Absinthe Posted December 4, 2013 Posted December 4, 2013 I have a complicated relationship with my ex-boyfriend, for various reasons. I've posted about it on here a couple of times, but tl;dr, he can't commit to me but doesn't seem to want to leave me alone either, and I've been doing my damndest to move on from it for about, oh, five years or so now. I'm soon to move 7,000 miles away but this isn't the first stint I have done abroad and with the advent of modern technology, it's all too easy for geographical distance to have absolutely no bearing on mental distance. Try as I might - and I have done some pretty exciting things with my life in the process - I cannot move on from this guy. In the past, I've tried blocking him on Facebook, but he always finds another way to reach me...phone, email, LinkedIn, Skype, you name it (oh and damn you, Google+). I would plug one hole and a few months later he'd pop up through another. In the end he begged to stay in touch with me, and I agreed. He messages me almost daily and asks to Skype at least once a fortnight. The conversation is usually about each other's day, but often ends up X-rated. There is one thing - I cannot stop picking arguments with him. We will chat pleasantly enough, then I'll just find myself getting irritated and going off on one. If he doesn't reply within a few hours to a "read" message I find myself getting angry. It's completely irrational and unlike me. Then I'll find myself calming down and regretting our spats. He takes it all in his stride, doesn't tell me to go fly a kite, maintains that we "really are meant to be good friends", and carries on as before. I have a lot of great friendships and flying off the handle like this does not happen with anyone else. He seems to bring out this side of me and I don't like it. I've really thought about just saying "look bud, this is it" and burning the bridges of this dysfunctional relationship but I can't seem to commit to that either. ARGH. Brutal opinions welcome.
stillafool Posted December 4, 2013 Posted December 4, 2013 Tell him if he doesn't leave you alone you will get a restraining order and mean it. I find it hard to believe that you have been putting up with unwanted communication for 5 years. If you really wanted him to stop he would. You do not have to talk to him even if he is able to find you, reach you. If you are really serious about him leaving you alone, he would. Don't talk to him. 1
Author Absinthe Posted December 4, 2013 Author Posted December 4, 2013 (edited) Tell him if he doesn't leave you alone you will get a restraining order and mean it. I find it hard to believe that you have been putting up with unwanted communication for 5 years. If you really wanted him to stop he would. You do not have to talk to him even if he is able to find you, reach you. If you are really serious about him leaving you alone, he would. Don't talk to him. Yep, except I let him. I fully concede to that. I just really can't decide if he's genuinely decent or if I've allowed him to Jedi Mindtrick me into believing that he is, thus I stay in this loop. Meanwhile, somewhere my subconscious knows he's probably a douche, and that's why we can't get on. Edited December 4, 2013 by Absinthe
MissBee Posted December 4, 2013 Posted December 4, 2013 I have a complicated relationship with my ex-boyfriend, for various reasons. I've posted about it on here a couple of times, but tl;dr, he can't commit to me but doesn't seem to want to leave me alone either, and I've been doing my damndest to move on from it for about, oh, five years or so now. I'm soon to move 7,000 miles away but this isn't the first stint I have done abroad and with the advent of modern technology, it's all too easy for geographical distance to have absolutely no bearing on mental distance. Try as I might - and I have done some pretty exciting things with my life in the process - I cannot move on from this guy. In the past, I've tried blocking him on Facebook, but he always finds another way to reach me...phone, email, LinkedIn, Skype, you name it (oh and damn you, Google+). I would plug one hole and a few months later he'd pop up through another. In the end he begged to stay in touch with me, and I agreed. He messages me almost daily and asks to Skype at least once a fortnight. The conversation is usually about each other's day, but often ends up X-rated. There is one thing - I cannot stop picking arguments with him. We will chat pleasantly enough, then I'll just find myself getting irritated and going off on one. If he doesn't reply within a few hours to a "read" message I find myself getting angry. It's completely irrational and unlike me. Then I'll find myself calming down and regretting our spats. He takes it all in his stride, doesn't tell me to go fly a kite, maintains that we "really are meant to be good friends", and carries on as before. I have a lot of great friendships and flying off the handle like this does not happen with anyone else. He seems to bring out this side of me and I don't like it. I've really thought about just saying "look bud, this is it" and burning the bridges of this dysfunctional relationship but I can't seem to commit to that either. ARGH. Brutal opinions welcome. It isn't just him. It's you too. As much as he doesn't want to leave you be..you don't want him to either, as believe me, if you absolutely were not interested in being in touch you would block and delete him from EVERYTHING and he'd not be able to be in touch with you. Yet you leave the door open because you also get something out of your weird relationship. I've been there, done that, got the t-shirt and the whole drama ended when I stopped acting like it was him and realized it was me too. You have to figure out why you need him in your life, what part of you likes his attention, why you can't let go either and go from there. I learned my lesson about the back and forth with an ex who at the end of the day provides what? X-rated conversations, temporary attention, arguments but nothing substantial?
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