Robbyrob Posted December 4, 2013 Posted December 4, 2013 sorry ive posted sth similar here once, but maybe i was looking for another answer. me and my ex were totally in love! we were barely fighting and had the best time ever together. she said she never met a guy like me before and never felt it that strong like with me. she always asked whether i was real. of course i am she loves everything about me, so did i about her. from looks to personality. at the end we both had to break up because she has to study medicine in hungary for at least 3 years. i highly respected her decision. i will most likely go to another country as well. so we broke up in a good way and we were still so much in love. we said we are meant to be for each other in the future but here is the point: the first 1.5 months she couldnt get over me, we talked every day and she cried so much. she said all she wanted is me. then one day she surprised me and her family for 3,4 days in germany. but she wasnt herself. she was so cold and i didnt recognize her. i can totally understand her cause the situation made it so difficult. she always said im so close but still so distant. i knew she still loved me, she told me 2 days before. but then the last day in germany before she was heading back to hungary she was pissed off and she was sick, she didnt want me to come around cause of her being sick. but i wanted to see hows shes doing. and it was the last day before i might not see her for an unknown time. the fact not to see her made me cry in front of her. she just kept on being pissed and said she doenst want that ****. it was all apparently too much for her. she went back to hungary and we then didnt talk for 3 weeks. before she never managed it to NC me, but after germany she did. after these 3 weeks, i said that i miss her. she told me that she doenst want a crying boyfriend and that it helped her to get over me. she said that she changed her mind about me and now has another picture about me. so in other words in that moment she thought im a pussy. i told her that i wasnt myself but she said thats now the last thing she saw from me. this happened 10 days ago, since then i go NC of course. she might come back in mid-december but i dont know if ill see or want to see her. if i see her ill act normal. all i want to know is: did she really changed her mind about me cause I was crying and she thinks im weak? she should know im still the same guy she had the best time ever with. or is it just a way to get over me and protect herself so that she can go on with her life, which i want her of course? or a bit of everything? i mean why would she think differently about me if i showed my emotions. im still the same guy like before. or is it something else? hope you guys can help me ps. Im already going on with my life even though its not easy not to think of her. I am NC with and have made up my future plans and ill also date other girls
Zoe Lilith Posted December 4, 2013 Posted December 4, 2013 There is nothing wrong with seeing a man expressing hih feelings, I don't consider it a weakness, nor a turn off, quite the opposite. The only thing I can come up with is, that after she saw you crying she realized how serious and emotionally involved you are in the relationship..She might love you, yet might not be ready for such serious comitment. I might be wrong, I am just sharing my opinion.
Author Robbyrob Posted December 4, 2013 Author Posted December 4, 2013 (edited) There is nothing wrong with seeing a man expressing hih feelings, I don't consider it a weakness, nor a turn off, quite the opposite. The only thing I can come up with is, that after she saw you crying she realized how serious and emotionally involved you are in the relationship..She might love you, yet might not be ready for such serious comitment. I might be wrong, I am just sharing my opinion. thank you for sharing this. it can be really anything. she had bf of 3.5 years before, so i dont know if its all about commitment its so hard to know whats happening. but the way she told me, that she changed her mind and she added that she couldnt allow any feelings for me now in this situation. another factor was then the distance which helped her to get over me. it sounded all very shocking to me at first. i believe women when they say they dont want to have a crying boyfriend, but she needs to realize the situation why i was upset. i also understood her that she wasnt herself. it could also be that she is with another guy there, cause she lives alone in another country, so she took the time to be with him and things healed from alone while she looked for a reason to have a better get over me! maybe im also wrong Edited December 4, 2013 by Robbyrob
Zoe Lilith Posted December 4, 2013 Posted December 4, 2013 I wouldn't want a bf who sees a dead cat on the street or a wounded bird somewhere. and he strats crying..however, having a man cry because we are parting, is completelly different thing. That is not a man crying or being weak, it's a emotional pain, and realisation that he is parting from someone he sincerely loves. I've never had a man cry after a break up with me (except the ex), but after all what has been happeing, I don't think these tears were real...I think your gf might have not completely healed over her past relationship with her ex...She might need some time on her own, to clear her head.
Author Robbyrob Posted December 4, 2013 Author Posted December 4, 2013 Totally understandable, and she should know that im not like this. otherwise she wouldnt have been so much in love with me. she was completely healed over her ex relationship. the thing is that she never had a guy like me but then she had to go to hungary to live there. the first 1.5 months she was in pain cause she missed me so much and she only wanted to have me there. then after her lil visit she changed. but she also said sth like she doesnt want to be in pain anymore. also we broke up in a good way. even though we both didnt want to, but we had no other choice. it was all very new for both of us. thats why im thinking that at the end, the reason that i cried was just one way to get over me. cause all the memories she has were just beautiful she said. but when she thinks of that last moment it doesnt let her allow any feelings...well its hard! but fortunately we are seperated through the distance which made it easier for both of us. and ill need to go my way. i was just very shocked that this was a reason for her to change her mind completely.
Zoe Lilith Posted December 4, 2013 Posted December 4, 2013 Totally understandable, and she should know that im not like this. otherwise she wouldnt have been so much in love with me. she was completely healed over her ex relationship. the thing is that she never had a guy like me but then she had to go to hungary to live there. the first 1.5 months she was in pain cause she missed me so much and she only wanted to have me there. then after her lil visit she changed. but she also said sth like she doesnt want to be in pain anymore. also we broke up in a good way. even though we both didnt want to, but we had no other choice. it was all very new for both of us. thats why im thinking that at the end, the reason that i cried was just one way to get over me. cause all the memories she has were just beautiful she said. but when she thinks of that last moment it doesnt let her allow any feelings...well its hard! but fortunately we are seperated through the distance which made it easier for both of us. and ill need to go my way. i was just very shocked that this was a reason for her to change her mind completely. I don't think that that is the reason. I honestly think that she just needs some time to figure thigs out on her own, especially, since this a new and unfamiliar thing for her. 1
Iguanna Posted December 4, 2013 Posted December 4, 2013 Possible reasons: 1. She wants to move on so she convinced herself that she is over you. 2. She met someone else and she hates herself for that but she is trying to make you dislike her so you move on more easily. 3. She realized being at a distance that she can get better than you and she wants to be free to try it. If she can't, she may come back to you. That's why she isn't shutting doors to you. Whatever it is, I know you know you got to move on... 1
Author Robbyrob Posted December 4, 2013 Author Posted December 4, 2013 Possible reasons: 1. She wants to move on so she convinced herself that she is over you. 2. She met someone else and she hates herself for that but she is trying to make you dislike her so you move on more easily. 3. She realized being at a distance that she can get better than you and she wants to be free to try it. If she can't, she may come back to you. That's why she isn't shutting doors to you. Whatever it is, I know you know you got to move on... all good arguments...you are right!! but to the first point: isnt she lieing to herself then if she was so much in love with me before. so she might still feel and even think the same about me but she needed a reason to move on? ill guess i wont know the truth! of course right now she is denying anything that has to do with me and she doesnt want anything anymore probably, but i dont think that she wont forget who i am for her and that im still different than all the other guys. we had like 20 dates which were not normal, and hard to forget. maybe thats what will always stay. but of course she knows we wont see each other for a long time and everything can change. so its also wise to stay NC right? i was only thinking of sending her Merry xmas wishes but not more.
Author Robbyrob Posted December 4, 2013 Author Posted December 4, 2013 I don't think that that is the reason. I honestly think that she just needs some time to figure thigs out on her own, especially, since this a new and unfamiliar thing for her. i think so too, she said she could never deal with the situation and always wanted me to be there. but she realized i cant so she needs to start moving on anyhow and thats what she is doing. i cant blame her for that, would never blame her for anything. was just not the right timing for us. well maybe at some point in the future we will meet again...no one knows. but i gotta keep on going my way and date new girls also i dont even know where ill be living in a couple of months
Iguanna Posted December 4, 2013 Posted December 4, 2013 all good arguments...you are right!! but to the first point: isnt she lieing to herself then if she was so much in love with me before. so she might still feel and even think the same about me but she needed a reason to move on? Sometimes you got to fake it to make it. Maybe she has some feelings but she wants to focus on her studies so she "created" a reason (maybe it was something that she always didn't like that much on you or something that she knows you don't like on yourself) in order to convince herself to go on. To be honest I think she just had a hard time adjusting in a new country with new people at the beginning (you said she was sad for 3 weeks) but after that she started meeting people, adjusting some more, she started being excited for this new life and she realized that, as much as she loves you, she has to go on and follow her dreams, which is something you decided together and I respect her for that. You wouldn't expect her to cry for you for 3 years now, would you? Don't you want her to be happy and study etc? You broke up, this means you have to accept that she may (and she will) find another guy. ill guess i wont know the truth! of course right now she is denying anything that has to do with me and she doesnt want anything anymore probably, but i dont think that she wont forget who i am for her and that im still different than all the other guys. we had like 20 dates which were not normal, and hard to forget. maybe thats what will always stay. but of course she knows we wont see each other for a long time and everything can change. so its also wise to stay NC right? i was only thinking of sending her Merry xmas wishes but not more. What I suggest is that you write her a letter (I prefer writing, you can talk to her saying these things if you prefer) saying that you totally respect her decisions, you want her to be happy and you won't put her in any emotional trouble. You can suggest that you are friends and talk once in a while, without having any other plan in mind though. If she agrees to that, you will have to keep your word. If she wants to totally be free from you, you got to respect her choice.
Author Robbyrob Posted December 4, 2013 Author Posted December 4, 2013 Sometimes you got to fake it to make it. Maybe she has some feelings but she wants to focus on her studies so she "created" a reason (maybe it was something that she always didn't like that much on you or something that she knows you don't like on yourself) in order to convince herself to go on. To be honest I think she just had a hard time adjusting in a new country with new people at the beginning (you said she was sad for 3 weeks) but after that she started meeting people, adjusting some more, she started being excited for this new life and she realized that, as much as she loves you, she has to go on and follow her dreams, which is something you decided together and I respect her for that. You wouldn't expect her to cry for you for 3 years now, would you? Don't you want her to be happy and study etc? You broke up, this means you have to accept that she may (and she will) find another guy. What I suggest is that you write her a letter (I prefer writing, you can talk to her saying these things if you prefer) saying that you totally respect her decisions, you want her to be happy and you won't put her in any emotional trouble. You can suggest that you are friends and talk once in a while, without having any other plan in mind though. If she agrees to that, you will have to keep your word. If she wants to totally be free from you, you got to respect her choice. yes you are totally right!! i would always want her to be happy and of course she will also find another guy. i was just shocked that she changed her midn so quickly, you know i would have liked to be always in good memories for her (maybe i am). but maybe she couldnt have handled it really well and she would have been still sad. like this its fine now. i also know i didnt do anything wrong so its all what matters. at the end i want her to have success there and maybe we will be in touch again at some point. i actually wrote a letter the day before she left, just talking about the amazing time we had and that ill never forget her and that she always remains special to me, so she knows what i feel for her. maybe she will even write me before christmas, cause hse reutnrs to germany soon so she is confronted with the "old" life there. but i really dont know what to expect. whenever she will write me i stay strong, be honest with her and tell her thats everything is fine. i think like this we will both always be reminded of the great memories and the last impression she had of me, will disappear with the time, because she knows im not like that. even though she was the girl ive always wanted, its time to move on! and there will still always be a better one!
Author Robbyrob Posted December 12, 2013 Author Posted December 12, 2013 I have a little update! Yesterday my ex wrote me very unexpectedly: she only wrote: she: Hey how are you doing? me: Hey im doing fine! How are you? she: Im fine too very short simple. i tried to be strong not to write anything after and i managed it. fortunately it didnt affect me too hard, even though i was NC the time before. did she expect me to answer, to start a conversation? what could be the reason for her to write me? did she feel bad of what she told me or does she miss me and just cant admit it? anyways ill keep on going my way still and wont write her!!
Chi townD Posted December 12, 2013 Posted December 12, 2013 I have a little update! Yesterday my ex wrote me very unexpectedly: she only wrote: she: Hey how are you doing? me: Hey im doing fine! How are you? she: Im fine too very short simple. i tried to be strong not to write anything after and i managed it. fortunately it didnt affect me too hard, even though i was NC the time before. did she expect me to answer, to start a conversation? what could be the reason for her to write me? did she feel bad of what she told me or does she miss me and just cant admit it? anyways ill keep on going my way still and wont write her!! It means nothing. She knew that when she last saw you, she treated you like garbage. Those were breadcrumbs. She knew she treated you badly and she felt guilty. She wanted to see if you hated her. Funny thing is, after you wrote back that you were fine, the texting stopped. All you did was ease her guilt. 2
Author Robbyrob Posted December 13, 2013 Author Posted December 13, 2013 It means nothing. She knew that when she last saw you, she treated you like garbage. Those were breadcrumbs. She knew she treated you badly and she felt guilty. She wanted to see if you hated her. Funny thing is, after you wrote back that you were fine, the texting stopped. All you did was ease her guilt. You are completely right. i think she expected me to text her.but i didnt feel like it and i think it was better. i need to have some pride. Shes still a great person and i dont hate her or im not mad at her, but I think her behaviour was immature at that point, she still needs to learn. She didnt know how to deal with the situation. I dont know if she really changed her mind about me or if it was just an excuse or sel-protection so that she was able to move on for herself. Cause breaking up in a good way can be very long-lasting. For me its all about moving on. Ill might only wish her *Merry Christmas*. But other than that I dont want to be in touch with her for now.I dont see her like the old ex's,shes a great person. Ill be moving to another country soon too and im open to meet new great girls. p.s. a funny thing inbetween: my ex from two years ago she left me for her ex bf 2 years ago, she was writing me yday that she feels ****ty cause they broke up...at the end they crawl back when they see what theyve misssed out
Author Robbyrob Posted December 28, 2013 Author Posted December 28, 2013 well after NC with my ex-gf, we only said merry christmas to each other which was fine until last night when i received this text from her: Btw I still remembered that i have your shirt and pullover (which i gave to her before she went to hungary so that she can always wear it) but i couldnt bring it because my suitcase was too full. ill igive it to you next time. i hope you dont mind what is she trying to achieve? does she want to get attention or really see me again when she comes back from hungary next time to give me the stuff?! i have no idea! i really dont need the stuff back because it wouldnt be good to see her only cause she wants to give me the stuff. but maybe its sth else behind it, i dont know! i was rly like shaking a bit yday when i read this, but i tried to be strong and only wrote her this: Just throw them away, thats fine! i feel good i was direct and didnt write much or iniated a conversation. she hasnt written back. so i stay Nc and strong! maybe she didnt expect me to write sth like that
2fargone Posted December 28, 2013 Posted December 28, 2013 You didn't stay NC... And you're still wanting it too much. I hope you at least waited some hours before you responded. In any case, again you gave her what she needed. grats.
Author Robbyrob Posted December 28, 2013 Author Posted December 28, 2013 You didn't stay NC... And you're still wanting it too much. I hope you at least waited some hours before you responded. In any case, again you gave her what she needed. grats. fortunately the xmas message didnt affect me. it was ok to wish her a merry christmas, just being courteous not more. only yday this message made me being a bit emotional but thats already gone. but im good, feeling kind of proud and even a bit stronger! i read the text at night from her and she saw i was online. but i replied the next day in the afternoon. so there were many hours inbetween!
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