JMS1818 Posted December 3, 2013 Posted December 3, 2013 Hey all, To preface this I'm 25 just starting my career and she is 22 with one semester left of college. So to jump right in I met this girl through some friends 3 weeks ago and we really hit it off. We went on our first date the next weekend and everything was great. She spent the night with me(no sex, lots of cuddling/kissing) and we had been talking on the phone/texting every day since I met her. She would tell me how much she enjoyed being around me and would tell me about all the things she wanted to do with me. Thanksgiving break happened to be the week after our date and she went home for 7 days which is 2 hours away from me, so we didn't have a change to hang out. Then this week is the last week of classes and she is moving to a new place, next week is finals week. She said this is her hardest semester ever. So we haven't exactly had a chance to go on date #2. Then about 2 days ago she started to seem distant, short texts, not having time to hang out, etc. Last night she sent me a text saying she's trying to find herself, needs to focus on school, and how it's just not a good time to start a relationship with anyone. I asked her if this was her way of breaking it off and she said I was great, even wonderful, but it just isn't a good time to start anything just yet. Do you guys think she is just stressed about finals and should I just give her some space until after they are over? Should I break off all contact? Was it bad timing with all of this going on? Just thoughts and suggestions in general would be much appreciated. Thanks!
todreaminblue Posted December 3, 2013 Posted December 3, 2013 give her space keep in contact intermittently respect she is probably stressed dont add pressure to the situation....be chill.....deb
Author JMS1818 Posted December 3, 2013 Author Posted December 3, 2013 Thanks for the advice Deb, I think that's the plan. Anyone else care to share any advice?
soccerrprp Posted December 4, 2013 Posted December 4, 2013 Thanks for the advice Deb, I think that's the plan. Anyone else care to share any advice? Why do you need more advice? It sounds like you have a plan. Or are you hoping for a countering opinion that will make you feel better? You have little or no choice but to give her space. She came right out and told you that she didn't want a relationship with you. Move on.
D-Lish Posted December 4, 2013 Posted December 4, 2013 I agree with what Deb said. I think it's one of those situations where it "really isn't you"... Exams, moving, being away from family- are all stressors that can complicate life for a person. It just sounds like she's feeling the burden of a lot of things on her plate and may not feel like putting herself in the position of adding another potential stressor to her life at this time. I'd keep in touch, keep the door open. You don't want to put yourself in the position to get friend-zoned- but that doesn't mean you have to lose touch with her. I know when I was in uni, exam time was chaos. I think for now, you can chalk it up to wrong timing. I'd stay in touch, keep the exchanges light, and see if things change once she settles into the new school year in her new place.
Author JMS1818 Posted December 4, 2013 Author Posted December 4, 2013 Why do you need more advice? It sounds like you have a plan. Or are you hoping for a countering opinion that will make you feel better? You have little or no choice but to give her space. She came right out and told you that she didn't want a relationship with you. Move on. Not a different opinion to make me feel better, but someone that has a different viewpoint to share was what I was going for.
RosieDunne Posted December 4, 2013 Posted December 4, 2013 Sounds to me like she really is just stressed out and needs a bit of space. Of course it's also possible that she's trying to play a little 'hard to get' to keep you interested, although I don't think so, but you never know. I think she is just having a hard time at the moment though with a lot going on. It sounds like you both had a really nice first date so I really wouldn't worry, it sounds like you couldn't have done anything any better really and it seems that she was really into you at the time (and probably still is) so I'd just give her some space and let her finish her exams etc and let her come to you, once you stop contacting her a bit she'll realise that she want to talk to you again I'm sure:) Good luck! 1
Author JMS1818 Posted December 4, 2013 Author Posted December 4, 2013 I agree with what Deb said. I think it's one of those situations where it "really isn't you"... Exams, moving, being away from family- are all stressors that can complicate life for a person. It just sounds like she's feeling the burden of a lot of things on her plate and may not feel like putting herself in the position of adding another potential stressor to her life at this time. I'd keep in touch, keep the door open. You don't want to put yourself in the position to get friend-zoned- but that doesn't mean you have to lose touch with her. I know when I was in uni, exam time was chaos. I think for now, you can chalk it up to wrong timing. I'd stay in touch, keep the exchanges light, and see if things change once she settles into the new school year in her new place. This is pretty much how I was taking the whole situation. I guess I'll just give it some time. Thanks!
D-Lish Posted December 4, 2013 Posted December 4, 2013 This is pretty much how I was taking the whole situation. I guess I'll just give it some time. Thanks! Ya, I think you're okay being patient for now. I wouldn't wait around for her, but feel her out a bit down the road and see if anything has changed. In the meantime, keep your options open.
Author JMS1818 Posted December 4, 2013 Author Posted December 4, 2013 Ya, I think you're okay being patient for now. I wouldn't wait around for her, but feel her out a bit down the road and see if anything has changed. In the meantime, keep your options open. Yep for sure, I definitely plan to date other people still, but we just had that instant connection that's hard to explain, like I had known her forever. It's nice to see other people view the situation the same as me so I'm not crazy.
BikerAccnt Posted December 4, 2013 Posted December 4, 2013 Yeah, like the other said, give her some space. Sometimes, it really isn't the right time for someone to date, or get into a relationship. It's really not always about us.
winny Posted December 4, 2013 Posted December 4, 2013 Just let things flow naturally I read this somewhere and I liked it.... Anyone wants space, give it to them... Anyone want to go, let them go... If anything's gonna happen between two of you, they will come back to you And if you still like them then welcome them back
RDawg Posted December 4, 2013 Posted December 4, 2013 Go No Contact. Allow yourself time to heal and in future avoid women at all costs, it is the only way to prevent this cycle of pain.
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