Light dawns and it all gets easier!

[waterwoman]

For months I had been hanging on H's every word and gesture and trying to interpret them. Does he love me, was that frown a sign of disapproval, is her bored, does he miss her, does he love me, what does he want, does her regret losing her, does he love me... etc. Dull, irritating, tedious and ultimately pointless. Not to mention exhausting.

 

Something just clicked in me last week. I am the same woman I was before the A, he is the same man he was, he is not a great Romantic and never will be, I am not a needy clinging vine. He tells me that he loves me and can't bear to lose me, he ended it with OW, he has done all that I asked but he isn't going to fall to his knees with a rose between his teeth, he isn't going to swear undying adoration, he isn't going to make any extravagant gestures because that isn't who he is. That was OK by me before the A, and it's OK by me now.

 

So I am just going to live my life and he can take me as he finds me. If he doesn't like that he can tell me he isn't happy and we will fix it, or he can bugger off. My self-esteem has finally recovered enough that I think he's got a damned good deal and it'd be his loss if he chooses the latter.

 

Damn that feels good !

[EasternStandard]

That is a great perspective to have. Bravo to you.

[painfullyobvious]

Great for you! Watch out for peaks and valleys in recovery after affair. I was overconfident several times only to find that lonely place only a betrayed person knows to well. I would rise like a Phoenix out of the ashes believing I was finally over the affair then those damn triggers slapped down again. It's a slow process of gains and setbacks but each setback is a little less traumatic unless it is watered with additional betrayal. Wish you the best

[experiencethedevine]

For months I had been hanging on H's every word and gesture and trying to interpret them. Does he love me, was that frown a sign of disapproval, is her bored, does he miss her, does he love me, what does he want, does her regret losing her, does he love me... etc. Dull, irritating, tedious and ultimately pointless. Not to mention exhausting.

 

Something just clicked in me last week. I am the same woman I was before the A, he is the same man he was, he is not a great Romantic and never will be, I am not a needy clinging vine. He tells me that he loves me and can't bear to lose me, he ended it with OW, he has done all that I asked but he isn't going to fall to his knees with a rose between his teeth, he isn't going to swear undying adoration, he isn't going to make any extravagant gestures because that isn't who he is. That was OK by me before the A, and it's OK by me now.

 

So I am just going to live my life and he can take me as he finds me. If he doesn't like that he can tell me he isn't happy and we will fix it, or he can bugger off. My self-esteem has finally recovered enough that I think he's got a damned good deal and it'd be his loss if he chooses the latter.

 

Damn that feels good !

 

What a wonderful revelation! I do hope you keep this as your mantra on those difficult days when faith slips a little, it will help you to stay focused on your journey to a better future.

 

Such awareness is essential to recovery and our sense of self holistically. You are in a good place today!

[dichotomy]

So I am justgoing to live my life and he can take me as he finds me. If he doesn't like that he can tell me he isn't happy and we will fix it, or he can bugger off. My self-esteem has finally recovered enough that I think he's got a damned good deal and it'd be his loss if he chooses the latter.

Damn that feels good !

 

 

Ding ! Ding! Ding! and we have another winner foks !

 

Happy Dance....

Edited December 4, 2013 by dichotomy

[Ap22]

I've seen the argument about the BS being weak or strong for staying. I always thought that a BS stayed because they were weak. Once it happened to me, I realized how completely wrong I was.

 

It takes a strong person to stay and try to make it work. While neither choice is easy, staying is so hard because you have to look/live with a person who is a constant reminder of your devastation. Getting over an affair and making it work is the hardest thing I've ever had to endure and I will never forget what the woman in my life did to me.

 

If I left, yes it would be hard, but I would get over it and she would be nothing more than a memory after a while. If my wife and I make it through this, I will always be reminded of what she did to me and will have to endure the thought of her with another man for the rest of my life. It takes a strong person to take that on.

 

So heres to you OP! Bravo! I feel as you do too. Hope everything goes well for you from here on.

[oldshirt]

I've seen the argument about the BS being weak or strong for staying. I always thought that a BS stayed because they were weak. Once it happened to me, I realized how completely wrong I was.

 

It takes a strong person to stay and try to make it work. While neither choice is easy, staying is so hard because you have to look/live with a person who is a constant reminder of your devastation. Getting over an affair and making it work is the hardest thing I've ever had to endure and I will never forget what the woman in my life did to me.

 

If I left, yes it would be hard, but I would get over it and she would be nothing more than a memory after a while. If my wife and I make it through this, I will always be reminded of what she did to me and will have to endure the thought of her with another man for the rest of my life. It takes a strong person to take that on.

 

So heres to you OP! Bravo! I feel as you do too. Hope everything goes well for you from here on.

 

 

(Not directed specifically at AP22, just making a general comment on something he said)

 

Strength vs weakness is not determined on whether someone stays or leaves.

 

Strength is facing reality and doing what needs to be done for their sanity, peace of mind and well being even though it will be painful and arduous.

 

For some that means staying and trying to work things out.

 

For others it means kicking the bum/bitch out.

 

Strength is standing up for yourself, not letting others walk on you and doing the right thing in spite of hardships.

 

Weakness is letting others manipulate you and compromising your morals/values and doing things that will cause more problems down the road because of the hardships today.

[Ap22]

(Not directed specifically at AP22, just making a general comment on something he said)

 

Strength vs weakness is not determined on whether someone stays or leaves.

 

Strength is facing reality and doing what needs to be done for their sanity, peace of mind and well being even though it will be painful and arduous.

 

For some that means staying and trying to work things out.

 

For others it means kicking the bum/bitch out.

 

Strength is standing up for yourself, not letting others walk on you and doing the right thing in spite of hardships.

 

Weakness is letting others manipulate you and compromising your morals/values and doing things that will cause more problems down the road because of the hardships today.

 

True. I myself could never imagine how one could stay after such a betrayal. Once it happens to you, its a different story. Although, if we didnt have children, or if they were old enough to understand what was happening, then it would be a different story for me.

 

Whatever choice a person makes take strength. I now understand that leaving is not always the best option. Its not as cut and dry as I thought it would be.

[Got it]

WW, that is fantastic!

 

It is about whether he is good enough to keep you, not are you good enough for him. If he is every too stupid to not appreciate, want, or show that he is lucky to have you every day then he is a bigger fool than known.

 

Keep strutting your stuff.

[Fluttershy]

I think if your self esteem was real you would have buggered off after you found out he had cheated..But hey thats just me..

 

Why do you need to throw insults of people's character at them when they choose a different path than you and do not share your "one size fits all" mantra. Attacking the OP's self esteem and descision to reconcile shows more holes in your character then hers. You would do well to get honest with yourself and ask "Why does it bother me so badly when people choose the path of second chances that I must insult them by attacking their descision and character?"