murachy Posted December 4, 2013 Posted December 4, 2013 I've been going on dates with a guy for about a month now, maybe about one or two a week. We've hooked up and it's been really fun. I like him a lot so over the weekend I broached the subject of us getting more serious. He told me that right now he's not sure but he'd like to "see where it goes." Well I pushed about this a little bit what did he mean and stuff. He admitted that right now he and his ex are trying to figure some stuff out. He says they broke up in August after dating for a few years but started being in contact recently. He isn't sure he wants to be with her because she apparently hurt him badly but they still hang out a ton and she's spent the night a few times. He says he's not sure if he wants her or if he wants to get serious with me but would like to keep seeing me. What do you guys think? Is this a bad situation? Or do you think I have a chance to still get him?
MidwestUSA Posted December 4, 2013 Posted December 4, 2013 I'm not sure why you'd want a chance to 'get him'. He's not over his ex, and is sleeping with her! Next. 7
Author murachy Posted December 4, 2013 Author Posted December 4, 2013 Well he says he's not sure he wants her cause of how much she hurt him. That's a good sign right?
MidwestUSA Posted December 4, 2013 Posted December 4, 2013 No, because he's 'not sure'. It's a horrible sign. You'll be a rebound. 5
imfine Posted December 4, 2013 Posted December 4, 2013 No it's not a good sign. He's sleeping with you AND another woman. Do you like sloppy seconds? 1
oldshirt Posted December 4, 2013 Posted December 4, 2013 Well he says he's not sure he wants her cause of how much she hurt him. That's a good sign right? No that' a really really BAD sign! It means he is still really into her because he is still involved with her even though she hurt him real bad. That means that once she has kicked and soothed his wounds enough, you will b out in the cold in the blink of an eye. 2
AMusing Posted December 4, 2013 Posted December 4, 2013 Well he says he's not sure he wants her cause of how much she hurt him. That's a good sign right? Yeah, it's a great sign! If you want to get seriously hurt when he decides to give it another shot with his ex, that is. Even if he decides to see you exclusively (and that is very unlikely), he's not in the right place emotionally to start a new relationship. Trust me, I've dated this guy before. It only gets more awful the longer you put up with it. The best course you can take is tell him something along the lines of, "I'm starting to really like you, but I'm not ok with all this uncertainty. Call me if you decide you are really over your ex and want to have a relationship with me. Until then, I don't want to hear from you." 2
Author murachy Posted December 4, 2013 Author Posted December 4, 2013 But I think I could maybe get him to fall for me before she could do that. Like Ive seen her pictures and I am way cuter. We also have tons of fun and stuff in common that I know she doesn't have (like we both love hockey and she hates sports.) If he wasnt looking to move on from her why would he be going on dates with me right?
oldshirt Posted December 4, 2013 Posted December 4, 2013 That means that once she has kicked and soothed his wounds enough, you will b out in the cold in the blink of an eye. That's an autocorrect typo that won't let me edit. I meant to say once she has licked and soothed his wounds enough, he will go back to her.
oldshirt Posted December 4, 2013 Posted December 4, 2013 But I think I could maybe get him to fall for me before she could do that. Like Ive seen her pictures and I am way cuter. We also have tons of fun and stuff in common that I know she doesn't have (like we both love hockey and she hates sports.) If he wasnt looking to move on from her why would he be going on dates with me right? To keep his tank drained and boost his ego until they are back together.
Author murachy Posted December 4, 2013 Author Posted December 4, 2013 How come you guys are so sure he won't end up liking me better? I am friggin better!
Emilia Posted December 4, 2013 Posted December 4, 2013 How come you guys are so sure he won't end up liking me better? I am friggin better! You are competing for a guy? Are you out of your mind? 4
oldshirt Posted December 4, 2013 Posted December 4, 2013 If he wasnt looking to move on from her why would he be going on dates with me right? You are thinking like a girl here. The problem is he is a guy and guys don't think like girls. Girls pick out the best guy they have access to and will go out with him at the exclusion of others (untill a better on comes along) Guys will go out with all that they can and just go out with additional girls untill one gets him to commit to just her. In other words guys think in terms of "..in addition to.... " rather than, "....instead of..." He is going out with multiple girls be cause he can. And he will continue to do so untill either one of them combine as him to see only her or untill one of the girls stops going along with it. 1
Author murachy Posted December 4, 2013 Author Posted December 4, 2013 Right so why can't I be the one he'll commit to? Especially since I'm better and she hurt him. Like it seems you guys are sure I'm going to the one out in the cold. why not her?
MidwestUSA Posted December 4, 2013 Posted December 4, 2013 Right so why can't I be the one he'll commit to? Especially since I'm better and she hurt him. Like it seems you guys are sure I'm going to the one out in the cold. why not her? Okay then. Go forth. Rescue him. You're way cuter; I'm sure everything will work out for you. Like, you know? 1
oldshirt Posted December 4, 2013 Posted December 4, 2013 How come you guys are so sure he won't end up liking me better? I am friggin better! Ok so let me word it this way - a guy will put his eggs in as many baskets as he can, even if one basket is cuter and "Better" than the other(s). He'll double-dip in as many as he can untill one of them pushes for exclusivity enough that he either caves in or he really l uses that he'll lose one that he doesn't want to be without and is willing to ditch the others. That could be you but since they have the history together, the odds are stacked against it. Yes, they had some kind of drama, but if she had hurt him more than what she is worth, he would've moved on and not looked back. The fact that they reconciling means that he thinks she is worth more than the pain she caused and he is willing to give her another chance. You are the side-piece and the distraction and the extra entertainment and the back up plan at the moment. Sure, they could blow up again and she could dump him for good or he could get to the end of his rope and he dumps her once and for all and then you'd hav him by default untill he goes out with someone else. Yay you win!!! :-o The catch to all of this is he has shown that he is a multi-dated (which I believe in) ans d he has shown himself as willing to string multiple people along (which I do not) This is not about him and this other girl as much as it is about your willingness to settle for this arrangement. 1
lifeunderground Posted December 4, 2013 Posted December 4, 2013 Seriously where is your self respect? He's ****ing both of you. Plus he has history with her He said himself they are trying to reconcile Are you blind? If you were sooo much better he wouldn't be seeing her. In all my experience if a guy was still hungup on his ex he went back to her Every single time Good luck you'll need it. You are also letting him know you are completely okay with this When he disappears don't say we didn't warn you. 3
soccerrprp Posted December 4, 2013 Posted December 4, 2013 You can't compete with history. In this case, I am in agreement. He still has feelings for his ex, so you've got some HUGE hurdles to overcome, if overcoming them is possible at all.
Author murachy Posted December 4, 2013 Author Posted December 4, 2013 I just dont get that the idea that if hes so hung up on his ex that I never have a chance then why is he going on these fun, awesome dates with me? If I pushed for exclusivity, why wouldn't he choose me? Yeah they have history, which is drama and her hurting him. They're exes for a reason right? Her trying to get him back when he's clearly having such a better time with me doesn't seem like a big deal, does it? I mostly just want to get rid of her. I think she's messing with his head. I think with his head on straight he can clearly see I am the better choice. What do you guys think, if I tell him she needs to go?
Jules78 Posted December 4, 2013 Posted December 4, 2013 I just dont get that the idea that if hes so hung up on his ex that I never have a chance then why is he going on these fun, awesome dates with me? If I pushed for exclusivity, why wouldn't he choose me? Yeah they have history, which is drama and her hurting him. They're exes for a reason right? Her trying to get him back when he's clearly having such a better time with me doesn't seem like a big deal, does it? I mostly just want to get rid of her. I think she's messing with his head. I think with his head on straight he can clearly see I am the better choice. What do you guys think, if I tell him she needs to go? You have only been dating him for a month and you asked him about getting more serious. He was honest with you about his ex and now you just want to "win". Be glad you weren't in this relationship longer than a month when his ex came back because you would be posting about your broken heart instead. Run for the hills, sister!! 2
Author murachy Posted December 4, 2013 Author Posted December 4, 2013 Come on, how much can he like his ex if he's seeing me at least once a week, sometimes two and we're having so much fun? What sort of shot does she have when she's uglier and way worse and has hurt him?
runningfar Posted December 4, 2013 Posted December 4, 2013 Come on, how much can he like his ex if he's seeing me at least once a week, sometimes two and we're having so much fun? What sort of shot does she have when she's uglier and way worse and has hurt him? Did you want what's most likely or not? If an ex shows up and the immediate response isn't no way not ever, usually its the new person gone regardless of any characteristics of the new person. But that's not what you want to hear,do keep on trucking. Surely this could not end badly. 1
Jules78 Posted December 4, 2013 Posted December 4, 2013 Come on, how much can he like his ex if he's seeing me at least once a week, sometimes two and we're having so much fun? What sort of shot does she have when she's uglier and way worse and has hurt him? You're right. He doesn't like her and was just kidding when he told you about her. He thinks you are prettier and he wants you to fight like he** for him. You will get the guy. Go for it! Is that what you want to hear? I hope this was a joke because if not...wow! 2
lifeunderground Posted December 4, 2013 Posted December 4, 2013 Come on, how much can he like his ex if he's seeing me at least once a week, sometimes two and we're having so much fun? What sort of shot does she have when she's uglier and way worse and has hurt him? Okay with that logic let's reverse it: how much can he like YOU if he's seeing HER multiple times a week have fun You're either really naive and emotionally immature Or a troll I really hope you're a troll. 2
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