Author Just smile Posted December 4, 2013 Author Posted December 4, 2013 Had a couple glasses of wine, and starting sulking about the show deal last night, and wondering if he went with someone else. Well, I responded to his ad on craiglist and said all sorts of cruel things to him.. Also, to his email address , linkden account ,etc. I told him he is not a man he is a pussy, I told him he should come with a warning label , I also told him he should read up on sadisitc behavior. I wrote can I please buy this tickets because there is no where I'd rather be than sitting next to a sadisitc manipulative,lying , abusive, limp penis jerkoff. I'm beginning to think I'm losing it.
strive Posted December 4, 2013 Posted December 4, 2013 Remember, the first rule is POST HERE INSTEAD! I'm sorry to hear about what you did, but please be prepared for the backlash that will certainly come from it. I hope you learn never to do it again. 2
Author Just smile Posted December 4, 2013 Author Posted December 4, 2013 What backlash? The way I feel? He has not responded to anything, which is his usual MO Then he starts calling or texting. I'm just super super angry and can't seem to let it go.
strive Posted December 4, 2013 Posted December 4, 2013 The backlash that he will probably call you all sorts of names now (and have every right to do so) because of what you just did. 1
flight E Posted December 5, 2013 Posted December 5, 2013 U lashed out in pain;completely wrong but understandable. That's y they say,NC it doesn't stop the pain immediately but is the fastest way to stop it. You have to convince urself that you want to stop the pain as soon as possible. For u and only u. It's hard but stick to nc 1
Author Just smile Posted December 5, 2013 Author Posted December 5, 2013 Just like that song,,I can't get it out of my head! Last night I did a lot of crying and missing him. I woke up in the middle of the night and for some reason began thinking of ALL the times he hurt me, ALL the times he discarded me, ALL the times he humiliated me.,ALL the times he excluded me during special event .i remembered all the pain,the lack of sex, the lack of emotional availability , I remembered how he manipulated me. I remembered his fits of anger. His need to be in a bar five nights a week as opposed to be entwined with me. Then I remembered how much worse our last breakup was and how he came crawling back AGAIN after 12 days. I remembered how last Christmas he did the exact same thing, and how I spent New Years eve with another man ( a date ) how I cried all night, how I ended that date , and now that man is engage and getting married this month! I remember how his pattern of resurfacing and winning me back always happens. And lastly, I remembered I ultimately controlled the entire situation even though I didn't realize it. I still do, and I can feel it today, I feel stronger. I feel like I somehow know can feel a sixth sense he is feeling pain, I know he misses me. I also remember how much I don't want this any longer in my life and today I feel good because I realize I'm finally facing the reality he isn't the man for me.i deserve better. Way better than this. Boy, it's sweet to think how he will feel when I reject his ploys to get me back. No amount of begging or pieces of jewlwery will work this time. Just wanted to share this, I had to get rid of the monsters in my head they were making me think of all the good times, and the bad outweighed the good, that's for sure. I will miss what I thought we had, it wasn't real. Life goes on. For now, right Now , I'm okay. 3
Author Just smile Posted December 5, 2013 Author Posted December 5, 2013 I'm really confused with this forums,why are my posts continually being moved or in violation ?
reddragon588 Posted December 5, 2013 Posted December 5, 2013 Moderators prefer to keep posts on same thread to keep forum cleaner.
seekingpeaceinlove Posted December 5, 2013 Posted December 5, 2013 (edited) Justsmile, I understand your hurt and anger for your ex. I was very angry with my ex during our relationship and after the break up, putting all kinds of blame on him. Anger can be a good thing as it can help propel you to move on. However, I think you should really start doing some soul searching and start figuring out why you chose to stay with someone who treated you the way he did. You were in this unhealthy relationship for 5 years. You chose to stay. You chose to keep coming back to him. He didn't shackle you or put a gun to your head...you, knowing his track record and his MO, went back to him time and time again. At this point you need to own the fact that you made these choices even though he hurt and disrespected you time and time again. A person will only treat you as well as you will allow them to... I chased after my ex when we were together. He broke up with me 5 times before our final BU and then would change his mind and I would take him back. I would chase him...gave too much of myself to him. I blame myself. I knew what he was about and that he was incapable of giving me the relationship that I needed but I chose to stay. I stayed with ex hoping he would change. Deep inside I knew he couldn't/wouldn't change...denial. I'm now focusing on regaining my confidence and figuring out how to love myself so that I will never be in a situation like this again. Empower yourself. Don't let your ex have such control over your emotions. You are your own source of happiness. What is your worth? Are you worth being treated like the good loving women you are or are you worth being disrespected in public? The day you believe that you deserve better than your ex is the day you will have begun to truly move on. Love yourself. Edited December 6, 2013 by seekingpeaceinlove 1
Author Just smile Posted December 6, 2013 Author Posted December 6, 2013 Thank you for that post , I've been doing so much soul searching. I wake up the exact same time every single night and lay in bed and think about him, I miss him SOOO much, I miss the phone calls , the talks, cuddling, and I DO not miss the games, and the up n down treatment . It was NEVER consistent. I always felt " off" suspicious so to speak of what he was doing. He recently moved out of the town I was living in. It makes it so much easier not running into him, like in the past. But now, I have urges to drive by his home. I won't do it , but I want to. I'm very angry, then have bursts of crying jags out of nowhere. What pains me the most , is it's been close to ten days and haven't heard a word from him, not a peep ... I wonder how he doesn't miss me at all, how or why he hasn't called to apologize. He clearly doesn't respect me, or care. In the past.,he always came back each and every time. Usually for sex, only a handful of times proclaiming he couldn't take missing me so bad anymore. I believe the man is a narcissist and sadistic .perhaps even a bit bi polar ,that display of humiliation he did to me in that bar was out of nowhere, flipped like a switch. Anyway, I'm still struggling. Weekend is here, I will be alone. In my thoughts.the whole thing sucks
Author Just smile Posted December 8, 2013 Author Posted December 8, 2013 Today is 12 days and I'm saddened and surprised my ex has not tried to reach out to me. Even though he is blocked , I really had delusional thoughts that he would be coming back. As he usually did. Maybe because each and every time this has happened he returned no matter what, longest was dec 14 until January 9 last year. Although I do know this is probably for the best my pain has not in the least bit decreased, I spend much of my time angry,sad, or just consumed with this ****. I wonder what he's doing, who he's with , wonder why he doesn't miss me enough to run after me as he always has done. It's harder than I thought to move on. I'm not doing particularly good with this. What a ****ty time I'm having, I made a list of pro and cons and the cons were two pages long.... Cons were about 8. So why am I missing this.
LostConfused123 Posted December 8, 2013 Posted December 8, 2013 Today is 12 days and I'm saddened and surprised my ex has not tried to reach out to me. Even though he is blocked , I really had delusional thoughts that he would be coming back. As he usually did. Maybe because each and every time this has happened he returned no matter what, longest was dec 14 until January 9 last year. Although I do know this is probably for the best my pain has not in the least bit decreased, I spend much of my time angry,sad, or just consumed with this ****. I wonder what he's doing, who he's with , wonder why he doesn't miss me enough to run after me as he always has done. It's harder than I thought to move on. I'm not doing particularly good with this. What a ****ty time I'm having, I made a list of pro and cons and the cons were two pages long.... Cons were about 8. So why am I missing this. It's normal to feel so ****ty and my guess is you are experiencing "withdrawals" Lots of anxiety goes with wanting your "fix" I am barely over 6 weeks NC. The first 3 weeks were absolute AGONY! I still have my moments of wanting my fix but they are becoming less and less. To be perfectly honest, I was also surprised my ex didn't reach out as well. Horrible realization but crucial to have that hope squashed in order to fully recover. It's good that you blocked him. The damn breadcrumbs just prolong our healing. I'm so sorry for your pain! I know how you feel. ((hugs!!))
JesRabbit Posted December 8, 2013 Posted December 8, 2013 Today is 12 days and I'm saddened Stop counting the days and focusing on how long it's been. longest was dec 14 until January 9 last year. New day, new problems. Don't compare last time with this time. I wonder what he's doing, who he's with , wonder why he doesn't miss me enough to run after me as he always has done. STOP it now! Why should you worry about someone who may not even be caring what you're doing? NC is for you to get your mind off the person, not to wonder what they're doing. That's like playing a game to cause more pain for yourself. Use that leisure time to do something that does not involve him. The longer you worry, the more you hurt yourself and neglect yourself while he's probably moving on.
Author Just smile Posted December 9, 2013 Author Posted December 9, 2013 I wish I could stop it. I wonder how he could causally forget about me so fast without not even calling or coming to see me. Although a part of me should be happy he is doing this , his history has proved he couldn't stay away ( we both tried this SEVERAL. Times) I know he isn't right for me, so why do I continue to want this in my life is the question. Why do I allow this to consume me. My heart constantly hurts , dull ache. ALL the time
seekingpeaceinlove Posted December 9, 2013 Posted December 9, 2013 Um, did you not just kind of stalk and harass the guy through his CL ad, linked in, email...calling him a pussy, etc. ...and you wonder why he hasn't come running back? Even if he did come back...where would that leave you? Getting stuck back in the same dysfunctional cycle you were in previously which was making you miserable? Change your perception. I say fake it till you make it. Pretend that you're happy that he's gone and that he has done you a favor. In time, along with NC, I guarantee you will start believing it.. 2
Sugarkane Posted December 10, 2013 Posted December 10, 2013 Agreed. This thread is an exercise in why no matter how mad, upset etc that you are at a relationship breakdown, you show it to anyone except your ex. Even if you don't feel indifference, that is what you must project. Cry and scream and vent to friends, parents, a therapist, this forum. But don't do it to your ex. This really pisses me off. You can't expect good karma, if you screw people over.
Author Just smile Posted December 10, 2013 Author Posted December 10, 2013 This really pisses me off. You can't expect good karma, if you screw people over. Listen, I know what I did was bat **** crazy.,but nothing compared to what I've done in anger to some of things he's done to me in the past. Last Christmas when he broke up with me and left for Florida to visit his old fat girlfriend I went to his house and dumped a bag of all the **** he ever gave to me with a nasty Christmas card in it. I even though of dumping a bag of ****. Didn't . My point being is he always comes running back always. At some point. Do I think this is healthy? Hell no. Do I think this will continue if I allow it? Yep. Am I nuts? Yes. I have no respect for myself .. Clearly. I've allowed this dis function to continue even after he's humiliated me in the past. And he's done it before. If I can keep reminding myself he isn't the one. Or the one I had wanted him to be , I would be ok. But I miss him terribly. I really do. he left me for another holiday, humilated me in a public place and I was super hurt and angry and it doesn't excuse my disgusting stalkerish behavior. It's truly horrible how I needed to email him anyway I can. It's been a solid week since I've done that. And I have had weak moments of wanted to reach out but did not. I've been silent for a week. I wonder if he has another girlfriend or if this is just as hard for him as it is for me to do.wonder if he loves me enough to let me go forever. He certainly doesn't love me enough to change his ways and stop the insanity that we've been experiencing for five solid years .... He will never. Ever change.
Author Just smile Posted December 10, 2013 Author Posted December 10, 2013 Day 13 or 14 I've lost count, and I struggling with NC. I almost broke it yesterday. A friend talked me down. I wanted to mail a huge oversized Christmas stocking he bought for me with my name on it. I wanted to mail it back to him,,but i realize bad move. Yes at the end of my suggestion of ending the relationship , ( after he public ally humiliated me) and acted as if he didn't care the relationship was ending , I continued to call him to bash him and tell him he was an impotent jerkoff and a sneaky liar. I was angry I know I did wrong things I should of just given him silence. I've been silent for a solid week zero contact. I haven't seen him since Tuesday before thanksgiving , haven't been with him sexually since a week prior to that, and believe it or not I miss him horribly and can't believe he has not initiated any contact, his patterns of always doing the contact w me are not happening this time. Maybe he is doing me a favor.? He has been toxic to me since day one. This crap has been continually happening for years and years , his manipulative behavior has always drawn me back in. He once told me I love you but I don't need you. It resonates within me. Really? I guess he's right ... The last time we broke up he did and said horrible things, if any of up want to read my old posts , go read them, I did and they disturb me. He asked me if he could urinate on me during our last breakup. He would call me to have sex and then discard me... We didn't speak for weeks during that breakup until he showed up at my door crying and begging and promising he would change. Although I know lots of women label they're men as narcissistic . I truly believe he is. He discards, then comes back for his ego boost that he cannot seem to find in another woman. Partly, because I'm always there to do it. My therapist also diagnosed him as a severe narcissist and to run. But I never listened and stayed. I wonder why he doesn't miss me. But clearly if he really did and truly wanted to change nothing. Would stop him from seeing me. He just isn't that into me I heard yesterday a mutual friend of ours boyfriend died suddenly and tragically and he didn't call of text to tell me, I read it on Facebook thru another friend. I haven't said a word not sure how to deal, with it as I don't wanna see my ex Whoever has taken the time to read this, any thoughts or help would be wonderful,
jessiej Posted December 10, 2013 Posted December 10, 2013 hello, first off I am so sorry that you are going through this. I know how you feel, I just got out of a 3 year relationship with a very abusive and manipulative man, so I know your pain. He is truly doing you a favor by not contacting you! I know how much it hurts though for him to act like he doesn't care. My ex dumped me and never tried to contact me at all, it's been two months and he's already with someone else. I know how it feels, because you feel like he should be contacting you, he should be making the effort to fix things, I understand. Just whatever you do, please do not go back to this man when he does come running back. You even said yourself he is manipulative, and toxic, you don't want to be with someone like that! I know it's easy to go back to someone you have shared so much with and are already so close to, but it's not worth it when he doesn't treat you right! It's hard letting go and moving on, but it is something you need to do! I promise that as time goes on, if you don't contact him you will slowly begin to heal. It's a process, somedays will be good and some will be bad, but it is important to keep your eye on the prize of going forward. You don't deserve to be with someone who says rude things to you, manipulates you, and doesn't treat you with all the love and respect you should have. It's hard to accept things though and I understand that. You are probably going over everything in your mind a million times to understand it, and torturing yourself with all of the questions you have, but please stop. This done no good but upsets you! Sometimes we do not know why things happen, there's no real and good answer that will satisfy us, but **** happens. Be happy you are free from this man! You now have the ability to heal yourself from what he's done to you, and move forward with your life and find someone who actually treats you right! Single also means available for someone outstanding! Think of this as an important lesson, you will now know what you want and need in a partner and you shouldn't settle for anything less than amazing.
Author Just smile Posted December 14, 2013 Author Posted December 14, 2013 I was out last night with friends and feeling pretty damn good , and didn't even have my phone out as I usually do.. I feel my phone buzzing in my purse and it's a text from an email address.that read, " I hope your having fun , on a date perhaps, I'm at "bar where he was" watching a band, please come. I miss you terribly. My heart sank I didn't respond. Then, another text, and another... I went home around 1130 and there he was. Waiting for me. Professing his love, and how I drive him crazy , how we drive eachother crazy but he cannot live without me, and never wants to lose me.. This time. I didn't believe him. He was visibly sad, and said do u have any idea how difficult these last three weeks have been? Nothing happened. I was frozen, no emotion at all which was odd because all I've been doing is crying lately. So, I said I had to go. He wanted me to go home with him, I declined. Left it at that , hugged him, and went inside. I have to end this, love him terribly, yep, even though I'm aware of all his quirks and traits. But I do know he isn't the right person for me. And I did tell him that. But for some reason I said very little, I regret not spewing my feelings more.im just a little surprised
elbe Posted December 14, 2013 Posted December 14, 2013 It hurts when the shoe is on the other foot and you confess your love for someone who shuts you out completely. You may have better luck ending this to actually say how you feel rather than be passive aggressive. Obviously he saw you at the same bar but rather than acting a fool in front of all your friends he [stalked] you back home to do it privately. If I ever see my ex out at a bar I'm going to leave immediately. 1
JDPT Posted December 14, 2013 Posted December 14, 2013 Cry and scream and vent to friends, parents, a therapist, this forum. But don't do it to your ex. Speaks the truth. 2
Author Just smile Posted December 14, 2013 Author Posted December 14, 2013 I really hate how these threads are condensed , it's just not easy to follow.
BlessYourCottonSocks Posted December 14, 2013 Posted December 14, 2013 I really hate how these threads are condensed , it's just not easy to follow. I know I agree. I hate how they do that because it gets less attention. Anyways, we all knew he would come back!! You did right by not going home with him. Please be strong and don't contact him or go back to him. Ignore him now! Keep moving forward. It's okay to hurt and miss him, but you will hurt even more if you go back to him and he dumps you AGAIN. Which he will eventually. STAY STRONG. I'm here with ya!! Moving out soon and once I'm out, I'm never looking back!!!
seekingpeaceinlove Posted December 17, 2013 Posted December 17, 2013 I admire and congratulate you for your strength and strong will in this last situation. You're only going to get stronger from here. I was out last night with friends and feeling pretty damn good , and didn't even have my phone out as I usually do.. I feel my phone buzzing in my purse and it's a text from an email address.that read, " I hope your having fun , on a date perhaps, I'm at "bar where he was" watching a band, please come. I miss you terribly. My heart sank I didn't respond. Then, another text, and another... I went home around 1130 and there he was. Waiting for me. Professing his love, and how I drive him crazy , how we drive eachother crazy but he cannot live without me, and never wants to lose me.. This time. I didn't believe him. He was visibly sad, and said do u have any idea how difficult these last three weeks have been? Nothing happened. I was frozen, no emotion at all which was odd because all I've been doing is crying lately. So, I said I had to go. He wanted me to go home with him, I declined. Left it at that , hugged him, and went inside. I have to end this, love him terribly, yep, even though I'm aware of all his quirks and traits. But I do know he isn't the right person for me. And I did tell him that. But for some reason I said very little, I regret not spewing my feelings more.im just a little surprised
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