bobwhite007 Posted December 4, 2013 Posted December 4, 2013 Most of you all know my story. I have contacted my wifes tex ting "friend" twice about what it was all about. My first question is why is he so nice and polite when we talk? He asked me the first time we talked if me and w were still together. He also pointed out that he was married, I allready knew that. We talked again yesterday. He asked me twice if me and w were still together and also says that he is married and has three kids. He also stated that he knew w was leaving her job a year ago. I didn't know about it untill she turned in her notice. When I told him I asked her if he knew she said she told him the week before she left. He backs up and says " well I knew she had talked about it." This is important why? Well becauseafter my first recording she talked about some things relating to her new job and I asked her yhen if he knew and she said no he didn't. Why the lie I dunno. He also asked me two different times yesterday if we were still together. Why is he so willing and nice and polite and respectful to me when I calhim? If it was me I would have told him to stop calling me if I hadn't done anything. Is he afraid I'm gonna tell his wife? Yes I know this has gone on way too long and I shoukd just leave but after 30 years its damn hard. I am trying to become independent finacially and regain lost respect from her and my children. She has noticed the "going dark" and it has her very inquisitive and worried. All I need now is to loose these additional 15 lbs. Thanks for your time, I feel better now.
anne1707 Posted December 4, 2013 Posted December 4, 2013 I am not sure from your post and I was never really sure from your past thread. Have you confronted your wife about her affair?
harrybrown Posted December 4, 2013 Posted December 4, 2013 Has she ever stopped contacting him? Has she told him that she is leaving you? Maybe that is why he is asking so he can start back into the relationship. Tell the OM's wife. And ask your wife how many times she has contacted him lately and when is she leaving you? Tell her not to let the door hit her on her way out of the house. 2
Author bobwhite007 Posted December 4, 2013 Author Posted December 4, 2013 I am not sure from your post and I was never really sure from your past thread. Have you confronted your wife about her affair? Yes I have. Way too early. She says she has done nothing wrong. He asked me if I thought it was sexual. He says it never was.
Author bobwhite007 Posted December 4, 2013 Author Posted December 4, 2013 Has she ever stopped contacting him? Has she told him that she is leaving you? Maybe that is why he is asking so he can start back into the relationship. Tell the OM's wife. And ask your wife how many times she has contacted him lately and when is she leaving you? Tell her not to let the door hit her on her way out of the house. 1.. not sure 2..... don't know. 3 .. just call her up and tell what I know?
painfullyobvious Posted December 4, 2013 Posted December 4, 2013 Hate to be the bearer of bad news but this sounds like an emotional affair not a texting friend. The fact that her texting friend knew about your wives job situation in advance of you tells me she is confiding in him about her life. She should be communicating important life events, needs and wants with you. She is communicating these needs to a person outside of your marriage. It sounds like her texting friend is amicable in order to get information from you about your relationship with your wife. It sounds like he is interested in the possibility of your wife being "available" that is why the questions about your relationship. He is not being nice he is being nosey. Tell him to leave your wife alone if you are going to continue going forward, have wife go no contact with this person and begin rebuilding trust again. Are you sure there is nothing more to this friendship outside of texting? Start doing some digging. The emotional communication of your wife with this friend is very concerning 1
Oldspiceywolf Posted December 5, 2013 Posted December 5, 2013 OH MY GOD DUDE! I just wasted 2 hours reading all this dudes threads. If you read this just stop here. Bob you have no self esteem... None... Nada.... Zilch! He could never give any posters on his thread a straight answer. Every possible successful route to discovering the truth yet you never followed the directions properly or tipped your hand. EVERY FRICKEN TIME! OP, I just think think you have no intention of believing what you see, everytime something happens or you get close to some answers you either tip your hand al stops or you give up and apologize to your WW. Take every dime you have and hire someone to get the truth for you, you are incapable and if you do not hire someone the only reason you wouldn't is because you are lying to yourself and you don't want to know the truth. If you aren't willing to do what it takes to know then why do you keep worrying about it. Your wife has another life, of course she does! How could she not, like you said she's smart, everyone relies on her and you somehow run a small business but can't install a VAR properly. All she had to do is all the stuff everyone told you to do and she knows everytime you snoop. You are not slick or stealthy she knows your every move, you are no match for her, if you do not hire a professional you will never know(what you really want). I'm kinda wishing something bad happens to you for wasting everyone's air on your huffing puffing no action having A$$! Your a weak man and deserve to be going through this because you had all the power to end it! YOU DESERVE WHAT YOU ARE GOING THROUGH.... WEAK! This is so upsetting 2
atreides Posted December 5, 2013 Posted December 5, 2013 1.. not sure 2..... don't know. 3 .. just call her up and tell what I know? aye.... ok, i know i have said it to you before, your story is best known by you, i still can't put all the pieces together but. Yes to the 3rd question, tell OM's wife what you know. It seems what you know is enough to go dark, you separated as far as i could tell when you went to FL. That would at least get the ball rolling to know more, perhaps get more pieces to the puzzle.
Author bobwhite007 Posted December 5, 2013 Author Posted December 5, 2013 OH MY GOD DUDE! I just wasted 2 hours reading all this dudes threads. If you read this just stop here. Bob you have no self esteem... None... Nada.... Zilch! He could never give any posters on his thread a straight answer. Every possible successful route to discovering the truth yet you never followed the directions properly or tipped your hand. EVERY FRICKEN TIME! OP, I just think think you have no intention of believing what you see, everytime something happens or you get close to some answers you either tip your hand al stops or you give up and apologize to your WW. Take every dime you have and hire someone to get the truth for you, you are incapable and if you do not hire someone the only reason you wouldn't is because you are lying to yourself and you don't want to know the truth. If you aren't willing to do what it takes to know then why do you keep worrying about it. Your wife has another life, of course she does! How could she not, like you said she's smart, everyone relies on her and you somehow run a small business but can't install a VAR properly. All she had to do is all the stuff everyone told you to do and she knows everytime you snoop. You are not slick or stealthy she knows your every move, you are no match for her, if you do not hire a professional you will never know(what you really want). I'm kinda wishing something bad happens to you for wasting everyone's air on your huffing puffing no action having A$$! Your a weak man and deserve to be going through this because you had all the power to end it! YOU DESERVE WHAT YOU ARE GOING THROUGH.... WEAK! This is so upsetting thanks for your Kind words.
BetrayedH Posted December 5, 2013 Posted December 5, 2013 thanks for your Kind words. While it may not have been kind, that poster gave two practical suggestions: hire a PI and talk to the other man's wife. What say you?
aliveagain Posted December 5, 2013 Posted December 5, 2013 While it may not have been kind, that poster gave two practical suggestions: hire a PI and talk to the other man's wife. What say you? This, talk to the O/M's wife and let her decide if he is in a relationship with your wife, she may see things differently than you and may take more action than you. The game will change the minute you do this. 1
Owl Posted December 5, 2013 Posted December 5, 2013 Bob, while Oldspiceywolf may have been rather direct, he's right. You never have followed the advice/suggestions you've been given over and over and over and over on this forum. Voice activated recorder in her car. Ask a friend that she doesn't know to follow her when she might be meeting up with OM. Hire a PI. Call OM's wife, tell her what's going on, get her to help try to figure out what may be happening. I've always felt that regardless of whether or not you have enough evidence of cheating to confront her...you've got more than enough evidence that she doesn't love you, doesn't respect you, and doesn't treat you in any fashion that should be acceptable to your own self-esteem. And yet you still do nothing to change the situation. I don't believe that you WANT to change anything. I think you just want attention. 1
Steadfast Posted December 5, 2013 Posted December 5, 2013 We've all been afraid to act, at times. Some are habitually stuck there. Ask yourself what you want; out of marriage...out of life? What do you want to accomplish? How do you want to feel about yourself? Some parts of your life will probably fit in. Others won't. Guess what you need to do then? I have not read all of the thread, but I've read enough to realize you are either scared, attention starved, or both. If you ask for advice on a internet forum the polite thing to do is respond one way or another. Asking the same question or staying in the same place frustrates those trying to help you. If you're unhappy enough to write, it's time to do something tangible.
Owl Posted December 5, 2013 Posted December 5, 2013 Here's a thought. For the moment...drop trying to prove/disprove cheating. Focus instead on how she treats you. How she talks to you, about you, with you. How she interacts with you. How does THAT make you feel? Is it acceptable? If so, fair enough. If not...what are you doing about it?
Author bobwhite007 Posted December 6, 2013 Author Posted December 6, 2013 You all are right , I wanna know but I don't wanna know also. I asked him how he would feel if situation was reversed, he said he would be worried. When all this first came up I googled "how to find out if your wife is cheating" every result was right on. It said to get a var and put it in her car and the first listen would tell the who, the first listen the first day it was him. Then check phone bill, sure enough it was him. It was all there, the fancy panties I never saw her in, her new "landscaping", abandoned her church friends, her focus on losing weight ect. ect.. this is where I screwed up. I confront. She comes up with 9000 explanations and excuses, var goes quiet. She does a complete turn around in how she treats me, tries to screw my brains out and accomidate me in every way except with the truth. I keep digging and at every turn I come up with something else , everything and everyone is suspicious now. The close friends I confided in abandoned me, I don't hear from them. You all tell me im a weak pathetic example of a man and advise me to grow some balls , pack it in and leave. 33 years just pack up and leave. I tried and was a complete and total nutcase. I had to come back and find the truth. Its obvious she's not gonna tell it. My lawyer says either let it go or lets move forward with it. I try hard to let it go. I sleep a couple hours at night them I'm up pacing the floors again, 1 year later. Two adult children end up back home with one part time child and one full time child. I have let it drop and not said anything to her about it for several weeks now. The days I called om I played close attention to her behavior when she got home. She seemed very nervous both times. Where I go from here I'm not sure yet. Hire a pi? Maybe. I think for now I need to focus on me. Open a seperate checking account, know exactly how much cash I have and lock my billfold in the safe at night. Its gonna take more time but I'm gonna get better. No doubt I've been a doormat. No doubt I've been lied to and taken advantage of. No doubt I've handled it alll wrong. I will find a way to get better.
Owl Posted December 6, 2013 Posted December 6, 2013 Here's my recommendation, based on your last post. Don't waste money on a PI. Don't waste your friend's time by asking them to help figure out what she's doing. Don't bother with a VAR at this point. You're not going to do anything anyway. You may sit there and fret and fume about how unfair it all is...but it's clear by your threads/posts that you're not going to take action........ever. Stop playing detective. Stop creating drama for drama's sake. You are too afraid to do anything, or take action to change anything. If you truly have to do something at this point...go to a therapist or counselor who can help you work through why you allow yourself to be treated this way...why you're so afraid of losing her regardless of how she treats you...why you're completely unwilling to do what needs to be done. That's the best way to spend your money/effort in my opinion.
Author bobwhite007 Posted December 12, 2013 Author Posted December 12, 2013 I know you all don't care but its started up again. She lies about where she's at. She is good. Phone call every morning, first thing. Met up three times in the last 5 days. What am I gonna do? Nothing for now. She has no idea I know. Its hard but I ain't sayin or doin nothing. She s using work phone.
aliveagain Posted December 12, 2013 Posted December 12, 2013 I know you all don't care but its started up again. She lies about where she's at. She is good. Phone call every morning, first thing. Met up three times in the last 5 days. What am I gonna do? Nothing for now. She has no idea I know. Its hard but I ain't sayin or doin nothing. She s using work phone. Plese see the bold because this is your course of action, this is always going to be the status of your marriage because this is how you are alowing yourself to be treated. You know what they call someone that always does the same thing but expects different results don't you? Time to try a different path.
Bryanp Posted December 12, 2013 Posted December 12, 2013 Catch them and bust them. You caught them together before in a park but did not even go and confront them and now she denies it. What is wrong with you? Go up to them and bust them. These postings are absolutely ridiculous since you refuse to take any significant action. One more time: If you do not respect yourself then who will?
Recommended Posts