BF and I ON VERGE of Breaking Up over Sexual History?!!

[beelibra]

Okay, I am DESPERATE for some advice. PLEASE TAKE A MIN TO READ & help me!! ;(

 

My boyfriend is 24, lives in Arizona...is VERY stubborn, has insecurities, protective and loving...he also has a 2 and a half year old son whose baby momma cheated and hurt him at the beginning of the year not long before we got together.I am 21 and live in California and also have a almost 3 year old daughter. Same issues with my ex, but ive been long over with that. Anyways, We've been dating for 8 months and have seen eachother every 3 weeks or so. Tomorrow I'm SUPPOSED to be picking him the airport and we are supposed to be driving back to arizona where I will be staying with him for 3 weeks together. Well this all started when he was here 3 weeks ago, we were kind of arguing and he asked how many sexual partners I've had, and I answered 5. All of the next day he was distant but it blew over during the evening. A week later when he's gone home, he randomly asks me in the morning if I've done anal (SORRY about the TMI) I told him I did it briefly once with my babys father of 4 years and hated it, haven't since. He called me dirty and was so hurt and we had issues that took us almost a week to get over. Well yesterday he asked more details about my past...I had to answer. He asked all kinds of questions, I answered them all which was how many guys have gone down on me (2 including babys father) how many I've gone down on... (4 including babys father, that's what really upsets him) and another pointless questions like how many have fingered me (2 inc. BD) Honestly my answers I don't think are that bad. He went on a rage, saying that I was dirty, that he always said he would never be with a slut, that he doesn't know if he cares anymore, but this will be the end of us, and even called me a dirty bitch. He said a lot of hateful things and seems to think that the amazing relationship which we have, which really is something else. We are very much in love, connected, everyone sees it, I mean this is a one of a kind man & the relationship is, we are head over heels with each other...perfect. But he seems to think that my past isn't something that he can get over and that our relationship can override. He told me he doesn't want to break up with me yet, he wants to see how the few days here go and then we will see if I will be going to Arizona. I told him I would do whatever I could to prove to him I'm genuine and he told me he's not sure if he wants me to pick him up from the airport yet and that I'm nasty, he's sick of me and to leave him alone. I know he has anger problems, and sometimes he says things when he's mad that he doesn't mean, but he doesn't always come through to them. He's very prideful. I know that it's hard for him to think of me with anyone because he loves me so deeply, and that's why this seems so terrible him asking all these details and listening to everything...but I don't know what to do. I'm scared out of my mind, I love this man and I will do anything for him. I don't know what else I can tell him, or what else I can do. I just feel like this disgusting person that he's made me out to be and feels like I'm not good enough for him. He told me if he wanted to break up with me he would have already... But I have a feeling it's coming. We both are attractive people and get hit on fairly a lot, please don't assume I'm coming off cocky! Just trying to give as many details as I can. I know he gets bothered us being far feeling like he can't be here for me, but I only have eyes for him, & he knows how much I love him. Please any advice on what I can say to him, console him? I'm just depressed, I'm seeing him tomorrow and usually counting down hours and now I don't even know if we will break up. Before you see it simple and to just break up with him, please understand that we really are in love and it may sound cliche, but everything is right with us, its all matched up, and we really felt like God put us in each others lives and everything has been bliss. Now he's saying maybe he put us in each others lives to learn a lesson...please some valuable insight and advice? Thank you so much I will write back asap.

 

 

Btw) he slept with over 20 women. I still know that he's genuine to me...

[Philosoraptor]

He's insecure, controlling, and starting to become abusive. Dump the loser as his little boy pride is broken and he's going to beat you down for a long time over things that happened before he even met you.

 

Put your foot down and let him know that the past is the past, nothing can be done to change it and it doesn't change who you are as a person. Either he lets it go and stops burdening you with his insecurity or you'll move on and find someone who actually respects you.

[d0nnivain]

If he wasn't secure enough to hear the answers, he should not have asked the Qs. You answered him honestly. Would he have rathered you lied? He couldn't think you were a virgin because you have a kid.

 

 

If he slept with 20 women, he's a hypocritical insecure little baby, not a man. I wouldn't go to AZ with him unless he apologized in a big way.

 

 

Going forward the correct answer to how many men have you slept with is "enough that I know what I'm doing but no so many that I have a problem with my decisions." When asked about positions & details, the correct answer is "Only what we do together matters." Repeat as necessary but do not give specifics.

[CarrieT]

Cancel the trip now, please.

 

What he said was unforgivable and there is no future with a man who treats you like this.

 

He is having retroactive jealously but lashing out at you like he has is a GIANT RED FLAG and the relationship will never, ever be pleasant and smooth.

 

Do yourself a favor and cut the ties immediately - you will be much happier in the long run.

[Debanked]

Don't make excuses for him. Dump him. He sounds very immature with issues/baggage. Move on / keep looking. He needs to grow up and get over himself.

 

BTW your history sounds reasonably tame. ;-)

[clia]

I would give this guy space all the way to China, cancel the trip to Arizona, and block him out of my life completely. He's been with over 20 women yet complains about your 5? What a immature, insecure little baby. I think you should go find a real man.

 

A week later when he's gone home, he randomly asks me in the morning if I've done anal (SORRY about the TMI) I told him I did it briefly once with my babys father of 4 years and hated it, haven't since.

 

Did you ask him how many women (or men) he's done anal with? What was his answer?

 

He called me dirty and was so hurt and we had issues that took us almost a week to get over.

 

Did you tell him that he's dirty, too? He's four times dirtier than you are, as a matter of fact.

 

Well yesterday he asked more details about my past...I had to answer.

 

No, you didn't have to answer. You tell him your past is none of his business. You tell him to grow up.

 

He went on a rage, saying that I was dirty, that he always said he would never be with a slut, that he doesn't know if he cares anymore, but this will be the end of us, and even called me a dirty bitch. He said a lot of hateful things

 

I'm bolding this because I'm stunned you would even contemplate staying with a man who would say these things to you. Read it again.

 

We are very much in love, connected, everyone sees it, I mean this is a one of a kind man & the relationship is, we are head over heels with each other...perfect.

 

A man who is in love with you doesn't say the types of things he said. A man who is in love with you accepts you for who you are. He doesn't call you dirty names. He is one of a kind -- but not in a good way.

 

But he seems to think that my past isn't something that he can get over and that our relationship can override.

 

This is the best news you've heard all day. Let him go. Seriously. You can do better. Maybe you can even find a guy who lives in the same state. It's not going to get better with this man child.

 

He told me he doesn't want to break up with me yet,

 

Why are you letting him treat you like such a doormat? You realize that by allowing him to call you these names, you are telling him that it's okay. That he can say whatever he wants to you, and you will still be there for him.

 

Break up with him.

 

I told him I would do whatever I could to prove to him I'm genuine

 

What does this even mean?

 

and he told me he's not sure if he wants me to pick him up from the airport yet and that I'm nasty, he's sick of me and to leave him alone.

 

What a prince.

 

I know he has anger problems, and sometimes he says things when he's mad that he doesn't mean,

 

He does mean them. People don't repeatedly say things they don't mean. This is not a one off. What is going to happen when he is screaming and yelling at your child someday?

 

I know that it's hard for him to think of me with anyone because he loves me so deeply, and that's why this seems so terrible him asking all these details and listening to everything...but I don't know what to do.

 

He's not acting like this because he loves you so deeply. He's acting like this because he is an immature, insecure little boy.

 

What to do? Break up with him now. You and your child deserve better.

 

I just feel like this disgusting person that he's made me out to be and feels like I'm not good enough for him.

 

He's really got you twisted up. You are not the problem here. He is.

 

What did he say when you told him that you thought he was dirty and nasty for sleeping with over 20 women? (I know you didn't say that to him, but I think you should. Why is he so special that he can slut around, but you can't sleep with five guys? Don't you see how ludicrous his position is.)

 

Before you see it simple and to just break up with him, please understand that we really are in love and it may sound cliche, but everything is right with us, its all matched up, and we really felt like God put us in each others lives and everything has been bliss.

 

Bliss? Anger issues? A man who supposedly loves you calling you a dirty bitch? Get your head out of the sand. He has now shown you a side of him that maybe you hadn't seen before. Take notice. It's there and will always be there. Why would you want to subject yourself to a man who would say these things to you? Why?

[skela]

Why do you even want to stay with someone who talks to you like that??? I would leave him.

[emva07]

abusive and sexist.

 

I can't be with guys like this, girl has to be a saint yet they can be the biggest man whores and that's just the way it is.

 

This always turns abusive.

[StanMusial]

You can't change your past but you can change your future. Break up with this guy and take care of your kid. Try to find someone more local to your home.

 

What were you arguing about when all of this came out?

[Adele0908]

I didn't even have to read the whole post.

 

Your man is straight up crazy.

 

He has low self esteem and is projecting his multitude of issues (including chauvinism and misogyny) onto you.

 

That being said, you must carry a lot of shame and guilt about your sexual past for you to even allow someone to degrade/devalue you because of it.

 

It doesn't matter who you had sex with and how. It is a lie that women are not supposed to be sexual. A lie used to control women, just as how your man is using it to manipulate and control you. Who you have sex with is your choice, period. Stop beating yourself up over it, and then you won't ALLOW another human to punish you, because clearly a part of you is punishing YOURSELF.

 

Forgive yourself, love yourself and leave this ticking time bomb of a man ALONE!!

[beelibra]

I would give this guy space all the way to China, cancel the trip to Arizona, and block him out of my life completely. He's been with over 20 women yet complains about your 5? What a immature, insecure little baby. I think you should go find a real man.

 

 

 

Did you ask him how many women (or men) he's done anal with? What was his answer?

 

 

Yes I did and he hasn't, he told me he feels like he can't experience anything new with me and that's what hurts him the most. Through this I had told him which I had told him before that my ex had proposed to me when we were younger and he feels like that Won't be new with me either...

 

Did you tell him that he's dirty, too? He's four times dirtier than you are, as a matter of fact.

 

Yes i told him hes quadrupled what I'm at and he said girls are Different because we add emotion into it. I'm starting to see this is all tied with emotions.

 

No, you didn't have to answer. You tell him your past is none of his business. You tell him to grow up.

 

He would have assumed its worse than it is..it was better off I did.

 

I'm bolding this because I'm stunned you would even contemplate staying with a man who would say these things to you. Read it again.

 

I told him how it made me feel and he said he's sorry but he needs to get it out someway and sometimes he has diarhhea of the mouth when it comes to **** like that...

 

A man who is in love with you doesn't say the types of things he said. A man who is in love with you accepts you for who you are. He doesn't call you dirty names. He is one of a kind -- but not in a good way.

 

I'm really hoping that when were actually together and he's not feeling this resentment and hate he'll come to and feel bad for saying those things. Long distance is hard because whatever issues we face just float in the air.

 

 

This is the best news you've heard all day. Let him go. Seriously. You can do better. Maybe you can even find a guy who lives in the same state. It's not going to get better with this man child.

 

He said he says things sometimes when he's mad but then he realizes what he's got and reality comes back to him.

 

Why are you letting him treat you like such a doormat? You realize that by allowing him to call you these names, you are telling him that it's okay. That he can say whatever he wants to you, and you will still be there for him.

 

Break up with him.

 

 

 

What does this even mean?

 

 

 

What a prince.

 

 

 

He does mean them. People don't repeatedly say things they don't mean. This is not a one off. What is going to happen when he is screaming and yelling at your child someday?

 

 

 

He's not acting like this because he loves you so deeply. He's acting like this because he is an immature, insecure little boy.

 

What to do? Break up with him now. You and your child deserve better.

 

 

 

He's really got you twisted up. You are not the problem here. He is.

 

What did he say when you told him that you thought he was dirty and nasty for sleeping with over 20 women? (I know you didn't say that to him, but I think you should. Why is he so special that he can slut around, but you can't sleep with five guys? Don't you see how ludicrous his position is.)

 

I know...and I think he realizes that he's no better than me. But because he looks at me so pure and I'm all his its even harder for him to face that I did have a sexual past with anyone but him. He seems to be coming around a little bit...still hurt, numb and cold. He saus he doesn't know what to expect when he sees my face. He says the love is excited to see me but right now he has hate in his heart and an altered perception.

 

Bliss? Anger issues? A man who supposedly loves you calling you a dirty bitch? Get your head out of the sand. He has now shown you a side of him that maybe you hadn't seen before. Take notice. It's there and will always be there. Why would you want to subject yourself to a man who would say these things to you? Why?

 

 

I really from the bottom of my heart want us to work through this. Hearing your loved ones sexual rendevous is never an easy pill to swallow...but its something every couple needs to learn to accept if they truly want to be together. And I guess whether he can or not will determine if were right for eachother.

[beelibra]

↑↑↑↑

 

I also replied to the questions in the quoted post.

[lifeunderground]

It's a shame that you as a mother are so desperate for a man that you accept this treatment.

 

Tell me if a man treated your daughter like this would you tell her to try and work it out?

 

I was in an abusive relationship and this is exactly how it started.

 

Good luck it's sad you are going to have to learn the hard way on this...

[lifeunderground]

And HE has to decide if HE wants to be with YOU?

 

you ****ed a fraction of people he did before you even knew he existed?

 

he just wants control

 

He wants you to be his bitch

 

And youre showing him you are.

 

He probably feels like you're "tainted" cause you've ****ed others

 

I highly doubt he hasn't tried anal with any of those 20 women.

 

No offense but you need to grow up, you are a mother who is bringing your daughter into an abusive situation because you love him.

 

I'd hope you love your daughter more.

Edited December 3, 2013 by lifeunderground

[KathyM]

I think you need to start making some better choices in your life. You say you've been doing anal with your baby daddy at the age of 16, and at 17, you got pregnant by him, and are now chasing after this new dude who lives in another state. You need to start putting your child's well being first, and leave all this drama. This guy is a hypocrite if he expects you to have lived a chaste life, and he never had those expectations for himself. I think you both have a lot of growing up to do, and need to start being more responsible parents to your children.

[Grumpybutfun]

OP:

You can't work through this. He doesn't like you as a person and doesn't value you. When you love someone you don't try to make them feel horrible especially for things you do yourself or things that were done long before they met you. If you stay in this relationship with this insecure loser, you will spend the rest of your life being emotionally and verbally abused while defending yourself against any and all perceived threats to his fragile manhood. Don't walk away, run away because this guy will only get worse. Why in the world would you even consider this something you would want to work through? He didn't forget to take out the trash or forget your birthday. He isn't mad because you screwed his best friend in your bed you share together. He isn't mad because you flirted with the plumber or the local politician. He is mad because of something that happened long before he even came along. You need to see that this isn't acceptable behavior. It is illogical and cruel for him to lay that shame and blame on you when he has done more than you and also has a child with another. You get treated in life exactly as you accept so don't accept this treatment. Cancel your trip and tell him you can't be with someone who is cruel to you about the past especially whne he has done far worse.

Grumps

[WrinkledForehead]

Not only is he a hypocrite but he's calling you vile names. This is only the start. You've done nothing wrong, and he shouldn't ask questions he can't handle the answers to. Get out before it gets way, way worse.

[pteromom]

He sounds terrible. If you didn't have children, I would say "well, she's going to learn this lesson the hard way, I suppose."

 

But you do. And all those horrible names he called you? He will be using them on your children if you stay together. His "diarrhea of the mouth" will squash the self-esteem of your children, leading them to drugs, drinking, bad relationship choices, cutting...

 

If he's call you a dirty bitch, nasty, slut when he supposedly loves you, why oh why do you believe he won't call your child stupid, idiot, loser, and all other sorts of vile names when he's angry?

 

This isn't something that will change. Each person either believes it is OK to tear others down and call them names, or they don't. He does. His actions show he thinks that's OK, because you "deserve it". Next, he'll slap you or hold you down or push you just a little.

 

The reason we are saying all this is because we are much older than you and have been there done that. We can see the red flags in this relationship as clear as daylight.

 

Run away from this guy. Sometimes in life, it's good to follow your heart. This is NOT one of those times. Put some handcuffs on your heart and follow your head.

[MalachiX]

OP,

 

I know that people have the habbit on these forums to tell you to ditch a relationship at the slightest sign of trouble.

 

In that case however they're right. You shouldn't be with anyone who doesn't respect you. You shouldn't be with anyone who holds you to a higher standard than he holds himself. And you sure as hell shouldn't be with anyone who calls you a slut after you honestly answer a question that he asked.

 

Do yourself a favor and don't turn into the cliche or a young woman who sticks by a jerk even though he treats her like crap.

[AShogunNamedMarcus]

Retroactive jealousy is a b*tch. His insecurity is outweighing his respect for you. He's actually being quite disrespectful. Not only that, he's a terrible person for putting you down for having a sex life. You haven't even done much, and with a low number of people. He's crazy.

 

He's controlling. Maybe not the best guy to have around your child?

[Thicke2013]

I really from the bottom of my heart want us to work through this. Hearing your loved ones sexual rendevous is never an easy pill to swallow...but its something every couple needs to learn to accept if they truly want to be together. And I guess whether he can or not will determine if were right for eachother.

 

 

I have only been with 2 women in my life. My first wife and now my gf. My gf who is older than me has been with over 20 men in her life. She and I experience "new" things all the time together because they are different when you truly love someone. Sex is just that, but when you love someone and you connect on a much deeper level it's all better than it ever was making it feel brand new! I am man enough to realize that she went through a stage when she was younger and I accept that because it has made her who she is today and I am in love with that person. I still have some insecurities but the one thing I know is she loves me. She can't hide that. Her niece who is 18 even told me the other day that she has never seen her aunt so happy. Point being, if this "boy" ( I won't call him a man) truly loved you he would accept your past because it has made you who you are today. He can't love you today if he doesn't accept your past. Respect yourself enough to find someone who accepts you and loves you for who you are now which does include your past relationships and mistakes.

[SincereOnlineGuy]

Okay, I am DESPERATE for some advice. PLEASE TAKE A MIN TO READ & help me!! ;(

 

My boyfriend is 24, lives in Arizona...is VERY stubborn, has insecurities, protective and loving...he also has a 2 and a half year old son whose baby momma cheated and hurt him at the beginning of the year not long before we got together.I am 21 and live in California and also have a almost 3 year old daughter. Same issues with my ex, but ive been long over with that. Anyways, We've been dating for 8 months and have seen eachother every 3 weeks or so. Tomorrow I'm SUPPOSED to be picking him the airport and we are supposed to be driving back to arizona where I will be staying with him for 3 weeks together. Well this all started when he was here 3 weeks ago, we were kind of arguing and he asked how many sexual partners I've had, and I answered 5. All of the next day he was distant but it blew over during the evening. A week later when he's gone home, he randomly asks me in the morning if I've done anal (SORRY about the TMI) I told him I did it briefly once with my babys father of 4 years and hated it, haven't since. He called me dirty and was so hurt and we had issues that took us almost a week to get over. Well yesterday he asked more details about my past...I had to answer. He asked all kinds of questions, I answered them all which was how many guys have gone down on me (2 including babys father) how many I've gone down on... (4 including babys father, that's what really upsets him) and another pointless questions like how many have fingered me (2 inc. BD) Honestly my answers I don't think are that bad. He went on a rage, saying that I was dirty, that he always said he would never be with a slut, that he doesn't know if he cares anymore, but this will be the end of us, and even called me a dirty bitch. He said a lot of hateful things and seems to think that the amazing relationship which we have, which really is something else. We are very much in love, connected, everyone sees it, I mean this is a one of a kind man & the relationship is, we are head over heels with each other...perfect. But he seems to think that my past isn't something that he can get over and that our relationship can override. He told me he doesn't want to break up with me yet, he wants to see how the few days here go and then we will see if I will be going to Arizona. I told him I would do whatever I could to prove to him I'm genuine and he told me he's not sure if he wants me to pick him up from the airport yet and that I'm nasty, he's sick of me and to leave him alone. I know he has anger problems, and sometimes he says things when he's mad that he doesn't mean, but he doesn't always come through to them. He's very prideful. I know that it's hard for him to think of me with anyone because he loves me so deeply, and that's why this seems so terrible him asking all these details and listening to everything...but I don't know what to do. I'm scared out of my mind, I love this man and I will do anything for him. I don't know what else I can tell him, or what else I can do. I just feel like this disgusting person that he's made me out to be and feels like I'm not good enough for him. He told me if he wanted to break up with me he would have already... But I have a feeling it's coming. We both are attractive people and get hit on fairly a lot, please don't assume I'm coming off cocky! Just trying to give as many details as I can. I know he gets bothered us being far feeling like he can't be here for me, but I only have eyes for him, & he knows how much I love him. Please any advice on what I can say to him, console him? I'm just depressed, I'm seeing him tomorrow and usually counting down hours and now I don't even know if we will break up. Before you see it simple and to just break up with him, please understand that we really are in love and it may sound cliche, but everything is right with us, its all matched up, and we really felt like God put us in each others lives and everything has been bliss. Now he's saying maybe he put us in each others lives to learn a lesson...please some valuable insight and advice? Thank you so much I will write back asap.

 

 

Btw) he slept with over 20 women. I still know that he's genuine to me...

 

 

 

First I want to make it clear that YOU did a great job here of sharing lots of very useful details!!!

 

(so many who post here write a lot, but don't communicate very much while so doing)

 

 

Unfortunately everything you put in print makes it clear that this guy is terrible, and exponentially terrible for YOU!!

 

 

Now maybe I'm supposed to learn/deduce something here, perhaps about the potential insecurity that can haunt considerably attractive people. You really do sound desperate to hang on to this guy, and yet it looks like suuuuuuuuuuuuuch a poor choice for you.

 

Absolutely NOTHING about what you reported about your sexual history was out of line, especially when we make normal allowances for a 'hottie'.

 

Also, I think that perhaps the very fact that you were willing to answer might have affected him MORE than did the specific details you gave.

 

Make no mistake, men are drawn to women who are comfortable enough with themselves to show that amount of vulnerability, yet I think today's conventional wisdom is gravitating toward "Less history, more mystery" where it concerns questions of a partner's sexual past.

 

Anyway, he asked, and probed, and got answers... and I think he just didn't know what/who to compare you to once he had all of these straight answers, the likes of which he'd never matched with a previous girl. (meaning: he'd never gotten ANY detailed answers from ANY girl... having nothing to do with your specific answers)

 

 

Your answers themselves were not bad at all... I'm guessing that the guy is so immature and stupid that he was overcome by his image of having had (no answers, and no sense for what to expect)... and having that replaced with the REAL life of a REAL woman.

 

(dumb comparison: Say I'd dreamed all my life of owning a big castle, and having a white horse, and riding in and 'saving' some wonderful woman before taking her to my mansion in the sky {to paraphrase Helen Reddy}... and then real life happened... and I rode in, and scooped-up the girl, and she was Halle Berry. Well c'mon, Halle Berry is gorgeous, and a 'great catch' by any measure... but chances are that SHE wasn't who my mind was imagining back when I was dreaming of all this, so {and to parallel the complaints made by women relating to porn} when one replaces some fantasy with a real woman, there is some mental shock, which really does throw-off a lot of guys - but it's because of THEMSELVES, not the porn)

 

 

So this guy "went on a rage" and he has anger issues... and you are entertaining the idea of subjecting a 3yo girl to this on a permanent basis???? (well, ok, until she becomes a 4yo girl... and then a 5yo girl... yeah, yeah)

 

Once you have a kid, and you passed all of the horrors that were telling your parents, thinking about having to tell your parents, morning sickness, giving birth, medical bills, and all that... THEN you get to dream... you get to dream BIG for/about that kid... you get to imagine HER {with Halle Berry one day - LOL}... and that imagining/envisioning/planning/plotting/mapping-OUT her could-be future... is considerable entertainment for you.

 

Now you don't want some lowlife with anger issues to become her stepfather and potentially greatly reduce those dreams which are supposed to entertain you... and derail the best hope known to your daughter, for that grand future, just because of poor choices you made while chasing an illusion.

 

 

C'mon, you know this needs to end... sooner rather than later... and you should call that shot.

[AShogunNamedMarcus]

This has less to do with your sexual history and more to do with how he handles being upset.

 

He called you horrible names. Do you think you are a dirty, awful person? He did and he wanted to make sure you felt like a dirty, awful person. It doesn't matter much if he changes his mind later and feels sorry. He set out to shame you.

 

These are the "good" times. When times get bad, and they do get bad, you need someone who will help you through them, not put you down.

[FitChick]

She probably had no father in her home growing up so is desperate for male attention, even bad attention from the wrong men. I predict he will get her pregnant to stake his claim and scare off other men and then abandon her and not pay child support once she has another kid. This story happens over and over.

 

I'm guessing he is Latino. Macho man. Well, if he's in Arizona, they don't like illegals and if worse comes to worst, get him deported.

[beelibra]

PLEASE READ, DESPERATE AND WE NEED HELP!

 

My boyfriend and I are in a long distance relationship, he in Arizona and I am in California and we see each other every 3 to 4 weeks. We've been together for 9 months, and are madly in love. Our chemistry is perfect and this is a one of a kind love...we're very sure of that. I got back about a week ago from spending 3 weeks with him and its been hell since.

 

First off he has extreme retro active jealousy.

 

Everything we fight over doesnt have to do with our relationship. I am a model, and i do everything by what makes him feel comfortable and it still isn't enough. He blows up from other comments from people, and thinks im an attention fien when I cant help that. I am very modest, and shy away from attention so it hurts me he says this. Then my sexual history hes constantly being "disgusted and taken over" with when ive only slept with 5 guys. But he makes me feel awful about it and can never move past it.

 

He'll even start to be verbally abusive...since ive been back we've argued about facebook which today he unfriended me. My sexual history, some guy at a part that flirted with me which I abruptly told him I was happily taken and still im made out to be this terrible person. Now he says hes not happy, hes being very cold and numb, doesnt want to break up with me but is questioning being with me. He says its not my fault I may not cause it but im the source of his unhappiness cuz if I wasnt there he wouldn't feel like this, but the real source is the distance. If we were closer he'd still have retroactive jealousy, but he wouldn't feel like IM making him miserable when im constantly nurturing him being the best girlfriend I can be.

 

We agreed in four months we'd see how things were when we've been together for a year and id move up there with him, and im scared we wont even make it there. He knows hes letting t hhj is happen, that hes not allowing himself to be happy. Hes not a fool and hes not oblivious, but hes prideful and cant control it and since hes prideful its not something hes really trying to change in himself. He says he'll come to and show me affection when he's over it but hes kust so cold...how do I comfort him?

 

Ive put my words together as well as I cam to reassure him, he knows im loyal and all about him and would never hurt him . He keeps creating problems and its destroying us. Please DONT suggest leaving him, we need help to fix this not break it and leave it. He was in a relationship for 3 years with the mother of his 2 and a half year son, and they wrre off and on and broke up 3 months before we got together. She lied cheated and was just a terrible girlfriend and some times I feel he puts that on me.

 

I also have a child who is 3 and things are wonderful with that so us having kids isn't a factor. Please any advice im ao desperate and at such a hard place in my life...I need us to be happy. To hang on til we see eachother again in 3 weeks and grow stronger so that in four months we can be together and this wont be a problem anymore...thank you so much.

Edited January 3, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Added much needed paragraphs, please use them in the future