DollWelch Posted December 3, 2013 Posted December 3, 2013 I didn't know what to title this post, given the nature of this situation. So I'll just dive right into the gist of it. There is someone, whom is years younger than I am (5 year age difference), I have been talking to for the last month or two. Before I get to the heart of the matter, I want to say that, age plays an important role in how I view men. I have always been attracted to older men, and the fact that this person is 5 years younger has been an issue in my mind. He's definitely in a different stage in his life (aside from his differing life views), as he's currently attending graduate school 500+ miles away, so I see this as an incompatibility. (Quite a cynical view point, but it is a valid one nonetheless) He and I have been talking, and from the get-go the chemistry and attraction has been obvious. Due to the familiarity of understanding each other but the history of being cut-throat in the sense of personalities clashing and coming together in waves, the way he and I talk to each other has been comforting and emotional (even if the feelings haven't been admitted yet). I'm at a point where, I don't know if it is wise to continue talking and getting to know this person. The way I see it is, he has his life ahead of him, he'll be climbing the social and corporate ladder in the hopes of building his professional career. He'll be meeting all kinds of people, from all walks of life; perhaps talking to me (and I him) will hinder personal and professional growth. Perhaps it is best to allow that to play out on it's own? During one conversation, or rather several, he's made references about how he's grown to like me and wants to continue to get to know me. In one instance he said something along the lines of, "I want you a part of my life, even if I don't get to talk to you on a daily basis, just having you there; I want to be able to talk to you until I die." Which, to be honest, freaked me out. What does this mean? What are his motives? I'm confused, because as much as I like talking to him from time to time, I don't know for how long I can keep this up. Perhaps it is best to slowly withdraw. I have been getting to know someone else, and maybe I want to focus on him, and see where that leads me instead. Thoughts?
Woggle Posted December 3, 2013 Posted December 3, 2013 It's only five years. We are not talking a major gap here. 3
Treasa Posted December 3, 2013 Posted December 3, 2013 I'm seven years older than my fiance. It's not a big deal.
WrinkledForehead Posted December 3, 2013 Posted December 3, 2013 My bf is 20 years older than I am. It's not an issue at all and we've discussed it. I dated a guy 8 years older and he made somewhat of an issue out of it. It really all depends on the players in the R and their compatibility. 1
Author DollWelch Posted December 3, 2013 Author Posted December 3, 2013 I might be in the minority, but I believe it can be an issue, especially if both are in their 20s (which is the case here). 1
ThatMan Posted December 3, 2013 Posted December 3, 2013 (edited) My thoughts are as follows: 1) It seems to be really off into the deep end to believe five years is a significant thing. I've seen countless people dismiss others from a meaningful relationship for pointless and arbitrary reasons. I consider this to be one of them. But that doesn't matter. What should matter is how YOU feel about him and what your wants and needs include. 2) Distances are a pretty big incompatibility for some. BUT 3) Differing life views can become an even greater incompatibility when personal values are different. It's up to you to decide what values are important to you. Similar values are different than sharing the same exact opinions. He should probably have his own unique views and opinions. 4) I fail to recognize how the mere act of talking to you hinders his vocational path. 5) I'm also kind of freaked out by him. Let's be freaked out together. 6) Nevermind this guy for now. Learning to directly approach another person and TALK to them and ASK them things in order to better understand their thoughts and feelings is an important basic life skill that you need to know. So you can practice that right now instead of asking us because sooner or later you'll run into people who pretend to have awesome mind reading powers. And that sort of thinking is exactly what you should distance yourself from. I hope you figure out what's best for you. Edited December 3, 2013 by ThatMan 1
StanMusial Posted December 3, 2013 Posted December 3, 2013 He's in school 500 miles away. That is a big obstacle(s) if you're wanting something serious. 2
FitChick Posted December 4, 2013 Posted December 4, 2013 I agree that geography is more important than age for you right now. Could either of you afford the plane fare or the wear and tear of driving back and forth? Maybe practice with the guy you are starting to date now. Then in a year or two if it doesn't work out, you might have a shot with grad student again if either of you are still interested.
hotpotato Posted December 4, 2013 Posted December 4, 2013 Go get him cougar! Im not dating, but I have chat buddies who are younger. I casually dated a younger guy even though I prefer older guys. Those few years make a big difference in the sack. Just sayin Ive done the ld thing, too. Its a challenge. Money for airfare aside, you have to have a lot of trust in that person and in yourself as well.
Khyla Posted December 4, 2013 Posted December 4, 2013 During one conversation, or rather several, he's made references about how he's grown to like me and wants to continue to get to know me. In one instance he said something along the lines of, "I want you a part of my life, even if I don't get to talk to you on a daily basis, just having you there; I want to be able to talk to you until I die." Which, to be honest, freaked me out. You should feel honored to have someone say this to you, not freaked out. .. And if I were you I would tell him I will always be there for him in a friend capacity if nothing else. Is that so hard?
BOREDouttaMymind Posted December 4, 2013 Posted December 4, 2013 I like being honest. so go look in a mirror and say "is this really the guy I want to be with...forever?" seriously...go do it. you got your answer.
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