Omei Posted December 3, 2013 Posted December 3, 2013 (edited) Its in month 11 now. Lately stuff has been extremely hard I understand its over I know he's not coming back. I just can't grasp change tho I am the type of person to never stop loving and never wanting to stop trying, I have issues dealing with the fact they are no longer the same person they were while I still am. Being with someone for 5 years and to just have it all be gone one day is harsh. I am angry things went this way. I am very very veryyyy tired of the pain I feel, its not everyday breakdowns and some days I dont even think about him. I am at a point now where id very much would love to meet someone new and fall head over heals for them I am terrified of being given up on again. It seems being around people annoys me very quickly as well I get tired and drianed putting energy into social parts of life I dont know how to fix that. I feel stuck. Edited December 3, 2013 by Omei 1
Author Omei Posted December 3, 2013 Author Posted December 3, 2013 It's getting better at turtle speed soon it will be a year's time I just am starting to think maybe I am not coping correctly. I am NC I have everything gone and deleted. I don't know how I got over passed bfs so quickly and how I cannot seem to get passed this one very smoothly.
devilish innocent Posted December 4, 2013 Posted December 4, 2013 Omei, you sound like you know that the best way forward is to let go of the past. If it's taking you some time, then be patient with yourself. Every one takes a different length of time to heal. I think you should continue getting out and socializing occasionally even if you don't feel like it. It may feel like an effort for a while, but it will pay off. You'll eventually start to enjoy yourself and feel better when you have other adults around you. Being sociable will start to come naturally. If it doesn't, then you may want to speak to a doctor. Wishing you all the best.
cavalier99 Posted December 4, 2013 Posted December 4, 2013 Keep on going. Sounds like your really getting beaten down by 11 month of tough recovery. This is actually a good thing. Your probably getting close to giving up the fight and being done with it. I felt stuck many times also but time has a way of dragging us into the future. Soon it will all be ancient history. Stay strong. Cav
Author Omei Posted December 4, 2013 Author Posted December 4, 2013 Keep on going. Sounds like your really getting beaten down by 11 month of tough recovery. This is actually a good thing. Your probably getting close to giving up the fight and being done with it. I felt stuck many times also but time has a way of dragging us into the future. Soon it will all be ancient history. Stay strong. Cav That is really encouraging thank you! 1
GeneralJennyJenn Posted December 4, 2013 Posted December 4, 2013 It took me about a year and a half to get over my first ex. We dated for 6 plus years and lived together. We broke up and maintained NC for 13 months. It was one of the darkest times in my life, its a wretched experience but one so many of us have endured. I really remember thinking 'I have lost my funny' meaning I like to joke and make other people laugh. But I was down for the count, even back then at 11 months it was too soon. If your timeline follows anything like mine, you're probably 2/3rd-3/4th of the way in the grieving stages. I promise it will get better, the life you enjoyed and the vibrancy will come back! Meanwhile keep getting out there and being with your friends and family even if its only a few times a week. Like Nike says 'Just DO IT!' Besides the ones who stick by you now and for the long haul, are the ones that matter the most, so pay attention This is in a way an opportunity to see who is your true support system. If need be make the visits shorter, I know it can be taxing. And don't forget to give yourself credit for making it this far, you have maintained your PRIDE. That counts for a lot 1
Author Omei Posted December 4, 2013 Author Posted December 4, 2013 I dont feel like I've kept my pride I laugh a lot
HeartbrokenNewbie Posted December 4, 2013 Posted December 4, 2013 I know how u feel, sadly cant advise but its nice to know Im not alone xx
Author Omei Posted December 7, 2013 Author Posted December 7, 2013 Tonight I tried meeting someone they were nice and polite I felt no connection they made their advances so strong too, I didn't like it. I don't know if there's a guy that's like me in the same ways as my ex was its hard to find the same qualities my ex had I had always felt i landed gold when i met him, will anyone catch my attention like that again? who knows
Els Posted December 7, 2013 Posted December 7, 2013 Just wanted to send you hugs, Omei. IMO when you want to move forward, especially with really tough stuff like this, the occasional step backward is inevitable. Hope you feel better soon. 1
Author Omei Posted December 7, 2013 Author Posted December 7, 2013 I miss having it easy you know that one person always there, whenever, because they loved you? Im rambling 1
JDPT Posted December 7, 2013 Posted December 7, 2013 I think we all have this misconception, and I know I can speak for myself of: "what's the matter with me? It's been this long already, I should be feeling much better..." Reality is and as we already know, we just don't know how long it will take us to get "over" them. But one thing we have control over is how proactively we contribute towards healing. It's been 7 months post break up and as I write this, I start to realize where I went wrong. I simply sabotaged and suspended my recovery process by neglecting it, by not nurturing it until it fully heals. I decided to worry about other things and as always left me for last. Reality is I should be the most imperative person at this point, why? Because I need it and I'm still in pain but simultaneously make the concious decision of turning that around. It is a journey and shifting the focus away from how long it has been to what can I do right this moment helps. 1
Author Omei Posted December 7, 2013 Author Posted December 7, 2013 What I've been trying to do in the moment is get back into the dating game but no one I meet gets me interested and its not cuz im like all sad, no one gives off the type of personality I'd like. Its all very fast guys think they can kiss you right away its scary, that's the kind I've been meeting they think after spending time with you, your now open for anything uhhhhhh not me. I really want to meet a guy that wants to know me.
MoooOinkBaaa Posted December 8, 2013 Posted December 8, 2013 (edited) If you want to meet a guy that wants to know you then stop going on dates, they are a waste of time. Start meeting new friends in areas of your life that are meaningful. I'm a passionate vegan and animal rights activist, I stopped being active over the last five years during my relationship and got lazy. Now I'm back in the scene and meeting lots of new people who stand for the same thing and want to get to know me too as a person. It's the same thing with running and chess, I'm doing these with others and meeting new people. I think the best relationships start as friendships, I knew my ex for over a year before we started getting close on a higher level and that lasted nearly eight years because we wasn't both on a date looking to get comfort and a ****. I don't know why anyone bothers going on dates. Most of the time, it's typical 'small talk', boring activities such as going out to dinner or to the movies, et cetera. Just to distract each other from the reality that they have nothing on their own. Edited December 8, 2013 by MoooOinkBaaa 1
Author Omei Posted December 8, 2013 Author Posted December 8, 2013 Not going on datey date things like in tv Just trying to make friends with things I have in common the guys get creepy so fast.
MoveAlong Posted December 8, 2013 Posted December 8, 2013 Its in month 11 now. Lately stuff has been extremely hard I understand its over I know he's not coming back. I just can't grasp change tho I am the type of person to never stop loving and never wanting to stop trying, I have issues dealing with the fact they are no longer the same person they were while I still am. Being with someone for 5 years and to just have it all be gone one day is harsh. I am angry things went this way. I am very very veryyyy tired of the pain I feel, its not everyday breakdowns and some days I dont even think about him. I am at a point now where id very much would love to meet someone new and fall head over heals for them I am terrified of being given up on again. It seems being around people annoys me very quickly as well I get tired and drianed putting energy into social parts of life I dont know how to fix that. I feel stuck. I read your post...and for a second, I thought I had written it. I have a few differences in numbers...6 weeks have passed...over 3 year relationship. I, too, don't give up...no matter what it is...school...athletics..friends...challenges. I win, and I always do. This is probably the first time where I have had to sit here, and do nothing. And by do nothing, I mean to maintain NC. But I'm about to change. I am setting goals for myself, and I am going to achieve them. At first, my reaction was to go out and bring home company...but I realized that not only am I in pain, but it would not help my case. I need to become a better person to make myself feel better. To do that, I need to perform at a higher level. If my ex reaches out to talk about trying again, I'll consider it. But today, I need to move along. I need to stop anchoring myself down. The problem with people who don't like change, and don't like giving up, is that we battle with time. If we don't change, we are going to fall behind. Eventually, we will be forced to change. I dunno...I may have ranted and digressed, but you are going to overcome this. You are going to change, whether you like it or not, and it is going to be for the better! I'm not even an optimist...if anything, I'm a realist. Try changing the way you live a day. Ex: Eat a nice breakfast, work out, call two friends, relax at a starbucks...do something different. It's working for me, and it wasn't easy to get myself going. I still get ups and downs, mostly downs, but I am trying.
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