Mrlonelyone Posted January 5, 2014 Posted January 5, 2014 As FB was a big part of your relationship this is a big deal. You should try to skype or Facetime him two or three tines a week. If you were with him daily in real life I'd agree that FB is really irrelevant and phony. If you are long distance FB is a big deal. Especially if you are also younger FB is the place of record for friendship and relationships. People can sort of convince themselves if it's not on Facebook then it doesn't count or something.
soccerrprp Posted January 5, 2014 Posted January 5, 2014 beelibra, Does he give you enough attention via frequent texting, etc? Getting personalized texts are better than tags and likes in my opinion. Dear goodness, you're a model! So, very attractive, right? What boyfriend, who has issues with jealousy would be happy to see other guys making suggestive, oogly responses to you FB site? He's doing the right thing for him... BUT, as someone else eluded to, be careful this jealousy doesn't become controlling.
Author beelibra Posted January 5, 2014 Author Posted January 5, 2014 It's a good first step toward detaching yourself from the abusive, controlling loser! Why are you still with him? Because Its not like hes some prick that never realizes when hes in the wrong. When he gets mad he knows where he goes wrong, and being 400 miles away doesnt help any of our issues. He treats me like a queen, is loving, amazing with my daughter and is a great father to his son. He takes care of me, always is honest with me, keeps me updated and our chemistry together is unique. We have an amazing relationship and whenever were together we get told all the time how people look up to us, how you can tell were madly in love and people know us as a couple for that. I believe in fixing these problems together, not throwing away a relationship with a man I know I will never love like I do him, you'd have to see it for yourself to understand. We have our issues, so does he and so do I. And were working on them. I think a year from now we'll have learned that much more together and grown stronger.
BlametheIrish Posted January 5, 2014 Posted January 5, 2014 Look at her older,posts. Her bf is a jealous posesdove pos and sges a lost cause as she woild rather take the abuse than leave him fir someonr who treats her right. Tjis is the third post about this. OP get your act together, uou have a kid to think about, put her needs before his. Leave him so your child will never be subjected to such an awful excuse for a human being. 1
StanMusial Posted January 5, 2014 Posted January 5, 2014 It's a good first step toward detaching yourself from the abusive, controlling loser! Why are you still with him? Is there some other back-story with OP and her bf? To OP, is there a way you can disable comments and whatnot on your Facebook? I know there are a confusing array of privacy options on there, I don't use it that often.
ponchsox Posted January 5, 2014 Posted January 5, 2014 Facebook is so stupid. What ever happened to face to face interaction? Young men don't have balls these days. 1
Author beelibra Posted January 5, 2014 Author Posted January 5, 2014 beelibra, Does he give you enough attention via frequent texting, etc? Getting personalized texts are better than tags and likes in my opinion. Dear goodness, you're a model! So, very attractive, right? What boyfriend, who has issues with jealousy would be happy to see other guys making suggestive, oogly responses to you FB site? He's doing the right thing for him... BUT, as someone else eluded to, be careful this jealousy doesn't become controlling. Yes he does, but skyping is something we havent done yet and that may be a big part of this distant feeling we have. If we Skyped a couple times a week I think wed both feel so much better. But were going through a bad rough patch right now, so we will have to once we work through it... and I totally agree with you, I do get comments like that and I dont blame him. It does hurt my feelings as someone said above being long distance kinda makes it a big deal. Makes me feel so much happier about the distance throughout the day. But I want him to be happy ultimately.
StanMusial Posted January 5, 2014 Posted January 5, 2014 Is there some other back-story with OP and her bf? OK apparently there is. Regardless of that, maybe see if you can lock down your Facebook some, in an attempt to compromise.
soccerrprp Posted January 5, 2014 Posted January 5, 2014 beelibra, I don't necessarily believe that he is controlling and certainly not a loser based on what you've shared. He's doing this for himself and not telling you what to do. In fact, he accepts that you have a FB account and chooses not to torture himself by following it. In his way, he is being pro-active. BUT, again, please know that this could lead to manipulation on his part. I could. Just be watchful of this.
Author beelibra Posted January 5, 2014 Author Posted January 5, 2014 Look at her older,posts. Her bf is a jealous posesdove pos and sges a lost cause as she woild rather take the abuse than leave him fir someonr who treats her right. Tjis is the third post about this. OP get your act together, uou have a kid to think about, put her needs before his. Leave him so your child will never be subjected to such an awful excuse for a human being. Read the post replying to this above your comment. Hes wonderful with my daughter and his son, hes exceptional.
Author beelibra Posted January 5, 2014 Author Posted January 5, 2014 beelibra, I don't necessarily believe that he is controlling and certainly not a loser based on what you've shared. He's doing this for himself and not telling you what to do. In fact, he accepts that you have a FB account and chooses not to torture himself by following it. In his way, he is being pro-active. BUT, again, please know that this could lead to manipulation on his part. I could. Just be watchful of this. No hes definitely not. I wont lie and defend him, he can be controlling and possesive, but how amazing he is makes me see those things as little problems we can work our way through. He has a great head on his shoulders, the best out of anyone ive ever met. Hes stable, I mean hes everything I would look for in a man and these things wont stop me from holding on. And thank you for your outlook again, I see it that same way and its helpful and reassuring to hear it from someone else as well. I dont want him to torment himself, and he even said that whenI possibly move up there in four months we can friend eachother again but the distance makes him feel little and hopeless with facebook and I want him to do what makes him happu.
BlametheIrish Posted January 5, 2014 Posted January 5, 2014 Again look at her old posts, shes dillusional if she thinks hes a suitable partner. And OP, he treats you will most definitely spill onto your child. You need serious help to overcone why you think a man like that shpuld be in anyones life let alone a single mothers Im outta here this is a lost cause. 2
StanMusial Posted January 5, 2014 Posted January 5, 2014 Again look at her old posts, shes dillusional if she thinks hes a suitable partner. And OP, he treats you will most definitely spill onto your child. You need serious help to overcone why you think a man like that shpuld be in anyones life let alone a single mothers Im outta here this is a lost cause. Yeah, this Facebook tangent just seems like the invention of a trivial problem to divert from more important ones.
soccerrprp Posted January 5, 2014 Posted January 5, 2014 ...I wont lie and defend him, he can be controlling and possesive, but how amazing he is makes me see those things as little problems we can work our way through.... beelibra, I feel like an idiot, but others seem to think that this guy is not good for you. Either I don't recall what your bf is about or I simply have not been aware, but let me warn you of something that happens all the time and too often... There are people who overlook or dismiss serious negative signs and attributes of their partner b/c of an emotional attachment that is not healthy. Women, especially, have this tendency to remember the good and ignore or brush under the more important, negative behavior that our partners exhibit. He makes you see them as "little" things. Well, controlling, manipulative and possessive behavior is NOT little. Be careful that he is not making a mountain into a molehill. I've know too many female friends who have remained in relationships that have harmed them in the long term b/c they insisted on waiting for a change or thinking that they could change a man only to find out that past behavior should have been a powerful indicator of how the guy was going to continue behaving. Some of them escaped only to be damaged permanently and affecting current and future relationships. I don't know the whole story, but you have a child. Don't put your child into a relationship that has the potential of becoming abusive in any manner. BE RESPONSIBLE, OBJECTIVE and COGNIZANT of the fact that your decisions will affect your child directly.... I hope he's as great as you have him in your mind. Great guys are not perfect, but they also DO NOT possess characteristics that can be construed as destructive, manipulative, abusive. If he has these, he's not a great guy.
pteromom Posted January 6, 2014 Posted January 6, 2014 When he gets mad he knows where he goes wrong So then he's only called you names the one time, he apologized, and has never done it again, right? We have an amazing relationship and whenever were together we get told all the time how people look up to us, how you can tell were madly in love and people know us as a couple for that. What other people think/see is irrelevant. They aren't on the inside of your relationship. I believe in fixing these problems together, not throwing away a relationship with a man I know I will never love like I do him, you'd have to see it for yourself to understand. We have our issues, so does he and so do I. And were working on them. I think a year from now we'll have learned that much more together and grown stronger. If he is truly working on his issues, then I hope it works out for you. If someone called me a dirty bitch and slut, I would never be able to open my heart to him again. But that's me.
MasonJarTeaDrinker Posted January 6, 2014 Posted January 6, 2014 You gotta dumb this little child, he's got a lot of growing up to do. A real man doesn't pay so much attention to his GF sexual history, he shouldn't have asked if it was going to bother him that much. Also, do not beat yourself up over your sexual past, you did it and it happened too ****en bad that's his fault for being such a child. You did nothing wrong here.
FitChick Posted January 7, 2014 Posted January 7, 2014 Be careful that he is not making a mountain into a molehill. Actually, he is making a mountain out of a molehill.
KatZee Posted January 7, 2014 Posted January 7, 2014 Because Its not like hes some prick that never realizes when hes in the wrong. When he gets mad he knows where he goes wrong, and being 400 miles away doesnt help any of our issues. He treats me like a queen, is loving, amazing with my daughter and is a great father to his son. He takes care of me, always is honest with me, keeps me updated and our chemistry together is unique. We have an amazing relationship and whenever were together we get told all the time how people look up to us, how you can tell were madly in love and people know us as a couple for that. I believe in fixing these problems together, not throwing away a relationship with a man I know I will never love like I do him, you'd have to see it for yourself to understand. We have our issues, so does he and so do I. And were working on them. I think a year from now we'll have learned that much more together and grown stronger. He's not a prick. You're just some slutty, dirty bitch. I guess hearing that you're a slutty, dirty bitch is just honesty for you? This is not YOUR problem to fix. This is HIS problem.
Trimmer Posted January 7, 2014 Posted January 7, 2014 Because Its not like hes some prick that never realizes when hes in the wrong. When he gets mad he knows where he goes wrong.. Ah, so has he copped to calling you "dirty" and a "slut"? Has he owned that, and conveyed to you that he knows he went wrong? ...and being 400 miles away doesn't help any of our issues. You keep talking about that like it's the big obstacle, and all of your problems will be solved by being closer. I am concerned that your issues are deeper, and the distance thing is just a convenient excuse, and that actually, being close won't help any of your issues either. I believe in fixing these problems together, not throwing away a relationship with a man I know I will never love like I do him, you'd have to see it for yourself to understand. We have our issues, so does he and so do I. And were working on them. How are you working on them? What are you doing - each of you - to work on them? (...and "moving closer" is not working on your problems...) What progress are each of you making in this work?
ExpatInItaly Posted January 7, 2014 Posted January 7, 2014 Because Its not like hes some prick that never realizes when hes in the wrong. When he gets mad he knows where he goes wrong, and being 400 miles away doesnt help any of our issues. He treats me like a queen, is loving, amazing with my daughter and is a great father to his son. He takes care of me, always is honest with me, keeps me updated and our chemistry together is unique. We have an amazing relationship and whenever were together we get told all the time how people look up to us, how you can tell were madly in love and people know us as a couple for that. I believe in fixing these problems together, not throwing away a relationship with a man I know I will never love like I do him, you'd have to see it for yourself to understand. We have our issues, so does he and so do I. And were working on them. I think a year from now we'll have learned that much more together and grown stronger. No, he doesn't treat you like a queen. He treats you like crap. No, he isn't loving. Name-calling, verbal abuse and manipulation aren't loving. Who told you what love is? I doubt that's how it was described to you. Is that how you would describe love to your daughter? No, he isn't amazing with your daughter. He mistreats her mother and provides a terrible example of what a partner should be. He models inappropriate and abusive behaviour to your daughter. Explain to me how this is amazing for your little girl? No, OP, you don't have an amazing relationship. Please. You know that or you would never have come here. What your friends see is a facade. Tell them everything you've told us and ask them if your relationship is wonderful. Bluntly put, I would never be envious of your relationship. I don't want that in my life. You're in very deep denial. You're also backtracking and justifying like crazy. You know very well the relationship is toxic and dangerous to your well-being. The fact that your daughter is there to witness this horrible excuse for a boyfriend reflects directly on you. I hope you're not foolish enough to shack up with this guy. If you do, shame on you for putting your child in an abusive situation. I'm done. Good luck to you. 1
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