Wow, they do contact you when you are finally happy

[feelingtorn]

Wow, I really doubted my ex would ever contact me. We were together for 2 years and 7 months. The first year was amazing, and the rest was still decent, but frequented by once-a-month fight due to insecurity/commitment issues.

 

We finally broke up due to his Iphone game addiction and his emotional affair with one of the game players. I caught a year's worth of flirty texts, and the last straw was 7 hours of sexting while we were traveling in Europe.

 

We broke up in early Sep. I stayed with NC, but broke it once recently because I learned that I had traits of dismissive avoidant attachment from reading the forum and wanted to share it. I had difficult childhood and it made a lot of sense. Not sure why he is commitment phobic, and I would never understand him (he himself said he did not know what to think of himself). But, I learned something about myself after BU and wanted to share with him since he experienced my quirks during our time together.

 

I sent him an email last Wed and did not expect to hear back. He rarely wrote to me even when we were together. I mean, a well-written letter with some thoughts to it. It was always quick texts or short emails from his IPHONE or chats.

 

He sent me a long email thanking my email and saying he learned something about himself by reading about different attachment styles. He thanked me for my email again and said he was glad i was doing well. Now, I could email him back to continue our dialogue.

 

After BU, my friend whom I have known for 6 years shared his feelings toward me. We "just" broke out of our friend zone this past weekend. He treats me like a little princess and has all the qualities I wish my ex had. I have actually felt happy and rarely thought of my ex this past few days.

 

Should I ignore his email?

[Priv]

Well, you initiated contact if I read correctly. The decent thing to do is reply to his email. Seems like it was just a friendly response. Why would you ignore his response if you initiated contact?

[Chi townD]

Should you ignore his email?

 

YEP!!!

 

 

No point going down that road. Move on! You said you were happy, and if this new guy finds out that you are continuing and open dialog with your Ex, you're going to cause yourself a lot a problems. Even to the point that you might lose this guy that treats you like a princess.

[feelingtorn]

Well, you initiated contact if I read correctly. The decent thing to do is reply to his email. Seems like it was just a friendly response. Why would you ignore his response if you initiated contact?

 

I did not contact him to get a response. It was more of "holy, look what I discovered...it explains our fights." I know he is trying to understand himself better, but is not the type that is actually willing to read books or seek professional counseling help. I just wanted to share the knowledge with him, so he could move on too.

[Jules78]

Wow, I really doubted my ex would ever contact me. We were together for 2 years and 7 months. The first year was amazing, and the rest was still decent, but frequented by once-a-month fight due to insecurity/commitment issues.

 

We finally broke up due to his Iphone game addiction and his emotional affair with one of the game players. I caught a year's worth of flirty texts, and the last straw was 7 hours of sexting while we were traveling in Europe.

 

We broke up in early Sep. I stayed with NC, but broke it once recently because I learned that I had traits of dismissive avoidant attachment from reading the forum and wanted to share it. I had difficult childhood and it made a lot of sense. Not sure why he is commitment phobic, and I would never understand him (he himself said he did not know what to think of himself). But, I learned something about myself after BU and wanted to share with him since he experienced my quirks during our time together.

 

I sent him an email last Wed and did not expect to hear back. He rarely wrote to me even when we were together. I mean, a well-written letter with some thoughts to it. It was always quick texts or short emails from his IPHONE or chats.

 

He sent me a long email thanking my email and saying he learned something about himself by reading about different attachment styles. He thanked me for my email again and said he was glad i was doing well. Now, I could email him back to continue our dialogue.

 

After BU, my friend whom I have known for 6 years shared his feelings toward me. We "just" broke out of our friend zone this past weekend. He treats me like a little princess and has all the qualities I wish my ex had. I have actually felt happy and rarely thought of my ex this past few days.

 

Should I ignore his email?

 

Stick with the friend now more than a friend guy!! Do not go backwards!

 

You don't know if you would have ever heard from him again had you not emailed him. And you have to admit that you were expecting a response otherwise you wouldn't have emailed him.

[feelingtorn]

Stick with the friend now more than a friend guy!! Do not go backwards!

 

You don't know if you would have ever heard from him again had you not emailed him. And you have to admit that you were expecting a response otherwise you wouldn't have emailed him.

 

Thanks. I am being honest here. I only emailed my ex and started going out with my male friend because I felt like I was finally moving on. To be exact, I felt like I was finally moving on, but I could not get my ex off my brain. I still thought of him time to time. I was actually afraid of being stuck in the past forever. I still knew I did not want him back, but could not stop thinking about him.

 

So, I emailed him with my final thought about our breakup to give myself a closure. And, I decided to go out with my male friend. I was asked out a few times after BU, but none of them felt right and made me miss my ex even more. But, I liked my friend because I could trust him and knew he was a nice guy. We have been friends for 7 years.

 

I have decided not to respond to him. All he did really was thanking for email and wishing me the best anyway.

[feelingtorn]

BTW, in a weird sense, his email response back to me DID give me a closure to help me move on with my life. We both accepted the past and communicated about it. That was all I needed, really.

[Never Again]

Stick with the friend now more than a friend guy!! Do not go backwards!

 

I'll agree with the bolded part, but not because of the unbolded part.

 

You've already said that your "new guy" treats you well and has many qualities you wish your ex had. That alone speaks volumes.

 

As far as "going backwards"...no offense to anyone that uses it, but it's a rather trite turn of phrase. Don't get me wrong, people TRY to jump right back into old relationships, which is why so many potential reconciliations don't work - they CAN work if you're able to start a new relationship with an old partner.

 

That's a little off-topic though. If you're happy with your new guy and have true feelings for him, then congratulations! Closure from someone else is a bit of an illusion, but you seem to have given it to yourself.

 

If you've truly moved on from your ex, then it's your call about that email. You COULD choose to be friendly with him, or you could chose not to be. However, if you still have any feelings for him at all, it's wiser to cut him off completely.

[feelingtorn]

 

As far as "going backwards"...no offense to anyone that uses it, but it's a rather trite turn of phrase. Don't get me wrong, people TRY to jump right back into old relationships, which is why so many potential reconciliations don't work - they CAN work if you're able to start a new relationship with an old partner.

 

 

SO TRUE, and I completely agree with you. I do not want my ex because I have realized how selfish he is. It is really nice to have a partner, not a boyfriend. I work late on Mon and Tue. It was nice to go home with dinner ready for me. One of my complaints from my ex was that I did not dress up enough at home. He only found me attractive when I had makeup on and put on going out clothes. My male friend says how beautiful I am all the time with make up or without it.

 

I am not mad at my ex anymore, but I do not see the need for continuing the conversation. I shared what I learned, and he agreed with me. No need to re-open the conversation. It def. gave me a closure. I also know now that we are not friends, but on a good term. I know I will see you him again at my friend's wedding next Aug. It won't be awkward.

[headinthecloud]

Don't reply. Invest all this energy into yourself and enjoy your new rs. Good luck!

[loversquarrel]

The title of your post states "Wow, they do contact you when you are finally happy."

 

...He didn't contact you. You contacted him. Why would you care to tell him something about yourself if you are with someone else...? That is something you share with the person you love, a part of intimacy between two people. Being happy with someone else should be your closure. You aren't being fair to the guy you are with.

[feelingtorn]

The title of your post states "Wow, they do contact you when you are finally happy."

 

...He didn't contact you. You contacted him. Why would you care to tell him something about yourself if you are with someone else...? That is something you share with the person you love, a part of intimacy between two people. Being happy with someone else should be your closure. You aren't being fair to the guy you are with.

 

It was not about myself, but about us - our fights and our dead relationship. I did not say, "this was why we had fights. let's give us another try! please!".

 

We spent almost 3 years of our life together. Thought it might give us a closure. If you don't get it, it is fine. Because for a while, I went through the regret and what-if stages over and over again. And, boy, when I read about the avoidant type, it was like I was suddenly seeing the light at the end of a tunnel. That was why I wanted to share it.

 

We both had different theories to rationalize our problems and fights. The last time we spoke, he said he did not know what to think of himself. It was more of information sharing.

 

When I realized we were on the same page in terms of WHY, it really gave me the closure I needed. Hope this makes sense. And, my ex never contacts any exes. He always told me this when we were together, and his friends confirmed it. That, he always ran for the hill and never looked back. So, no...I really did not expect to hear back from him, but wanted to share the info with him nonetheless.

[feelingtorn]

Oh, my new boyfriend(?) knows all about our email exchange. He knows my ex well too. He and I have known each other for 7 years as I said.

[Jules78]

Thanks. I am being honest here. I only emailed my ex and started going out with my male friend because I felt like I was finally moving on. To be exact, I felt like I was finally moving on, but I could not get my ex off my brain. I still thought of him time to time. I was actually afraid of being stuck in the past forever. I still knew I did not want him back, but could not stop thinking about him.

 

So, I emailed him with my final thought about our breakup to give myself a closure. And, I decided to go out with my male friend. I was asked out a few times after BU, but none of them felt right and made me miss my ex even more. But, I liked my friend because I could trust him and knew he was a nice guy. We have been friends for 7 years.

 

I have decided not to respond to him. All he did really was thanking for email and wishing me the best anyway.

 

I understand. I did the same thing but my email was ugly. lol I never sent another one. I have a friend of 20 years who always liked me but it was never the right time. We have been talking and hanging out and it has helped me so much. He knows it all because I told him. I even cried on him poor guy. But he was so sweet about it. He has really helped me get on with my life just by showing me that my ex wasn't the only man in the world like I made him out to be. And he makes me laugh really hard and that in itself is great therapy.

 

Best of luck to you and your friend.