ls32ssibm Posted December 4, 2013 Posted December 4, 2013 Long story short: I am 25 (male), and an attractive 18 year old female told me she wants to have sex with me. But with most things, complications arise. I am "sort of" her supervisor. She is cross trained into my area at least. But, in my place of work, there really isn't a policy against such a thing and it openly happens. She has promised discretion, but for whatever that's worth... Secondly, she has a boyfriend. They aren't "super" serious, but nontheless. It sounds like she has currently settled with him. She is currently texting me asking to come by after college and "meet my dog" (I have a puppy). You can guess what she likely really wants. My body wants to, but my mind knows it's a bad idea, or however the saying goes. I've always tried to stay on the right side of karma and abide by the "bro-code", but my opinion regarding that has grown thin considering every guy under the sun has constantly tried to dick every girlfriend I've had. What would you guys do?
gaius Posted December 4, 2013 Posted December 4, 2013 Have sex with her of course. Just make sure to wear a condom.
elbe Posted December 4, 2013 Posted December 4, 2013 Just keep it out of the workplace. These things have the ability to explode in your face.
RosieDunne Posted December 4, 2013 Posted December 4, 2013 Sounds to me like she's having issues with this non-serious boyfriend, maybe she's frustrated it hasn't gone further or he's pissed her off in some way but it seems like she's trying to take her frustration out on you, sexually. So if you want things to go anywhere with her relationship wise don't do it. But if it is literally just sex you're after it's up to you to decide if you think it's morally ok or not. From personal past rejections I say if she wants it, give it to her because it will only make her feel worse about herself to not get it (I think) but then again is it fair to let her have something which may be an irrational lust that she then regrets COMPLETELY and could break her up with someone who might actually mean something to her more than a fling? I'm sorry this advice is a bit vague, but I think it's up to you to decide really.
Under The Radar Posted December 4, 2013 Posted December 4, 2013 Personally, I wouldn't do it because she has a boyfriend.
nescafe1982 Posted December 4, 2013 Posted December 4, 2013 Sounds like drama to me. I wouldn't do it.
StanMusial Posted December 4, 2013 Posted December 4, 2013 The fact that she has a bf coupled with the work situation makes it a bad deal. If she was completely unattached, it would be different. 1
Versacehottie Posted December 4, 2013 Posted December 4, 2013 Ok a girl that is 18 and cheats on her boyfriend that easily IS drama. Just a matter of when she decides to bring it. Leaving my judgements of her morals aside, while it may sound exciting, that's all if it takes place in your personal life alone. I wouldn't mix that ish up with your work scenario. Wait until she leaves the company or you leave it. I honestly wouldn't even do it if she "broke up" with her boyfriend. People who are not loyal like that you don't want messing with your employment situation. Not to say you would even get fired or disciplined but what if it was super awkward? A girl that easy is EASY to pass up. Go down to a bar and find someone similarly easy if you want some excitement. 1
FitChick Posted December 4, 2013 Posted December 4, 2013 She probably wants to make her boyfriend jealous. Is he bigger than you? Never mess around with co-workers unless you are prepared to leave your job. She will be able to blackmail you and say whatever she wants when the mood suits her. Tell her you will have sex after she leaves for another job. 1
gaius Posted December 4, 2013 Posted December 4, 2013 Once a girl offers herself to you it's probably going to turn bad no matter what. Refuse her and she'll be deeply offended, accept and odds are you two aren't going to last forever. There is no safe option here. Life is short, you're going to be kicking yourself later on if what you have to look back at is passed up opportunities for the benefit of some other dude you don't even know. One who as you said would bone your girlfriend in 2 seconds. Give it a try and see how it feels. If the answer is not good then you know it's not for you, at least you tried.
Under The Radar Posted December 4, 2013 Posted December 4, 2013 Once a girl offers herself to you it's probably going to turn bad no matter what. Refuse her and she'll be deeply offended, accept and odds are you two aren't going to last forever. There is no safe option here. Life is short, you're going to be kicking yourself later on if what you have to look back at is passed up opportunities for the benefit of some other dude you don't even know. One who as you said would bone your girlfriend in 2 seconds. Give it a try and see how it feels. If the answer is not good then you know it's not for you, at least you tried. Just because there are a lot of guys that would "Bone" the OP's girlfriend, doesn't mean he should do it to somebody else. The OP strikes me as a good catch ...... why would he want to sacrifice his own dignity and value system for this potential drama?
georgecostanza Posted December 4, 2013 Posted December 4, 2013 Personally, I'd be well aware that it was an awful idea to go through with it but then go ahead and do it anyway.
c57dood Posted December 4, 2013 Posted December 4, 2013 Don't do it man. Some women are EXPERTS at getting men to fight each other over NOTHING. They derive pleasure from seeing two guys go at it because of her. I've seen too many otherwise smart guys turn into neanderthals because of tricks a girl plays on them both. A girl who comes out and says "I want to have sex with you" will usually have ulterior motives, so beware.
MalachiX Posted December 4, 2013 Posted December 4, 2013 What would I do or what should you do? Personally, there are a few things that would bother me from an ethical standpoint. The first is the boyfriend. I've never cheated on anyone and don't know how I feel about helping someone else cheat. I definately wouldn't do it if I knew the guy. Probably wouldn't if I didn't either. There's also the ethical issue when you work above somebody. No matter how you cut it, you have power over her and that's a hard hurdle to deal with. It still can feel like you're using your position to get sex even if that has nothing to do with it. Also, workplace romances are dangerous. Always. You're in an extra bad place because there's a rule against it. I personally would be very hesitant about going through with something like this. That said, I have to admit that if I was SUPER-ATTRACTED to her and had been single for a while, I'd probably break down and go against my better judgement. I'm only human...
bubbaganoosh Posted December 4, 2013 Posted December 4, 2013 Friend. She's 18. Yeah I know, 18 is an adult but I know people that are in their late twenties and still haven't grown up. She works with you and your her super. Now ask yourself if having sex with the little Aphrodite is worth your job. Bad business to mix it up with a co worker not to mention that she has a boyfriend. She tells you they aren't serious but maybe you should ask him how he feels about it. She's immature and sounds like a big bag of trouble to me. Find a woman closer to your age. Someone with a bit more maturity and avoid her. It's only your job and your ass at stake here.
MalachiX Posted December 4, 2013 Posted December 4, 2013 Ok a girl that is 18 and cheats on her boyfriend that easily IS drama. A girl who comes out and says "I want to have sex with you" will usually have ulterior motives, so beware. Both good points. I'm not judging anyone's morals but sometimes people who are so fast to jump into bed aren't the most stable (not always). I once had a one night stand with someone in my program and it turned into drama. We both got drunk at a party at her place (I'd only met her once prior); and it just kinda happened. She seemed to act very affectionate the next morning so I wondered if she was looking for something more. We knew so little about each other I figured it couldn't hurt to go on an actual date and try to get to know each other a little better. I called her the next day and asked if she wanted to go out (also letting her know that it was fine if not and she just wanted it to end at last night). She said yes super enthusiastically and we set a date. We texted back and forth A LOT over the next week but then she suddenly got busy and then told me she just got a boyfriend. I said "no worries, hope we can be friends" figuring that would be the end of it. Clearly she met someone she liked more and that's fine as we hardly knew each other. The problem was that this didn't turn out to be the end of it. Apparently she told A LOT of her female friends that we'd had sex (I only told one friend of mine, who didn't know her, and swore him to secrecy because I didn't want my or her sex life to be made public). A few of her friends made some comments to one of my buddies. Somehow her girlfriends all seemed to latch on to one of two false narratives: 1.) I got her drunk so I could sleep with her at the party. Deflowered this naive girl. And then she was saved by someone else who could treat her right. This was, of course, ludicrous but seemed logical to people who weren't at the party. They hadn't seen that she was essentially the one who got me drunk (insisting we do shots over and over) and had come on to me. 2.) We both agreed on having on just having casual sex but I changed my mind afterwards and started to pursue her. I think this narrative might have been one that she spread herself (not sure). If of course neglects when I said to her, "hey, it's totally cool if you don't want to leave it at this. I'm a big boy and I promise I won't get my feelings hurt." It also neglects the dozens upon dozens of texts she sent me the following week. Later, a mutual friend told me that she actually asked him to invite all cool guys he knew to the party because she was looking for a boyfriend. My guess is that she came on to me (and slept with me) because she really wanted to find someone. She was hoping we'd be a thing but then met someone she liked even more and jumped ship with him. Afterwards, she needed to downplay what happened with me so as not to seem like the bad guy and so her BF would be secure in their relationship. When I see her know, it's a little awkward in the way these things tend to be. We both act SUPER FRIENDLY but avoid saying too much so we don't have to talk about what happened. I'm fine with that but I keep getting the sense that her friends are giving me the evil eye. In some cases, these were people I sometimes hung out with before who now seem to avoid conversation. That part sucks. So...it really is worth keeping in mind that often people who are super eager to have sex may be very fickle with their emotions and you might get burned. That said, I still don't really regret sleeping with her. I hate to sound like a typical guy but she was really hot, we had amazing sex all night, and I'm fine with that. It's a shame that some of her girlfriends are no longer friendly to me but I wasn't in the wrong so it's there loss.
CptSaveAho Posted December 4, 2013 Posted December 4, 2013 one night stand and never talk to her again.... best of both worlds shes practically begging for it, just give it to her
gaius Posted December 4, 2013 Posted December 4, 2013 Just because there are a lot of guys that would "Bone" the OP's girlfriend, doesn't mean he should do it to somebody else. The OP strikes me as a good catch ...... why would he want to sacrifice his own dignity and value system for this potential drama? I know ls way better than you do and I'm not convinced her having a boyfriend is what's really holding him back. Trust me, the best thing he could do is take advantage of the situation. That said, I still don't really regret sleeping with her. I hate to sound like a typical guy but she was really hot, we had amazing sex all night, and I'm fine with that. It's a shame that some of her girlfriends are no longer friendly to me but I wasn't in the wrong so it's there loss. I'm sure you would have been way better off if she told all your friends that you're weird or gay since you had a shot but didn't take it.
Under The Radar Posted December 4, 2013 Posted December 4, 2013 I know ls way better than you do and I'm not convinced her having a boyfriend is what's really holding him back. Trust me, the best thing he could do is take advantage of the situation. Look, this isn't a competition for me ...... I don't need to know the OP to understand that helping her cheat on a boyfriend is wrong. I speak from experience - been there, done that. I've had years to reflect on my actions and dwell on the regret. Personally, I don't care what decision he makes and won't judge him either way. He asked for the boards opinions and I gave him mine.
Ninjainpajamas Posted December 4, 2013 Posted December 4, 2013 It's a trap, not worth your job. She's too young to be reliable with little to lose..and already has a BF, that just means the b!tch is going to be dysfunctional, if you actually trust her then you're a fool. Otherwise, take a roll of the dice and hope you don't get snake-eyes, not everyone that drunk drives gets caught with a DUI or in an accident...but when you do..yikes! As far as ethics...nobody really has those anymore anyway.
string of letters Posted December 4, 2013 Posted December 4, 2013 Leaving aside the ethics... Will having sex with this woman make your life better in any way? I mean, after the temporary pleasure of sex is gone. Unless you're an incredibly rare individual who can bask in the dopamine glow of a sexual encounter for a week after it lasts, I don't quite know what you gain from this. Will having sex with this woman make your life worse in any way? I'm willing to bet that there's a much stronger chance of a 'yes' answer to this question, as other posters have indicated. (Personally, while I've regretted not trying to start an actual relationship with certain women, there's not one single case where I've regretted not having a sex-only encounter with women who appeared like they wanted one, but which I chose not to pursue. If I did have that kind of regret, it would be over pleasure that would have long passed anyway, something that wouldn't make much sense. For whatever that's worth.)
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