saraa Posted December 3, 2013 Posted December 3, 2013 My ex-GF and I have a 2 month old daughter together. We broke up maybe 8 months ago. She has PTSD that is pretty bad when she is alone (not in a relationship). Before we got together she was too nervous to go out, always scared at home, couldn't sleep (would go days with only a few hours sleep) and was always depressed. A few months after we got together things got a lot better for her and the PTSD pretty much went unnoticed. We were together for a few years. When we broke up all the PTSD symptoms came back. For most of the pregnancy she didn't sleep and ended up in the hospital a dozen times and she rarely went anywhere. Obviously not healthy for the developing baby, though she turned out just fine. I thought it would change when our daughter was born because she would have someone else there but it didn't. She still doesn't sleep, is always nervous. It's not from having a newborn, it's the PTSD again. I don't think it's safe for my daughter to be with her when she is always exhausted and running on zero-hardly any sleep. She often blanks out for hours and doesn't bother to do anything. I don't know if my daughter gets everything she needs all the time. She needs that feeling of security and being near someone to be 'normal'. She says being with someone takes her mind off other stuff and lets her relax. She couldn't sleep usually if I wasn't there. I've talked to my parents about it. They both love my ex and are conflicted on the issue. They don't think our daughter should be taken from her mother but want her to be safe. My mom keeps saying that no matter what my ex will be a good mother to her, even if she's had hardly any sleep. But my dad says safety is more important. I've talked to a lawyer about it and he said I have a very good chance at getting full custody and her only getting supervised visitation once a week. We live 2 hours away from each other. I always said I would never take her away from her mother because she needs her mum. But I don't know. She's 22, I'm 27. Taking our daughter away from her is going to make everything way worse for her. She will be depressed, probably sleep even less if that's even possible, won't care about anything. She's on medication, goes to therapy (and has for the last 7 years) but it doesn't help her even though people seem to think therapy and meds fix everything.
elementals Posted December 3, 2013 Posted December 3, 2013 How about getting your ex into a situation that helps support her and your child? There are dozens of places that offer support to single mothers..daycare options, community support systems. I would try that instead of taking the child and only supervised visitation for your ex. To a woman, a new mother, it would be grossly cruel and likely make her crash even more. Does she have post partuum depression? If you want to help, and even though it would take you stepping directly in, I would try all of that first.
Author saraa Posted December 3, 2013 Author Posted December 3, 2013 She won't go anywhere so she won't go somewhere and try and get support. She hates going out and doesn't trust people in general or with our daughter. She has been getting treatment for 7 years. She is on a few different medications, goes to a therapist and a psychologist/psychiatrist (can't remember which). She goes a couple times a week. She doesn't have post partum depression. I know it would be terrible for her to take our daughter away but I don't know if there is any other option. It's harder because she doesn't have a family. Her dad killed her mom when she was little and was raised in foster care. Thus she has no family. Our daughter is all the family she has.
elementals Posted December 3, 2013 Posted December 3, 2013 That's horrible. Poor lady. I was on youtube a while back and there was a video about a new treatment for PSTD. Probably if you look there you can find it. The therapist, who is a recognized expert on PTSD said that many people struggle years and years with PTSD and never improve because of the way the brain gets rewired. She has developed a successful technique for overcoming that rewiring which does not involve years of therapy. Really tough situation for all of you. You sound like you want validation to take the child away. Unless the baby is failing to thrive or is showing some signs of neglect or abuse, your lawyer could be wrong. Is your daughter showing signs of neglect.. for example not being fed, extended periods of no bathing, dirty clothing?
d0nnivain Posted December 3, 2013 Posted December 3, 2013 If your child's mother is physically or mentally incapable of taking care of your daughter & keeping her safe, the best interests of your daughter mandate that you become the custodial parent. Stop thinking that you are taking your kid away from the mother. No where in here did I hear you say that you would prevent your EX from seeing your child. All you want to do is switch the kid's primary residence for the child's safety. It's a no brainer -- the parent who does not present a risk of harm to the child, gets physical custody. 2
Janesays Posted December 3, 2013 Posted December 3, 2013 Rather than focusing on what is in the best interest of your ex, you really need to focus on what is in the best interest of your child. Mental issues, while tragic, don't give someone a free pass to neglect a child. Reverse the situation. Say YOU were the one with mental issues and full custody of your daughter who you couldn't care for properly. Is there anyone here who WOULDNT advise the Mother to step in and get full custody back in the best interest of the child? Mothers are not infallable. My Mother abused me growing up due to her own mental issues. I am still nursing those scars. It would have been wonderful if I had a father who cared enough for ME to give me a better life, but I did not. Does your daughter?
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