Mr.Lee Posted December 4, 2013 Posted December 4, 2013 Give her space or show her that I will never leave her? I am with my girl for 18months now and not so long ago I liked some girl and I tried to get in-touch with her but wasn't that successful, we didn't get too far not even see each other. It was just a plain infatuation that ended very soon (2-3 days) because I realized that I love my girl so much and I can't continue whatever I was doing. Then she found out and she was so mad at me told me that she trusted me wholeheartedly but still I cheated on her. I don't know what to say because I didn't anything to that girl, I love her so much and I don't think I did cheat on her. Now she want some time alone and broke up with me, I don't know what to do. I don't wanna lose her I can't even go a day without her.
AlphaC Posted December 4, 2013 Posted December 4, 2013 (edited) Give her space or show her that I will never leave her? I am with my girl for 18months now and not so long ago I liked some girl and I tried to get in-touch with her but wasn't that successful, we didn't get too far not even see each other. It was just a plain infatuation that ended very soon (2-3 days) because I realized that I love my girl so much and I can't continue whatever I was doing. Then she found out and she was so mad at me told me that she trusted me wholeheartedly but still I cheated on her. I don't know what to say because I didn't anything to that girl, I love her so much and I don't think I did cheat on her. Now she want some time alone and broke up with me, I don't know what to do. I don't wanna lose her I can't even go a day without her. Mr. Lee, go and find another girl, fast too. Your ex will realize what you did was no biggie and come running back, if she doesn't she was not that into you. If you kiss her behind, beg, nag her to death she will see you as weak and distance herself from you. You have to be strong, be a man. Don't apologize anymore, you did that already, there is nothing else you can do, give her space and see other women. Treat her actions like a break up, because that's what it is. The sooner you start seeing other women the sooner the ball will be back in your court. I am telling you this from experience, how many women do you know that chase men who have lots of options, women don't want to be with faithful wimps, they want desirable men. As a man you are destined to be with multiple women, what you did was follow your male instinct, remember that !!! Edited December 4, 2013 by AlphaC
LostConfused123 Posted December 4, 2013 Posted December 4, 2013 Mr. Lee, go and find another girl, fast too. Your ex will realize what you did was no biggie and come running back, if she doesn't she was not that into you. If you kiss her behind, beg, nag her to death she will see you as weak and distance herself from you. You have to be strong, be a man. Don't apologize anymore, you did that already, there is nothing else you can do, give her space and see other women. Treat her actions like a break up, because that's what it is. The sooner you start seeing other women the sooner the ball will be back in your court. I am telling you this from experience, how many women do you know that chase men who have lots of options, women don't want to be with faithful wimps, they want desirable men. As a man you are destined to be with multiple women, what you did was follow your male instinct, remember that !!! Wow!!!!!!!! 3
AlmostFrench Posted December 4, 2013 Posted December 4, 2013 I second that 'wow' lol I wouldn't take that approach if I were you! Dating someone to make her jealous will only make her (and her whole social support system) think you were indeed a sleazy, cheating scoundrel. Everyone has different ideas of cheating, I basically see it as anything you would feel guilty about telling your partner about. Eg if you were talking to an upset friend and cuddled to console her, and you could tell your girlfriend without thinking you did something wrong that is not cheating. So her 'finding out' what you did is to her cheating because she will instantly think how many other times you may have done that without her finding out. Don't tell her you didn't cheat or didn't do anything wrong. Have a think about a scenario where she did the same thing to you - you wouldn't feel like it was nothing I am sure! Write what the first post said. One heart felt apology that acknowledges her feelings and then leave it. But don't send a million txts, send flowers etc, that will just make you look guilty lol! Chances are once she cools down, she will contact you again (whether to say she wants to try again or wants to end it finally). Save the flowers and wooing for when/if she takes you back. Good luck! 2
AlphaC Posted December 4, 2013 Posted December 4, 2013 I second that 'wow' lol I wouldn't take that approach if I were you! Dating someone to make her jealous will only make her (and her whole social support system) think you were indeed a sleazy, cheating scoundrel. Everyone has different ideas of cheating, I basically see it as anything you would feel guilty about telling your partner about. Eg if you were talking to an upset friend and cuddled to console her, and you could tell your girlfriend without thinking you did something wrong that is not cheating. So her 'finding out' what you did is to her cheating because she will instantly think how many other times you may have done that without her finding out. Don't tell her you didn't cheat or didn't do anything wrong. Have a think about a scenario where she did the same thing to you - you wouldn't feel like it was nothing I am sure! Write what the first post said. One heart felt apology that acknowledges her feelings and then leave it. But don't send a million txts, send flowers etc, that will just make you look guilty lol! Chances are once she cools down, she will contact you again (whether to say she wants to try again or wants to end it finally). Save the flowers and wooing for when/if she takes you back. Good luck! Mr. Lee, if you ever want to hook up with a woman, never, and I mean never, take advice from a woman. Women don't know what they want, how many single nice guys do you know, I know hundreds. How many playboy cheating, scoundrels do you know that have more women than they can fit in a greyhound bus, I know dozens. Point is, women want desirable men, men who follow their convictions, men who can care less about what women want. Women don't want a nice guy, they don't want a wimp, beta, AFC, there are hundreds or adjectives to describe these men.. Bottom line these guys are at the bottom of the pecking order, the only women they get are those that are depressed, broken up with etc, etc and that too is short lived, these women eventually move on to stronger men. If your ex wants to believe you cheated, leave her alone, she already told you she wanted space. I am not telling you to meet other women to make her jealous, I am suggesting you meet other women to move on, get it, you don't need to make her jealous, you need to give her the space she needs and "do you" during this time - which could and most likely is indefinite.
Author Mr.Lee Posted December 4, 2013 Author Posted December 4, 2013 Hi Mr. Lee - girls have different ideas of what "cheating" is, and you'll just have to accept that in her mind, you cheated. It's emotional cheating. Thinking about another girl and having intentions of talking to her to get to know her behind your girl's back is just as bad as regular cheating. Sometimes even worse, to a girl. So you'll just have to accept that she is upset about it. If you want her back, whatever you do... DON'T insist that you didn't cheat on her. Just say, "I'm sorry you felt like I was cheating. I know it was wrong, but at the end of the day I didn't follow through because I love you." And then give her space. She broke up with you so obviously she doesn't want to hear it right now. But if you give her an honest apology and tell her you're sorry, she may come back in the end. But I wouldn't contact her for awhile. She was so upset and told me that she will set her priorities right. I was wrong because on the day she told me about "my cheating" I was just telling her that "I didn't do anything to that girl." She told me she don't care and she knows what she read. I don't know how to explain things to her, I don't know where to start. She's still trying to contact me, asking me if I'm at work already and telling me to take care of myself. I did the same and told her that everything will be back to how it used to be she answered "I'm not thinking about it yet, I want to learn things my own (She don't know how to travel far places) so I won't be depending on you or anyone else." My friends asks me out this coming weekend I don't know if I should tell her that we will go "clubbing", she might think that I'm glad that she's gone and things like that. Thanks Exxtasis0ntheW1ng for the advice.
Author Mr.Lee Posted December 4, 2013 Author Posted December 4, 2013 I second that 'wow' lol I wouldn't take that approach if I were you! Dating someone to make her jealous will only make her (and her whole social support system) think you were indeed a sleazy, cheating scoundrel. Everyone has different ideas of cheating, I basically see it as anything you would feel guilty about telling your partner about. Eg if you were talking to an upset friend and cuddled to console her, and you could tell your girlfriend without thinking you did something wrong that is not cheating. So her 'finding out' what you did is to her cheating because she will instantly think how many other times you may have done that without her finding out. Don't tell her you didn't cheat or didn't do anything wrong. Have a think about a scenario where she did the same thing to you - you wouldn't feel like it was nothing I am sure! Write what the first post said. One heart felt apology that acknowledges her feelings and then leave it. But don't send a million txts, send flowers etc, that will just make you look guilty lol! Chances are once she cools down, she will contact you again (whether to say she wants to try again or wants to end it finally). Save the flowers and wooing for when/if she takes you back. Good luck! I know.. I don't think I can look for another girl at the moment because as I mention I love this girl so much I can't even sleep right without her (Okay, I'm being soft here.) You're right if I was on her shoe right now I will be mad as hell but honestly, I don't think I can leave her and even break up with her. I love her so much I don't even know why I did "cheat" on her. Right now I'm not sending her any message nor giving her a ring, I can give her the space she's asking for I'm just scared because I might give her too much space and replace me.
LostConfused123 Posted December 4, 2013 Posted December 4, 2013 I would definitely take the first poster's advice. I wouldn't wait too long though. Something similar happened to me (I was in her shoes) and the more time that went on, I took that as he didn't care. I really hope it works out for you both. Please let us know. I wish you the best of luck! 1
Author Mr.Lee Posted December 4, 2013 Author Posted December 4, 2013 I would definitely take the first poster's advice. I wouldn't wait too long though. Something similar happened to me (I was in her shoes) and the more time that went on, I took that as he didn't care. I really hope it works out for you both. Please let us know. I wish you the best of luck! You think that would work? I'm actually afraid that she'll think of it that way, I'm always here for her and as much as possible I don't even want to break up with her. I'm afraid someone might replace me. Thank you, I really hope she will still accept me after all I've done. I really appreciate it!
LostConfused123 Posted December 4, 2013 Posted December 4, 2013 You think that would work? I'm actually afraid that she'll think of it that way, I'm always here for her and as much as possible I don't even want to break up with her. I'm afraid someone might replace me. Thank you, I really hope she will still accept me after all I've done. I really appreciate it! You're welcome and yes I do think that will work. I wouldn't waste much time though. . . Not because I think she'll replace you. . . You're not that easy to replace I just know (or I think I know) how she feels. . . my feeling is the sooner the better. Just tell her how you feel and how much she means to you. It's obviously a lot! Worst case scenario, she doesn't accept, then whatever. . . at least you tried and will have no regrets. . . Best case scenario (I feel this is more likely, but just my opinion) You will get past it, move on together, be happy and go on with your lives together
Author Mr.Lee Posted December 5, 2013 Author Posted December 5, 2013 You're welcome and yes I do think that will work. I wouldn't waste much time though. . . Not because I think she'll replace you. . . You're not that easy to replace I just know (or I think I know) how she feels. . . my feeling is the sooner the better. Just tell her how you feel and how much she means to you. It's obviously a lot! Worst case scenario, she doesn't accept, then whatever. . . at least you tried and will have no regrets. . . Best case scenario (I feel this is more likely, but just my opinion) You will get past it, move on together, be happy and go on with your lives together You're really nice and you're making me feel better. I'm very vocal on how I feel about her but right now I'm afraid on reaching her out and tell her how much she means to me because I think she's not yet ready to listen and all. But because you told me so, I will call her today after work and will tell her everything, thanks for the compliment that I'm not that easy to replace (If that was a compliment though, hahaha.) I don;t know. She'll be on her review this Saturday, should I fetch her and bring some flowers. What do you think? I'm sorry I really don't know what to do right now, I'm afraid in whatever action I might do will make the situation worst.
Simon Phoenix Posted December 5, 2013 Posted December 5, 2013 No flowers. Just apologize, tell her everything, then back off and let her make her decision. Flowers are to surprise a woman when things are going well, using them to try to get them back or when you screw up tends to piss them off. 2
BlametheIrish Posted December 5, 2013 Posted December 5, 2013 No flowers. Just apologize, tell her everything, then back off and let her make her decision. Flowers are to surprise a woman when things are going well, using them to try to get them back or when you screw up tends to piss them off. Very good post Simon. Many men dont get this OP please ignore any advice from that " Alpha" person if you every want your gf back or any woman for that matter. Your gf needs to know why you would do that to her. And why you'll never do it again. She may have trust issues for a bit but if you apologize sincerely and make sure you never do anything like that again, you'll be more likely ti.get her back that way.
Author Mr.Lee Posted December 5, 2013 Author Posted December 5, 2013 No flowers. Just apologize, tell her everything, then back off and let her make her decision. Flowers are to surprise a woman when things are going well, using them to try to get them back or when you screw up tends to piss them off. Okay, no flowers just me apologizing. Back off? You mean after talking I'll just leave?
Simon Phoenix Posted December 5, 2013 Posted December 5, 2013 Okay, no flowers just me apologizing. Back off? You mean after talking I'll just leave? Depending on the context of your meeting, yes. You definitely shouldn't say anything after you've explained yourself. You state your position and let her decide without you trying to beg or manipulate or influence it. Give her the info and then shut your mouth. Best way to go. 1
LostConfused123 Posted December 5, 2013 Posted December 5, 2013 You're really nice and you're making me feel better. I'm very vocal on how I feel about her but right now I'm afraid on reaching her out and tell her how much she means to me because I think she's not yet ready to listen and all. But because you told me so, I will call her today after work and will tell her everything, thanks for the compliment that I'm not that easy to replace (If that was a compliment though, hahaha.) I don;t know. She'll be on her review this Saturday, should I fetch her and bring some flowers. What do you think? I'm sorry I really don't know what to do right now, I'm afraid in whatever action I might do will make the situation worst. Simon and Irish gave some excellent advice!!! Yes, it was a compliment that you're not easy to replace. Of course you're not. . Unless she has ice water in her veins which I highly doubt. Yeah, tell her how you sincerely feel and then leave it be. . it may not come to that though. . She may forgive you right then and there and you both can go off and have a great night. You didn't do anything that was that unforgivable and she may make you sweat it a little. . . maybe not. . . but at least you're making an effort and acknowledging the fact that you hurt her and that speaks volumes! Good luck and let us know. . . really really rooting for you!! I personally don't see why flowers would be so . . . Hahaha! I mean I love them and find it totally romantic. . but then again I'm a sap and wish more men did this but that's only MY OPINION two out of three said , no don't do it. . . Sooooooo. . . I don't know. . . Ha ha! Your call on that one. . you know her better than we do.
Simon Phoenix Posted December 5, 2013 Posted December 5, 2013 I will reiterate that flowers are an awful idea when you are in the doghouse/broken up with/trying to entice a woman into dating you. It's one of those things that a lot of women think sound nice but when push comes to shove their response to them aren't nearly as happy. Flowers at work on a random Tuesday when you are in happy bliss is an awesome move, flowers when you are in trouble, not so much. 2
LostConfused123 Posted December 5, 2013 Posted December 5, 2013 I will reiterate that flowers are an awful idea when you are in the doghouse/broken up with/trying to entice a woman into dating you. It's one of those things that a lot of women think sound nice but when push comes to shove their response to them aren't nearly as happy. Flowers at work on a random Tuesday when you are in happy bliss is an awesome move, flowers when you are in trouble, not so much. Ha ha! true I used to be a florist and NEVER got them. . . guys thought I would be sick of them. NOT!! Haha! I guess that's why I was all for it. But I kinda think a woman that would actually be OFFENDED by any romantic gesture may just be a drama queen. . . . just sayin Where is our friend??? LOL!
Simon Phoenix Posted December 5, 2013 Posted December 5, 2013 Ha ha! true I used to be a florist and NEVER got them. . . guys thought I would be sick of them. NOT!! Haha! I guess that's why I was all for it. But I kinda think a woman that would actually be OFFENDED by any romantic gesture may just be a drama queen. . . . just sayin Where is our friend??? LOL! That's not a romantic gesture in her mind -- it's a guy who is in the doghouse who is thinking that a couple of plants can make her forget about what he did. That tends to piss women off, because it makes them think that their feelings on the subject aren't being taken seriously. Has nothing to do with them being a drama queen.
LostConfused123 Posted December 5, 2013 Posted December 5, 2013 Good morning Mr Lee, Just wanted to say I hope you have a good day and wishing the best for you. Also hoping you have good news to share but no matter what happens, we're here for ya! 1
Author Mr.Lee Posted December 5, 2013 Author Posted December 5, 2013 Simon and Irish gave some excellent advice!!! Yes, it was a compliment that you're not easy to replace. Of course you're not. . Unless she has ice water in her veins which I highly doubt. Yeah, tell her how you sincerely feel and then leave it be. . it may not come to that though. . She may forgive you right then and there and you both can go off and have a great night. You didn't do anything that was that unforgivable and she may make you sweat it a little. . . maybe not. . . but at least you're making an effort and acknowledging the fact that you hurt her and that speaks volumes! Good luck and let us know. . . really really rooting for you!! I personally don't see why flowers would be so . . . Hahaha! I mean I love them and find it totally romantic. . but then again I'm a sap and wish more men did this but that's only MY OPINION two out of three said , no don't do it. . . Sooooooo. . . I don't know. . . Ha ha! Your call on that one. . you know her better than we do. I remember she told me "I still love you but we're over." What do you think? She's still talking to me so I think telling her these things won't be too hard, I just don't know where to start. She loves flowers and they make her feel better, when I was just courting her I used to give her one red rose everyday. I go to her office during lunchtime and have lunch together then give her 1 red rose afterwards. (Good old days) Hahaha.
Author Mr.Lee Posted December 5, 2013 Author Posted December 5, 2013 Good morning Mr Lee, Just wanted to say I hope you have a good day and wishing the best for you. Also hoping you have good news to share but no matter what happens, we're here for ya! Goodmorning I'm sorry I don't know your name. I think you're my angel, she messaged me today and said she will drop by in my apartment later after work. But I don't think it's because she want to see me. Hahaha. Thank you, I really appreciate it
Author Mr.Lee Posted December 5, 2013 Author Posted December 5, 2013 Depending on the context of your meeting, yes. You definitely shouldn't say anything after you've explained yourself. You state your position and let her decide without you trying to beg or manipulate or influence it. Give her the info and then shut your mouth. Best way to go. Okay, I got it Thank you Simon, this helps me a lot. I hope I can give the favor back.
LostConfused123 Posted December 5, 2013 Posted December 5, 2013 I remember she told me "I still love you but we're over." What do you think? She's still talking to me so I think telling her these things won't be too hard, I just don't know where to start. She loves flowers and they make her feel better, when I was just courting her I used to give her one red rose everyday. I go to her office during lunchtime and have lunch together then give her 1 red rose afterwards. (Good old days) Hahaha. Just start at the beginning. . . be honest and sincere. . . just be yourself. You'll do great! So, you'll be talking to her today when she comes over??? Best of luck!!! thinking of you
Author Mr.Lee Posted December 5, 2013 Author Posted December 5, 2013 Just start at the beginning. . . be honest and sincere. . . just be yourself. You'll do great! So, you'll be talking to her today when she comes over??? Best of luck!!! thinking of you I think my heart is about to explode. Hahaha. I will try to talk to her I think she's not that mad at me anymore (I hope so). I will tell her everything, first tell her that I am really sorry for what I've done and explain to her how much I need her, right? I still don't have your name, I can't address you properly.
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