Author sparklingbeauty Posted December 4, 2013 Author Posted December 4, 2013 Weve never talked about getting married in front of our kids and my daughter already knows what wedding and getting married is. What would you do if your 4 year old daugher comes up to you and says. Are you and daddy married and why not? bercause the only answer I can give her is ask daddy and even daddy cant even answer that one.
Author sparklingbeauty Posted December 4, 2013 Author Posted December 4, 2013 1-you save for your wedding 2-you dont need a big fancy wedding to be happy 3- and he knows if we ever decides to leave eachother i dont even want the house, just my stuff and leave. its called having respect and caring for the kids.
Keenly Posted December 4, 2013 Posted December 4, 2013 Weve never talked about getting married in front of our kids and my daughter already knows what wedding and getting married is. What would you do if your 4 year old daugher comes up to you and says. Are you and daddy married and why not? bercause the only answer I can give her is ask daddy and even daddy cant even answer that one. I would be honest and say "no honey, we are not, but daddy and I love eachother very much." Is that so hard? Is this an image issue? Do you want to get married because you are worried about how the outside world is going to perceive you if you are not married?
d0nnivain Posted December 4, 2013 Posted December 4, 2013 At this point the better Q is what are you going to do if he doesn't marry you? You have 2 choices: walk away or put up with the status quo.
Philosoraptor Posted December 4, 2013 Posted December 4, 2013 Honestly, just based on what you've told us and your attitude here it doesn't seem like you play very nicely when you don't hear what you want to hear. I sense a lot of aggression which in itself would make one hesitent to consider marriage with you. What's the financial situation like? Can he afford a ring without going into debt? Are you happy with a $100 1/8 carrot ring or do you demand something larger? Would you accept a quickie marriage at the courthouse or do you demand something bigger? 1
Keenly Posted December 4, 2013 Posted December 4, 2013 1-you save for your wedding 2-you dont need a big fancy wedding to be happy 3- and he knows if we ever decides to leave eachother i dont even want the house, just my stuff and leave. its called having respect and caring for the kids. Yeah, no. I am not buying it. Best of luck to you and your family.
Janesays Posted December 4, 2013 Posted December 4, 2013 Weve never talked about getting married in front of our kids and my daughter already knows what wedding and getting married is. What would you do if your 4 year old daugher comes up to you and says. Are you and daddy married and why not? bercause the only answer I can give her is ask daddy and even daddy cant even answer that one. Ouch. My eyes nearly rolled out of my head. Kids, as a matter of self preservation, are very naturally self centered. That is science. Your kids are not worried about your happiness. They don't care about your relationship dynamic. And the definitely don't care about Mommy being married to Daddy. All a child cares about is that THEY are happy, loved, and their needs are met. That is all they are SUPPOSED to care about. They are CHILDREN! Even if they DO ask, they don't really care. So it doesn't matter what you say. Just say "because we never got around to it" and then watch how quickly she changes the subject and asks "what's for dinner?" Dont drag your kids into the middle of your relationship drama, please. 1
imfine Posted December 4, 2013 Posted December 4, 2013 Bitter & resentful. Great way to start a marriage. You won't go that low? What is that supposed to mean? I'll assume you mean live together without marriage. You have a home, two children and a life together yet you consider what you have "going low." It's a little late to be throwing out technicalities.
Lauriebell82 Posted December 4, 2013 Posted December 4, 2013 Sparklingbeauty, why did you come to this forum seeking advice? Did you want people to tell you that they feel so bad and that your boyfriend needs to get his act together? LS isn't always like that unfortunately. You are not going to like everything you hear. But I guarantee that if you don't drop the defensiveness, then you are not going to hear a word anyone is saying to you. So please CALM DOWN. Now. I understand your feelings of frustration. You want your children to have married parents. I am traditional and I too would not be happy having children out of wedlock. HOWEVER, you did chose to do that. You also chose to purchase a house with this man. The choices you have made have most likely contributed to your current situation. Maybe your boyfriend does want to marry you, but he doesn't seem to be in a hurry. He sounds happy with his current life and marriage is not a priority to him as it is to you. That is an incompatibility. Your kids are too young to understand why you are not married, and even if they DO understand then they most likely are more concerned with having two loving parents then rings on your fingers. Your feelings matter, but so do your boyfriend's. You are incompatible in your views on marriage. So can you accept your life as it is right now and be happy? If the answer is "no" then you are going to have a decision to make on whether or not you want to continue with this relationship.
Mr. Lucky Posted December 5, 2013 Posted December 5, 2013 we also bought a house together. When you bought the house, the bank didn't say "come on in, live here for 5 years, have the run of the place and then decide if you want to sign the mortgage". Why? Because they wanted to make sure you were committed to the deal and wouldn't bail if times got tough. You might learn from their example. Regardless, you've brought two kids into the picture. I'd hope your focus is on what they need rather than what you want... Mr. Lucky 1
Eggplant Posted December 5, 2013 Posted December 5, 2013 I feel that the underlying question on both sides of this back-and-forth over whether a couple should value marriage is what the true motives of each partner are. If the man balks at marriage, the woman becomes suspicious of his motives. If the woman pushes marriage, the man becomes suspicious of the woman's motives. And around we go. 3
Recommended Posts