Babolat Posted December 3, 2013 Posted December 3, 2013 This is a fun post, not a bash Babolat time, please. I don't have an answer, just got me thinking about all the different posts on here about love, feelings, emotions, relationships, what we want, crave, etc. This came in my email today from one of the blogs I am subscribed too, thought it was interesting so I am posting it, and asking you, how do you know? "How do you know you're in love? I could give you some stupidly patronizing answer like "You just know." Or I could say that a big red light starts glowing on your hand like that thing in Logan's Run. But in real life it's more complicated. See, in a lot of ways the whole idea of the overwhelming, romance novel love that stops EVERYTHING and has you racing to get a mini van is a MYTH. Scientists have shown that what we think of as "Love" (where you can't even THINK about another girl, where the very smell of her makes you forget to go to work and where you want to crawl inside her body and bath in her skin . . . you know, the OBSESSION stuff) is almost 100% irrational and chemical. It's a trick of nature designed to get us to bump uglies and pop out needy little bundles of cute. And that kind of OVERWHELMING love (which is called limerence) has a built in expiration date like a bottle of milk. Usually after 3 years or so the "limerence" wears off and you find yourself suddenly realizing that the "perfect girl" you're with is actually not-so-perfect after all. Only now you've got kids. And a house. And this weird scar where your thumb used to be. That's not to say that "real love" doesn't exist. It's just to say that it's not as overwhelming and EASY as the movies make it out to be. So how do you know if you're "In Love?" Here's a little shorthand I came up with: You know you're actually in love with a girl when you find yourself WANTING to be the man she wishes you would be. Now I'm not saying you'll actually BE that guy (because that guy never looks at dirty stuff online or thinks about other girls, only wants to have sex when SHE wants to have sex and is prone to being CONSPICUOUSLY amorous in front of all her friends even when he'd rather go home.) But do you find yourself desperately wanting to do whatever you can to make her happy? (Even though you can't "make" anyone happy?) Do you love having her around? Do you get as happy about her accomplishments and desires as you do about your own? Ultimately, as you get a little older and the crazy hormones calm down a bit you'll find out that love is a choice. And if you want to get out of the dating pool and have the long term relationship thing it ends up being a choice you make every single day. You wake up, look at the woman in bed next to you and think "I love you" with the kind of passion and concentration of a chess master. Now, onto the 2nd part of your question: How do you prove it to her if your past actions have said otherwise? Consistently. Over time. Every day. Love is a marathon, not a sprint."
Philosoraptor Posted December 3, 2013 Posted December 3, 2013 Personally my thought on it is when you imagine the future and where you want to go, this person is always there with you. At that point for me it moves past infatuation and becomes love. 2
Ryan_Talon Posted December 3, 2013 Posted December 3, 2013 For me its seeing her and, as corny as it sounds, everything else suddenly doesn't matter as much, all the things I was stressing about or whatever, suddenly I'm in a better place! 2
WrinkledForehead Posted December 3, 2013 Posted December 3, 2013 I told my bf a few months ago that forever starts with today... Because to experience forever with someone, the actions of the day to day must align with the thought of a future. The last two lines of this post reminded me of that. So. Love is: Being inspired to be the best person you can be by another person's mere existence. Being comfortable in your own skin and showing your genuine self without inhibition. Comfort from a look of genuine concern. Giggling together uncontrollably at the silliest of things. Offering frank observations up for discussion about yourself, your partner, or your relationship and knowing that even if it causes some discomfort, resolution will be found. As the post said, deriving pleasure from your partner's pleasure and accomplishments. Also, feeling pain for your partner's pain. Sharing experiences and growing together as people. There's more, so much more. 2
todreaminblue Posted December 3, 2013 Posted December 3, 2013 hey babolat, i think love is tempered chocolate......... a little in your mouth is a slice fo heaven, melting so delicately on your tongue ...a lot of love on one side...and you feel fat and lethargic.......deb
Author Babolat Posted December 3, 2013 Author Posted December 3, 2013 I told my bf a few months ago that forever starts with today... Because to experience forever with someone, the actions of the day to day must align with the thought of a future. The last two lines of this post reminded me of that. So. Love is: Being inspired to be the best person you can be by another person's mere existence. Being comfortable in your own skin and showing your genuine self without inhibition. Comfort from a look of genuine concern. Giggling together uncontrollably at the silliest of things. Offering frank observations up for discussion about yourself, your partner, or your relationship and knowing that even if it causes some discomfort, resolution will be found. As the post said, deriving pleasure from your partner's pleasure and accomplishments. Also, feeling pain for your partner's pain. Sharing experiences and growing together as people. There's more, so much more. Well said, I like this!
todreaminblue Posted December 3, 2013 Posted December 3, 2013 love is always knowing with a firm heart that you never have to or will ever say good bye it will always be see you soon....that is a life time this one and the next....or yeah tempered chocolate shared watching a killer action movie.. ...lol....cough...ahem....my idea of..........deb
todreaminblue Posted December 3, 2013 Posted December 3, 2013 What is love? Baby don't hurt me, don't hurt me no more.... Alright now that I got that out of my system, love to me is when I can't stop thinking about her and keep from smiling. I start to think about the future in reference to us, rather than just myself. Most importantly, when I feel I can just be myself in front of her, with no worries or fears of how she see's me, in other words, I don't feel like I have to impress her by trying, I do it just by being me. lol.......love that song..........so cheesy........:bunny::bunny:
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