Haydn Posted December 5, 2013 Posted December 5, 2013 Vin this is great advice from all these amazing people. time to act on it now? With you all the way. And you are not alone in feeling like .....but sometimes you have to come out of it, just for a moment to see what you are giving away. Vin you look like a good looking guy who could have his pick of the ladies, (And i am strictly butterside up) So go and show them! 1
Author Vinsanity1307 Posted December 5, 2013 Author Posted December 5, 2013 I post a thread averaging once a week...Never thought it was too much. Maybe it is...Like I said i feel better when talking with you guys....Friends dont want to hear it after 4/5 months...So figured here you get more support and understanding even if its somewhat the same thing over... but isnt everyones story on here for the most part the same with a few different minor details and characters??
ConfusedHumanBeing Posted December 5, 2013 Posted December 5, 2013 I post a thread averaging once a week...Never thought it was too much. Maybe it is...Like I said i feel better when talking with you guys....Friends dont want to hear it after 4/5 months...So figured here you get more support and understanding even if its somewhat the same thing over... but isnt everyones story on here for the most part the same with a few different minor details and characters??[/QUOTE] Sadly, yes that is true. Every story on here features many of the same details, issues, and what not. When most of the people who have been here for a little bit give advice, it can sometimes sound like a broken record, but it doesnt really make it less true either. In your situation Vin, I can say that after a year of being on here, you are one of the very rare ones I've seen that almost refuses to want to let go. I understand you want to feel better and I understand that you probably feel better now than you did when it first happen. I will also say that everyone goes at different speeds in recovery. Some take just weeks, some take months, some take years, some never recover. I dont want that for you man. You seem like a good kid overall and we all want to help. With that said, again, you are a rare one on here. I mentioned this in one of your other threads that its almost like you dont WANT to let it go in a faint attempt that maybe she will change her mind down the road or something. That usually NEVER happens. If it EVER does, you have to be a different person. Someone MUCH different. For me, you still seem SO involved and in your own head that it feels almost impossible for you to fully move on. Dragon did give some very helpful links because honestly, I dont think were going to help anymore. Its cool to vent and whatever, but I think this extends farther than that. Possible insecurity, abandonment, co-dependency problems. Not that you are some freak or anything haha but just something you really need to seek further. Dont feel like you are some outcast here or something Vin. Quite the contrary you are just like all of us. We advise because we care man. 2
Author Vinsanity1307 Posted December 5, 2013 Author Posted December 5, 2013 Thank you for your response..Ya see thats the thing I am not sure I could ever get back with her. My reasoning is I am about 99% sure she is seeing someone else which means she slept with them(as painful that is to say and think about). I always said and believed I could never go back to a person after that. I mean Ill never know, but Im not an idiot so even if by some ssmall small small chance she would that would be in my head...If that makes sense. I just cant let go of those in love memories , and all that stuff we did..Hard t forget and let go was prob the greatest past few years when I look back at it...I dunno but yea thats where I am at...
nevergoodenough Posted December 5, 2013 Posted December 5, 2013 Thank you for your response..Ya see thats the thing I am not sure I could ever get back with her. My reasoning is I am about 99% sure she is seeing someone else which means she slept with them(as painful that is to say and think about). I always said and believed I could never go back to a person after that. I mean Ill never know, but Im not an idiot so even if by some ssmall small small chance she would that would be in my head...If that makes sense. I just cant let go of those in love memories , and all that stuff we did..Hard t forget and let go was prob the greatest past few years when I look back at it...I dunno but yea thats where I am at... I just wanted to say I have gotten back with an ex after she slept with someone else (once our relationship was over). We didn't talk for like 2 years and she eventually found a contact for my roommate at the time and got my contact and then she let me know how much she loved me and wanted to be together. She told me she loved me and wanted to work things out on Valentines day and I took her back. We stayed together for a long time after that, I never once thought of who she slept with while we weren't together. It just didn't matter, just as she slept with people before meeting me, it really shouldn't matter. It's your life, do what you want. I just wanted to say that I believe it's kind of stupid to judge someone for what they do when they aren't with you. 1
Author Vinsanity1307 Posted December 5, 2013 Author Posted December 5, 2013 (edited) I 100% know it will never happen though......I know her too well in that aspect, so thats not an option of her coming around... I guess your a better person than I am....the slim slim chance she ever did though....That would bother me too much..with the time we were apart... she leaves and possibly wants to have sex with someone else or be with someone else after me or whatever...after opening up to her and giving her a second chance no matter how hard it was at times.....I believe that if you want to go and have sex with others, or think to find someone better (GIGS), and I was never good enough and that connection was worth throwing away and leaving us/me in this pain and not caring that its their loss. My point being is I dont think I could..... I know its hypocritical with what I am saying.. It just hurts immensely and all those good times are ironed in my mind..Those are what I cant let go of... Someone I really opened up too loved, bonded (as we all know)... Edited December 5, 2013 by Vinsanity1307 1
ConfusedHumanBeing Posted December 5, 2013 Posted December 5, 2013 I 100% know it will never happen though......I know her too well in that aspect, so thats not an option of her coming around... I guess your a better person than I am....the slim slim chance she ever did though....That would bother me too much..with the time we were apart... she leaves and possibly wants to have sex with someone else or be with someone else after me or whatever...after opening up to her and giving her a second chance no matter how hard it was at times.....I believe that if you want to go and have sex with others, or think to find someone better (GIGS), and I was never good enough and that connection was worth throwing away and leaving us/me in this pain and not caring that its their loss. My point being is I dont think I could..... I know its hypocritical with what I am saying.. It just hurts immensely and all those good times are ironed in my mind..Those are what I cant let go of... Someone I really opened up too loved, bonded (as we all know)... With post like this, I can tell you are getting better. You deserve someone who gives a crap. It will get better.
Qactus Posted December 5, 2013 Posted December 5, 2013 Hey Vin, i'm suffering the same waves of emotional stress. My EX left me 3 months ago and i can understand what you are feeling. However its a long time for you. Just be prepared to face everything. Please please please.. dont drag yourself into this false world of thoughts and stress. Please work yourself hard to make yourself a better person. People will praise you only IF you will be the person who's on top. I know its impossible to do this at now, but trust me.. just like you im also in the same boat, i dont want to live anymore. Her memories are killing me every day. just woke up now and this wave of depression and memories struck so hard that i had to log in here and look for answers. PLEASE be a MAN! we would get out this!! just dont lose hope. 1
JDPT Posted December 5, 2013 Posted December 5, 2013 I 100% know it will never happen though......I know her too well in that aspect, so thats not an option of her coming around... I guess your a better person than I am....the slim slim chance she ever did though....That would bother me too much..with the time we were apart... she leaves and possibly wants to have sex with someone else or be with someone else after me or whatever...after opening up to her and giving her a second chance no matter how hard it was at times.....I believe that if you want to go and have sex with others, or think to find someone better (GIGS), and I was never good enough and that connection was worth throwing away and leaving us/me in this pain and not caring that its their loss. My point being is I dont think I could..... I know its hypocritical with what I am saying.. It just hurts immensely and all those good times are ironed in my mind..Those are what I cant let go of... Someone I really opened up too loved, bonded (as we all know)... You are playing with way too many hypotheticals here, letting your mind wonder excessively. We all do it once in a while. I can admit to it I make something out of absolutely nothing ultimately hurting myself for no reason. I immediately jolt myself out of it, it turned out to be a need ending but it's necessary.
Author Vinsanity1307 Posted December 5, 2013 Author Posted December 5, 2013 Even with this much pain...like a knife in the heart?
nevergoodenough Posted December 5, 2013 Posted December 5, 2013 I 100% know it will never happen though......I know her too well in that aspect, so thats not an option of her coming around... I guess your a better person than I am....the slim slim chance she ever did though....That would bother me too much..with the time we were apart... she leaves and possibly wants to have sex with someone else or be with someone else after me or whatever...after opening up to her and giving her a second chance no matter how hard it was at times.....I believe that if you want to go and have sex with others, or think to find someone better (GIGS), and I was never good enough and that connection was worth throwing away and leaving us/me in this pain and not caring that its their loss. My point being is I dont think I could..... I know its hypocritical with what I am saying.. It just hurts immensely and all those good times are ironed in my mind..Those are what I cant let go of... Someone I really opened up too loved, bonded (as we all know)... You know my ex had an iPhone Then she had an Android because she wanted something different I asked her what do you think. She said "I'm going back to the iPhone" Sometimes people try something different only to find out they were happier with the first thing. I'm not implying this is going to happen in your situation nor in my situation (just to be clear) but you should give others the same freedom to make mistakes that you provide to yourself. In the case I mentioned, it wasn't like she left me for someone else, but she is human and dated in two years apart. It really didn't matter to me who she had dated because we weren't committed to each other at that time until we gave things another chance. I'm not a better man than you, it's just simple logic to me.
reddragon588 Posted December 5, 2013 Posted December 5, 2013 Even with this much pain...like a knife in the heart? You're making this way too dramatic bro. It only holds as much pain as you assign it. And honestly, so what if she sleeps with someone else. Sex is sex. Anyone can take their clothes off and share their naked body. Real intimacy is taking off your guard, and sharing your naked soul. You can't do that with just anyone. 5
greenflower Posted December 5, 2013 Posted December 5, 2013 I wish I had the same view on sex as you. But for me sex is extremely intimate. Having sex with someone else is the most extreme form of disrespect and show how much the ex doesn't care about you and doesn't love you. It's killing me also.
nevergoodenough Posted December 5, 2013 Posted December 5, 2013 I've heard of people being apart for like 17 years and getting back together. Obviously the other person knows they have slept with others. If it were cheating, there would be an issue. If the two people weren't together, I don't think it's a form of non love or did respect at all. There are people I love regardless of if I am having sex with them at the time or not. Just my view.
nevergoodenough Posted December 5, 2013 Posted December 5, 2013 You're making this way too dramatic bro. It only holds as much pain as you assign it. And honestly, so what if she sleeps with someone else. Sex is sex. Anyone can take their clothes off and share their naked body. Real intimacy is taking off your guard, and sharing your naked soul. You can't do that with just anyone. Lets help Vin put on his big boy pants. Vin, if you think you are only you is what your ex is ever going to have, abandon this ship now bc your done. If she isn't with you, she can do what she wants. If she came back, make believe its a new relationship or just forget it. She not your property. You are fighting a losing battle at this point...
reddragon588 Posted December 5, 2013 Posted December 5, 2013 I wish I had the same view on sex as you. But for me sex is extremely intimate. Having sex with someone else is the most extreme form of disrespect and show how much the ex doesn't care about you and doesn't love you. It's killing me also. I'm not saying I'm perfectly ok with the thought of my ex having sex with some other guy. It does comfort me knowing in the past she only had sex with guys she was in a relationship with. Of course that could have changed and she could be slutting it up now. But does it really matter? Like I said, you can have sex with anyone, it's not special, it's not a unique bond between you and your partner. The unique bond between you and your partner isn't physical, it's emotional.
Author Vinsanity1307 Posted December 5, 2013 Author Posted December 5, 2013 I wish I had the same view on sex as you. But for me sex is extremely intimate. Having sex with someone else is the most extreme form of disrespect and show how much the ex doesn't care about you and doesn't love you. It's killing me also. I agree. Sex is not just sex...Its too bad so many people think of it this way.. I dont believe in using people to get off...For 20,40, 60 minutes of pleasure. Even the FWB your giving yourself to someone else. I believe its for a relationship (in my eyes) Its a reward for a relationship, and that much better when your in love and care) So many people are so quick to screw around like its nothing. Where is everyones pride and value (in this aspect). It means more to me than that. I am proud of my body (not saying im hung or anything) Its just I think only people I care about and care about me should get it...and that should be how people feel.....I love sex but im not going to do it with random people or along those lines. So no sex is not just sex As for people taking a break and sleeping with others and getting back together couldnt disagree with some of you more... In relationships especially Long term relationships for someone to be with someone for 1,3,5,10,20 years there clearly is something there and special between two people. I say after a year you kinda know who the other person is(especially/more so in mature relationships). So someone gets the temporary GIGS or think they can do better, or is confused and after whatever amount of time they realize you were the best or that connection cant be beat.. I see this being selfish, and the lazy and cheap way out cause they got bored, or the spark was temporary gone???.. Again a relationship longer than a year theres a connection.. I dont agree with some of your philosophies at all...It is a huge sign of disrespect going and sleeping with someone else only for them to come back or go back to an ex...Thats people being selfish and not willing to work at a relationship...It takes work... "No one falls in love by choice, it is by chance. No one stays in love by chance, it is by work. And no one falls out of love by chance it is by choice."
mtnbiker3000 Posted December 5, 2013 Posted December 5, 2013 I'm not saying I'm perfectly ok with the thought of my ex having sex with some other guy. It does comfort me knowing in the past she only had sex with guys she was in a relationship with. Of course that could have changed and she could be slutting it up now. But does it really matter? Like I said, you can have sex with anyone, it's not special, it's not a unique bond between you and your partner. The unique bond between you and your partner isn't physical, it's emotional. Not sure how much I buy into this, but it's been said that men can have emotionless sex while women have a much harder time with this...
Author Vinsanity1307 Posted December 5, 2013 Author Posted December 5, 2013 Lets help Vin put on his big boy pants. Vin, if you think you are only you is what your ex is ever going to have, abandon this ship now bc your done. If she isn't with you, she can do what she wants. If she came back, make believe its a new relationship or just forget it. She not your property. You are fighting a losing battle at this point... Thats my point I am 99% positive she was "with" someone else. I could never go back with someone if that is the case....Its just part of who I am and my beliefs..I know the relationship is over and done I know that...I really do.. As I stated I cant let go of those memories, physical, emotional. I love the girl I cant deny that...Someone I once gave my everything to to hurt me more than I could ever imagine..Maybe its the shock still or Nostalgia... ..See the problem thats where I am stuck.. Again accepted its over...and we can never be...
Jules78 Posted December 5, 2013 Posted December 5, 2013 Vin - you have got to get busy! Get busy doing something else other than obessing! You said you need to make more money. Learn how to make something and start selling it. Or just do it for fun. You really should talk to someone. It will help you HEAPS! If you do nothing else today, do that. At least take the first step and make an appt. It is NOT easy but after that first time you will be so happy you did. Also, think about all of the crappy things about her and write that sh*T down! On a poster. Make copies. Hang it all over your walls. Seriously though...make a list of every single negative thing you can think of. #1 on that list should be how she is sucking the life out of you!! She is ONE person in this huge world and you are giving her too much control over YOUR life!!! Stop it! You are going to miss an opportunity with someone amazing because you can't pull yourself together. You can do this and you owe it to yourself!!
reddragon588 Posted December 5, 2013 Posted December 5, 2013 I agree. Sex is not just sex...Its too bad so many people think of it this way.. I dont believe in using people to get off...For 20,40, 60 minutes of pleasure. Even the FWB your giving yourself to someone else. I believe its for a relationship (in my eyes) Its a reward for a relationship, and that much better when your in love and care) So many people are so quick to screw around like its nothing. Where is everyones pride and value (in this aspect). It means more to me than that. I am proud of my body (not saying im hung or anything) Its just I think only people I care about and care about me should get it...and that should be how people feel.....I love sex but im not going to do it with random people or along those lines. So no sex is not just sex As for people taking a break and sleeping with others and getting back together couldnt disagree with some of you more... In relationships especially Long term relationships for someone to be with someone for 1,3,5,10,20 years there clearly is something there and special between two people. I say after a year you kinda know who the other person is(especially/more so in mature relationships). So someone gets the temporary GIGS or think they can do better, or is confused and after whatever amount of time they realize you were the best or that connection cant be beat.. I see this being selfish, and the lazy and cheap way out cause they got bored, or the spark was temporary gone???.. Again a relationship longer than a year theres a connection.. I dont agree with some of your philosophies at all...It is a huge sign of disrespect going and sleeping with someone else only for them to come back or go back to an ex...Thats people being selfish and not willing to work at a relationship...It takes work... "No one falls in love by choice, it is by chance. No one stays in love by chance, it is by work. And no one falls out of love by chance it is by choice." That is your view. Your ex may or may not view it this way. She may just need to get off. If that's the case, there is absolutely nothing special attached to it, so why get so upset?
reddragon588 Posted December 5, 2013 Posted December 5, 2013 (edited) Regardless, this discussion is not going to help you Vin. You need to focus less on what your ex is or isn't doing and more on what you are or aren't doing. Edited December 5, 2013 by reddragon588
organizedchaos Posted December 5, 2013 Posted December 5, 2013 I wish I had the same view on sex as you. But for me sex is extremely intimate. Having sex with someone else is the most extreme form of disrespect and show how much the ex doesn't care about you and doesn't love you. It's killing me also. So then you can only be with a virgin then, since any woman you're with may have had sex with more than one person before you met them. Why isn't that a problem when you first start dating them? Why is it a problem afterward then?
Haydn Posted December 5, 2013 Posted December 5, 2013 Vin i felt so so sorry for myself 4 months ago. Thought the world was over. Slowly she has gone from my system. I dont like to think of her being intimate with someone else. But she did leave me so what she does is her business and what i do is mine. I think you may be too close to the whole situation. Did you try taking a break somewhere? After a few weeks i went to Spain for a break and it did wonders. Is there somewhere you can go? Stay with a mate somewhere? I have read your story and you live very close to her and that does not help. Try to get out a bit more, See what happens eh? 1
greenflower Posted December 5, 2013 Posted December 5, 2013 I just want a girl that only sleep with her boyfriends. No rebounds, no one night stands, not a slut who sleeps around...
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