I'm scared that she'll never be single again. Or is she rebounding?

[Seth827]

Hey,

 

I was with my ex for a year, we broke up in June. If you had to put a label on who the 'dumper' was then it would of been me. She was very upset for a while as she felt it was out of the blue. Breaking up was the best decision at the time for both of us but it was in no way a messy break up. We were eachother's first love. That's all that needs to be said about the break up as I don't want any abuse about how I'm being cruel for missing her or wanting to get back together haha.

 

So after the break up we were in low contact for about a month, she wanted to get back together but I couldn't do it at the time. So 2 weeks later she meets this guy through mutual friends and starts dating him, 2 weeks later they were in a relationship. The guy is a couple of years younger than me and looks a bit like me, but I've heard his personality is the complete opposite.

 

A month goes by and I start to miss her, I had to tell her how I felt because I think she thought I just didn't care at all, so I went round her house and poured my heart out. She seemed very pleased to hear me say everything she had always wanted me to hear, and she said she had a lot to think about and we left it at that. I met up with her a few times after that and pretty much said the same things over again about how I missed her, she was seeing me without her new boyfriend knowing too. She said things that really play on my mind; she said she was much more physically attracted to me, and that she did miss me a lot, and that she wanted to try again, but she also said that her new relationship was going good and that he had done nothing wrong so far (this was 2 months into their relationship). The next morning she calls me and says that she's broken up with him for me, then she came round and we talked about how we were going to get back together, and suddenly out of the blue she said she couldn't do this and that she had to be with him.

 

Now I'm still in contact with her in a friendly way but I still can't make sense of anything that's happened. She also cheated on him with me too if that helps. They've now been together for months (Ignoring the break up for me)

 

Is she rebounding? Will it last now? Have I screwed things up by interfering?

 

sorry for the long post. tried to make it as short as I could haha

-Seth x

[justash-x]

Sounds like she's very confused and needs some space. I would let her know exactly how you feel and if you want/don't want to get back with her.

 

If your meant to be you will get back together

[panoramicview]

My initial thoughts to your post is that you missing her is only a knee-jerk reaction to her new relationship. Just weeks before she entered this relationship, you said you weren't ready to be with her again. What significant changes happened in those four weeks that suddenly made you realize you were wrong? I hope you don't interpret this as abusive, but I don't think you're being very fair to her. While moving on as quickly as she did may not have been healthy, you shouldn't have expected her to put her life on hold until you decided you wanted her back.

 

You let her go for a reason and believed it was the right decision. You have to trust yourself and stay out of her relationship. It may very well be a rebound, but it also might last. Do you want to live with the fact that she is using you for comfort while continuing to move on?

[TanTry]

I agree with panoramic view

 

I would say that you should maybe take a step back and let it play out with her partner

 

Let her be happy, if it is meant to be then it will be I guess

 

You have told her how you feel so the ball is in her court now

[Seth827]

I would never expect anyone to put their life on hold for me, but it's just all the things that she has said to me about getting back together whilst she's in a new relationship that are playing on my mind. I know I'm completely in the wrong but it's just the way I feel. She's said a lot of things that play on my mind, like that she's more physically attracted to me, and when she came over after she broke up with him she admitted that she only started things up with him just to get over me. It's just frustrating because I can see that she gets everything she wants out of a relationship with him but is it necessarily the person she wants it with? By this evidence I don't think so

[greenflower]

I don't get the feeling that you want her more than anything else on the planet. Are you sure about what you are doing/want ?

 

If not, especially as the dumper, I suggest you leave her alone. Don't hurt her any further.