Did he have a crush on her? .

[vemberr]

My ex and I recently split up, but before we did there was a lot leading up to that moment. When we went to university, my boyfriend started hanging out with this girl. She was very pretty, and she had a boyfriend, and I tried to be open minded about it. Let me split this into 2 categories, 1 being the reasons why I thought he had a crush on her, and 2, the reasons why I don;t think he did.

 

So why do I think he might have had a crush on her? Well, after they met, they started hanging out all the time. She had a boyfriend, so I felt safe, and she also got to know me to put my mind at rest. But he was always hanging out with her. And this was a long distance relationship so I mean I would just know they were spending all their time together, both in company and not. It was because they were a member of the same clubs as well. But he got a gym membership with her without telling me, and he also got the same job as her (which involved 12 hour shifts just the 2 of them), and when they werent spending physical time together they were talking on facebook, which I considered my time with him if I literally couldnt be with him, in the end I cracked and said that the time they were spending together was becoming inappropriate and he was making me feel trapped by taking advantage of how nice I am, and he said sorry and that he never meant to make me feel that wya, he intentions were never to spend so much time with her, it was just the way his life was going - But I believed her completely. She is way out of his league. I know she didnt like him like that, but he kept pursuing time spent with her. Her relationship ended, and then he broke up with me, and I felt that was a weird coincidence but in all honesty, we were struggling to cope with being apart anyway.

 

So those are the reasons why I worry he had a crush on her. But then there is loads of evidence to say he didnt. I always was honest about my jealousy, and he promised me that if our relationship ever ended it wasnt because of another girl. He said that he loved me immensely, and before we were seperated we had a great relationship. But it was so strange when he went to university and suddenly had all these female friends that he couldnt avoid. He said he never saw her that way and whenever I got too jealous he told me he would stop seeing her. And because he reassured me he would always do that, it made me feel much better. And eventually I even became ok with them spending 12 hour shifts together alone because he was always messaging me all the way through. He would write me poems, and if ever I was upset he would forget the plans he had with his friends to come online and cheer me up. He always put me first and did his best to keep me from getting jealous. He even introduced me to her, and he must havee known that if I ever became friends with her then they would never get together. And when I did get angry about them talking so much on facebook, he would stop, and give me attention then. Whats more is that since then hes met a lot of other girls too, who also get the same amount of attentiion as she did. So I wonder if he is just spreading his attention amongst his new friends equally, and it was just that she was there first and he never intended to hurt me. Plus, we are still in love. I know we are, even now, 6 weeks since we broke up and we still chat. We were trying to be friends, but we keep failing, he still talks about us getting back together, he still talks to me on the phone, he always comes through for me and even though ive told him that he has the freedom to do as he likes he says he is depressed because of our break up, he doesnt want to move on yet, and I am still very aware of just how much he cares about me even now when he doesnt have to. And whats more is that I am pretty sure that he and the original girl dont hang out that much anymore. I think they are still friends, but he has formed his own social circle now with both men and women. I also know that he has had very attractive female friends in the past that he just didnt think of in that way

 

So was I just being crazy? They did spend so much time together, I couldnt help getting jealous and paranoid, I also think it boiled down to the fact that my experience as university was very different, and much less socialising involved. But everyday, even after we split up, he is still showing me he loves me, he tried so hard when we were together too. I have no doubt that he loved me then and loves me now more than anything. But I just cannot figure out if he dd have a crush on her or not. He has honestly never lied to me, but I wonder if he would now that we split up to protect my feelings. Judging by what I have told you, I was looking for outsider opinions.

 

Does it sound like he did have a crush? Or was he just being stupid and oblivious to the fact that sometimes what he did looked dodgy but was actually innocent?

[unicorn farts]

If you're taking a long distance relationship seriously you need to do everything possible to make your partner feel that they can trust you. Pursuing another girl, getting a job with her, going to the gym with her, spending time with her and TEXTING you? It sounds like she was his girlfriend and you were his OW. If he wasn't sleeping with her then he was probably trying to.

[Oldspiceywolf]

So much depends on the type of guy he is. Some guys are so honorable, like little puppy dogs who idealize love, you know the guys I the romantic comedies(a third of my friends are this guy and they wouldn't cheat even with having a hot girl around 24/7 and being in a long distance relationship). Some guys start off this way and get changed and other dudes are just born predators.

My gut tells me she was pretty much just a friend, maybe he had some fantasies but that's normal.

I bet you guys go your separate ways during the next three years and get back together and married if neither of you get trapped by someone else.

Believe a little of both and if you don't have any red flags for cheating stop punishing yourself you might just be trying to paint a negative picture of him I your head to make this split easier, young love is tough!