bobby326 Posted December 4, 2013 Posted December 4, 2013 I think I just need to vent, I don't know if it's because I've been sick these past few days or what but this week has been horrible. I am over 3 months post BU and over 2 months NC, I had several dreams about her last night, they were about us trying to get back together but then me finding out she has been with other people. I am sure she has been with other people but I don't know because I have maintained NC. I woke up sweating and feeling awful, now I keep replaying moments in my head about when the breakup happened, things she said, things I did, mistakes I made, it's torture. I find myself wanting to know what she is up to but I know that if I try and find out I will most likely not like what I find. Like I said it has been over 2 months of NC, she moved out of my house, went back to her hometown, quit her job here and has a new job there, she has not tried to reach out to me at all, I almost feel worse that she has not at least left breadcrumbs or even a "how are you', it makes me sick that I was with someone for over 4 years, dedicated most of my life to her and she left me out of no where, cheated on me (made out with some guy when she was drunk) and treated me like I was this horrible person. I know I made mistakes, was not sensitive to her feelings sometimes, brought work home with me, I'm just killing myself today thinking back on all the negative things I did and how I could have handled them differently, I just feel really alone today. Maybe it's the holidays, me being sick, me not finding someone yet that compares to her, I don't know, it's just hard for me to see the positive in all of this and if there is light at the end of the tunnel. Any words of encouragement would be much appreciated, sorry guys, I am just weak today I guess, I feel like enough time has passed that I should be over this but i'm not, I guess I feel like she is most certainly over me and has been and that kills me. Thanks guys.
Hotsauce3mk Posted December 4, 2013 Posted December 4, 2013 I'm right there with you. After dating a girl for 2.5 years, 6 weeks ago she suddenly ends it out of the blue. 5 weeks of no contact. I too am a little upset she hasn't said anything to me although I know if she does it will set me back even more. Although I made my share of mistakes in the relationship I thought we were doing great. I did everything for that girl and was there for her when she needed me. I feel extremely used and unappreciated. I don't know if it's the holidays or what but the past week has been excruciatingly painful for me as well. Sometimes worse than the first week. I can definitely sympathize with the constant ruminating thoughts about what she is doing, who she is with, and what I could of done or said differently to prevent this. How does somebody just switch off and decide your suddenly not worth it anymore? It's killing me. Dreaming about her just makes my days that much worse. I have the same horrible thoughts that I will never find/love anyone as good or as much as her. What's really helped me cope is staying very active. Following a strict workout routine has helped me take some of the focus off of her and onto myself. When I'm at work and struggling with the thoughts I try and replace the thought with something positive or something that I need to get done. I sometimes try and think of the things I do have and am grateful for to gain some perspective. Just try and stay positive as best you can and focus on you. I think we'll get through this **** and come out on the other side even stronger from it. Hopefully you find some comfort in knowing someone else is going through a lot of the same hell and torture as you. Stay strong.
mendsley Posted December 4, 2013 Posted December 4, 2013 I'm in the same spot as both of you! I think this issue is needing to accept it's over and it's time to move on. If you try to eliminate the hope of her someday contacting you, the feeling of hope will no longer bother you. There seems to be some sub conscience thought of her coming back one day and that is what's bringing the pain. You need to work on telling yourself she is gone, she's the one that walked away and it's her loss. Make sure you talk out all the demons in your head to family and friends as much as possible...don't keep these thought trapped. Make sure to get your ass to the gym or partake in some type of enjoyable physical activity, you need to start building up the confidence. Mike
Author bobby326 Posted December 5, 2013 Author Posted December 5, 2013 Thanks guys, I needed that. I have been working out frequently, I'm in the best shape of my life and have been going strong for 3 months, dropped 20 lbs and look very different with my shirt off lol. I've noticed that I have good weeks and bad weeks, today ended bad for me when I overheard a co worker saying he asked his gf to marry him over thanksgiving and she said yes, they were together 5 years and live together, almost my exact situation, I was going to ask my ex to marry me too but never got the chance, she pulled this **** before I had the chance. I'm the only single person in my office and several are engaged and planning weddings and most of my friends are either married or live with their gfs. I though I had **** figured out, I thought I had a plan, now everything is all ****ed up and I feel like I have no direction, I feel lost......
letsplaygofish2 Posted December 5, 2013 Posted December 5, 2013 Bobby, I'm sorry to hear that everyone around you is married or getting married. It definitely makes life a lot more depressing when you constantly have that kind of environment around you. I think it's true that you'll have good days and bad days, but what helped me is to journal and keep track of my thoughts. Sometimes I'd read back on the things I wrote and wonder what the hell I was thinking. I then realized that I had a lot of negative thoughts and needed to just let go, bit by bit. You're doing great by the sound of it... just hang in there. If she comes into your mind, try to replace it quickly with something else. Your brain is hard coded with Her in your head, so you've got to reset your brain, so to speak. Never let yourself be an option for someone who didn't make you a priority
Author bobby326 Posted December 5, 2013 Author Posted December 5, 2013 Bobby, I'm sorry to hear that everyone around you is married or getting married. It definitely makes life a lot more depressing when you constantly have that kind of environment around you. I think it's true that you'll have good days and bad days, but what helped me is to journal and keep track of my thoughts. Sometimes I'd read back on the things I wrote and wonder what the hell I was thinking. I then realized that I had a lot of negative thoughts and needed to just let go, bit by bit. You're doing great by the sound of it... just hang in there. If she comes into your mind, try to replace it quickly with something else. Your brain is hard coded with Her in your head, so you've got to reset your brain, so to speak. Never let yourself be an option for someone who didn't make you a priority Thank you, I have made a lot of progress I think from the first month where I was literraly losing my mind and feared I would let it affect my career/relationships with friends etc. NC has helped a great deal but I can't get her out of my head, will I not stop thinking about her entirely until I am seriously involved with someone? I have been on a lot of dates since the breakup, a lot were from online dating, none of them have turned into anything, most likely because I never took them a step further because it just did not feel right or natural. I have another date next week but I think when my subscription is up in a few weeks I am not going to renew. Not trying to change direction or start a new thread but do you think staying away from dating for a while is a good or bad idea? I feel like the dates give me confidence for a short period of time then I fall back into a slump thinking about her, last night I was up almost all night thinking of everything, I almost felt like I was back to square one, it kills me because I am sure she is not phased by it at all and does not think of me at all. Ah! I hate this! lol
strive Posted December 5, 2013 Posted December 5, 2013 Thanks guys, I needed that. I have been working out frequently, I'm in the best shape of my life and have been going strong for 3 months, dropped 20 lbs and look very different with my shirt off lol. I've noticed that I have good weeks and bad weeks, today ended bad for me when I overheard a co worker saying he asked his gf to marry him over thanksgiving and she said yes, they were together 5 years and live together, almost my exact situation, I was going to ask my ex to marry me too but never got the chance, she pulled this **** before I had the chance. I'm the only single person in my office and several are engaged and planning weddings and most of my friends are either married or live with their gfs. I though I had **** figured out, I thought I had a plan, now everything is all ****ed up and I feel like I have no direction, I feel lost...... You know what being around so many happy couples mean? That at least some of them (if not all) would be more than happy to set you up with single friends! I think you should date casually if you feel that it gives you confidence. It's nice to go out and do fun stuff. Just don't get too involved too quickly. You still need to get over her completely before jumping into a new relationship.
letsplaygofish2 Posted December 5, 2013 Posted December 5, 2013 Honestly, I think that replacing her with someone new is not the answer. I'm personally dabbling with the idea of not dating for 6 months because I know that I am going to go back and forth on how I feel. We go through the five stages of grief in different orders, but still, I think that it would be healthier to work on the issues actively and try to resolve those feelings. It really is a personal decision, but from the sound of it I think that you're just trying to avoid the thoughts of HER by going on dates. Of course it will help boost your confidence, but I don't think it's fair to these other people that you are going on dates without giving it your best. It can be misleading for the other person too :/ By the way, can you please look at my post? I need some help... My post here
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