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Is anyone else questioning their faith through all this?

mikejensen3355

By mikejensen3355
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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mikejensen3355 Member

mikejensen3355

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More and more I see that bad people in this world are rewarded. I got cheated on and my ex is incredibly happy now with a sleazy guy that has never worked in his entire life because his parents are filthy rich. Meanwhile, I did everything for that girl and her kids, I get blind-sided by hearing she's leaving me for someone else, and I'm still reeling over 5 months later. Feeling horrible and anxiety-ridden every single day. Missing her kids so much.

 

Maybe it's better if we just let go of that idea that things are meant to be and happen for a reason. Maybe it is just a cruel world. There's so much suffering in the world for innocent people. So many diseases, people with mental disabilities, people who grow up in horrible countries basically as slaves.

 

There may never be a happy ending for some of us. We can work as hard as we want, do as many good things as we want, but it might just never happen. Maybe there just isn't a God. And if there is, maybe there's a sinister side to him that enjoys seeing some of us tormented. Maybe he wants some of us to feel like this forever and gets his jollies out of it.

 

I go to a weekly charity event where we meet kids from extremely low income families and help them with schoolwork and play with them while their parents are at work, so they don't have to pay for daycare. At the end, there's a guy who runs the program who usually thanks everyone for being there and says a little prayer and blesses us all. I didn't partake in the prayer last night. I decided that no part of me is doing that stuff to get any kind of blessing or that any part of it was done with God in mind.

 

I'm all over the place and venting, I know. I'm just wondering if anyone else is feeling like this too. I'm exercising regularly, doing volunteer and charity work, meeting new people, working hard at my job, none of it works. I would do anything to be past this, I just don't know what the universe/God whatever higher entity there is if there is one, wants from me.

Shaine Established Member

Shaine

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I did. I was in too much pain. I cried out to God to save me and remove the pain. I prayed that if God is really listening to me, he will get me and my ex back together again.

 

But now i know better. I still believe in God. I think the problems and pain overwhelms us and we want immediate gratification and solution to our prayers. It doesnt work that way. I decide to trust God's plan for me. What God's plan for me is much better than what i wanted.

 

The pain i feel now, this too shall pass.

  • Like 1
thompkevin Established Member

thompkevin

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I don't think what people deserve has anything to do with what they get in their life. It's the choices they make that ultimately decide their fate. You can be a really nice guy and be the perfect boyfriend. But if you chose the wrong person, you are doomed.

 

I just remembered Clint Eastwood's line at the end of the movie "Unforgiven". He is standing with a gun pointing at the Sheriff. The Sheriff had been a good person his entire life. He protected the weak, did his duty, followed the law. And he says to Clint Eastwood "I don't deserve this." And he says "Deserve's got nothing to do with it."

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BlessYourCottonSocks Established Member

BlessYourCottonSocks

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I felt the same way about an ex who cheated on me years ago. He is married now with kids and seems very happy. And I was upset about it for awhile thinking it's not fair that he did a bad thing and is now living this great life...

 

BUT, it all boils down to having control of your happiness. That's the difference between dumpees and dumpers. Dumpees think that the dumper is entitled to their happiness. While dumpers are in charge of their happiness and go after it (even if that involves leaving you).

 

Take your happiness back. You are in control of it. Life isn't fair in the sense that sometimes bad people get good things happen to them and good people have bad things happen to them, but you can make it fair for you. You can control how you react to things.

 

Go out there, smile. Find your happiness in your hobby or eating ice-cream or a good book. Whatever it is.

 

Go back out their and claim your happiness, after all...it is yours.

  • Like 2
30andsad Member

30andsad

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In regards to suffering, I always think of the Book of Job. I'm not a wildly religious person, but I do have my faith and set of beliefs. I think for anyone though, even nonreligious people, the Book of Job has some good ideas on pain and suffering, the universe and its unfairness, God and his decisions, however you want to see it.

 

I love the line, "Brace yourself like a man. I will question you, and you will answer me."

 

Sometimes, we have to accept what God, the universe, the stars, a higher power, whatever you want to call it has thrown at us. We may not know the reason, but in the end, the reason shall become known to us.

 

At the end of the Book of Job, after all his suffering and begging death, the story ends in him being granted a new family, renewed health and twice the prosperity. I'd like to think we all have this retribution coming our way :)

LostConfused123 Established Member

LostConfused123

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The last time I went through this kind of loss and pain was when I was pregnant with twin girls and lost them when I was 5 months along. I was angry, sad, confused, asking God , WHY??? I did everything "right" I ate super healthy, exercised, slept well, even picked names and sang Christmas songs to them in my belly. . . Then BAM!!! They were taken away. . . I would have been such a great mother. . . why???

 

Fast forward two years. . . I meet a "great guy" Everything clicked perfectly. . . again, I did everything "right" We never argued, I was always there for him, loved him with all my heart. . . again, BAM!!! He's gone and it was too brief. I never got the chance to make him the happiest man alive. . . I would have been the greatest girlfriend.

 

So for a while I was like why God are you giving me glimpses of these wonderful things and yanking them away???

I have since come to realize that it is what it is. Some things just aren't meant to happen. Really SUCKS!!! Totally unfair but what can I do. I really believe God has a plan for me.

I just hope whatever lessons I was supposed to learn, I learned them :)

Don't want to have to continue losing beautiful things.

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Debanked Established Member

Debanked

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No matter how happy people appear, everyone has baggage and goes through ups and downs.

 

Don't worry about other people or compare yourself to them. Focus on your life and the path that you're on. Put in the work to make your life how you want it.

ponchsox Established Member

ponchsox

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God is good and will never let us down. Our trials in life are tests of our faith in him.

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letsplaygofish2 Established Member

letsplaygofish2

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I believe in God, but am not religious. I believe that God has trials for us so that we can become better and learn from our mistakes. The belief in a God forces me to do better, to ask questions and wonder why we do the things we do.

 

Yes, life is unfair, but he's giving us what we can handle. Sure, this might sound like a bunch of bologna but during times like this it's easier to throw those problems back at God and let him be in charge. Put him in the driver seat and just be surprised if something good happens. That way you won't get disappointed :)

Haydn Established Member

Haydn

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Well i am not sure about God but OP the world is a cruel place. When thing are going great we cant see the terrible things sometimes. When they are bad like being dumped by someone you love and care for so much, everything becomes magnified for a while. Everything is wrong! She left you for a slime ball? Join the club. But i feel for you and i hope it gets better, it will. Have some faith in yourself. I dont believe that people are so bad. I guess its always a learning process. And trust me i will have more questions in the future concerning my own doomed relationship. You are not alone. Take care.

sambo77 Established Member

sambo77

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I hear ya Mike. We can all be sure that when we finally meet our maker we'll have seen as many nights as days, we'll also have been served our share of suffering and joy. We're all here cos we're suffering right now. We're people who all happen to have been unexpectedly, reluctantly plunged into one of the horrible parts of life...losing a loved one, losing a dream, losing cherished hope.

 

A couple of things I've read have started to help me a tiny bit. One is Viktor Frankl's accounts of life in Auschwitz. He said that you'd have thought people who were in a permanent state of starvation, exhaustion, pain, suffering, oppression, fear of death, and absolute lack of all freedom would have no purpose in life whatsoever.

 

For one thing, they couldn't passively enjoy the pleasures of eating something (anything), of watching a sunrise, of a warm bed, of shoes, of owning things they prized, of being warmly loved, or of anything for that matter. Likewise, they couldn't enjoy the active pleasures that creating something and creating one's destiny brings.

 

So what was the point? He suggested that the LAST freedom that remained for them was the freedom to choose HOW they faced their suffering. Their purpose became to "suffer with dignity." So...in the midst of the awful times in our lives (and there WILL be such times)...maybe our purpose is simply to govern HOW we suffer.

 

And...maybe it's dumb to expect that we SHOULDN'T suffer. Maybe a happy life, full of pleasures is the only thing we want these days. Marcus Aurelius (remember the Roman "Caesar" guy who dies in the gladiator movie) once wrote life isn't like "dancing" (i.e., happily going through the predictable and pleasurable sequences of it until death), it's like "wrestling" (you never know what move you'll need to make next and you'll face some stuff that will keep you down).

 

Maybe the challenge is, like a wrestler, to always be prepared for whatever comes at you. If pleasure comes your way...great...your purpose then is to enjoy it, appreciate it. When suffering comes a calling (and it will)...well...your purpose then is different...to face your suffering and live through it in the most honourable and dignified way YOU can.

 

I'd say that's life...being true to ourselves (in how we live when all is going great and in how we suffer) is really ALL that we have.

 

"Suffer well" and you might even look back on this as one of the great victories of your life...

  • Like 1
Shaine Established Member

Shaine

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I said i believe in god. But right now, im angry at him. Is he even real. Many people have cried and begged but he doesnt save them. Ive prayed hard, nothing happened. He doesnt give answers, he doesnt comfort, he doesnt let his presence known, he doesnt make us feel he is here. I cried out to him, does he listen? Ive tried to believe, told my ex to believe in god when he was losing faith. But now, maybe my ex is right. There is no god. Im just being foolish praying to nothing.

letsplaygofish2 Established Member

letsplaygofish2

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Shaine,

God is showing you the answer right now, but you are refusing to see it! It's right in front of your eyes! He loves you so much that he is showing you the right way, but the resistance is not working on your favor. As long as you keep resisting, God can't show you all the wonderful things he has in store for you. Praying is only half the battle, you must take responsibility on your own part too.

 

Open your heart, let him show you all the wonderful things he's got for you. He only gives you what you can handle... just be patient. And appreciate the beauty around you.

 

Be positive :)

Sugarkane Established Member

Sugarkane

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I kind of envy religious people on a way. I don't know how they go on believing even after horrible things happen? It seems to me the more you're a liar and a cheater, the more the universe/society seems to reward you. Still don't believe, I've taken the high road, only to be screwed over a few times.

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letsplaygofish2 Established Member

letsplaygofish2

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I'm not religious per se, I'm very spiritual and I do believe that there's a higher power up there. He can be called whatever you want it to be, or maybe it's not even a HE. Maybe it's a SHE or IT! Either way, I find that throwing my problems back out into the Universe sure is better than carrying my burden. It really is a self-help type of therapy.

 

I also tell myself to stop any "future/fantasy thinking", such as what could have been or what he/she promised me.

 

I also tell myself to think positive thoughts and to replace all thoughts about the ex with something else.

 

Whatever works for you!

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