life - I don't want to right now. I'm not sure what I'm doing wrong then... This is where I'm getting confused. You gave him the offer of fwb. He never refused, but simply let you know that at this exact time, it wasn't a good time. Did you take it as "not a good time" as in ...a good time in his life....or "not a good time" as in ...the day you may have picked, or weekend, to hook up. I have yet to read anywhere in which he turned you down. The fact that he continues to keep open communication and it's sexual in nature is a HUGE indicator that he indeed wants to pursue this. Instead of giving him an ultimatium and still not getting any play, why not have him as a plan B? Or even better yet, why even continue to sext him if you won't entertain the offer anymore?
Author debshere Posted December 5, 2013 Author Posted December 5, 2013 I didn't know him for that long. And we went out on one date where he said he was going to ask me out on another one. I realized due to age difference that there wasn't really any point pursuing a relationship but I was very attracted to him and asked him about FWB which he said yes to. I have never done that before with anyone so I don't know how it's suppose to go... anyway, I think, because of what he has said to me that he is worried about being inexperienced and that is an issue. But when I say look if you don't want to do this just say so and we can just be friends he evades the question. It's not like he's someone that I will see unless we are doing this so I'm don't get this.
tlegend Posted December 5, 2013 Posted December 5, 2013 I didn't know him for that long. And we went out on one date where he said he was going to ask me out on another one. I realized due to age difference that there wasn't really any point pursuing a relationship but I was very attracted to him and asked him about FWB which he said yes to. I have never done that before with anyone so I don't know how it's suppose to go... anyway, I think, because of what he has said to me that he is worried about being inexperienced and that is an issue. But when I say look if you don't want to do this just say so and we can just be friends he evades the question. It's not like he's someone that I will see unless we are doing this so I'm don't get this. So, once again, as a friend with benefits, you give him an ultimatum. Knock that **** off. I would be so annoyed with you that I wouldn't even want to sleep with you simply due to your impulsive way of needing reassurance that he wants to hook up with you. The guy said yes. The guy is worried about being inexperienced you say. If you are attracted to him, why not let him know that you are excited to work with him and teach him all kinds of new things.....or even discover things together? 1
Zahara Posted December 5, 2013 Posted December 5, 2013 I didn't know him for that long. And we went out on one date where he said he was going to ask me out on another one. I realized due to age difference that there wasn't really any point pursuing a relationship but I was very attracted to him and asked him about FWB which he said yes to. I have never done that before with anyone so I don't know how it's suppose to go... anyway, I think, because of what he has said to me that he is worried about being inexperienced and that is an issue. But when I say look if you don't want to do this just say so and we can just be friends he evades the question. It's not like he's someone that I will see unless we are doing this so I'm don't get this. If all you want is FWB, I'd let this one go because he can't deliver. Stop contacting him and figure out other ways to get what you need. As far as I know, there aren't many guys that will dilly dally on an opportunity to have no strings attached sex. 1
tlegend Posted December 5, 2013 Posted December 5, 2013 If all you want is FWB, I'd let this one go because he can't deliver. Stop contacting him and figure out other ways to get what you need. As far as I know, there aren't many guys that will dilly dally on an opportunity to have no strings attached sex. This is also true as well. I personally am very confident in my sexual ability which allows me to not have problems jumping into an opportunity like this should my single status allow it. However, the OP also said this guy is worried about inexperience. As the OP has not done anything in 3 years, it goes without saying that she is very obviously trying to force this along faster than this guy is willing to go. Find another more confident guy that will give you the pounding you want, or be content with possibly having to wait a bit / train this guy.
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