simplicity1 Posted December 4, 2013 Posted December 4, 2013 I've been seeing this guy for a month and things have been going great. Most recently we spent 4 hours together in a coffee shop just talking and holding hands. We've not gone further than having our shirts off. Last time I saw him I felt I really needed to make sure we were on the same page. I told him I wasn't seeing anyone else and asked if he was. He said no, and we just hugged for a while. A bit later I told him that I just wanted to make sure we were looking for something since otherwise I don't want to get sucked in too much. He said "i am looking for that...but let's take it slowly." I said "slow is fine, as long as we're seeking the same thing." Anyway, felt good after this, but then started wondering if his desire to take it slow was a good or a bad sign, and then noticed on my friend's account that he has continued to log on to the dating site multiple times a day. Maybe him logging onto the website is just habitual, something to pass the time? Or is this a warning bell that he might hold doubts?
winny Posted December 4, 2013 Posted December 4, 2013 What does his behavior tell you when he sees you? Do you feel comfortable? If yes, don't worry about why he is on the online site still. If things are going to work out between you two, it will eventually. Right now just enjoy and have fun. Keep the worries for when you become official.
BOREDouttaMymind Posted December 4, 2013 Posted December 4, 2013 listen to your gut.. of course, we never listen to our guts cause its always right and we don't want to get hurt. ..your gut is telling you somethings wrong, right? then something is wrong. now its up to you to do something about it.
Ninjainpajamas Posted December 4, 2013 Posted December 4, 2013 Sounds like he was just simply agreeing with you, what was he supposed to say otherwise? I'll never freakin understand why women offer up this information like it's some golden word that's supposed to make everything exclusive in some way, you think guys are going to be honest with you just because you're laying it all out on the table? He's obviously still looking and keeping his options open, you guys are already taking it slow so that just shows his lack of interest in something exclusive at the time being, it doesn't mean you're taking it slow together, it means you're taking it slow into commitment. However he probably doesn't have a lot of options, most guys aren't that successful in OLD so chances are he'll stick around until things progress.
ExpatInItaly Posted December 4, 2013 Posted December 4, 2013 I think he does like you, but he's keeping his options open. It doesn't appear as though he wants to be exclusive just yet. You might not be dating others, but that doesn't necessarily mean that he won't. Just keep your eyes and ears open.
Author simplicity1 Posted December 4, 2013 Author Posted December 4, 2013 I had interpreted our discussion of not seeing other people and making sure that were both looking for something as an agreement to be exclusive. It would be weird to talk about how were not seeing other people and talk about how we are seeking something more with each other if he were to turn around and starts multidating again. Is that a fair assumption on my part?
d0nnivain Posted December 4, 2013 Posted December 4, 2013 You can't make assumptions about this stuff. You have to spell it all out. If you want him to take his profile down & be exclusive with you, the two of you have to talk about that exactly not vague notions of being on the same page & taking it slow. After I told you not to make assumptions, what I concluded from your post is that to him, "taking it slow" meant not being exclusive & taking your time by dating other people to be sure that you only want to date each other. If after a month of dating you he's still active on the dating site then he either doesn't want anything exclusive with you or he has GIGS, which is common with OLD. Either way, you have to talk to him more particularly & you have to know how you are going to react if he doesn't give you the answers you want. 1
SoonMyFriend Posted December 4, 2013 Posted December 4, 2013 Yeah don't assume. You need to be very specific about this because clearly you aren't on the same page about things if you think it's not OK for him to be using OLD sites still. Talk again, and don't leave any room for error.
slytheringirl Posted December 4, 2013 Posted December 4, 2013 Yeah, I would talk to him about you wanting to be exclusive. Maybe him wanting to take it slow means that he likes you, but wants to see what else is out there since nobody only talks to just one person when trying to online date, or even when it comes to offline dating. You should try to meet new people, too. See what else is out there. You never know, maybe you'll meet someone you like more than this guy.
soccerrprp Posted December 4, 2013 Posted December 4, 2013 RED FLAG. Habitual or not, it's a bad sign. He never agreed to exclusivity b/c you were not clear on that. You asked him if he was seeing anyone else and he said NO, which is probably true. In his mind, he was never asked to be exclusive. Talk to him and use the word exclusive.
freetolove Posted December 5, 2013 Posted December 5, 2013 you should date other people too and don't sleep with him until you both agree to turn off account. you can always sleep with him but he's less likely to commitment since he's getting both. Waiting for sex can't hurt since he wanted to "take it slow"
Author simplicity1 Posted December 7, 2013 Author Posted December 7, 2013 talked to him, asked if we were in a relationship, if we were boyfriend and girlfriend. He said yes, he thought so! Confirmed that this meant we were exclusive. but....today...he's STILL logging into the site, which I can still see from my friend's account. Do I really need a third talk??? wtf is this?
writergal Posted December 7, 2013 Posted December 7, 2013 I've been seeing this guy for a month and things have been going great. Most recently we spent 4 hours together in a coffee shop just talking and holding hands. We've not gone further than having our shirts off. Last time I saw him I felt I really needed to make sure we were on the same page. I told him I wasn't seeing anyone else and asked if he was. He said no, and we just hugged for a while. A bit later I told him that I just wanted to make sure we were looking for something since otherwise I don't want to get sucked in too much. He said "i am looking for that...but let's take it slowly." I said "slow is fine, as long as we're seeking the same thing." Anyway, felt good after this, but then started wondering if his desire to take it slow was a good or a bad sign, and then noticed on my friend's account that he has continued to log on to the dating site multiple times a day. Maybe him logging onto the website is just habitual, something to pass the time? Or is this a warning bell that he might hold doubts? I have to agree with what the poster soccerrprp said. Whether or not its a habit for your new love interest to check his online dating profile, you need to pay attention to the fact that he's still actively checking his online dating profile. Huge red flag. Huge. Anytime a guy says "let's take it slow," you can translate that to mean "I'm not interested in you but I don't have the guts to tell you because women scare me." Well, something like that. Doesn't matter how old you both are. If he saw you as someone long-term, he never would have uttered that phrase about taking it slowly. Since you have doubts, you have every right to ask him why he is still doing online dating while you two are dating. Don't be surprised if he tries to weasel his way out of giving you a direct answer. And if he doesn't give you a truthful answer (which is that he wants to keep his options open), then you need to part ways and try again.
writergal Posted December 7, 2013 Posted December 7, 2013 talked to him, asked if we were in a relationship, if we were boyfriend and girlfriend. He said yes, he thought so! Confirmed that this meant we were exclusive. but....today...he's STILL logging into the site, which I can still see from my friend's account. Do I really need a third talk??? wtf is this? I just answered your first post. Now that you've talked to him and he's STILL LYING to you, you need to decide what you want to do. Frankly, if you stay with this guy, you're wasting your time. He just isn't that into you and thinks he can lie to you, which shows he has no respect for you whatsoever. As they say in Baseball, "three strikes and you're out." 1
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