MirandaS9 Posted December 4, 2013 Posted December 4, 2013 I'm kind of venting, but I was dating this guy for a few weeks. We are both Christians and we started to randomly talk about sex and he asked if I was a virgin and I told him no. He had a weird expression and was like,"I'm sorry but I can't date someone who's impure." I was totally shocked. I mean that whole statement was very unchristian. What ever happen to forgiveness and whether I'm a virgin or not doesn't define my purity. I could be a virgin all day long, but still be an impure person in thoughts and personality. The thing is, I was sexually assaulted and thats how I lost my virginity and I've dealt with the shame of that. Anyway, I replied back to him like,"Virginity does not define if a person is worthy of at least dating.You're not acting very Christ like." And he snapped at me saying if I closed my legs than I would be able to find a good person, and that I would have to settle for second best kind of stuff. I even tried to explain to him what happen to me, but he was fixated on the fact that I can't give him my virginity. It really hurt me that people are so wrapped up on this. Whatever happen to looking at a person's heart rather than the physical. I guess he wasn't right for me, but I still kind of feel like crap over it. Does it REALLY matter if someone is a virgin or not?
Author MirandaS9 Posted December 4, 2013 Author Posted December 4, 2013 How old are you and him? We're both 20
reuelle Posted December 4, 2013 Posted December 4, 2013 I don't think it does, but we should respect people's preferences. I'll respond to your statement from my Christian perspective, since from your post, it appears that you are a Christian as well. I know many women in their 20s and 30s who have been rejected BECAUSE they are virgins. As much as virginity is important to those who view it as pure, it has to be remembered that purity is about so much more, and virginity is relative. What kind of virgin does he want? There are "totally virgin" virgins who haven't done more than a handshake; then there are those who have done every single thing, including anal and oral, except penis-vagina intercourse. I agree that we should all look at the heart, and even if you had lost your virginity outside the confines of marriage with your full consent (please note that I am not saying you did), God would be more than able to wash that away if you repented. Don't feel like crap. Many times, human beings are harder on themselves and on each other than God is. Many of the expectations a human being would burden you with are very far from, and way more than, what God would expect of you. Yeah, not the right one. The right one will not condemn you over something in your past that you could not control; rather, he will cause you to see a beauty in yourself that will motivate you to be all you were created to be. Wish this guy well and keep it moving. (hugs) 2
MrMeh Posted December 4, 2013 Posted December 4, 2013 It seems he might be "pickier" than you, or I guess he feels it's that way even though you might have just met people who interested you sooner than him. He has the mindset that you have lower standards and that you aren't that much of a challenge. You think he has the personality to go along with this?
Mr Scorpio Posted December 4, 2013 Posted December 4, 2013 It really hurt me that people are so wrapped up on this. Whatever happen to looking at a person's heart rather than the physical. I guess he wasn't right for me, but I still kind of feel like crap over it. Does it REALLY matter if someone is a virgin or not? I'd imagine it doesn't matter to most people, but apparently it does to this guy. He has a different interpretation of what his faith commands of him than you do. It is unfortunate, but I suppose you have to respect his conviction. Sufficed to say there are a few other billion men on the planet who won't mind one bit that you aren't a virgin. 1
Author MirandaS9 Posted December 4, 2013 Author Posted December 4, 2013 I don't think it does, but we should respect people's preferences. I'll respond to your statement from my Christian perspective, since from your post, it appears that you are a Christian as well. I know many women in their 20s and 30s who have been rejected BECAUSE they are virgins. As much as virginity is important to those who view it as pure, it has to be remembered that purity is about so much more, and virginity is relative. What kind of virgin does he want? There are "totally virgin" virgins who haven't done more than a handshake; then there are those who have done every single thing, including anal and oral, except penis-vagina intercourse. I agree that we should all look at the heart, and even if you had lost your virginity outside the confines of marriage with your full consent (please note that I am not saying you did), God would be more than able to wash that away if you repented. Don't feel like crap. Many times, human beings are harder on themselves and on each other than God is. Many of the expectations a human being would burden you with are very far from, and way more than, what God would expect of you. Yeah, not the right one. The right one will not condemn you over something in your past that you could not control; rather, he will cause you to see a beauty in yourself that will motivate you to be all you were created to be. Wish this guy well and keep it moving. (hugs) Thank you That was some really good advice.
Author MirandaS9 Posted December 4, 2013 Author Posted December 4, 2013 I'd imagine it doesn't matter to most people, but apparently it does to this guy. He has a different interpretation of what his faith commands of him than you do. It is unfortunate, but I suppose you have to respect his conviction. Sufficed to say there are a few other billion men on the planet who won't mind one bit that you aren't a virgin. True. I just wish I could find a guy who isn't so judgmental.
Eggplant Posted December 4, 2013 Posted December 4, 2013 If you've been raped, but you've never freely consented to sex, you're a virgin in all the ways that any good man would care about. 7
MalachiX Posted December 4, 2013 Posted December 4, 2013 Screw him. It's amazing to me how many times that Jesus preached about loving others, not judging people, helping those in need, yet Christians in this country seem to think that premarital sex and homosexuality are the only things he ever spoke of. Fact is that Jesus only mentioned sex three times. Once to say he didn't believe in divorce unless there was infidelity. Once in which he said that lusting after someone is a form of adultery (which is a rather confusing passage for most CHristians and non-Christians alike). And once when defending an adulteress from being stoned (where he said he would "not condemn [her]" which makes it kinda odd for a Christian to feel they have a right to condemn you.") He also never mentioned gays or abortion... The people who preach intolerance do it for two reasons. 1.) They are naturally intolerant and bend their faith to support this (as just about every faith has intolerant d-bags and those who misread things to support misguided beliefs). 2.) They're so insecure they need something to latch onto and they feel better about themselves if they can judge others. Either way, you don't want to date these kinds of people. 8
Author MirandaS9 Posted December 4, 2013 Author Posted December 4, 2013 I would be happy to date you. LOL thanks
mortensorchid Posted December 4, 2013 Posted December 4, 2013 Whatever the case is of your being or not being a virgin, this isn't the right situation for either of you for obvious reasons. Move on.
Author MirandaS9 Posted December 4, 2013 Author Posted December 4, 2013 Screw him. It's amazing to me how many times that Jesus preached about loving others, not judging people, helping those in need, yet Christians in this country seem to think that premarital sex and homosexuality are the only things he ever spoke of. Fact is that Jesus only mentioned sex three times. Once to say he didn't believe in divorce unless there was infidelity. Once in which he said that lusting after someone is a form of adultery (which is a rather confusing passage for most CHristians and non-Christians alike). And once when defending an adulteress from being stoned (where he said he would "not condemn [her]" which makes it kinda odd for a Christian to feel they have a right to condemn you.") He also never mentioned gays or abortion... The people who preach intolerance do it for two reasons. 1.) They are naturally intolerant and bend their faith to support this (as just about every faith has intolerant d-bags and those who misread things to support misguided beliefs). 2.) They're so insecure they need something to latch onto and they feel better about themselves if they can judge others. Either way, you don't want to date these kinds of people. True. I wonder how he would feel if I said I didn't date liars, since I'm sure he has lied once before. He's just so hypocritical. For a person who is far from perfect to judge me at that extent. Lusting after someone is like committing adultery/fornication because your heart has committed the sin, which is just as bad as doing the act itself at least thats how I interpret it.
SensitiveTJ Posted December 4, 2013 Posted December 4, 2013 If you've been raped, but you've never freely consented to sex, you're a virgin in all the ways that any good man would care about. I completely agree. If this guy believes that rape is a real way to lose one's virginity, he must be a douchebag of the highest order. 4
TheBladeRunner Posted December 4, 2013 Posted December 4, 2013 (edited) I am 46........and I only date virgins!......Yeah, right! I have never dated a virgin and to be quite frank the thought of a virgin has never really done anything for me. "Impure", who does this dork think he is anyway? A virgin at the age of 20 in this day and age? Ridiculous! If he is 20 and looking for a virgin and finds one I am going to win the lottery this week. I bet you are a nice kid and you will find someone that accepts you for who you are, where you are, and what you are. That's how it should be. I am Christian as well and I am anything BUT pure; be yourself, that's how God would want you to be. And the answer is NO! It doesn't matter if you are a virgin unless you live in some country where woman are oppressed. JMO Edited December 4, 2013 by TheBladeRunner Adding
ChessPieceFace Posted December 4, 2013 Posted December 4, 2013 I mean that whole statement was very unchristian. What ever happen to forgiveness and whether I'm a virgin or not doesn't define my purity. I could be a virgin all day long, but still be an impure person in thoughts and personality. The thing is, I was sexually assaulted and thats how I lost my virginity and I've dealt with the shame of that. Anyway, I replied back to him like,"Virginity does not define if a person is worthy of at least dating.You're not acting very Christ like." And he snapped at me saying if I closed my legs than I would be able to find a good person, and that I would have to settle for second best kind of stuff. I even tried to explain to him what happen to me, but he was fixated on the fact that I can't give him my virginity. Yeah, none of this never happened. I believed it up to the "close your legs" comment. The only question here is why people come here to write fantasy stories, lie to people and waste their time. 6 posts, new member, color me unsurprised. 1
TheGuard13 Posted December 4, 2013 Posted December 4, 2013 He says "impure", revealing that he is "insecure". Because he himself is probably a virgin. No, he's not acting very Christlike, or Christian, or anything decent. Whether he knows the circumstances of what happened to you or not. I think you dodged a bullet with this one. 1
KathyM Posted December 4, 2013 Posted December 4, 2013 Yeah, none of this never happened. I believed it up to the "close your legs" comment. The only question here is why people come here to write fantasy stories, lie to people and waste their time. 6 posts, new member, color me unsurprised. That occurred to me also. These "new" members suddenly posting several threads about their past being judged. People have a right to know who they are getting involved in a relationship with, and what their past was. And a person has a right not to disclose if they don't wish to. And for those making Bible references, I suggest you consider the entire Bible as God's word, not just a few statements in the New Testament. The Bible provides that, as Christians, we are supposed to choose a spouse wisely, and choose one who is prudent, who exercises self control and good judgement. We are supposed to aspire to sexual purity. That is God's law, and if that is a value that a Christian holds in compliance with God's will, then he has a right to want his relationship partner to hold those same values. Why is this such a problem for some of you, that some people who value sexual purity desire to have a relationship partner who shares the same values? If you don't have those values, then there are certainly plenty of people who would share your view. Why expect people who do have those values to not have them? They are entitled to want a relationship partner who shares their values.
KathyM Posted December 4, 2013 Posted December 4, 2013 Although this thread is fictitious and made for questionable reasons, I'll just add that if a person's virginity was taken against their will, they are still sexually pure in the eyes of God.
KathyM Posted December 4, 2013 Posted December 4, 2013 And a person has a right not to disclose if they don't wish to. Just don't lie about it, and don't lie by omission. If you don't want to disclose, then say so, and it will be up to the other person if they want to go ahead with the relationship without knowing your past.
ChessPieceFace Posted December 4, 2013 Posted December 4, 2013 Although this thread is fictitious and made for questionable reasons, I'll just add that if a person's virginity was taken against their will, they are still sexually pure in the eyes of God. From what I remember, it would probably depend on how much the christian in question believed in certain 'fire and brimstone' parts of the OT. No christian I ever met would behave as the (likely) fictitious person in this story, so that's the main reason I called BS. Then again, I'm years out of that mindset, and applying common sense to the whole ordeal, so who knows. In any case, I don't know anyone (christian or otherwise) who would penalize a woman for rape, and if they did, I and most people I know would chastise them for it.
MalachiX Posted December 4, 2013 Posted December 4, 2013 True. I wonder how he would feel if I said I didn't date liars, since I'm sure he has lied once before. He's just so hypocritical. People cherry pick what they want out of their religious texts. Seems like the majority of the new testiment is tolerance and forgiveness but you wouldn't know it from many Christians Lusting after someone is like committing adultery/fornication because your heart has committed the sin, which is just as bad as doing the act itself at least thats how I interpret it. Well, full disclosure, I don't believe the bible is the literal truth or the only viable form of spirituality. That said, I've always found that passage a tad odd since, on the surface, it seems out of touch with reality. If you don't feel lust for other people then then you likely have a chemical imbalance. Even people 2000 years ago knew that lust was a natural part of the human experience and out of our control. To suggest that feeling lust for someone is the same as cheating with them seems rather odd. The only interpretation that makes sense is that it's actually a passage about NOT judging others. You may look down on those that commit adultery or but you have the same impulses so don't judge. Of course, that may just be me forcing my interpretation on it. Either way, it's a 2000 year old book, written by men, that's been translated over and over again. Some stuff's bound to get screwed up in the process
MalachiX Posted December 4, 2013 Posted December 4, 2013 And for those making Bible references, I suggest you consider the entire Bible as God's word, not just a few statements in the New Testament. The Bible provides that, as Christians, we are supposed to choose a spouse wisely, and choose one who is prudent, who exercises self control and good judgement. We are supposed to aspire to sexual purity. That is God's law, and if that is a value that a Christian holds in compliance with God's will, then he has a right to want his relationship partner to hold those same values. Why is this such a problem for some of you, that some people who value sexual purity desire to have a relationship partner who shares the same values? If you don't have those values, then there are certainly plenty of people who would share your view. Why expect people who do have those values to not have them? They are entitled to want a relationship partner who shares their values. Well, for the moment let's put aside the potentially false nature of this post. I think people have an issue with the term "sexual purity" because it suggests that those of us with different sexual views are somehow un-pure which is a tad offensive. As for considering the entire bible as God's word, some of us also find this a bit perplexing. I've studied the bible and the history behind it. I know countless places where the bible contradicts itself. I also know that, by the bible's own admission, it's written by a number of different people over the centuries and not God (I realize some believe that God was talking directly through the writers but they are still people). I also know that the these books have been translated more than once which also makes it hard for me to think of them as the 100% pure word of any diety which may have inspired them. Finally, I know that the books of the bible are in fact just some of many books supposedly inspired by the Judeo-Christian God. I know they were cherrypicked (so to speak) by a group of people who are long since dead and that "Christian" interpretation of them was decided on by a bunch of other guys (also long since dead) at the Council of Nicea. So, even if God (infinity incarnate) did speak to people thousands of years ago, history has shown that the message has long been in the hands of mortal men who excluded and re-interpretted it throughout the ages. Frankly, I wish more people who identified themselves as Christians actually read the damn bible. I wish they also read the other books not included in the bible. I wish they learned about the history, learned about the different translations, learned about other faiths that influenced Christianity before it arose and those that came after (Islam for instance). I wish that Christians took enough of an interest in their faith to educate themselves and then, after all this, decide for themselves what they believe is true. Finally, I wish they would then tell others what they "believe" rather than what they feel is the "word of God." The funny thing is that most Christians I know who have really educated themselves in this fashion don't ever use the term "word of God." 1
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