Midwest Wtiter Posted December 3, 2013 Posted December 3, 2013 Chiming in for the over-40s here. I can tell you that a breakup at 47 is just as painful as when I was younger. Both of us are in our 40s, but he is a perennial frat boy. He actually shares HIS house with two twenty-somethings, likes to party all night and has passed out from drinking four times in the past two months. He is also a professional. Probably a high functioning alcoholic. Still, I love him because he is protective, very easy to get along with and surprisingly responsible. We both are divorced with grown kids and have the time and income to have fun, which we usually do. We have broken up several times this year but now he wants to "date others" to see "different." In other words, he want to date me, but play around. Like I'm his backup plan if he can't find better. He won't. When we were together it was usually good but I was often filled with doubt. And the usual story... now that he's gone I desperately want him back, want to wake up next to him, want to be his girlfriend. I'm the usual panicky, despondent mess right now. This last breakup has been a month, but we still see each other on occasion. The last time I had a bad breakup after a four-year relationship, I started dating after two months, but I don't think that was a great idea. It was with this guy and it started on the wrong foot. I couldn't mentally get into it. I'm back to dating after signing up on a dating site. Nice guys but not really into it. I don't want to wait too long... at my age it gets lonely. But am I sabatoging future relationships? Has anyone dated successfully after only a month after a breakup you didn't want? Could you dive right in or did it take awhile to shake off the ex.
cavalier99 Posted December 3, 2013 Posted December 3, 2013 Took me 6 months before i was ready for anything other than a hookup. After 6months NC i started feeling really good about being single again and.dating and dint think of the ex when out woth other girls. By month 7 i started seeing someone. Was very unecpected but i am sure it worked out because i was over my ex and emotionally ready to date. Cav
bobby326 Posted December 3, 2013 Posted December 3, 2013 I had a random hookup a little over 1 month post BU, felt gross and like **** afterwards. I have been on a bunch of dates starting 1 month post BU but it does not feel right, I am actually going to stop it all together and just let things happen naturally. I kind of freaked out and tried to get back in the dating scene right away, was def a mistake. Even though she probably is with other people or dating I don't need to date just to try and get back at her or be on her level, I need to focus on me. 1
barky2 Posted December 3, 2013 Posted December 3, 2013 Immediately. But went into it as I'm not ready for LTR, taking it slow and seeing where it went. It helped,big time. Barky 1
ponchsox Posted December 3, 2013 Posted December 3, 2013 A few weeks after. First date felt like crap. Second date was easier. I'm tired of the dating game. Whatever happens, happens!
CrJsc88 Posted December 3, 2013 Posted December 3, 2013 Have to say, I was excited about my first date but it was kind of awkward. Was out of the game too long. The second date pretty well but now I'm not looking for someon actively. If it comes upon me, then so be it just trying to take it slow and focus on me.
Author Midwest Wtiter Posted December 3, 2013 Author Posted December 3, 2013 Thanks for the quick responses. Obviously struggling here. I've been on a bunch of dates, and they just didn't feel right. I know I'm panicking. It was a 17 month relationship and I kind of sabotaged it. I need to go back to NC because he tends to pop up when I do that. Of course I asked him out for this Friday but forgot it was soccer day for him. So now he thinks I'm desperate. There were many times I thought this guy was wrong, especially long term, but I really loved the times we were together. How do I get him out of my head so I can focus on a date? I know I should step out of dating for a few months, but I'm kind of bored and lonely.
Author Midwest Wtiter Posted December 3, 2013 Author Posted December 3, 2013 How long has it been since the BU?
OpheliaSong Posted December 3, 2013 Posted December 3, 2013 I went on my first date last weekend and it had been two weeks. If something had happened that I had caused, I would take some time to sort myself out, but since it was his possessiveness and strangeness that ended it, I moved on quick. I don't want to dwell, so I took my dad's offer of a date set up and went out and had a good time. We have dinner plans tomorrow night too and I am excited.
radiodarcy Posted December 3, 2013 Posted December 3, 2013 I waited almost a year. Although it was 7 months before I would even consider so much as looking at another guy. It was as though my ex had died and I just couldn't face the idea of dating another man. Of course he was (and still is) very much alive and started dating long before he even broke up with me. So no mourning period for him I get what you're saying about not wanting to wait too long with your age. I'm 37 and I feel as though the longer I wait the less options I have. But I've tried not to focus on that aspect so much as just making myself happy. It would be great to meet someone, but I think I'll be in a better place to appreciate that person if I work on being happier with myself.
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