jtuckern Posted December 4, 2013 Posted December 4, 2013 Sorry if this is a bit lengthy but could really use outside advice.. BF and I were together almost a year and a half. He had moved about 2 hours away after circumstances for himself changed but we were making it work. Not easy but we were doing pretty well. After several promises of phone calls at specific times that ended up not happening (because we worked pretty different schedules) I started to get very irritated. Texting was never a problem but when we would plan for a long phone call that didn't happen, I was very frustrated. Last straw was when he had talked about coming to see me then went to a friends house instead. I broke up with him and immediately went to NC. Which was just what I needed. Then, after about 3 weeks, he contacted me because he was coming to where I live on business and wanted to see me. After much internal debate, I agreed. We had a good talk and agreed to try again because I sincerely felt he understood my frustrations and was going to work on the things he knew bothered me and I would do the same. My birthday was coming up a few days after our reconciliation and he was to come up to see me. Long story short, he texts me on my birthday and says "I'm so sorry... I messed up... I went with a friend to a football game and I don't have my car and I can't get up there" Wow. I immediately shut down and wouldn't respond. Who promises their newly reconciled GF to visit on her birthday just to blow her off? So... NC AGAIN for several weeks. Long story short... After a bit, we started talking again... Almost as though we've never broken up.. Still say how much we love each other, miss each other yet every time I've mentioned that we really need to have a "talk" and get this figured out one way or the other, he stalls. I pretty much left it after the second break up that I needed time to forgive him and make sure I could get past the birthday thing without feeling so hurt. Now I feel like I'm ready to try again since we are basically the exact same we were before yet we just haven't TALKED about it... We still text throughout the day, say I love you every day and have plans to see each other before Christmas. Yet, Every time I bring up anything remotely "serious" he always says "yea I agree we need to talk" and then we never do. I'm not into ultimatums so I really don't want to give him a deadline but I'm tired of dragging this out if it should just be done. Any advice on where to go from here? Is there still any hope or is this pretty much over?
CaliBabe Posted December 4, 2013 Posted December 4, 2013 The back and forth sounds exhausting. He sounds like he does not value what you want or put you as a priority in his life. Are you okay with being treated this way? Its obvious he wont change. Go NC for good.
Philosoraptor Posted December 4, 2013 Posted December 4, 2013 So he repeats the same behavior over and over, and even though you know the result you keep taking him back? He's shown you how much he values you. You can either accept it or move on, but he's shown over multiple chances that what you see is what you get. 1
Author jtuckern Posted December 4, 2013 Author Posted December 4, 2013 So he repeats the same behavior over and over, and even though you know the result you keep taking him back? He's shown you how much he values you. You can either accept it or move on, but he's shown over multiple chances that what you see is what you get. I know... Even when I read it, I wonder what makes me think he would all of the sudden "come around" when his selfish behavior is repetitive. Thank you for your straightforward thoughts!
Author jtuckern Posted December 4, 2013 Author Posted December 4, 2013 The back and forth sounds exhausting. He sounds like he does not value what you want or put you as a priority in his life. Are you okay with being treated this way? Its obvious he wont change. Go NC for good. I think you're right. NC is best... This constant uphill struggle of trying to be together right now without "being together" is exhausting. Thank you for your thoughts!
LostConfused123 Posted December 4, 2013 Posted December 4, 2013 Wow! Your story is very similar to mine. I hated the disappointment and feeling so low on his priorities. We are both better off without them (even though our hearts say otherwise) That's one thing I absolutely do not miss is his flakiness!! Stay strong!! Best of luck to you!! ((hugs))
Crila16 Posted December 4, 2013 Posted December 4, 2013 Oh...you lost me at "he didn't come to see you on your birthday". I'm sorry...but that's a big deal. The fact that your bday wasn't a #1 priority on his mind, that he couldn't stop thinking about it and the next time he was going to see you, kinda says it all. He's really not trying at all. You broke up for 3 weeks, and you got back together...and he knew that would throw you again, yet he did it anyway...but worse. It was your birthday. I just don't see you being a priority to him. I believe he cares for you. I believe he isn't cheating or anything, but I think his friends and his autonomy is more important to him. The best thing is to NC and just move on. It's not easy and it will stink...but what are you going to do? Stay in a relationship and settle for less than what you deserve? I'd rather be alone. Mourn, move on and one day you will find that guy that will make you #1.
Author jtuckern Posted December 4, 2013 Author Posted December 4, 2013 Wow! Your story is very similar to mine. I hated the disappointment and feeling so low on his priorities. We are both better off without them (even though our hearts say otherwise) That's one thing I absolutely do not miss is his flakiness!! Stay strong!! Best of luck to you!! ((hugs)) It's so hard when you know you're making someone your number one priority and it isn't being reciprocated. Thank you for your words of encouragement!
Author jtuckern Posted December 4, 2013 Author Posted December 4, 2013 Oh...you lost me at "he didn't come to see you on your birthday". I'm sorry...but that's a big deal. The fact that your bday wasn't a #1 priority on his mind, that he couldn't stop thinking about it and the next time he was going to see you, kinda says it all. He's really not trying at all. You broke up for 3 weeks, and you got back together...and he knew that would throw you again, yet he did it anyway...but worse. It was your birthday. I just don't see you being a priority to him. I believe he cares for you. I believe he isn't cheating or anything, but I think his friends and his autonomy is more important to him. The best thing is to NC and just move on. It's not easy and it will stink...but what are you going to do? Stay in a relationship and settle for less than what you deserve? I'd rather be alone. Mourn, move on and one day you will find that guy that will make you #1. Yeahhhhh... The whole birthday thing really really threw me for a loop. Pretty stinking bad thing to do the person you say you "love". Thank you for sharing your thoughts with me!
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