In contact with ex bf for a month, suddenly stops calling and texting?!

[gutsandgrace]

So me and the ex have been broken up since spring of 2012. I went complete NC and moved on. I even went so far as blocking his email, etc. Apparently he had a short lived marriage during that time (found out his ex had cheated on him with a good friend of his.) He is divorced now. But he still had my phone number and called me about a month ago, told me he missed me, wondered how I was, wanted to see me and meet up for coffee. We met up for coffee once, then Monday night last week had drinks and dinner. We went back to my place and kissed and made out but NO sex. All throughout this time he had been texting me and calling almost every day. Telling me he was sorry for how things went down between us last year. Friday night was the last time we talked. Some reminiscing about a great vacation we took to Ft. Lauderdale last year, how with the snow and cold we wish we were back there, etc. He had been initiating all of the phone calls and most of the texts, and the coffee and dinner. Last Friday is the last time we spoke. I sent him a pic of the ocean from our trip on Sat. morning, then Sunday I texted him about a restaurant he suggested we go to for beer and a burger. No response to either text and no more phone calls from him. I called him tonight and left a voicemail. No talk as of yet from either of us on getting back together or anything yet.

 

 

Is he in his "man cave"? Am I getting played? Was he just looking for booty and since I didn't give it up, he flaked? It is just so odd to me that everything would be going so well, he was initiating things, and then...poof.nothing. This is a man I have known for 20 years apart from the time we were separated after the break up. In fact we were just talking about how long we have known each other and he couldn't believe its been that long.

[tiredofitall2]

Sounds like he is not ready for a R. A man that married and was cheated un might be a little scared to get in a serious R so quickly. But, you should be aware that his is showing you his character or lack of it. He might not be what you want for your life. A man that is so indecisive and flacky might not be what you want.

 

Unless he has a really GOOD explanation for his not contacting you go back to NC and move on!

[RespectfullyAlone]

There's only 2 possibilities here.

 

He's got someone else, or his phone got eaten by a crocodile.

 

No lost phone, or obstacle would keep me from contacting someone I was really into, unless of course you are away camping and won't have cell reception. Even then, you'd let the object of your affections know if that was the case.

 

I don't think you not giving it up for him, would be a reason for him to vanish. I mean you did kiss and all. So if that was all he was after, I imagine it would take too many more dates before you were sleeping together.

 

He's either got someone else, or who knows, maybe the divorced ex is somehow back in the picture. Going silent is never a good sign.

Edited December 4, 2013 by RespectfullyAlone

[gutsandgrace]

Thank you for the responses. Just really pissed off at the flaky behavior and tempted to text and call him out on it!!! All that and then poof. I guess that is what I get for allowing an ex back into my life if even for a short time. Next time I will just IGNORE.

[BC1980]

Don't contact him again. You've sent 2 texts and a voicemail, which is more than enough. Leave it be.

 

I'm guessing he was using you as a diversion after his divorce. He probably became scared when things started progressing. I would tread really carefully with any ex, especially one who is recently divorced. That's just a hot mess.

[RespectfullyAlone]

Thank you for the responses. Just really pissed off at the flaky behavior and tempted to text and call him out on it!!! All that and then poof. I guess that is what I get for allowing an ex back into my life if even for a short time. Next time I will just IGNORE.

 

DON'T. Do your talking by not talking, not texting, not leaving voicemails.

 

Who was the dumper here? I'm guessing he was? If so, he's had 2 bites of the cherry now. No matter how much it hurts, it seems to me he's not really honestly interested in you, of having a proper life together.

 

Block this guy, de-friend him, delete his number. He's a victim of his own choosing, so don't shed too many tears. You're Mr Amazing might just be right round the corner from you, and you know what, it's not this ex of yours.

[gutsandgrace]

I was actually the dumper here. We were both at different places in life at the time. Regardless I still thought about him from time to time and when we met back up the chemistry was def still there. But it is what is now I guess with him apparently flaking. I do think that things were starting to progress and it probably scared him. Heck it scared me too- we didn't have sex that night but came close to it. And then I told him I felt we should take a few steps back from the physical for now.

[RespectfullyAlone]

I was actually the dumper here. We were both at different places in life at the time. Regardless I still thought about him from time to time and when we met back up the chemistry was def still there. But it is what is now I guess with him apparently flaking. I do think that things were starting to progress and it probably scared him. Heck it scared me too- we didn't have sex that night but came close to it. And then I told him I felt we should take a few steps back from the physical for now.

 

That's not a light thing, that's huge. At the end of the day you dumped him, he moved on got married, got cheated on by the ex wife, was probably about as miserable as you can get, then re-connects with you on some level.

 

I haven't seen you mention anything about being sorry yourself for dumping him in the first place, or for what he went through after you dumped him. All I read was his apologies to you.

 

Apart from him going silent, I'm not sure you actually have any reason to be on his case if I'm being honest here. The guy's been through a lot it seems, an you never know, maybe in some way, or how it was conveyed the taking a few steps back from the physical only brought back memories of when he got dumped in the first place.

 

Actually the ball is in your court not his. Yes him going silent isn't good, but in the context of what is happened, it appears differently to me now. He may not have another person at all and is simply trying to cope and deal with things.

[gutsandgrace]

I apologized for my part as well. We both made stupid mistakes at times over the course of the relationship. I freaked a bit because I have met up with exes in the past, had sex and then been completely ignored so maybe I didn't convey it right but I def wasn't saying nothing at all...just wanted to take it a little slower. But yeah maybe it could have been communicated differently. With him gone silent I'm not sure theres anything else I can do.

[AlmostFrench]

I don't think it was a booty call either, like the above said he would have tried a few more times if that is what he wanted.

 

From having people do this to me (and guilty of it myself) I think he tried to get what he thought he wanted (you) and has realized he is not ready, hence the pull back. Maybe seeing you brought up old wounds from your break up, maybe it made him realize his failed marriage, etc.

 

If you want him back, I would say pull back yourself now. Give it another week. I think chances are he will contact you. But he seems confused so your best bet is the no pressure approach.