Author murachy Posted December 4, 2013 Author Posted December 4, 2013 I just don't get why it's not possible for him to choose me over her. Like yall are acting like its an impossibility. Like is there no way for him to decide she's not worth it and focus on me?
lifeunderground Posted December 4, 2013 Posted December 4, 2013 I just don't get why it's not possible for him to choose me over her. Like yall are acting like its an impossibility. Like is there no way for him to decide she's not worth it and focus on me? If that was the case he wouldn't be seeing her at all. What you don't get is it's too late for that.
oldshirt Posted December 4, 2013 Posted December 4, 2013 . What do you guys think, if I tell him she needs to go? Go ahead and do that. It's inevitable that one of you are going to put his feet to the fire anyway so go ahead and do it now and you'll have your answer. The possible outcomes are these - - He will say no and continue seeing her (and possibly others) - and the sub-possibility he will dump you for pressuring him. - he will say yes but will continue to see her (and possibly others ) on the down-low. - He may abide by your wishes and end it with her and stay with you. Those are the possible out comes. That's a 1 in 3 chance things will go in your favor. It's up to you if you are willing to go with those odds or not.
Travelling man Posted December 4, 2013 Posted December 4, 2013 Sounds like my situation the other way around. I'm the guy trying to convince a girl to get off her ex. Also broke up around August, two years together, trying to reconcile, he hurt her, but she still wants to see if it can be salvaged somehow. I don't know if it can, but this is one crappy place to be in when you have started to develop feelings and got attached. Go for it, if you think you can keep your feelings and emotions at bay. Because likely you will hear or experience many, many times when the ex comes before you, just when you thought you two were getting somewhere. Although, I'd advice you to steer clear. Stay as friends or as nothing and maybe in time he will come to you again. Don't count on it though. And let me say this one more time: when feelings come in for you, you won't like it.
Emilia Posted December 5, 2013 Posted December 5, 2013 ah, troll thread folks, the poster is insisting too much, it's a set up 2
Iguanna Posted December 5, 2013 Posted December 5, 2013 I'm wondering, what if she hadn't asked to get things serious? He would go on seeing both her and his ex and one day (while she was looking at her future wedding dress and planning the honeymoon) he'd tell her "Oh I'm so sorry, I decided to go back to my ex, thanks for the fun though, keep in touch!". Why do we let these guys exist at all???
Author murachy Posted December 5, 2013 Author Posted December 5, 2013 It isn't a troll thread. But.... it might not be entirely honest. The truth is, I'm actually the ex. I'm the ex he's still seeing, who he says he "maybe" wants to reconcile with. He says he is not sure he can ever trust me, that I have hurt him very deeply, but that he wants to "see" if we can work. In the meantime, however, he wants to see other people. There's one particular girl he's gone on several dates with, while he and I have also been talking and trying to work through things. I think he likes her; he says he likes me more, that she's a "back-up" option if things between us fall apart, but I wonder a lot if that's a line. I know he has a lot of fun with her, and that he would consider pursuing a relationship with her (and still might), even though he wants kids and she doesn't. So I tried to write a thread from her perspective. I am scared... terrified, really... that I've hurt him too deeply for him to come back. I am terrified I will lose him to her, just when I finally got my head on straight and feel I can fully invest and commit to him. I am worried she is prettier, better, smarter, and more fun than I am, and that he will ultimately choose her, despite him trying to work through things with me. I'm sorry if that came across as a troll. I was trying to see if from the other side.
Iguanna Posted December 5, 2013 Posted December 5, 2013 It isn't a troll thread. But.... it might not be entirely honest. The truth is, I'm actually the ex. Emilia girl, you rock big time.
emva07 Posted December 5, 2013 Posted December 5, 2013 With guys in this situation there is something drawing them back to the ex (you), it may be love, or anything else (good sex, security, affection, etc) .... that being said, there is a larger part of them that wants to move on and find someone better, that won't cause them pain, hence the seeing other people. Sometimes they find her, sometimes they don't. If it's love he has for you, he may be with anyone else but will never be able to move on. Him not being able to move on doesn't mean he won't though, you will just be that ex he loved but couldn't be with. Doesn't mean he won't move on, but if he choses to it will definitely take some time. If he does decide to get back with you, there will always be that part of him that is super hurt and doesn't trust, but some people chose that because they don't want to be without that person.
Iguanna Posted December 5, 2013 Posted December 5, 2013 Why do you base your life on a guy? Why have you let your life on his hands and you wait for him to accept you or deny you? What kind of person does this make you and how do you believe he will respect you if you don't respect yourself? 1
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